Humor is to express inner conflicts in a safe and non-threatening way. I have collected some humorous jokes between husband and wife for you. Come and have a look with me.

A selection of humorous jokes between husband and wife

1 Wife: "What do you think about sex? Husband: "There is no opinion, but there are many practices.

one day, a classmate' s girlfriend came to the dormitory to look for him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, so his girlfriend sat on his bed and waited for him. As she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a deputy hanging on the bedside writing calligraphy couplets: flowers are in full bloom in spring, and one person enjoys endless music alone. The woman thought to herself, "I didn't expect him to be able to write calligraphy and enjoy flowers." Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes move up, but suddenly was livid. I saw a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

3 Introduce my boyfriend to my best friend. At the subway station, I went with my best friend and met my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend think that I have a close relationship with him, I wanted to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward, hugging my boyfriend's thigh in panic, so tragedy happened. My boyfriend was nearsighted, so I didn't recognize me at that time. He even said: There is no money while shaking his leg.

4 Xiao Zhang was just promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited. When he came home in the dark at night and entered the room, he shouted excitedly, "I am the vice president!" " Then his wife said in bed, "Go to bed, your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."

5 On the train, a man and a woman met by chance, but the problem was that they were in the same sleeping car box. It was awkward at first, of course, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep, with the man sleeping in the upper bunk and the woman sleeping in the lower bunk. In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping in the lower berth: "I'm sorry, but I froze to death on it. Could you please pass me another blanket?" The woman looked at the man, her eyes flowing, and said to the man, "I have a better way. Let's pretend to be husband and wife, shall we?" The man was stunned, but immediately promised: "Good, great, I didn't expect it!" " He was obviously a little overwhelmed with excitement. "So what do we do now?" ......

6 Husband and wife are at odds, each sleeping, not talking to each other, and writing notes when something happens. One day, my husband left a note for his wife, saying that I have to go to work and call me tomorrow. On his wife's bedside, An Lan's went to sleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was already gone. He was so angry that he ran to question his wife. When I looked at my wife's room, I found that my wife was long gone. I couldn't go back to my room and found a note on my pillow, which said you damn fool, it's half over, and I still can't get up.

7 if your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? A new wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! He and I are inseparable and don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She says it costs more for two people to smoke than for one person. Whenever my wife quarrels with me, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical? No, she exposed me, and she won't lose a trifle. I am very careful. Whenever I quarrel with my wife, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are in good health! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

8 the Monkey King got into the belly of Princess Iron Fan to borrow a banana fan, and watch the following dialogue. Wukong said, "Sister-in-law, I'm already in you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it … Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Please open your mouth quickly." Princess Iron Fan: "Hinder" Niu Mowang from listening outside the door, leaving a divorce agreement … and moving away from home.

9 On his girlfriend's birthday, Shuaiguo spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and sent it to his girlfriend. The number stands for "I love you all my life". After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome guy takes a closer look, and it turns out that the number is

1. Wife: "What's the taste of shredded pork with fish flavor?" Husband: "Just so-so." Wife: "What about burning eggplant?" Husband: "Not bad." Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?" Husband: "Just make do." Wife: "Can you die if you say a good word?" Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

11 take your daughter-in-law to climb the mountain. . Rest in the gazebo at the top of the mountain. Intimate hug daughter-in-law, make a strong kiss, who knows she suddenly said: brother-in-law, don't do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .

12 wife: what do you think about sex? Husband: I don't think so, but there are many practices. Wife: What do you say I wear a bikini to this seaside party? Dave: no! So people will think that you got married after my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair be ugly? Dave: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with hair. Wife: Let's see if I have broken my palm. Dave: No, there must be. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined in your hands? Wife: Boss, a bottle of rice wine for my husband. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his capacity for drinking. ......

13 A couple have been married for many years, and suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband, "Do you like my beauty or my cuteness?" The husband replied, "I just like your humor."

14 The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband, "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." The husband asked, "What if you can't win? "The wife said," Then you can buy it for me!

husband p>15: shaving in the morning makes me feel young! Wife: Hum! If that's the case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Honey, I don't look like a mother in this dress, do I? Husband: No, like a parent. Husband: If I didn't earn a lot of money, how could I have this home? Wife: You're right. If I had no money, I wouldn't come into this house.

16 I just found out that condoms have such a lovely name, called "Stop the Elf". . . So ... . Ready to sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is an elf. They are thin and transparent, smooth and beautiful. They are free to travel through the big black forest, and they are safe and considerate to prevent being a father-in-law ~

1 Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party, and we were so happy, so I blurted out with great excitement, "Great L, I must be a stepmother after the baby is born!" Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake and quickly changed my mouth. "No, I mean stepmother." Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

2 wife: your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: It's fine. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's fine! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Husband: Very fast ... < P > 3 One day, I had a good dinner and exercised in the square of the community. There was also a beautiful mm exercising in the spacewalker next to me. I started talking with her, and the conversation was very speculative, which made me feel that I had met her for a long time. At this time, I don't know where a child appeared and kept shouting in my distance: "Dad, Dad!" " She and I turned around to see more. I said to her, "Whose child is this? Probably looking for dad! " She said, "Is it possible that the child has been separated from his family?" We continued to talk. Unexpectedly, the child came to my side and clung to my thigh. I immediately said to her, "Whose child is this?" It's so cute! " At this time, the child's mouth popped up again: "Dad, Dad." ......

4 and mm watched the TV series about the police solving the case, but when the real murderer was about to surface, it was gone. Then we talked one build and one build. Mm: "Do you know how to identify the real murderer?" I thought about it: "That depends on the probative force of the evidence." Mm: "No, no, like me, lying on my back with my chest collapsed and spread evenly is a real chest." ~ * _ *

5 A company employee was promoted to supervisor, which soon got a female colleague pregnant. The small supervisor had a wife for a long time, fearing that his wife would know, and asked the female colleague to abort the child quickly, but the female colleague insisted on giving birth to the child. Helpless, the small supervisor asked her to go back to her hometown in the northwest. The female colleague said, how can I inform you when the child is born? The small supervisor said: This is easy. After the baby is born, you can send me a postcard and write it on it, Lamian Noodles, Shaanxi. Just do it. In the future, I will send you living expenses on time. Ten months has just expired. One afternoon, the small supervisor came home, and his wife handed him a postcard saying that it was from Shaanxi. The little supervisor quietly took the postcard. But if he spoke above, he immediately foamed at the mouth and fainted, and his wife immediately hit him. In the emergency room, the doctor asked his wife, We checked that your husband didn't have a heart attack, but why did he suddenly lose his heart and faint? ......

6 "My buddy is circumcised. I don't know how to break the line one day. Little jj is covered with blood. I don't know where it came from. He hit a basin of water decisively. I said, what are you doing? He ignored me. Put the little jj in the water and say, "Come and help me see where it is bubbling." "Nima tire repair. 。"

7 q: the same woman, why is it that the girlfriend is easy to coax and the mother-in-law is difficult to coax? Answer: Because my mother-in-law has been tricked once ...

8 The photographer asked Dumbo how many seconds it would take to prepare, but Dumbo obviously stretched out three fingers. Why did the photographer press the shutter immediately? Because the idiot is sticking out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

9 After several days and nights of breathing by Beijingers, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The new spirit of Beijing was born: "Be virtuous and fog-laden, strive for self-improvement, work hard, and create a gray yellow again!" Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck! ...

1 notice of marriage: don't like makeup, save money on makeup, don't like shopping, don't like snacks, save money on snacks, don't like cars, save money on cars, and in addition, the kind that usually loves to save money is the best.

11. The girl is 28 years old. She has a hard life and is short of money. Today, she came online to ask for a marriage. I hope to find a rich man. Age is not the distance, height is not the gap, and I don't care about being fat. As long as I have money, I can stay with you. Don't contact me if I don't have money.

When I was p>12 years old, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up, only to find that the whole world couldn't save me when I grew up ...

13 Spending money is painful, living in every corner around me is painful, paying water and electricity bills is painful, buying daily necessities is painful, and sending a short message is painful; Earning money is a painful pleasure, rolling back and forth in my blood, my head hurts when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. If only I could get a raise!

14 making money is sporadic and rainy, and spending money on goose feathers and heavy snow. Eyes full of beautiful things, pockets empty. Bite your teeth, stamp your feet, cover your wallet and run. I wish my friends a smooth career, rich financial resources, countless money, and cramps in their hands.

15 product product product, you can't know if you don't know; The test is * * * enough, but there is no question; If you don't know in class, you will make trouble with many styles; Self-study is the same as knowledge, and you are all born; Born in China, died in China; It is possible for me to learn English. English is not qualified, which shows my character more; Mathematics is not qualified, and the teacher takes full responsibility; If the language is not qualified, what can I do? Doing well in the exam depends entirely on isolation; If you don't do well in the exam, you don't know how to do it in isolation; Going back to school every day is even more worrying, and the teacher talks about the wild. I heard it as if I were sleepwalking, and I criticized it for no reason; Homework is as much as revenge, and doing wild things is like fishing for the head; Going back to school is left-handed, and getting worse every day; Homework is copied, and one department will not be handed in; Go back to school and drink coke after school; Ring the bell and fly separately, and it will be another day.

16 If you really want to be a boss, you won't lack money. Wages are paid every day and every month, and the way can be changed if you want; The salary is not hot yet, and the wife steals most of it; After paying the water and electricity mortgage, the balance is negligible; So tighten your belt, see you next month!

the classic humorous joke between husband and wife

1 is not intended to be different, so how can it have outstanding taste?

Kong Linghui has taken great pains to take care of his family for more than ten years.

3 it's hard to make money when you go to work at noon. Who knows that the money in the bag can't make ends meet every month. A minute is broken into two petals, and the end of the month is still tight. Please honor the God of Wealth at once. Candles and fruits are available at home. I wish my friends all the year round are covered by the god of wealth, and they can earn money without worrying about it, and make money without worrying about it!

4 female: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I'll tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

5 what is love in the world? The sage replied, "Waste!"

6 what is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but a group of cows playing the lute to you.

7 I've been worried about you recently. I wish you will work hard. I wish you charm and hard work; Do things with courage, make a fortune and roll profits; Love is very beautiful, and life is really smooth. Make great efforts towards happiness, and wish you a bright mood!

8 Cold Monday, Braised Tuesday, Steamed Wednesday, Fried Thursday, Stir-fried Friday, with happy seasoning and leisurely wine, I will make a blessing dinner for you on this weekend, and I would like to enjoy it happily.

9 people have spent all their lives. Don't be too cold in winter, too hot in summer, don't pretend to be poor if you have money, and don't show off if you don't have money. Instead of frowning, you might as well steal to laugh. Friends often remember, and they are happy all their lives!

1 why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Beauty is unlucky ...

11 The mouse fell in love with the cat and sang: I love you, I love you, just like the mouse loves rice, no matter how many storms, I will still accompany you. Cat: Don't be vain. My mother said that falling in love without the purpose of marriage is hooliganism!

12 Lovers should be gentle as water and sweet as honey, colleagues should be hard-working and have no temper, and friends should be snot-nosed. so, dear, wipe your nose quickly after the New Year and have a clean New Year!

13 Napoleon: I can't find the word "miss" in my dictionary.

14 eat watermelon for cooling and refreshing. beauty beauty is a cucumber, clearing the intestines and diuresis is a wax gourd, and the most sweet cantaloupe. You are a family with them. Why are you hiding underground? So you are a sweet potato.

15 in order to spend money, you fell in love with making money. Because it is hard to make money, you dare not spend money. Friend, knowing your difficulties, I come to wish my friend a prosperous business and a successful career. Congratulations on making a fortune!

16 My marriage requirements are not required, but only the appointment time: not for one day, not for two days; Not fine, not rainy, not cloudy; Not on weekdays, not on holidays; Not on the first day, not on the fifteenth; Not in spring and autumn, not in winter and summer; When shall we meet? Hehe, do you know?

17 Xiao Ling thought: This is easy to handle. Just open another hole and let the water flow out. So he used scissors to make another hole in the soles of his boots. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

18 The child came to his mother crying, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

19 cherish life-if God lets you live, you will.