When a wife earns more,
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, I am one of 40% American women, who are the breadwinners of the family-that is, we earn much more than our husbands. Like millions of my sisters, this puts me in a unique modern dilemma: how to deal with the marital tension between an alpha woman and a beta man.
My husband is an antique restorer. Due to the economic recession, his field has almost evaporated. He tries his best to help with housework and look after children, and at the same time earns enough money to pay for utilities and car insurance. I work 12 to 14 hours a day, usually seven days a week. When I finally went to bed, I was exhausted and anxious.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 40% of American women are breadwinners, that is, they earn more than their husbands. And I am one of these 40%. Like millions of my female compatriots, this puts me in a unique dilemma in contemporary society: how to face the tension between husband and wife caused by women being better than men.
My husband is an antique restorer, but due to the economic recession, his business is almost wiped out. My husband earns enough money to pay for utilities and our car insurance. At the same time, he is trying his best to help with the housework and take care of the children. I am the one who works like an octopus 12 to 14 hours every day and often works seven days a week. When I finally go to bed, I am always exhausted and full of anxiety.
We are not alone. In the past few years, articles and books have claimed that the end of men is coming, and female alphas are on the rise. The husbands of these energetic women are either portrayed as lazy people who stay at home and play video games (when their children pee on the carpet for the third time that day) or as saintly fathers who support cooking, cleaning and running errands, not to mention dealing with doctors' appointments and homework.
We are not exceptional. In the past few years, many articles and books have claimed that the era of male dominance is coming to an end and powerful women are rising. Men hiding behind the woman in charge are mostly described as two types: either lazy people who stay at home and play games all day (and their toddler has peed on the carpet for the third time in one day), or great fathers who are as great as saints and fully support their wives, cook, clean the room, run errands and do housework, not to mention making appointments with doctors to help their children with their homework.
Of course, such portraits are exaggerated and represent the extremes of a continuum. Perhaps it is because this generation of men grew up after the feminist movement, which is a culture that introduces equality values. Many of them don't seem to mind that their wives earn more than themselves.
Of course, this description is somewhat exaggerated and only represents the extreme exception among the general public. Perhaps it is because this generation of men grew up after the feminist movement (which played the role of enlightening the values of equality), and many of them don't mind that their wives earn more than themselves.
However, there is one thing to note: in theory, men want their salary to be enough to support the whole family. When they can't meet this standard, they will feel angry, ashamed and angry. And their wives often feel resentment and pressure.
However, there is a premise here: men hope that their income is theoretically enough to pay for the daily expenses at home. When they can't meet this standard, they will feel angry, ashamed and upset. Their wives often feel dissatisfied and stressed.
"I don't think much about gender roles, but I do feel angry and helpless because I can't support this family financially," said Greg mcfadden, 39, an actress and a stay-at-home father, and his wife Shannon hummel, 38, a breadwinner (they have a six-year-old child). She is a teacher and artistic director of a dance company in Brooklyn. I'm tired of reading these articles and dad's blog, which are all about how "authorized" men become caregivers. Ask them how they feel about not getting paid.
Greg is 39 years old. Mcfadden is an actor and a full-time father. His 38-year-old wife Shannon? Hummel is the main economic pillar (they have a six-year-old child). Shannon is a teacher and artistic director of a dance company in Brooklyn. Greg said. I don't particularly care about gender roles, but I do feel annoyed and helpless because I can't support a family financially. I'm tired of those dads writing about how men take care of their families. Powerful? Articles and blogs like this, ask them how they feel about not making money. ?
How many families are like this? This largely depends on the income level. A report in the month of Center for American Progress surveyed American women whose income is equal to or more than that of their husbands, and found that 34% of the wives in the top 20% of families bring home the bacon, while 70% of the wives in the bottom 20% of families bring home the bacon. About half of wives are the breadwinners of middle-income families.
How many American families are like this? This largely depends on the income level. In April this year, center for american progress published a report on women with the same or higher income level as their husbands. According to this report, among the top 20% families in the United States, 34% are female breadwinners, while among the bottom 20% families, 70% have higher incomes. For middle-income families, the proportion of women as the main breadwinners is about half.
The emotional motivation between these women and their husbands also varies greatly due to different family environments. DailyWorth.com, a female financial media website, recently conducted a survey on 400 women who are breadwinners. Only 22% of childless wives feel that their marriage has been negatively affected. But for women with children, the situation is different-36% people think their high income has a negative impact.
Due to the different family environment, the emotional interaction between women and their husbands is also very different. DailyWorth.com, a financial website for women, recently conducted a survey on 400 women who are the main breadwinners. The results show that only 22% of childless women feel that their marriage has been negatively affected. However, for women with children, it is a completely different matter. 36% of women think that higher income than their husbands has a negative impact on marriage.
An obvious pain for many husbands in this kind of marriage is the inversion of traditional gender roles. In San Diego, Conan Cott, the husband of Michele Cott, an expert in computer systems and organization in the US Navy, and a former space shuttle operator, has been taking care of the couple's 4-year-old twins since they were born. Although Conan said, "It's great to see my children grow and learn", his role as a housewife rankles him. He said that the lawn needs watering, the cat box stinks, there are dirty socks in the living room and silverware on the lawn in the backyard. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the children to go to bed at 7:30.
For many men in this state of marriage, an obvious untouchable pain is that the traditional gender roles have been reversed. Conan, the former airport bus driver in San Diego? Conan Kurt has been taking care of their four-year-old twins at home since their child was born. Conan's wife Michelle? Michelle Kurt is an expert in computer systems and organization in the US Navy. Although Conan said, It's great to watch my children grow up and learn new things every day. ? But the role of housekeeper gave him some headaches, he said. The grass needs watering, the cat litter stinks, the bedroom is full of smelly socks, and the silver tableware is left on the grass outside. No matter how hard I try, I can't put the children to bed before 7:30. ?
Michelle said, "I heard myself saying what my old husband said, and he responded with his old wife's response." All these have brought great pressure to our marriage.
Michelle said,? I heard myself say what a typical husband said, and his answer was also a typical wife's answer. All these have put a lot of pressure on our marriage. ?
In new york, matthew perry works part-time, while his wife, M.P., is a well-paid office editor. Matthew feels taken for granted and tied down professionally, which is what many contemporary stay-at-home mothers often do. Gendarmerie don't have to worry about having to pay for childcare everywhere. He said, I always have to subtract from my working day.
Matthew who lives in new york? Matthew perry works part-time, while his wife, M.P., is a well-paid editor. Like many contemporary stay-at-home mothers, Matthew feels trapped in his career. He said,? M.p. doesn't have to worry about how to take care of the children. I'm always the one who has to be distracted from work. ?
If the wife's salary evaporates, when the husband's salary is enough to support the family, the pressure is relieved and the concept seems to have changed. This is the case with Alison Rizzo, a 39-year-old public relations director, whose income is twice that of her husband Jon, a civil engineer. Their children are 6 and 8 years old respectively. In Jon's view, he and his wife want different things from their careers, but they have the same family goals and values.
If the husband's salary is enough to support his family without his wife's income, the pressure will be relieved a lot, and the two sides seem to have different views. Alison. This is the case with the Alison Rizzo family. Alison, a 39-year-old director of public relations, earns twice as much as her husband Jon, a civil engineer. They have two children, one is six and the other is eight. In Jon's view, he and his wife only pursue different goals on the career road, but they are consistent in family goals and values.
Jon said, "I'm not as ambitious as Alison, so I'm glad she can make more money, because I have no pressure to be promoted to the position of vice president step by step." . In addition, less management responsibilities translate into greater work flexibility, which is beneficial to families. He comes home on time to pick up the children from school and cook dinner, because Alison seldom comes back from the office before 7 pm.
Jon said,? I'm not as ambitious as Alison, so I'm glad she makes more money, because then I won't have the pressure to become a vice president. ? In addition, less management responsibility at work means that you can have a more flexible schedule to deal with things at home. Since Alison seldom comes back from the office before seven o'clock in the evening, Jon will come home on time to pick up the children from school and cook dinner.
As for a couple in Brooklyn, Shannon and Greg, they have reached a feasible arrangement, although sometimes it is a little unstable. She admits that she must better understand Greg's difficulties in taking care of children and unpredictable work. But she also insisted that she needed a vacation. She said, I want to leave for two weeks in summer, which means we have to change rooms and cook by ourselves. But it was worth it. This kind of reward must exist, otherwise the whole thing will fail.
As for Shannon and Greg in Brooklyn mentioned above, they made a feasible arrangement, although it may not work. Shannon admits that she must give Greg more understanding and understand his hard work while taking care of the children. But she also insisted that she needed a vacation. She said,? I want to leave for two weeks this summer, which means there will be some changes. We will exchange houses with others and then cook for ourselves. However, it is worthwhile to do so. Some rewards are needed, or the whole family may collapse. ?
Greg said, "When you reach a philosophical consensus, it really helps to resolve resentment. But even if we are on the same page, we haven't really got there yet. This is a work in progress.
Greg said. When you reach an enlightened agreement, it really helps to ease your resentment. However, although a general agreement has been reached, it has not really been achieved. We're still trying. ?