It has been fifteen years since you left this world. How time flies. I have been in this country for nearly 20 years by myself.

It may surprise you that after you left, your parents fought for your case in Canada for seven years, but failed. The sadness during the period is heartbreaking. Director Wang Ying spent ten years tracking and shooting this story, and spent more than three years making it, so that we can all see the story of you and your family at the beginning of 202 1.

At the beginning of this year, COVID-19 was still raging, and we are now in the fourth wave of epidemic. Many people are experiencing similar psychological struggles. But I know that everyone's stories, including yours, are unique experiences, with unique fears, struggles and heartaches, which are often not understood by outsiders and aggravate our sadness.

Each of us is like an island under a dark cloud. For a long time in our lives, we can't see the sun on the clouds. This is especially true for people who immigrate to this strange land from another culture. Therefore, I am especially grateful to Director Wang Ying for conveying many subtle feelings and details from the perspective of a storyteller.

The movie started silently from an old photo album with the word "Beijing" written on it, which made me homesick at once. A pair of weather-beaten hands open the photo album, just like opening my own photo album. Every photo has the flavor of that era: family photos, babies being held ... this is the beginning of our life. We grew up in that special era, with the whole country and family. Including when I saw the back of you living in the alley and running through the window sill full of honeycomb coal, how much I wanted to return to the happiness of that era! I watched the two-hour movie intermittently for six hours, and each scene felt the same as my own experience.

Regarding movies, the community also organized two seminars. Everyone has discussed a lot about the stigma of mental illness, as well as about culture, immigration and increasing mental health services, especially mental health counseling in different languages and cultures, but I think there is still a lot to talk about. Some questions are too sharp and obvious for us to say.

I think you have a lot to say yourself, too. It's not a moment before your heart chooses to die. It has been trying to find a way out. Seeing your parents' sadness, despair, sadness, hardship and strength after you left, sometimes I want to call you "selfish". However, who knows the situation and feelings you faced in those years, and the explanation and significance of these experiences in your heart? This is far from a so-called "healthy" person who is qualified to comment and judge.

As a person in the same situation, when I had another emotional breakdown this month, I suddenly felt a connection with you. I decided to write you a letter to an "old friend" who has never met before but lives in a time and space.

I am shocked to say that we are "old friends" in time and space: not only are we less than one year apart, we grew up together in Beijing, but we are probably in an alley, actually alumni! We once studied in Fu Xue Hutong Primary School in Dongcheng District of Beijing and Beijing No.5 Middle School, two proud municipal key schools, and lived in the same campus for more than ten years. Perhaps, under the school basketball stand, in the canteen, next to the carport, I passed by. We may have the same teacher's class and do the sixth set of broadcast gymnastics on a playground. The children's books you read are also books that accompanied me when I grew up: Make a scene in the Heavenly Palace Gate Array and PHS Roaming in the Future. ...

We and our classmates' parents are researchers, teachers, civil servants and soldiers. We have a high image in our hearts and are very strict with us, especially our personality. At that time, we grew up in a fairly relaxed environment. The school teachers are very exemplary, and our parents basically ignore us. We are also very conscious in our studies. It is natural for us to dream of becoming scientists, heroes and national pillars when we grow up. As Shiming said to your mother, "Life can't be wasted". This is also the minimum requirement we have for ourselves. However, when we boarded the space shuttle like PHS, we thought that we would get a better future when we came to a further developed country, but the future was a dream. ...

Seeing the months you experienced in Canada, I also remembered myself in Canada. We are a Vancouver native and a Toronto native, and have experienced all the embarrassment, loneliness and struggle as students and immigrants. I think there is another point, that is, the understanding of life in eastern culture has been broken, suppressed and misunderstood in western culture. We are forced to learn and adapt to the values in foreign cultures. No matter how good our English is, we still can't express our inner confusion and pain to a group of people who have no experience and care on the surface, but are very arrogant inside.

How much I want to see you at that time, listen to your crazy rock and roll, go out for a drink, see a lot of things and you will know that someone will understand, and patting the shoulder is an encouragement.

Maybe we have been here for ten or twenty years, and we don't want to talk about a lot of pain when we find a job and buy a house. We have never thought about how much pressure we have to experience as immigrants, especially those from North America: including economic pressure and survival crisis; Interpersonal circle atrophy and reconstruction; Cultural shock; The complexity of the new tax refund system for education and employment; It is even more difficult for singles to find a partner; In marriage, two people in the new country are more likely to expose different core values, inconsistent pace, poverty and loneliness after divorce; The pressure of complete strangers on the judicial police system; The regret and guilt of not being able to honor parents, the helplessness of missing hometown but not going back, and the pain of not being understood by relatives and friends in hometown; A sense of superiority that is not recognized by society; The sense of oppression caused by the lack of vitality in the social environment; The extremely underdeveloped public transport system has brought economic pressure and social collective depression to new immigrants; The confusion and high time cost of restarting your career; The struggle between returning home and staying; The extreme discomfort and self-denial of losing personal identity ...

Just like a tooth corroded by bacteria, there is a hole at last, which needs to be pulled out. All these long-term pressures are damaging our mental health. Based on my personal experience, after many failed attempts, one day I finally understood that our well-educated and modest gentleman was not understood under long-term pressure, and his inner anger and grievances were enough to make us almost have a thin line between arsonists and murderers. In extreme cases, anyone can become what we think is impossible.

Similarly, schizophrenia is a very distant concept in the eyes of ordinary people, including family members. When talking about schizophrenia, your father said three "don't understand", which made him feel incredible and ignorant. This is something that a family must cover up. However, after reading all these long-term stress lists, I feel that people are very vulnerable under long-term stress, and many stress events may become the last straw to overwhelm camels.

If the world, especially as a country that absorbs immigrants, can be more friendly and tolerant to other cultures, it would be like opening a vent in an iron house. This tolerance is not only in the field of propaganda and consciousness, but also in practice, such as encouraging and funding mental health services in different languages and cultures, broadening the qualification recognition of psychological support personnel from mother tongue culture, and strengthening the recognition and docking between countries with pension, medical care and professional qualifications.

There is a thin line between normal and abnormal, and they can be switched frequently, so that people around them are not even easy to perceive or understand. However, as a popular proverb says, "sad people say they are depressed, but depressed people are laughing." Everyone who gives up life knows how long he has been "laughing", just like Shiming, who keeps saying "I'm fine". Actually, me too. We are all the best actors, so we can pretend. I am normal enough to finish the CPA exam. Who knows that I can't sleep and cry every night, and I keep shouting "I want to go home!" " I want to rest! "The next day, I went to work with a fake smile and died in Canada for reasons that others could not understand.

Yes, everyone has a different version. Speaking of which, man, I really envy your parents for being so kind to you. Look at their age, your father went to other places for your tuition, and your mother went to a restaurant to work and wash dishes when she stayed in Canada. After hearing about your death, your father wanted to swallow 150 sleeping pills by himself to see if it was in line with the time judgment on death diagnosis. Your mother wanted to live alone in Canada with your grave. They have done so much for you, and their love for their children makes me cry. Next time I go back, I hope to have a chance to see them.

Speaking of another part of the theme of this film, it is about judicial injustice, including not discriminating against mental patients. There is a great controversy in this respect, and many background events are likely to be impossible to find with the departure of the parties. This is also normal, and every new progress in society appears in controversy. Some people say that Shiming should not use improper methods, such as lying to obtain refugee status and "fake marriage" (I personally think it is not a fake marriage, because in the film, Shiming loves his wife very much, but he feels inferior. Go to a bar in a bad mood after parting, and cut clothes with a knife after being angered. It is also said that Shiming's parents should accept this reality and should not hold the psychology of seeking justice.

Looking at each other may be that personal experiences are too close. My personal opinion is that no matter what these details are, some practices of Canadian judicial and immigration authorities are very unsatisfactory and violate the values of equality and justice in this country.

First, a citizen of China died in another country. Canadian police did not immediately contact the family of the deceased through the Embassy of China. Without the knowledge of the closest family members, they hastily buried the man in a foreign country without a tombstone or a name. More than a month after his death, Interpol informed his family of his death, and then there was no proof, which made it impossible for his family to apply for a visa to Canada. It was not until a whole year later that your parents in Beijing received the relics and death certificates. This kind of work efficiency is very Canadian, and there is no sympathy or humanity at all. From 1 1 month in 2005 to 1 month in 2007, parents were able to set foot on the land of Canada to pay homage to their children and find out the cause of death. It is conceivable that over the past year or so, as the closest relatives, elderly parents have suffered day and night, and how much physical and mental damage they have suffered. If they hadn't found the cause of death, I'm afraid they would have died long ago. If someone dies in a foreign country and receives such treatment, I don't think I will accuse the parents of "adding chaos" to the Canadian government.

Secondly, during and after the case, some practices of the judicial, police and immigration authorities were particularly dereliction of duty and improper. I didn't see any apology, compensation or support, and all the power departments were avoiding and shirking. I don't want to attribute it to unfounded discrimination, but it must be irritating because of emotion and reason. For example, the police first avoided Shiming's parents, and later admitted that the policeman who handled Shiming's death was a newcomer who had just taken office for four months. After the event, he did not supervise the consulate and his family. Even if he admitted it, he did not publicly apologize and compensate. This is arrogance and trampling on justice. For example, during the appeal of Shiming's parents, they thought that the judge's handling was unfair, but they wanted to appeal to a higher court, but they had to get the judge's consent. This procedural rule is illogical and fair. It sounds like the law is a child's play, specifically discriminating and bullying the powerless.

The direct handling of Shiming's case is even more doubtful. Shi Ming was released on bail after committing a crime, and was released from prison after one day. The bail officer said it was only a small case, and he also applied to visit relatives in China. Return from visiting relatives for the first time and enter the country normally; The second time, Jing was detained on the spot. Whether the port immigration officer has the power to confiscate the passports of citizens of other countries or to file an expulsion order on the spot, people feel that the judicial treatment depends entirely on the mood of the officials concerned.

Shiming, I was even sadder when I saw the scene of you defending a lawsuit alone, and it also touched my similar feelings. I can see that your English is very good. As mentioned in the film, you have strong learning ability, good English and high TOEFL score. You are a very demanding person. When the immigration judge asked you whether to hire a lawyer or defend yourself, you said timidly that you defended yourself and asked awkwardly, "Does it cost a lot of money to hire a lawyer?" I have no money. " The judge said, "You need to make this clear yourself, but we have to go through the legal inquiry procedure. If you cooperate, it will be done soon. " It's like asking if you want to hire a lawyer is just a formality.

When a China person, adhering to the cognition of "being lenient in confession and being strict in resistance" in our culture, intends to show his attitude of admitting his mistake in a strange judicial system and get lenient treatment, what he gets is that if you say you are guilty, you will be punished as guilty and deported directly. This reminds me of my friends who play traffic tickets here. They have repeatedly taught me never to say that I am guilty or innocent. If the police don't come to court when gambling, you won't be punished. This is often a very difficult cultural shock for us orientals. Shiming "cooperated" to plead guilty and soon got an expulsion order. He committed suicide the day he received the expulsion order. According to news reports at that time, Shiming agreed to be repatriated to China and asked to return his passport, but he was rejected.

Another important issue concerns the court. Shiming told the immigration judge that he was mentally ill and was in a bad mood at the time of the crime. I can feel that Shiming was embarrassed and humiliated when he said these words. I hope the court will be lenient. After Shiming was killed, before returning to China, he was also asked to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. In a series of official procedures, the judge did not provide any consideration and necessary resources and help for the mentally ill, which seemed very indifferent. Canada is a country famous for protecting the legal rights of the weak and the most basic equality of human beings, and its practices in many fields are touching and proud. However, in the handling of this case, the handling of the parties with mental illness is very rude and sloppy.

For a person with mental illness like Shiming, after years of stress overload, when he was depressed to the extreme after separation, he went to the local bar to get drunk because of depression, but he felt ridiculed. Originally, I just clashed with each other on impulse, cut each other's clothes and confessed, but I couldn't get any forgiveness at all. How did a man who was once excellent in all aspects and so competitive become a criminal? I think this self is not recognized, and Shiming must have unspeakable grievances, humiliation and depression in his heart. Struggled in Canada for five or six years, studied hard and made a living. I never want to burden others because of myself in front of my parents and wife. I hope that one day I will mix like a person and make my parents and family proud. But once I become a sinner, my future will be ruined. What a great psychological pressure! In this case, the defense is futile, accepting the expulsion order and refusing the passport. Coupled with inconsistent, unfamiliar and long legal procedures, the sentence is as light as one day and as heavy as ten years. These are probably unbearable for a normal person. I think Shiming's death was directly caused by these, and it was very unfair to treat him! I am angry about this!

I had a similar experience myself. More than ten years ago, I also experienced the low tide of economy, work and relationship, and I was exhausted after several struggles. I want to go back to China, but my family doesn't understand me. I don't think anyone could understand that I was trying my best to get close to collapse. Then my family called the police to take me away, handcuffed me, searched me and put me in a police car as if I were a criminal. I feel that my years of hard work and professional qualifications are gone, and I will be a future. It was not until a medical staff in the hospital told me that I had suffered a lot of trauma and wanted to find resources for help that I burst into tears. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't met this angel.

On another occasion, I was particularly sad and depressed for several months. I cried sadly when I sat by a tree on the hillside. Walking down the hillside, a strong man stopped me and asked me if I had been drinking. I was inexplicably asked and said no, I didn't know what he was saying. He said he was a policeman and saw me sitting next to the bottle. No matter how I said I didn't drink, he insisted and said I didn't walk in a straight line when I came down from the hillside. He didn't leave without an apology until I finally retorted that you took me for a test. To tell the truth, I was in a worse mood at that time, shaking all over for several hours.

For so many years, when thinking about some practices in this country, I think it is correct, just not because it is a developed country with western civilization. In many aspects, some law enforcement methods are too rigid, and under the original intention of protecting some people, they also seriously hurt others' bodies and minds. In this regard, the conflict between eastern and western cultures is particularly obvious.

In this case, I call on the social culture to let go of rigidity and arrogance, and the judicial system should strengthen the provision of translation and legal aid, and strengthen the better handling of mental illness cases, so as not to become a direct trigger for mental patients to commit suicide (especially after the COVID-19 incident, mental illness has greatly increased, and if it is not taken seriously, more tragedies will be staged).

For psychological patients, social tolerance and understanding, rather than compulsory law enforcement, is humanitarian assistance.

Many psychological patients, just because they are too demanding of themselves, too eager for perfection, too incapable of beating around the bush, opportunistic, constantly hurting and belittling themselves in their hearts, finally make themselves sick. Many people with depression, anxiety and even personality disorders are excellent at work and are indifferent and considerate in people's eyes. However, their interpretation of things may be different and sensitive, so they can't adapt to the so-called western prevailing values of efficiency and competition. In today's society, more and more people have mental "symptoms", which may remind us whether our social operation and value system are too single; For the uniqueness of each person, don't we recognize the inherent diversity of human beings as we recognize the diversity of human beings?

Psychological rehabilitation is a long and comprehensive road. For an immigrant country, it is necessary to realize that the mental health of immigrants must be a problem that cannot be ignored. Because of the various immigration pressures I mentioned above, resources in this area need to be strengthened. In particular, the need for people to seek services from a consultant from their own cultural background in their own language must become the standard of an immigrant country and the most basic guarantee for thousands of young healthy immigrants who come to this land to contribute. Psychological services should also be included in the scope of provincial medical insurance, and physical and mental disorders cannot be treated differently.

Psychological counseling is a kind of professional help in the process of psychological rehabilitation, and the demand now greatly exceeds the timely provision of services. We also hope that this documentary will not only popularize people's understanding of mental health, but also get donations to help more people in need. But my personal experience also made me realize that mental health depends on a sound, tolerant, dynamic society and meaningful interpersonal relationships besides professional psychological counseling.

Kangfu is the spiritual home I found after searching alone for a long time. 20 15 began to train mental health ambassadors here. Although I don't think there are many opportunities to make too much contribution to our Chinese community, the friends I know here have greatly eased my personal mental health.

Shiming, if you are still alive, I really hope to see you here. Here, your advantages and abilities will be recognized and fully utilized, and we will listen to your story without any judgment. Although we may not be able to help you, you can feel such a group of people accompanying you. At Christmas and Spring Festival, we will eat hundreds of hometown dishes. In the season of spring blooming and red leaves dying, let's go out for a walk, talk and laugh together to relieve your loneliness.

The biggest difference between you and me is that I won't say "I'm fine" when I'm unhappy, which is why I've been climbing up step by step over the years. Life is so long, I want to see if it will last forever.

Remember the last time you ran away from home, you left Beijing unhappily, took Mao Xuan and your father's old jacket with a hole, and imagined going back to China to start a business after mixing in Canada. In these little moves, let me realize your attachment to home and the old days, and let me see that you are a responsible man! I only hope that when you come next life, you can open your heart! There are many people in this world who live in darkness like you. Whose life is not dark? Shouting "I am black" is also a kind of courage. People who love you, give them a chance to love and help you. In this world, friends you have never met, people who still care about you, open your heart to them!

Good luck!

202 1.04. 18

Toronto, Canada