Humorous jokes that make your mouth cramp from laughing

Jokes come from life, but they can make our lives more joyful and happy. Now, let’s have fun and laugh together. The following is a collection of humorous jokes that make your mouth cramp when you laugh. I hope it will be helpful to everyone.

Humorous jokes that made your mouth cramp from laughing so hard 1

1. I saw a pair of shoes in the mall and took a look at them. The salesperson said coldly: "39,000 yuan, no." Don’t touch it when you buy it, you can’t afford to pay for it if it gets dirty!”

I got angry when I heard this and said, “Wrap it up for me and don’t touch it with your hands, I won’t take it if it gets dirty!”

< p> The salesperson’s face turned green, and she was busy putting on gloves to put on the shoes and issuing the invoice. I asked where to pay, and the waiter said, "You go forward, okay." I took the issued ticket and walked out of the mall gate. Her grandma had no money! I am also willful.

2. I went to eat yesterday. I was looking at the menu and didn’t know what to order. Suddenly I saw a dish called "Man Forty", which was not expensive. After thinking about it, a woman's age of forty is a waste, so I ordered it because I wanted to see what a man's age of forty is...

The waiter served the dish: "A man's age of forty, please use it slowly!"

Take a closer look and you’ll see that grandma is such a naughty person... a big radish! Humorous jokes that make her mouth cramp from laughing so hard 2

1. When my daughter left home to go to college, she left her beloved little potted plant and goldfish Stay and let me take care of you.

But she was worried because I am a notoriously careless mother.

As a result, the flowers and plants withered, and I told her about it.

One day she called back and I was ashamed to tell her that the goldfish was also dead.

She was silent for a long time, and then asked softly: How are you, dad?

2. I remember when I was in junior high school, during the lunch break, my buddies and I hid in the toilet. smoke.

Hearing someone coming outside, I took a long puff and threw away the cigarette.

The dean came in. He saw us leaning against the window and asked: What are you doing?

I panicked and turned to look at my buddies. His expression is something I will never forget. I saw a lot of white smoke coming out of his nostrils, and then he said: I am angry.

3. The child was called a stupid bird by his parents because of poor grades.

The child said unconvinced that there are three types of stupid birds in the world.

One type flies first, and the other type is too tired to fly. The parents asked: What about the third type?

The child said: This kind is the most annoying, and it can’t fly on its own. Get up, lay an egg in the nest, and ask the next generation to fly hard.

4. I saw a rice noodle shop today. I don’t like eating rice noodles very much. You can see that the rice noodle introduction includes: clear soup, mild spicy, medium spicy, heavy spicy, and BT spicy. Seeing that BT was spicy, I suddenly wanted to eat it, so I ordered one. After eating it, I found that it was not spicy at all, so I told the boss: "Your rice noodles are really spicy but they are really not spicy at all!" The boss smiled and said, "We are not very spicy." Humorous Jokes Part 3 of Laughing to the point of cramping your mouth

1. Four friends went out to play and took a taxi to a place that cost only 7 yuan, but they chose to pay 2 yuan each for the bus.

Everyone laughed at them for being stupid, but they said seriously: "It's impossible to give everyone a taxi. No one wants to take this risk..."

The teacher asked: "If you have money What is the second line of ", willful"?

Xiao Ming replied: "If you have no money, accept your fate."

In the second class, the history teacher asked: "Does anyone know why women in ancient times bound their feet?" The whole class fell into deep thought.

Xiao Ming said loudly: "I'm afraid they will go shopping."

The teacher asked unhappily: "Then why don't women bind their feet now?"

Xiao Ming continued to answer: "Now that we have WeChat payment, binding feet is useless."

Teacher: Get out!

2. An American was posting something on Weibo in the toilet because he had no toilet paper.

Twenty minutes later, more than 20 people brought toilet paper!

A Chinese person posted something on Weibo in the toilet.

I ran out of toilet paper, and after twenty minutes I received more than fifty likes!

More than a hundred comments! It proves that there are so many Chinese people! A humorous joke that makes your mouth cramp from laughing. Chapter 4

In a cold winter.

On the bus, a beautiful woman wearing relatively few clothes sat by the window. Although the window was closed, there was still a strong wind blowing in. The handsome guy sitting next to him said: "Beauty, let's change seats."

The beauty stood up quickly and said, "Thank you, this seat is very cold."

The handsome guy was standing by He squeezed past and said, "Hey! The powder on your face blew into my eyes, and I couldn't even open them!" 5 humorous jokes that made your mouth cramp from laughing

Normal sleep

< p>The professor is a kind and humorous old man, and there is a tall and strong sports student in his class. Every time the professor's voice sounds during class, the physical education students start to sleep until they wake up on time after class. One day the physical education student was late, and the professor said to him kindly: Jack, please don't be late in the future. This will affect your normal sleep.

What is this kid thinking about?

In the Chinese class, after the teacher finished reading the article "Bian Que Meets Duke Huan of Cai".

Ask the students: "Why does Bian Que want to see a doctor for Cai Huan Gong again and again? And Cai Huan Gong always refuses to see a doctor?"

Students: "Why does Bian Que want to see a doctor for Cai Huan Gong again and again?" Duke Huan went to see a doctor because he wanted to get a rebate for the medicine;

And Duke Huan of Cai always refused to see a doctor because there was no publicly funded medical system at that time. "

Asking questions in books

The teacher said: "Students, you must learn to ask questions in books. When reading, you should think, ask questions, and memorize."

Soon, the teacher discovered that two students were There were whispers in the classroom.

The teacher called them and asked: "What are you doing!"

The two students said in unison: "They are asking questions in the book."

The human body sweats

In nature class, the teacher asked: "What causes people to sweat?"

Student: "Your question, teacher."

Yes A girl is worth taking a look

There are very few girls in our school. Recently, many new people have joined our club, including many girls.

I came back and said to my roommate: "Come to our club when you have time."

My roommate said: "What? There are beautiful girls?"

I said: "There are no beauties, but there are girls."

My roommate said: "Yes, if there is a girl, it is worth taking a look."

Continue to have a crush

A man has a crush on a woman, but the man is timid. He drinks to be brave enough to confess his love, which is too much.

Confession, the woman is shocked, the man agrees in surprise, and the man is ecstatic.

Kasano sobered up, completely unable to remember what happened yesterday, and continued to have a crush on the girl.

You think too much

When I was in college, I had a buddy who was in the same dormitory and was the representative of the department. We were taught by a young female instructor.

By the way, one day my buddy was walking on the road holding a cigarette. He suddenly saw the teacher and walked up to say hello. Unexpectedly, the teacher took two steps back and said, "I'm pregnant!" (female) The teacher is afraid of the smoke)".

My buddy didn’t understand the meaning. He turned to stone instantly, dropped the smoke, and said tremblingly, "It’s not mine!"

Children’s shoes, the future development of the country will depend on you.

Just now a junior student sent me a message saying that he could not buy a ticket back to Hangzhou.

I comforted him out of common sense.

Who would have thought that he actually said to me: Senior, I signed up for a two-day trip to Xitang, Hangzhou, so that I can go home directly...

High! It’s really true. It’s so high!!

I wonder how much you can be sad

Today is the last mock test for the senior year of high school.

The first Chinese language session. There is a sentence written silently in ancient poetry: "Ask you how much sorrow you can have" and ask you to write the next sentence.

My first reaction at the time was "It looked like a group of eunuchs going upstairs."

As a result, I really can’t remember who her first wife was.

What a sin!

The method doesn’t work

Teacher Wang, the principal asked the head teacher, I heard that yesterday a student in your class came to school without washing his face, and you sent him home. This method How effective is it?

This method does not seem to work. The head teacher said that most of the students in the class today did not wash their faces.

Crack down on fake

In the senior high school English review class, the teacher handed out another set of test questions, with a limit of 80 minutes to complete. But I heard someone shouting "Crack down on fraud, crack down on fraud". Then I looked at the test paper and saw several big words in front of my eyes: College Entrance Examination English Simulation Test Questions, so that's it.

My pinyin is so good that I fell to my knees decisively

When I was in college, online shopping was just becoming popular in the dormitory.

The third child bought something for the first time and asked: "The seller asked me to choose express delivery. What is st."

I said: "STO."

" What about sf?"

"S.F. p>"Well, let's choose ems. This is the one I've heard of."

"Have you used it?"

"No, Emeishan must be more authoritative."

p>

Be more authoritative...

Excellent students and poor students

The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping with books on their pillows. One of them is a student with excellent grades, and the other is a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: "You don't want to make progress, you fall asleep as soon as you read. You see, people are reading even when they are sleeping."

Because I have nothing else to do

The teacher asked a child: "Why do you always come to school with two dirty hands?"

The child replied: "Teacher, because I have no other hands."

< p> 　　　　　

　"Director, are the words on my back tattooed wrong?"

　"No, there is nothing wrong. According to the records of "History of the Song Dynasty", the tattoo was The words on Yue Fei's body are not 'Serve the country with all my heart' but 'Serve the country with all my heart'.

"No matter which one, it's not the 'Serve the country with all my heart' tattooed on my back now, right?" ?! Humorous jokes that make your mouth cramp from laughing so hard 6

I want roasted chicken legs

I asked my daughter, who is in sixth grade, what her plans are, and she said her goal is to get into the first grade of a key middle school. . My two-and-a-half-year-old nephew happened to be there at that time, so I asked, "Chengcheng, what will you take the test when you grow up?"

"I want roasted chicken legs. "He answered without hesitation.

Beibi, you have such a rich imagination.

A new set of twins came to my son's kindergarten.

Send the children off this morning At that time, the kindergarten teacher told me: My son has been bullying his new classmates recently and likes to slap the twins on the head.

When asked why, my son replied weakly: Are they looking at each other again and again? It’s been three days, why can’t the swelling go away...

Buffalos love to eat fish

Grandson, grandpa, what does a buffalo look like?

< p> Grandpa: The buffalo looks similar to an ordinary cow. The difference is that it likes to live in the water.

Grandson: Oh, I understand, it must like to eat fish.

I am four years old

My aunt asked Chaochao: Did you take a nap today?

Chaochao said: I am four years old today

My aunt said: I am not asking. How old are you? I asked you if you took a nap.

Chaochao said: I told you I was four years old, why did I still say five years old? Auntie, how old are you?

Auntie said. : I am 32 years old.

Chaochao quickly asked his mother: Mom, mom, what is 32 plus 1?

Mom said.

Aunt, then you are 33 years old

Aunt:?

Wake me up

Son: Didn’t you say you were never here? Do you want to wake me up at night?

Mother: Yes!

Son: When was I born?

Mother: It’s 3 o’clock in the evening!

p>

Son: Didn’t you wake me up?

Pretending to be awake

My cousin (four years old) came to Miaomiao’s house to play, which was annoying. Now she was finally put to sleep.

But just now Miaomiao went to the toilet, and when she came back, the little guy continued to make trouble.

Miaomiao was so annoyed that she yelled at her: "Are you done? Are you going to sleep or not?"

The little guy was probably frightened, and he immediately cried and said: "I fell asleep and pretended to be awake!"

Satisfied

Hello, how are you? Frederick, my father asked, is your female teacher satisfied with you?

Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied.

How do you know? Did she tell you personally?

Of course, Dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me: "If all students were like you, I would leave school right away!" This shows that I have learned everything.

Really want to drink?

The father took his young son to the wild camping to let him experience a simple life.

When the father put his hands into the mountain stream and picked up the water, the child was stunned and shouted: "Dad, you don't want to drink, do you?"

"Of course you want to drink!" As the father spoke, he drank the water he was holding in his hand.

"Oh, Dad!" the child said, "I'm not talking about water, but the tadpoles in the water."

The gentleman is magnanimous, but the villain is dirty

My elder brother was lying on the beach enjoying the sunbathing, while my younger brother was playing beside him with his body covered in sand and sand.

My brother said mockingly: "This is called "gentlemen are magnanimous, villains are dirty."

Install a Portuguese tooth

My son's deciduous tooth dropped.

Son: Mom, my tooth is missing. The children all laugh at me because it looks ugly. Can you install a Portuguese tooth for me? It will look good and I will have it in my mouth every day. It tastes like grapes!

Another question

Mom: What is the number in this question?

Son: 5.

Mom: How smart to figure it out so quickly. I'll give you 5 cents to buy popsicles.

Son: Mom, please give me another question with the number 100!

How did the ancients make fire?

Teacher: How did the ancients make fire?

Nadya: They used rocks to hit each other to create sparks?

Teacher: Then what did they use to light the fire?

Nadya: Old newspapers .

After secretly kissing my aunt

My mother went home on leave from work and wanted to take her three-year-old daughter shopping.

Before going out, the mother said to her daughter: Say bye-bye to the nanny.

The daughter said bye-bye, and then the mother said: Kiss auntie.

With fear in her eyes, her daughter shook her head and refused to kiss her aunt.

The mother said angrily: Why don't you kiss her?

The daughter still said loudly with a fearful tone: After my father secretly kissed my aunt in the morning, he was beaten so badly!

Xiaobao's wish

On his birthday, Xiaobao made a wish on the cake: Let me have a twin brother.

Lingling heard this and asked Xiaobao: Why do we need a twin brother?

Xiaobao said: If there is a twin brother, I play at home and he goes to school, then How great!

Don’t raise me to death

My mother bought a little turtle for her daughter at the end of last year and raised it to death during the Spring Festival. She was afraid that she would be sad and never told her. . Just now she picked up a few small stones and told her mother that she would take them home to the little turtle. The mother said that the little turtle was gone, why? The mother said: "I'm sorry, the mother raised the little turtle to death."

"She was silent for a while with tears in her eyes, and said to her mother pitifully: "Mom, you have to be careful, don't feed me to death!" 7 humorous jokes that make your mouth cramp from laughing

1. In the dead of night, the robber stopped A Peng with a knife and asked: "Do you want money or your life? Apeng: "Isn't this nonsense?" Of course you want both. "

2. After the wife came home, she said to her husband: "My neighbor A Peng boasted that he bought a very good telescope and said he saw us in bed in the afternoon..." Husband: "This kind of telescope is also good. ? Can't even see clearly that it's his wife on the bed? "

3. A polar bear was bored, so he plucked out one, two, three hairs... They were all plucked out. The polar bear suddenly said: "I'm so cold!"

4. I waited infatuatedly, resented quietly, missed lovesickness silently, fell in love deeply, looked through the autumn water, tossed and turned, thinking about it hurts my spleen and stomach, thinking about it hurts my heart and liver, but I always want to be affectionate. I want to ask you: When will you treat me to dinner?

5. I was on a date with my girlfriend, and I saw someone who looked like my girlfriend in front of me, so I went up and patted her butt. Then someone slapped me on the shoulder... As soon as I turned around, my girlfriend slapped me.

6. A waiter was a newbie and was not paying attention. Suddenly he heard the boss reminding him that there was a customer. , hurriedly hawked, originally wanted to shout "one dollar for one ice cream", but in nervousness he shouted "one ice cream for each person", and the sound was weird, and everyone looked at him, not knowing why.

7. One perverted wolf is one. A girl read her palm and said, "Your life line is so long. You will definitely live a long life. Your husband is also good. Well, what is this line? Why is it getting longer and longer?" Girl, "That line seems to be your saliva." ”

8. A shooting star once disappeared in front of my eyes. I made a wish in a hurry. It was so hasty. I’m sorry, because everything went too fast, so my wish was to be watched by you. When writing a text message, he stepped on the rind of a watermelon.

9. Xiao Li, a migrant worker who came home from work in the city, claimed to be knowledgeable. One day someone asked him: "What is a 'white collar'?" Xiao Li said impatiently. Look at you, you don’t understand this. White-collar workers are just people who don’t work for white-collar wages! "

10. Xiao Li, who has disabled legs, asked in surprise: "I heard that your son is going to learn martial arts? Neighbor: "Yes, what's wrong with that?" Xiao Li: "Oh, it's okay. I think your son will be like me when he comes out." ”

11. A sculpture was built in a new building of a university: a girl holding a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from students outside the school, and many people’s names were The slogans coincide - reading is useless! 8 humorous jokes that make your mouth cramp

1. The physicist and the engineer lost their way in the Grand Canyon in a hot air balloon. Shouting for help: "Hey! Where are we? "After about 15 minutes, they heard the response echoing in the valley: "Hey! You are in a hot air balloon! "The physicist said: "That guy must be a mathematician. The engineer asked puzzledly: "Why?" "The physicist said: "Because he spent a long time giving a completely correct answer, but the answer was of no use at all. ”

2. Engineers, physicists and mathematicians received a task at the same time: drive a nail into a wall. The engineer built a universal nailer that can drive any kind of nail. A machine that can drive nails into any possible wall. Physicists conducted a series of tests on the strength of hammers, nails and walls, and then developed a revolutionary technology - supersonic nailing at ultra-low temperatures. Technology. Mathematicians extended the problem to N-dimensional space and considered the problem of a 1-dimensional nail with a kink penetrating an N-1-dimensional super wall. Many basic theorems were proved... Of course, the profoundness of this problem makes a simple solution The existence of is far from obvious

3. Maximum area

A farmer invited engineers, physicists and mathematicians to enclose the largest area with the least amount of fences. Area. The engineer uses a fence to enclose a circle and declares that this is the optimal design. The physicist stretches the fence into a long straight line and assumes that the fence is infinitely long. Mathematicians think that it is enough to encircle half the earth. After giving them a good laugh, he fenced himself off with a few fences and said, "I'm outside now. ”

4. The solution exists

An engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician live in three adjacent rooms in an old inn.

That night, the engineer's coffee machine first caught fire. He woke up smelling smoke, unplugged the coffee machine, threw it out the window, and then went back to sleep. After a while, the chemist also smelled the smell of smoke and woke up. He found that it was the cigarette butts that had set fire to the trash can. He said to himself: "How to put out the fire? The temperature of the fuel should be lowered below the ignition point, and the burning material and oxygen should be removed." Isolation and watering can do both at the same time." So he dragged the trash can into the bathroom, turned on the water to put out the fire, and went back to sleep. The mathematician saw all this from the window, so when a moment later he discovered that his cigarette ashes had caught the sheets on fire, he was not worried at all, said, "Hey, the solution exists!" and went to sleep.

　5. Negative numbers

Mathematicians, biologists, and physicists sit in a street cafe and watch people walking in and out of a house across the street. They saw two people go in first, and as time passed, they saw three more people come out. Physicist: "The measurement is not accurate enough." Biologist: "They reproduced." Mathematician: "If another person comes in now, the house will be empty."

　6. Firefighting< /p>

One day, the mathematician decided that he had had enough of mathematics, so he ran to the fire brigade and announced that he wanted to be a firefighter. The fire chief said: "You look good, but I have to give you a test first." The fire chief took the mathematician to the alley in the backyard of the fire brigade. There was a warehouse, a fire hydrant and a hose in the alley. The fire chief asked: "Suppose there was a fire in the warehouse, what would you do?" The mathematician replied: "I connected the fire hydrant to the hose, turned on the water hose, and put out the fire." The fire chief said: "Exactly! Last question: What would you do if you walked into the alley and there was no fire in the warehouse?" The mathematician thought for a long time and finally replied: "I will light the warehouse on fire." The fire captain shouted: "What's terrible? ! Why do you want to light the warehouse?" The mathematician replied: "This way I have reduced the problem to a problem that I have already solved." 7. The height of the flagpole.

< p> A team of engineers is measuring the height of a flagpole. They only have a tape measure, which is difficult to fix on the flagpole because the tape measure always falls down. A mathematician passed by, pulled out the flagpole, and easily measured the data. After he left, one engineer said to another: "Mathematicians are always like this. What we want is height, but he gives us length!"

8. Differential constant functions and exponential functions

p>

When walking on the street, I saw a differential operator from a distance. The constant function was so frightened that I hurriedly hid and said, "If I am differentiated by it, I will have nothing!" The exponential function said calmly: " It can’t do anything to me, I am e^x!” The exponential function met the differential operator, and the exponential function introduced itself: “Hello, I am e^x” The differential operator said: “Hello, I am. It’s d/dy!”

9. Proof of prime numbers

Prove that all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime numbers. People in different majors give different proofs: Mathematicians: 3 is Prime numbers, 5 is a prime number and 7 is a prime number. It can be seen from mathematical induction that all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime numbers. Physicist: 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime number... Engineer: 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number, 9 is a prime number, 11 is a prime number... Computer Programmer: 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number... Statistician: Let's try a few randomly selected numbers, 17 is a prime number, 23 is a prime number, 11 is a prime number ...15. What is π? Mathematician: π is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter. Engineer: π is approximately 22/7. Computer Programmer: π in double precision is 3.141592653589. Nutritionist: You math nerds out there, pie is a delicious and healthy dessert!

10. Black Sheep

Physicists, astronomers and mathematicians were walking on the Scottish plateau and happened to see a black sheep. "Ah!" said the astronomer, "it turns out that the sheep in Scotland are black." "Come on, you can't say that based on just one observation." The physicist said, "You can only say that the black sheep is in "Discovered in Scotland." "That's not right," the mathematician said. "From this observation, you can only say: At this moment, from the angle of our observation, one side of the sheep appears to be black.

”

11. Intersection and Union

After the teacher explained the concepts of intersection and union, he asked the students: (1) Suppose A={x│x is participating in the 100-meter race classmates}, B={x│x is a classmate participating in the high jump competition}, find A∩B (2) Suppose A={x│x is a car from Red Star Farm}, B={x│x is from Red Star Farm. Tractor}, find A∪B. A student answered: (1) A∩B={x│x is a student participating in the 100-meter obstacle course} (2) A∪B={x│x is the Red Star Farm. Combine Harvester}. 9 Humorous Jokes That Make Your Mouth Cramp

Telephone

As soon as the exhausted husband got home, he said to his wife: No matter who calls me, You said I was not at home.

After a while, the phone rang and the wife picked up the phone: Oh, my husband is at home.

The husband jumped out of bed. Get up and say unhappily: Didn't I ask you to say I'm not here?

Don't be angry, dear. My wife said, the phone is not for you.

Follow me in person.

p>

When a scholar was newly married, he still kept reading. His wife complained angrily: I wish I could become a book.

The scholar asked in confusion: Why?

Only in this way will you hold me in your hands all day and night.

Seeing the newlywed wife full of anger, the scholar said: That is not okay. ---You know, every time I finish a book, I have to buy a new one...

Reap what you get

A wife who was born in a palace family often appears in front of her husband She boasted that she had brought this thing and that thing, which annoyed her husband.

One night, the wife heard a noise outside and woke her husband up. , said: Go and have a look, I am afraid there is a thief!

The husband said: What does that have to do with me? You brought all the things in the hall!

Demanding perfection

A couple looked at the wallpaper they had just put up. The husband was not satisfied, but the wife did not care. For this reason, the husband was very annoyed and said to his wife: "The difference between us is that I am a person." People who demand perfection, but you are not. "

"Exactly right. That's why you married me and I married you. "

How forgetful

Wife: Husband, be careful on the way to work!

Husband: Ah! I forgot to bring my briefcase... < /p>

Wife: Let me get it for you

Husband: And the coat...

Wife: What other things have you forgotten?

Husband: Yes! I forgot that I was fired yesterday!

That man is so strange

At a banquet, two ladies were talking in secret.

"The man standing by the window is really strange," said a lady. "Before you came, he looked at me all the time, but now he doesn't look at me at all." "

"He is my husband. "Another wife replied.

What a lovely wife

I dreamed that my husband was dead and cried so much that I felt so sad when I woke up crying. I looked at my husband and continued to cry.

My husband asked me distressedly: What happened?

I said: "I dreamed that you died."

"Why did I die?" ?"

"I'm so pissed off"

Wow, I didn't mean it...

Braised beef

< p> At noon, my wife said to me: "My son is not at home, let's eat braised beef." "

I said: "Okay. "

After a while, my wife came out of the kitchen with two bowls of noodles: "The instant noodles are ready, and they taste like braised beef.

"

Because you are the only one in my world

I asked my husband to dry the clothes, and he asked me angrily why I always had to take care of him.

I was affectionate. He replied politely: "If I control you, I will control the whole world, because you are the only one in my world!!"

He is so happy now that he goes to hang out his clothes!!

The same old style

When Lao Zhu came back from a college reunion, his wife asked him what he thought of the party. Lao Zhu replied: Some people are "like me" and some people are "old". Wife: That's it. Which one do you belong to? Lao Zhu: Me! Still the same

Texting your wife

Men text "I love you" to their wives! < /p>

A 20-year-old woman replied: I love you too!

A 30-year-old woman replied: Did you drink too much?

A 40-year-old woman replied: Are you okay? < /p>

A 50-year-old woman replied: Did I send it to the wrong person? I’ll deal with you when I get home!

The problem of elephants drinking water

I went to the cinema to watch "Glacier" this evening "Century 4", a chick asked the mammoth: "When you drink water with your nose, does the water smell like boogers?" This question is so profound, how come I haven't thought about it... ..

Support playing mahjong

Wife, I heard the house next door is playing mahjong again!

They won you so miserably last time, do you want to make some money? Come back?

I’ll give you some change, take a good call, and wait for your good news!

Uncle, I was instantly attracted by you

There is a man in the unit who is almost 60 years old. The uncle who is about to retire is a ghost. I often see him hiding in the bathroom and smoking a lot.

But when he sees his wife passing by, he immediately smokes.

Asked if he was afraid of his wife, he replied: "I never smoke in front of the girl I like." "

Cruel Wife

The young couple had a quarrel.

After the husband came home, he found that his wife had returned to her parents' house, and her 3-month-old son was in a stroller. Li smiled innocently and toothlessly at him, holding a note in his hand: How to prepare milk powder, refer to the instructions on the milk powder bucket; how to take a bath, refer to the CD issued by the hospital... ;