Recently, the national college entrance examination was released, and the results of the art examination of the Central Academy of Drama were announced. Angel won the first place in the performance major in the country, and the results of the cultural course in the college entrance examination also exceeded the admission score by nearly 211 points, and he was a good scholar.

When I think of her performance in Pi, Lin Miaomiao, a high school girl, has a sunny personality, a magnificent heart, and is not feminine and unpretentious, which makes the schoolmaster uneasy. The enthusiasm and troubles of this little boy are naturally and truly interpreted by her.

I envy her. Under the siege of her obsessive-compulsive mother, she has a super-talking dad who can be relieved when she is in pain and has a direction when she is confused.

Feel the style of the two parents at will:

Miaomiao was the last in the class in the opening exam, and her mother was extremely sarcastic, hoping to awaken the heartless child's sense of shame.

Dad bought a big bag of food to see the child, and when he saw the child turn from sorrow to joy, he saw stars and comforted himself by saying: It's good to have a girl who eats food, and even the biggest things can be solved.

Seeing that her daughter was surrounded by her mother and was about to collapse, she took her daughter home on a business trip and ate junk food, making the house a mess. When I heard that my mother was coming back, I immediately called the housekeeper to clean the room, and also cunningly left a moldy bread in the refrigerator as a BUG to prevent it from being exposed. Father and daughter have a knowing smile.

Miao Miao wants to get rid of her mother's control and lose her temper for accompanying her to school. Dad didn't make a fuss, but drew a picture and calculated an account.

31 vertical lines and 31 horizontal lines, life is 75 years and 911 months. Your mother and I are 46 years old and have lived for 552 months. After you are admitted to college, you will go home twice a year, three months a year and four years in college will be 12 months!

Life is long and short, but there is so much time for a family! I hope you will spend more time with us than with you.

Lin Miaomiao stopped eating and looked at her father, Lin Dawei, unable to say a word.

Miaomiao gave up on himself: God closed the window of mathematics, closed the door of physics by the way, plugged the drain of chemistry, and blocked the sewer of biology. Even the hole of geography dog was built with cement.

Dad said seriously: God has enlarged the trick for you, and he wants to turn on the air conditioner for you.

so handsome, so warm, so easy to chat. This dad himself is a treasure air conditioner given by God.

We can consciously adjust the temperature, humidity, angle and distance according to children's different emotions, different growth periods, different experiences, different personality, interests and cognitive changes, and stay with children all the time, that is, open and use, not open and quiet.

if a child has air-conditioned parents who know their children so well, how comfortable his life should be.

Professor Wendy Mogol, an American clinical psychologist, parenting expert and scientific consultant of American Parents magazine, said: Parents' language shapes children's brains and personalities! Everything you say to your child hides your child's future!

In her latest masterpiece, The Way to Speak of Good Parents, she has made in-depth research from neurology, anthropology, psychology and other disciplines, revealing the key to how parents can establish a connection with their children through language at different stages of their development, and providing effective suggestions to parents who want to establish intimate relationships and parent-child relationships with their children.

My mother offered to talk to me the other day. She said, "When the children come to ask you questions, you should talk well."

I was in a hurry. Why didn't I talk well? I always talked well, breaking up and talking about that question. It was her first emotion, and she deliberately opposed me. I told her to read the question slowly, and she stretched out the sound word by word. I told her to hurry up, and she broke the beans for me deliberately and quickly. I couldn't hear clearly, so how could I understand the meaning of the question?

My mother looked at me helplessly: "Listen to your voice now, just like then."

I will suddenly realize that I just had a sharp voice, and I was anxious to explain my grievances, and I was still dancing when I was describing it. Then restore the scene along the details: at the beginning, the child was very humbly asking for advice, but he couldn't understand it anyway, which made me feel deeply frustrated. My tone was high and my voice was amplified. My whole body was blaming and shirking: It's not that I didn't speak well, it's that you are stupid, and you certainly didn't listen well in class. The child couldn't bear it, which led to the escalation of negative emotions and broke up in discord.

It is said in The Way Good Parents Speak that tunes are as important as lyrics.

Like a singing artist, it is not only the lyrics that move the heart, but also the interpretation of the voice, the tossing and turning of the tune and the grasp of the rhythm. And the way we express the tone and intonation of our children's speech has even greater influence than the literal information.

as soon as the pitch rises, the position changes.

The pitch is the level of the sound. Except for babies and pets who like high tones of joy, low tones can show self-control and authority most of the time. As soon as the voice rises, the position changes. Parents are no longer mature, stable and aloof. In children's eyes, they become smaller. They are swearing brothers and sisters or crying brothers and sisters.

yelling loudly is a sign of weakness

the volume is the size of the sound. Moderate volume represents respect and can attract the other party to listen carefully. If you can only show the truth and power in your language by increasing the volume, parents will start to weaken in the eyes of children. On the one hand, children will be afraid of loud and sharp voices. On the other hand, in their hearts, children will start to fight against you. Once they start to fight, children will stop listening.

Tone and sound quality reveal your attitude.

Tone is the emotional color in your voice. It conveys your attitude: satisfaction, arrogance, boredom, admiration, nervousness and carelessness? They are exposed when they are not aware, which makes children feel * * *. Your attitude will definitely drive your child's attitude and decide whether to fight violence with violence or to repay tolerance with tolerance.

expressions and actions hide emotions

when speaking, body language such as lips, mouth shape, chin, eyebrows, eyes, gestures, sitting posture, etc. cooperate with voice and language information to reveal hidden emotions. If someone is caught off guard to take a candid photo when he is angry, you will be surprised at the person in the photo, and his emotions are so straightforward.

timely pause is the wisdom of listening

pause means that you want to say a new point or give your child some time to absorb the last point. Pause also means listening quietly, not rushing to judge each other, correct each other, expose each other and explain yourself, but giving each other time to express their views, even if it is an unreasonable excuse.

it's likely that nonverbal information betrayed you.

When a child feels that you are "not speaking well", he starts to subconsciously fight, so parents will feel more and more depressed, the language information will weaken, the volume will start to rise, and the contest will intensify with the hints of body language (frowning, glaring, shoulders towering and pointing). When a strong parent loses control, you both know that the child won.

But this does not make children feel the joy of victory. On the contrary, their parents' loss of authority is something that makes children feel scared.

Therefore, if you notice that your tone has changed, you must immediately adjust yourself, take a deep breath, lower the volume, moderate the tone, pause appropriately, and find relaxed and confident body language, so that children can see that you have the ability to control their emotions, and they will calm themselves down and respond to you, and return the control of the scene to you with gratitude.

Different children have different fine-tuning of gender at different stages, but maintaining the minimum rules: trust, respect, sincere curiosity, concentration and patience will create a conversation space and naturally launch a rich and vivid parent-child dialogue.

We all know how to control our voice and body language to speak well, but the problem is that we can't control it. When we talk with colleagues and friends, we are all excellent communicators, but when facing our children, we can't help but raise our tone and are easily influenced by anxiety, anger and other emotions. Why is this happening?

Most of the time, the mentality determines our behavior and angle, and the mentality comes from the role we play for ourselves.

Parenting responsibilities deeply inspire and torment us, make us happy and make us nervous all the time. We always feel that "this is not enough", it is not enough.

Children's social skills are not good enough. How can they get along with the world when they grow up? !

Will it be a pity for children to grow up without learning a musical instrument? !

how can children connect with the world without fluent foreign language? !

how can a child achieve anything if he is hyperactive and inattentive? !

My choice determines my child's future. What must I do? What should I do? !

This fear of "never enough" makes parents' voices shrill and panic, making us perfunctory, nagging, scolding and praying.

Good Parents' Words write: The way to protect children is not to control the future excessively, but to focus on the unchangeable things and provide them with what they always need: stability, persistence, warmth and acceptance.

When chatting with children, we try to break away from parents' parenting responsibilities and switch to another role at an appropriate time, just like air-conditioned parents, who adjust their styles and ways at different times according to their needs, and regard parenting as an opportunity to explore the wonderful mysteries of the world with their children, master the key of speaking, and gain the dream parent-child relationship.

If you are a fan of your child's younger brother and younger sister, you will worship and appreciate your child like a brother and sister.

1. Trust and appreciation

For fans, brothers and sisters are close and admired, inventors, explorers and the most interesting people. He has the most profound knowledge, can talk endlessly about tornadoes and drones, can sensitively capture fashion, and can create the most interesting games in the world.

Trust them completely, like them personally rather than their achievements, have enough patience to listen to what they say, and will not feel verbose and exaggerated, boring and illogical at all.

In the eyes of fans, their fastidiousness is super insight, their exaggeration is rich soul, and their strange hairstyles are an undiscovered fashion trend.

2. Pay attention to and be curious

Fans will carefully observe their behaviors and works, and use descriptive compliments and detailed questions.

"This plane is exactly the same as what the teacher taught. It flies farther than the teacher's. It's amazing!"

"The person next to you in this painting has a strange expression, as if discussing something? "

" Did the tadpole you raised in the classroom grow into a frog? "

Then listen carefully to my brothers and sisters' answers, concentrate and be fascinated, and keep talking as long as they want.

If you are a landlord, your son is an exchange student from abroad, and your daughter is a boarding niece, you will get along with this little guest from another family or different cultures with an exploratory eye and a restrained sense of distance.

1. Be polite and respectful

I don't expect them to get the most small red flowers in my class, and I don't worry that they will fail in the class cadre competition. I will observe this little boy who is a combination of contradictions in good faith. Treat children with a relaxed mood to deal with their own problems and bear the consequences of their choices.

I would never enter his room without knocking, nor would I want to peek at their diaries. However, the established rules must be firmly implemented and not allowed to be violated.

2. Silence and listening

When not required, even if you have high opinions, you will keep quiet and listen to his talk with great interest. You will not be busy correcting them, nor will you order them to cut off their strange hairstyles, nor will you expose their flawed excuses or perfunctory superficial apologies.

Role 3: An old iron who dotes on friends

If you are a child's best friend or buddy, you are so cute in each other's eyes, and you are willing to be crazy and romantic with him.

1. Tiny favor

He likes to collect matchboxes and brought them back to him when he traveled halfway around the city abroad.

I don't want to sleep at ten o'clock. I secretly take the computer and watch a movie behind my mother's back.

I took a leave of absence for a whole day to prepare for my classmates' request to camp at home, and then took the initiative to hide in a friend's house for the night.

The child's long-awaited pet dog was brought back to him under great pressure, and then his family complained for several days.

2, the tacit understanding of peers

nickname, pretend to be cute, and walk on the road together with strange steps.

Stay in bed in the morning, pretend a small fish will bite her, or cheat him that a beautiful woman is looking for him downstairs.

Let's go out for a walk with an umbrella on rainy days.

While walking in the community, we sucked the smell of green plants together and pretended to be traveling in Singapore. The street in the community was regarded as the most famous food street in the local area. Everyone bought a sausage that was not allowed to be eaten at ordinary times, and bought different flavors of cheese in the window of the convenience store and exchanged them. Think of home as a homestay for the night.

You said, "Our landlord is an old couple (grandparents)."

She said, "They are very enthusiastic. They will cook super authentic local food to share with us and keep urging us to eat more."

You said, "But this is a nosy old couple who will urge us to go to bed at ten o'clock every day."

She said, "I often ask tenants if they have finished their homework!"

then laugh together.

patience, trust, appreciation and curiosity; Tolerance, respect and keeping a distance; Petty love and tacit understanding are the basic laws of natural and easy conversation.

How happy children will be when they meet different characters and treat them with different speaking styles at the most appropriate moment.

When these characters are incarnated by their parents, children's happiness will be doubled, and their treasure, tolerance, forbearance and recognition of rules will also be doubled.

you love me so much, I am willing to spoil you, endure you and cherish you. The best parent-child relationship is so much.

Alison Gopnik, author of gardener and carpenter, said: Raising children is not a carpenter's job, but a child should be carved according to a clear appearance. On the contrary, being a parent is like planting flowers in a garden, which aims to provide a nutritious, safe and stable environment for all kinds of plants to grow freely.

When we learn how to speak, we are trying to build such a healthy, fertile and diverse ecosystem, and we appreciate our children creating their own infinite future in such an environment.