Said "I'll pay you back when I've got the money"
3 My classmate's name is Yu Jingbo, and one day he came to write a letter to me, and the dormitory guard was shouting at the door of the dormitory: dry cold skin, dry cold skin letter! The letter of the dry cold skin, dry cold skin!
4 Our language teacher: please turn the book to 120 bucks
The whole class is dizzy, after the teacher got nicknamed "financial fan" Oh
5 Once a friend at home to watch the DVD, the disc quality is not good. The friend said: "How so many Marx ah." It took a long time to realize that he was talking about Masek!
6 A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Buddy politely said no
I said: that's not good, once a year, you must take.
7 junior high school role-playing read aloud "White-haired Girl"
A boy (Yang Bailao): pulled two pounds of red head rope, to me Xi'er tied up ......
The teacher: and not wrapped mummy ...
8 偶打饭的时候，执执的指指着菜花 said: come a portion of potatoes.
The mom asked: cauliflower?
The woman asked again: Is it potatoes or cauliflower?
It's not potatoes... Uh, cauliflower?
What's more depressing is that the owner of the store actually understood ......
10 In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a student from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope of her "Yun" word in the lower part of the "cloud" above a cross, because the writing is too scribbled, cross into a point. As a result, the student took the letter and called out in our hallway, "Liu Mang, who is called Liu Mang, there is a letter for you." All the people in the building came out to see Liu Mang. As a result, the girl called Liu Yun was helplessly called a hooligan for four years.
11 There was a time when the house was haunted by rats, and my mom bought rat medicine to maintain family peace, but a rat was not drugged down. One day early in the morning, my mom got up and looked at the door in the nook of the rat medicine, muttering to herself, "This medicine how no one ate ah? ~~~The whole family fainted.
12 English teacher to teach grammar, before the end of the class asked everyone: "I have finished, everyone still understand it?" We answered in unison: "No more!"
13 Raise your glass to invite the moon, lower your head to think of your hometown.
14 Once in the heat of the day to play mahjong, a sudden blackout, had to buy a candle to continue to fight. After half an hour, it is too hot to bear, a person said: "or open the electric fan, hot." Another person interface: "can not open, open the candle will be blown out."
15 As the saying goes: kill and set fire to a man, and pay his debts.
16 The teacher in physics class talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are dangerous, you humans must stay away from it!
17 Eat grapes on the spit grape skin
18 In the company received a phone call, is a clothing company sales, and kept saying that to a certain large company has done uniform clothing and so on. I caught the other side of the speech gap, mouth: "Our company uniform is not dressed!"
The other party said quietly for a few seconds, "I'm sorry to bother you" and hung up.
19 Our university teacher: I want to find a man and a woman three students ......
The class began to look around, looking for Li Yuchun.
20 Evening self-study back to the dormitory, the road met a sky fairy mm, so tailed
have been trying to accost, but no courage to go forward, until the sky fairy mm is about to walk into the girls' building
Teeth clenched, stride forward, and loudly asked the mm: students, may I ask you are a woman?
Later ...... later I enjoyed the Tian Xian mm two years of blank stares
21 Deng Theory class, the teacher impassioned surging: how many heroes and children, entangled in the underground ......
22 The graduation work of the students is to use the big The student's graduation work was made of a large red cloth in the shape of a phoenix sewn onto a black robe-like garment.
The teacher at the defense asked why the phoenix was red and not another color?
The student was so excited that he blurted out: because the phoenix burns with fire! (presumably to say the fire reborn). 3 seconds later, to see the defense of the students laughed wildly, I laughed at the stomach twisted!
23 Junior high school teacher called the memorization of Mulan resignation (the teacher is more BT), nervous
... A brother heard sister to come, sharpening the knife to father and mother (pig and sheep) .......
The whole class laughed out loud, and I also laughed at myself, but I forgot all about it, so I'm glad the teacher didn't penalize me!
24 Help LP buy WSJ, the results to the store look half a day do not know what to buy, so just take a packet and ask the owner: "Boss, this is good to use?" The owner (a man) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this one either!"
25 When I was a kid, my dad watched me write. There was a very simple word written wrong, dad laughed and said to my mom, "I found your son is very stupid." I got anxious and said loudly to my dad, "Your son is the one who is stupid!" -_-b
26 The army comes to cover the earth, the water comes to block
27 My mom once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the banker said, "You don't have enough money, there's a second page here, you have to pay this one too.
My mom: what is the second page
Staff: sewage
My mom: my family never drink sewage.
28 Our high school office manager, once again raging at us for not listening properly in class, said, "If you guys ever do that again, don't blame me for turning the other cheek!"
29 Math teacher's signature move
Holding up two fingers, he said to his classmates, "Class, the key to learning math well is three words!!!' Do more practice!!!'"
30 The other day I said that my girlfriend is as stupid as a pig, she screwed me, special pain, has not let go, I was anxious, said: "I sue your mom you abuse pigs!"
31 One day, with my parents and my brother to worship the Goddess of Mercy
I didn't sleep much, one stop ahead and said:
The suffering Goddess of Mercy ah ......
Mom and Dad: - ____-|||
Brother: - ____- ||||
The suffering Goddess of Mercy is the most important thing in the world. p>
Buddha: T_____T||||||
32 Sophomore year of college in a FoxPro class, one of the instructors started to point out how many of us were in the class,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick...... (suddenly stopped)
33 One day, my dear mommy told me to buy peppers.
Mommy: "Go buy a pound of peppers back."
Even: "One catty! Why did you buy so many?"
Mommy: "Nonsense~ for stir-frying!!!"
Even depressed + surprised to go out to buy, on the way out and asked a special: "sure to buy a catty ah!!!"
Answer to even drop the old lady's blank stare! Khan ......
After arriving at the food market, the more I think the more wrong, why buy a catty of peppers ah, but also too much right? Pull out the phone - again to confirm!
Get the answer is still the same: a pound of peppers!!!!
A catty of peppercorns is 28 dollars, the boss weighed me, bagged. I was about to pull out the money when the phone rang~~~Mom?
Listen to the phone roar: "Wrong! I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure what I'm talking about! Not a catty, not a catty, is one or two!"
Popping sweat ！！！！
34 When I first handed over my house, there were so many people coming and going that the security guard would question me every time.
I was going to say I was the owner, but it often turned out that I was the owner...
Taking advantage of the short-circuiting of the security guard's brain, I hurriedly ran away.
35 The year of freshman year, the party inside the hospital, I acted a "thief", reputation, y favored by the girls, weekdays are to "thief" called me. One day wandering to Asia Trade, was a class of fast-talking Harbin girls saw, excitedly rushed to me shouting rushed over: "Alas - thief - thief", causing me to immediately be The people next to me grabbed ......
And
1 unit toast, a leader said: "I wish everyone a happy body ......" hold, no words.
2 Once to help the boss to book a hotel, want to ask people whether there is any free Internet access and other services, but how can not think of how to say well, so asked the other side: "Excuse me, what special services do you have here? "
The other side: "What? Special services we are a regular hotel!"
-__-!!!!
3 dormitory old four out of bed looking for half a day slippers, no, asked everyone: why my slippers where to go?
4 Shopping in the street, suddenly friends exclaimed: "Wow! 'virgin bookstore'!" I was shocked, looked up, a plaque, inscribed with four big words
-- foreign language bookstore -__-!
5 I once went to buy lamb kebabs
I held up four fingers and said to the owner, "I'll have three lamb kebabs."
The owner was baffled, "How many?"
I stretched out 3 fingers again and said "4" ......
6 Our general manager's name is Zhou, once he called, I was driving, and I was nervous and opened my mouth and said "Premier Zhou ..."
This is the first time I've ever seen him on the phone, and I've never seen him on the phone. ..."
7 My name is Zhu, management unit room. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good look at this, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good look at this. At that time, I scolded that guy a
8 In the cafeteria queue, I heard a boy next to me say: "Master, come to the bowl of 'bullet cauliflower' soup!" (seaweed and egg soup) haha, laughed at my spray soup.
9 One day in the rice noodle store to eat on the very slow very hungry
Finally unable to resist the roar of the table shot, was going to say and then not on the rice I will lift the table!
The result was: "Boss !!!! If you don't serve rice noodles, I'll eat the table !!!!."
The whole store was silent for 3 seconds before bursting into laughter under the table ...... disgraceful ......
10 Mom and Dad argued, my father said angrily: "I'll get you out of here!"
11 high school basketball, A got the ball, unselfishly passed to the B, B easily into the ball. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass the ball to him. B but he threw the ball out. As a result, A shouted angrily: just now really blinded my dog's eyes ......
The whole audience laughed and fainted
12 Impression of elementary school class president is extremely serious, a self-study class, the classroom crowd, the class president to maintain the order of the several times and finally couldn't stand it anymore, stood up and slammed the table and roared: who is noisy, to his mouth broken! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. ...... class silence
13 University, we asked a buddy how the Manchester United situation, he said excitedly: "Manchester United lost, Beckham received two yellow discs off the field!"
14 Don't take the porcelain work without a golden hoop
15 When I went to college, a teacher lectured, talking about a new type of material, said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to the old material ...... ah no, the performance and functionality of ... ..."
16 Just went to college, military training, the company commander did not know where the accent, shouting orders - "Drill to the left!" "Drill right!"
17 University, heard a girl order: master, fry a plate of hot and sour potato silk, do not put potatoes!
18 sophomore year, our language teacher is an old teacher just transferred to Beijing from Nanchang, his accent is very heavy. His son relied on the Tsinghua University Department of Architecture, which is the purpose of his visit to Beijing, he was very proud of his son, always talk to us about his son, every time so that "even (I) moth (child) son is a frog (Tsinghua) University toad (Architecture) Department of the.......
If the moths get to Frog and Toad, they will become snacks...
These are the most important things that you can do to make your life better.
19 Cooking for lunch, my mom gave me a pot of carrots: "Go on, dice the carrots!"
20 Yesterday a colleague asked me. How to write the festival of the festival? I answered: the grass head below plus a festival of the festival to remove the grass head! All staff burst out laughing! I have not reacted for a moment ~~~~~~~!
21 When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me what year I graduated.
I was going to say 2000, but I got excited and said, "Two thousand years ago."
What's more, the examiner said, "I'm a student of Confucius."
22 Just 10 minutes into the class, my classmate raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to go to the bathroom.
The English teacher was very unhappy and said: are many adults still go to the bathroom?
22 I have a classmate has been reviewing for the computer three, one day playing soccer, another student with the ball to the end line, only to hear him shout: back to the car! Back to the car! (Pass)
23 I remember once went to buy a kind of fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: boss, Shakespeare how much? The boss stayed on the spot
24 Physics teacher talking wave: "This is a thick spring, I push it from both ends, see, it is not become dense (constipation)?"
25 Listen to classmates said,
Once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins,
said to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.
The boss actually asked, "Do you want the fresh ones or the spicy ones?
Then the student froze for a moment and said, "I'm afraid I can't stand the spicy ones.
26 University sister, on the educational psychology. Late ... I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. The blackboard is a great place to start. The old professor was angry, and asked the sister to answer the question on the blackboard. Sister stammered half a day said: "& lt; sexy and sex theory & gt;, this is too difficult to speak ah." The whole class was turned upside down. (Note. The professor's original title: <The theory of rationality and sensuality>
2 50 new gaffes are now coming to Earth! --The Laughing Mistakes 2007 (ZT)
27 A close male classmate of mine fell to the ground, and I asked, as a sign of concern, "Your butt hurts, doesn't it?" The result accidentally said "your ass fell dead it" sweat ~ ~ ~ the brother stood up and patted his butt, farted, said "not dead, still gasping for air!" I directly fainted
28 and the leadership and other people drinking, raised his glass and said loudly: "Let us die together!" At that time the brain was too hot ......
29 Once, our newspaper photojournalist interviewed a female star returned to the meeting to talk about how he and the star how familiar. The old boss looked at a pile of photos on the table and made a joke: I see you have become his royal photographer. But the boss of the southern Mandarin is not clear, the "Royal" pronounced "day" sound. From then on, this poor photojournalist was called "day photographer", he worked overtime, of course, became "night".
30 Boss, do you have any handkerchiefs?
31 We have a colleague on a business trip, the dealer invited to dinner. During the meeting to want to urinate, the dealer said that there is a restroom across the street, you go if you give the door to say, we are across the street to eat can be free. Our colleague in order to save two cents, arrow straight away, straight to the toilet of the tube said: "I am here to eat!"
32 I am the logistics department, after the New Year, the customer called over to inquire about the pre-holiday goods when to arrive, because of the holiday these days muddled, I can not figure out the content of the order, I asked in passing: what are you?
33 I have a friend who has just read "The Legend of the Eagle Shooting Heroes" and is very interested in the "dog-beating stick method" and often jokes about it with others.
One day, he did it again. He kicked someone else and shouted, "Kick the dog's leg!" Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Kick the dog's leg!"
34 When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays
I tried to get a waiter's job at a restaurant
Because I was a kid and it was my first time working, so I was nervous
I was going to ask the manager if he needed a part-time job, but I thought it would be more subtle to ask if I needed a staff member
Then I said: "Manager, do you need a fighter here?"
It was almost a hole in the ground
35 Once I went to the market to buy food for a potluck dinner, a Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan, and he gave the vendor all the change he had, and was still short a dime, so he said to the vendor--
"I gave you all my dime, so I don't have any dime left. "
The hawker was dumbfounded, and half a day, replied-
"I don't want your hair."
36 The manager of the meeting generally said to the smoker: smoking are strangled!!!!
37 Think back to that moment when KFC out of the stay in the wings, because I did not see the ads, is to listen to others, always thought it was Liu Xiang to KFC endorsement. When I arrived at KFC, I told the waiter that I wanted Liu Xiang's wings.
38 kfc sultan red event, I went to kfc, the waiter asked, you want to point what? I don't even think about it: a pair of sultanas. The waiter immediately a pair of choked expression
39 a few days ago off work and a few colleagues to go to a small store to eat, when the store is quite a lot of people, a fat whooping waiter is busy unavoidable, a colleague shouted: "waiter ~ ~", the girl upside down ran over: "a few people! What do you want to pay?" The first thing we did was to go to this restaurant, and then shout "waiter check out", and then shout "order!" when we finished eating.
40 Lunch in the restroom met colleagues, suddenly do not know what words to greet, the ghost asked a question: "eaten?" Asked after, chagrined, is embarrassed, coworkers replied to: "ate, you?" I dizzy ~~~~~~
41 My coworkers to ask the exchange rate of the yuan and the yen, he opened his mouth and said, apes and the yen how to exchange.
42 dormitory brothers watch "Prison Break", acting to a person from the mouth out of the blade to kill the camera, the boss suddenly popped out a sentence: "I K, to hide the mouth in the blade can still talk, served."
43 One day at noon, mom let my brother move the table to the side. My brother half a day does not move the nest, mom said in a hurry into this way:
"Hear? Tell you to move the table to the side of two kilometers"
=_=!!!!!
44 After an impassioned speech by the union president, the last sentence reached its climax: comrades, let's do better this year than next! The whole audience fell.
45 Our teacher is very powerful, one day he said so: "Take out the homework, we on the answer, the right fork, and then write the correct answer on the top ........."
46 Give a call to a friend who has not been contacted for a long time, and learned that he is handling the "Suspension of pay"
47 Jiangshan so much beauty, attracting countless heroes to shoot big eagles 。。。。。。
48 Go to the cinema to see the "Pirates of the Caribbean 3", the movie before the opening of the "Transformers" trailer, saw the Decepticons leader how can not think of "Megatron", but also can not think of his team called "Decepticons", because it is too I was so excited that I just exclaimed, "That's so cool, it's the Southpaw!"
The worst thing is that it was suddenly very quiet without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and laughed ...... to death!
49 and a group of friends dinner
One of them is estimated to be betrayed by the brother, depressed can not be stifled to drink a lot of beer, and then the face of the red stood up and yelled
Brother! Not out to sell!!!
It is estimated that the original intention was to say that the brothers are not used to sell
Then we have a table of a dozen people on the whole down
50 good tired ah, even eat shit all the energy used up ......