Sun Bin's Art of War and its translation

The Secret Department

Author: The game owner compiled a collection of

The pathbreaker

When King Kong met the pathbreaker, he said with envy, "You and I grew up together, so how can I be as delicious as you?" God said, "Brother, I don't know, I just want to get some words and ears. If you wear it, it's not good at all. You peel off a layer of shame and you are covered in pieces. "

Use your brain

Suzhou people are very flattering to senior officials. Pingtian said to his master, "I am willing to replace my death with my son." One day, the doctor said, "If the disease enters the ointment, it can't be treated by medicine stone, and it can only be saved if a stranger's brain is filled with medicine." All over the place, nothing. Suddenly he realized, "Someone usually claims to be willing to die, so why bother?" Call me at once, tell me the reason. But he was frightened and said, "Ah, I can't get it. Suzhou people in my family have never had a brain."

Qiu

The helper boasted of his skills, saying, "I am excellent in everything." One person said, "There is only one thing like it." Asked what it was, he replied, "cricket." Q: "Why are you like him?" He said, "Kill without blood, cut without meat. If you want to be long, you will be long. If you want to be short, you will be able to sing and sing."

Everything is familiar

A helper who has dinner with his wife at night suddenly smiles and says, "I want to use the word' familiarity' all my life. Look at the big old officer, which one is unfamiliar; Who's not familiar with you, little girl? On the cruise ship, which one is unfamiliar? Who is not familiar with the opera singer? Who is not familiar with the friend who sings songs on the flute? " Before I finished speaking, my wife suddenly became afraid. The man asked the reason and said, "Damn it! Since you are familiar with everything, why don't you redeem my new year's cloth shirt for me? "

Live for a thousand years

A guest called a noble man said, "Dream lived for a thousand years last night." The noble said, "It's ominous to dream and live and die." The man suddenly re-exported and said, "Hey! I said it was bad. It was Meng Gong who died for a thousand years. "

fart incense

if someone pays tribute to a noble person, the noble person occasionally farts, that is, he says, "Where is the fragrant incense?" The noble man said with shame, "I smell fart as valley gas, and stink is right." Today's anti-fragrance is not a good omen. " The man immediately sniffed with his hand and said, "It stinks a little now."

bumping into seats

mice make friends with otters. Rats invite otters first. The otter answered the table, invited the rats to cross the river and stayed for food. Suddenly a cat saw it and wanted to catch it. The mouse panicked and said, "I didn't see what I invited, but what I ate came back."

*** Pain

Hemp flies and green flies become brothers. The green fly led the hemp fly to a banquet, and the hemp fly drank freely and was caught by the page. Insert the bamboo stick into * * *, pass the rush and make a stick with him, and it will take half a day to get away. When I met the blue fly, I cried, "I owe you a lot of food, but it hurts badly."

dream in a dream

prostitutes and guests meet after a long separation and miss each other. Prostitute cloud: "I don't dream of eating, sleeping and playing with you every night, which is caused by wishful thinking." Guest said, "I dream, too." The prostitute asked, "What about the dream?" Guest said, "I dreamed that you didn't dream of me."

The years have shrunk

A businessman went whoring and asked him about his youth. The prostitute said, "Eighteen." Over the years, businessmen have lost money in business, but they still go to their homes and prostitutes forget about it. When asked the year, he said, "Seventeen." A few years later, I went to his house and asked him, then I said, "Sixteen." The businessman suddenly burst into tears. The prostitute asked why? He said, "Your age is about the same as my capital, and you are getting less and less. It is not sad to think of it here. "

once more, my father

likes to visit prostitutes' houses, and my father says, "You worthless beast, I went to prostitutes' houses ten times, but I saw you nine times." Confucius said, "So, you give me one more time, and then you scold me?"

turtle crossing

there was a man who wanted to cross the river, but there was no ferry. Suddenly, I saw a big turtle, and the scholar said, "Brother Turtle, please cross me over, and I'll sing a poem to thank you." The turtle said, "Sing before crossing." The scholar said, "Don't be fooled by you. How about a few words first?" The turtle said, "Make." The scholar said, "Wearing Nine Palaces and Eight Diagrams, the Dragon Kings of the Four Seas are also afraid." The turtle is very happy, that is, crossing the river. The scholar continued: "I am a man in clothes and don't answer the tortoise."

the new duke of thunder

duke of thunder wanted to punish the rebellious son, and the son held his hand and said, "Wait a minute. Let me ask you, is it the new Lei Gong or the old Lei Gong? " Lei Gong said, "What is it?" The man said, "If it was the new Lei Gong, I should have been killed. If it was the old Lei Gong, my father rebelled against my father. Where have you been?"

Call the city gate.

It's best for one person to sing a song, but it's late to visit relatives. The city gate is closed, so I'm called to open the door. The doorkeeper said, "I'll let you in if you sing a song." The man said, "if you sing, you can sing. It's just me. You have to promise." The door keeper said, "It depends on you." The man said Baiyun first: "Call Zhou Cang!" The city should say, "Oh." "Grandpa is outside the city. Still not welcome! " The reply said, "Oh." The man said, "How dare you ask me to sing when you know that Guan Ye should open the door outside the city?"

unfavorable words

one man has no children, and three husbands live together. A newly-built hall, whose husband drinks home, should not knock at the door, scolding why the prison door was closed so early! Angry, Weng called his second son-in-law and complained, "I have spent a lot of money on this house, which is not easy to earn. The unfavorable words are very hateful." The second son-in-law said, "If this house is sold, it will only be worth 5 gold." The angrier Weng gets. Also called the third son-in-law to describe it. Third-in-law said, "Even if you persuade Abel to sell it for 5 gold, it won't be worth a fart if there is a sky fire."

eat wild leaves

hanger-on is very poor, and there is no rice in the morning, so it comes out after cooking wild leaves. Later, go to the rich man's table. If you drink too much hollow wine, you will get fat, but the leaves will get ugly. Afraid of being laughed at, he said, "It's weird. When you eat boiled soup in the morning, you don't use many lotus plums. How can small lotus leaves grow quickly?"

a bunch of burnt-out ghosts

met someone's funeral in their leisure time. There was a burnt-out ghost king in front of them, who thought he was an old official and worshipped very respectfully. After a while, it rained heavily. And the paper clothes on the ghost are washed away by the rain. The idle Han said, "Damn it in the daytime, I only know that I am an old official, but I turned out to be a piece."

swallow chaff

As soon as I was free, I swallowed chaff and came out. Suddenly I met an old official and stayed at home for breakfast. Answer: "I'm too full with dog meat sometimes, so I can't eat any more. I'll have a few drinks." When you drink, you suddenly vomit and the bran comes out. Independent. Surprised, he asked, "You said you ate dog meat. Why did you spit it?" He has been glaring for a long time. "Hey, I ate dog meat myself, so the dog must have eaten chaff."

Lao Baixiang

The idle Han people in the barren years have nowhere to live, so they deserve the government to give porridge in the mysterious temple. The idle Han privately said, "I am waiting for fresh clothes and delicious food in the past. If I eat it today, it will make people laugh." Russian delay for a long time. But I'm hungry. He said, "If you treat the hungry people, you can do it later." When people are scattered from afar, the porridge is gone. Therefore, it refers to pulling the porridge between the cauldrons. When the Taoist priest saw it, he asked, "We were fishing for white ears."

hehe

A group of idlers saw that the old official was square and round, so they praised him. The man said, "You are here again."

high mud wall

Swallows make nests with mud, and carry the soil on the earthworms. The earthworm was furious and said, "If you want to build a high wall with mud, why did you bring me bad luck?" Yan Ziyun: "I blame you."

urinal scolds

a servant's envoy, and vulgar words are in the nose. Nose also, out of chamber pot. He told his master, "Dad, I just peed on the turtle and scolded me. I also yelled at my aunt. " The master said, "Nonsense! How can urine turtle curse people? " The emissary said, "At first, he scolded me for my nose, and then he repeatedly scolded me,' Nose, nose, nose.' Don't you scold dad in it? "

Huoquan

The client was very close to the prostitute and almost died together. Since there are two cups of wine, prostitutes let the guests drink first, and the guests finish drinking because of the promotion of prostitutes. The prostitute stretched out her fist and said, "My measure is narrow, so I'll give you a break."

Take the head

Gamblers lose all their furniture and can't live, so they hang themselves with ropes. Suddenly I saw a ghost on the beam, saying, "Get the head quickly." The man said, "It's a pity that you opened your mouth. After losing this position, you came to ask me for a head!"

grasp the head

visit according to the monarch. Kuang Zhang, Chen Zhongzi and Qi people were all arrested. Kuang is confident in his dutiful son and Chen Qingke, and none of them ask for help. However, Qi people have a wife and a concubine, and they are fed to the presenter for solution. The show is to see you, and according to you, the three people's crimes are leaders who corrupt customs, so I visited them. The Oracle said, "Kuang Zhang became a wife, while Zhongzi left his mother to avoid his brother, and the old grandfather caught him perfectly. That Qi man is the head of a beggar, so what do you want to catch him for? "

ghost in the daytime

The mage goes to the altar and feeds at the mouth of the flame. It was almost dawn, and I was about to go to bed, when I saw a group of hungry ghosts wearing cangue and locks, with broken hands and feet, asking for food. The teacher asked, "What is the physiology of Yang Shi, and what is the result?" As the saying goes, "They are all swindlers, mediators and conspirators." He also asked, "Why don't you come to share the French food at night?" Answer: "We are all day ghosts in Class One."

The ringleader

A person used to be a ringleader all his life, and he embezzled money from others. After his death, Yan hated him and suffered in a dark hell. When he entered the prison, he said, "Here you are, you can't see the sun. Why don't you pay a share and open a skylight!"

When a scholar was reading at night, he saw the sound on the wall of the thief's cave. When the soup was boiling in the furnace, he raised it and waited for it. And the wall is worn, the thief enters with his feet first, so the scholar grabs his legs and Xu pours it with boiling soup. When the thief pleaded for an explanation, the scholar calmly said, "I dare not flatter you, just do this pot."

compensation

When the tiger wanted to eat, he said, "I'm too small to chew. There's a huge beast in the front hill, which is worthy of a full meal. Please guide it forward. " When we reached the front of the mountain, a deer in a corner saw it, and it was suspicious to spit on itself. But he shouted, "You little monkey, give me twelve tiger skins. I only brought one today, and there are eleven more? " The tiger fled in shock and scolded, "I don't believe this little monkey is so hateful, but you want to turn me to offset the old account!" "

Blow the trumpet

Happy people come home at night, and when they see a thief digging a hole in the road, they play with the trumpet inserted and blown. I was surprised to catch up with him. When I met a thief, I asked Yun, "Have you ever seen a trumpet player?"

Stop eating dog meat

Beggars stop eating dog meat, and the beggars advise, "No need." Say, "I haven't eaten for a long time." The people said, "You quit him, but he didn't quit you."

Sick legs

A beggar with sick legs lies on his back in the city. When the dog sees it, the beggar says, "Bastard. It must be your mouth. Why be so impatient! "

being a servant

there are people who take refuge as servants. He said to himself, "I will never cross the boat in my life and refuse to retreat." Live when you see a meal. " The host is happy with it. One day, the envoy twisted the river mud and said, "I said I wouldn't cross the boat." He also made it transplant rice seedlings and said, "I said I wouldn't shrink back." The master was very angry. Waiting for his meal, he can't stop. It is the language of "living at the sight of food". The man opened his mouth and said to his master, "Have you ever seen a meal in your throat?"

Translation

Author: Anonymous

Road-opening God

When King Kong met the Road-opening God, he said enviously, "I am as tall as you, but I don't eat and dress as well as you." The pathfinder replied, "Brother, you don't know, I just want to enjoy my stomach.". If you wear it, you can't do it at all. If you peel off a layer of shame, you will be covered in pieces. "

borrow your brain

there is a Suzhou person who likes to flatter rich people very much. He usually says to his master, "If I have to die for you, I will be willing." One day, the master got sick, and the doctor saw it and said, "The disease has gone deep into the internal organs, and it can't be cured by taking medicine and inserting needles. Only by using the brains of living people can it be saved." The master sent people everywhere to look for the brains of the living, but they couldn't find them. Suddenly I remembered, "Someone always said that he would die for me, and he would never part with a brain, would he?" So he called the man in a hurry and explained the reason for calling him. The man was shocked and said, "Oh, that's impossible. We Suzhou people have never had brains."

Qiu

There was a man who made a living by waiting on rich people to play. He boasted of his skills and said, "I am proficient in everything, and no one in the world can compare with me." A man listened and said, "There is only one thing like you." Asked what it was, he replied, "cricket." He asked why he was like him, and replied, "Kill him without blood, cut him without meat. If you want to be long, you can be short, you can sing songs and please people."

Everything is familiar

A helper was having a reunion dinner with his wife on New Year's Eve, and suddenly he said with a smug smile, "I can't enjoy it all my life with the word' familiarity'. Look at the rich uncle, who is unfamiliar? Whore * * *, which one is unfamiliar? On the pleasure boat, which one is unfamiliar? Who is not familiar with singing opera? Who is a friend who plays flute and sings songs? " Before he finished, his wife burst into tears. Asked why she was crying, his wife said, "Damn you, since you are familiar with everything, why didn't I redeem my New Year's dress from the pawnshop?"

live for a thousand years

a guest who loves to flatter his master said to his master, "I dreamed last night that you lived for a thousand years." The host said, "I'm afraid it's unlucky to dream and die." The man quickly changed his tune and said, "Bah, I was wrong. I dreamed that you had been dead for a thousand years."

fart incense

A man likes to flatter rich and powerful people. When the rich man accidentally farted, the man immediately said, "Where did you get the carnation?" The rich man said very uneasily, "I heard that fart is the gas of grain, and it is normal to stink, but now it smells good, which is probably not a good omen." The man immediately took a breath in the air with his hand and said, "It stinks a little now."

bumping into seats

The mouse makes friends with the otter. The mouse invited the otter to dinner first, and then the otter gave a banquet to thank the mouse. When the mouse crossed the river, the otter went to find something to eat temporarily. Suddenly, when a cat saw the mouse, it rushed to catch it. The mouse was very scared. While running away, it said, "Please, I can't see it, but I'm eating it."

*** Pain

Hemp flies and green flies become brothers. One day, the green fly led the way and brought the hemp fly to a banquet. The hemp fly ate and drank, only to be caught by the servant. The servant used a bamboo stick to * * * hemp the fly's * * *, and the other end was tied to a rush to let the fly fly, and it took the fly a long time to get away. Ma Fei met Qing Fei and cried and said to him, "Thank you for leading the way. I have everything to eat, but * * * hurts badly."

Dream in a Dream

*** Meet the clients after a long separation, and tell each other about their lovesickness. * * * said, "I haven't dreamed of eating, sleeping and playing with you all night. This is because I miss you too much." The client said, "I dreamed of you, too." * * * asked, "What did you dream of?" The client said, "I dreamed that you didn't dream of me."

The year has shrunk

A businessman went to a brothel and met a * * * and asked her how old she was. * * * said, "Eighteen." A few years later, the businessman lost money in business, passed by the brothel and met the * * *, * * who had forgotten him. The merchant asked * * * about his age, and * * replied, "Seventeen." A few years later, the businessman came to the brothel and asked how old that * * * was, and * * * replied, "Sixteen." Suddenly, the businessman couldn't stop crying and asked him why he was crying. The businessman said, "Your age, like my capital, is getting less and less. Can you not be sad when you think about it?"

Father once more

My son likes to visit brothels, and his father scolded him, "I have been to brothels ten times, but I have seen you nine times!" " The son replied, "So, you still?"