I was in a hurry to go to work one Saturday morning, so I didn't have much time to greet Chen's children.

It happened that Chen's children didn't have to go to school that day. Seeing that I didn't run around him as usual, Chen's children were naturally not very happy.

When I went out, my little friend Chen was clamoring to follow me (because when my grandparents were away last year, he had the experience of taking him to work together on weekends, which made him feel that it was nothing to follow his mother to work), so I repeatedly explained that this little friend would not listen.

So I had a brainwave and thought of a way to send the child away.

I said to Chen, do your mother a favor, and go to the vegetable market with grandma later to buy some things that mom likes to eat.

Then, Chen's little friend really succeeded in attracting my attention. After listening to this, he said cheerfully, I know that my mother likes to eat Chili and my father likes to eat meat.

I added, "Can this beat our family?"

With this sentence at the bottom, the competitive child Chen no longer remembers wanting to go to work with her mother. She happily took her small wallet and went to the vegetable market with her grandmother, and kept nagging that she must buy a lot of food that her parents liked.

So, in the evening, Chen bought me two green peppers and some cooked meat for my father.

Needless to say, this child must have won our unanimous praise, and then proudly said in the praise of adults, what's so difficult about it? I can do even the most difficult things.

This incident left a deep impression on me. Later, I kept thinking, why did Chen, who cried and insisted on following me, happily accept the small task I arranged? To put it bluntly, I asked him for help, which made him feel the significance of his actions and the affirmation from others.

I remember that there was a very popular word on the Internet for a while called "brushing the sense of existence". There are many ways to brush the sense of existence, ranging from doing something that makes people cry, to sending a selfie and WeChat, just to attract others' attention and attention.

At the height of the WeChat circle of friends, I once read a thoroughly analyzed article in Reader, which classified several types of people who are keen on making friends in detail. For example, the "Sun Baby Party", "Self-portrait Party", "Food Party" and "Travel Party", a large part of the reason why they always send a photo and write a few lines is not the lack of attention in life, but to attract the attention and attention of others.

Human beings are doomed to be lonely. Although countless writers and great men (including Zhang Xiaolong, the father of WeChat, have said that they should learn to enjoy loneliness and keep company with it), it is human instinct to look for the same kind and need the care and affirmation from others.

Take the people around me as an example. There are many people who feel insecure and uneasy because of their "lack of existence" in life.

My friend's mother is over seventy this year, and she is not in good health. Last year, she was seriously ill.

But even so, my friend's mother still insists on farming by herself regardless of her old age, and gives most of the food she has harvested to her friends and other children.

at first, my friends thought it was very strange. A friend is a very filial person, and he is never stingy with his old mother in money. It is reasonable to say that the old man does not have to worry about money.

There are many friends, brothers and sisters. At one time, everyone thought that the old mother was so tired because she wanted to save more money for self-defense, so everyone discussed to give her more money spontaneously.

but strangely, with the increase of money given to the old mother by her children, the old mother worked harder. Not only did she plant all the acres of land under her name, but she also helped people do odd jobs in the village in her spare time, such as repairing roads in the village or needing a coolie in farming. Her friend and mother were definitely the most diligent.

On the contrary, my friend's mother is very frugal with money, so it's not an exaggeration to be called frugal.

My friend was puzzled by her mother being so hard on herself until her mother came to live with her friend in the city.

at a friend's house, my mother still takes care of her friend as she did when she was a child, and all kinds of work are rushed to do.

Until one day, when my friend lost his temper with my old mother and ordered the old man to rest, my friend's mother told me the reason in tears: the older she got, the more her children let her rest, and the more she felt incompetent. This sense of powerlessness and incompetence, which coexists with aging, has been haunting her. In contrast, if she can still do something for her children like she is young, it will make her feel useful and more comfortable.

My mother's words surprised my friends, and at the same time, I began to reflect on myself. I always thought that "filial piety" deprived my mother of her freedom and indirectly denied her existence value.

From then on, my friend no longer advised my mother not to do this or that in the name of "filial piety". On the contrary, after seriously reflecting on the mode of getting along with my mother, my friend learned to affirm her actions in time, such as praising her delicious food, taking her to get together with her old relatives and friends, and thanking her for her love when she was idle about her childhood.

The fact also proves that "encouragement is far more effective than punishment". After a period of active and effective communication with mother, my friend's mother finally confirmed her position and importance in the eyes of her children, and she will never be swayed by considerations of gain and loss because she is worried about being old and useless.

Later, I found that the "sense of existence" is not only reflected between relatives, but also between friends and work partners.

My friend really told me about some "mistakes" she made in interpersonal communication.

Because she is a girl, a real mother has always been very strict with the truth. The principle of a real mother is not to bother others as much as possible (this person is not only the closest family, but also the best friend).

not only that, in the process of communication with others, my mother has always asked me not to accept other people's gifts as much as possible, and sometimes I have to accept other people's gifts, and my mother will also ask me to return the same gift as soon as possible.

The strict teaching of mother's sample certainly turned Zhenzhen into a self-reliant "female man" when she grew up, but it also inevitably left an inhuman impression on Zhenzhen.

No matter who you get along with, you are really playing the role of taking care of others. She is always the first to remember her friends' birthdays, and she also practices AA system when she communicates with her boyfriends.

For a period of time, being really generous really won many friends and good impressions for myself, but after a long time, taking the initiative in everything also made others quite disgusted.

Because communication is between people, just like a duet, you can't make it without either one.

Later, she really learned her lesson and stopped playing the role of giving. On the contrary, she also received some care from others appropriately. After this, not only was she much more relaxed, but her popularity was much better than before.

I really don't care about my "presence" among my friends anymore, but occasionally let my friends let me find my "presence" here, so the friendship between the two sides will naturally go further and the relationship will be stronger.

The real story makes me understand that in fact, each of us needs a sense of existence. For example, when we were young, we got good grades by studying hard, when we grew up, we worked hard to get a good salary, and earned money to buy gifts for our family and friends to get the happiness and gratitude of our family. To some extent, the sense of existence affirmed our value and made us more motivated to work hard.

What I fear most in life is that what you have done will not be recognized. On the contrary, if someone affirms your efforts and makes achievements, I believe everyone will be more motivated.

this kind of action can add value to our lives, whether in work, life or interpersonal communication.

Therefore, it is not only to record other people's labor with eyes, but also to record other people's efforts with heart, and more importantly, to affirm others in action, which can also be regarded as a good deed in life.