You are considered ruthless if you can hold back five people without laughing. 1. Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. He called the hundred yuan bank: "Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to fight, just do it yourself." Change him!" The hundred-yuan note thought for a moment and said, "Tear it up. If you tear it up, you won't even have 5 yuan!" 2. A man was starving to death in the desert, and then he picked up the magic lamp. Magic Lamp: "I can only fulfill one wish of yours, tell me quickly, I'm in a hurry." Man: "I want a wife..." The Magic Lamp immediately transformed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "I'm almost starving to death. Covetous for beauty! How sad!” After that, he disappeared. Person: "...Cake." 3. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. The mother earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Dad Earthworm thought for a moment and then cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football." 4. The panda man wants to ejaculate the panda girl, but the panda girl resists with all her strength. I swear to the death. After the failure, the panda man said angrily: "We are all going extinct!" 5. The tortoise and the hare... The hare quickly ran to the front... The tortoise saw a snail crawling Very slowly... I said to him: Come up, I will carry you... Then... the snail came up... After a while... ....The turtle saw an ant again...and said to him: Come up too...so the ant also came up. After the ant came up... when he saw the snail above... he said to him: Hello, do you know what the snail said? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast... 6. A man and a woman were having dinner. The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me? The boy glanced at the girl and continued to eat dinner. The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me? The boy finally said: I love the girl and asked: How do you prove it? Suddenly the boy took thirty yuan out of his pocket and asked the girl: Do you have ten yuan? The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy... The boy put forty yuan on the table. After a while... the girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said: I have proved it! Forty is right in front of you! 7. One day when I was shopping at a snack street, I found a shop selling egg tarts. Every item looked very delicious. I wanted to buy one to try. I asked the clerk: Are these sold individually? Clerk: No, this is Japanese. 8. One day, there was a fire in the house. The parents escaped, and only one son was left inside. The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son... what are you doing... there's a fire and you still can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." After five minutes, the son still hasn't come out... The mother shouted nervously, "Son, what are you doing quickly?" When I came out, it was on fire, and I was still in there..." The son said, "I'm taking off my socks..." 9. A man went fishing by the river and put on a leaf first. He didn't wear it for a long time. The fish took the bait, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it into the water and cursed: "*-% #%What to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ” 10. A German, a French, and a Japanese are going to work in the mine. The boss is an American. He said to the German: You are in good shape and you are responsible for the coolies. To the French: You said you were an engineer and you were responsible for the mining plan. And to the Japanese, he said: You are very thin. You are responsible for supplies. Then the next week, they get to work. A few days later, the Germans and French discovered that the Japanese were missing. After looking for them for a long time, they decided to go back to work. When the Germans started working, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted: "Surprise!" 11. "I can't see things that are too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please come with me," the doctor took the patient outside, pointed at the sun in the sky, and asked, "What do you think that is?" "The sun," the patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see?" 12. One day the animals smelled a bad smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said: I am too young to fart such a smelly thing, it must be a cow. The cow said: I eat grass and will not fart so smelly. Pig said: People who fart will definitely blush. Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out, beat the pig away and said: How many times have I told you that my blush is natural. 13. A man met God one day...God suddenly became kind and planned to give that person a wish...God asked...Do you have any wish... The man thought for a while... I heard that cats have 9 lives... Then please give |||The other day, I had a very good friend tell me a joke, I laughed so much that I ended up in the hospital because my stomach hurt so much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I was smiling like this, so I told him the joke. Unexpectedly, he laughed wildly after hearing this, and ended up vomiting a lot of foam. Rescue efforts failed and he died. I really didn't expect this, but it happened. This is often the case. Things we don’t want to happen always happen; things we look forward to every day just don’t happen.

But once it happens, we still have to bear the consequences. Really, it turns out that people live only to bear the consequences that they don’t want to happen. Really, it’s boring. When I think about this, I want to die. I have died so many times. good? But I wanted to die, at least not for the time being, because the doctor's lover sued me for manslaughter. Confused, the court is in session. The judge asked the prosecutor to briefly describe the case. It was actually very simple. I told a joke, and the doctor laughed, and later he died laughing. In order to investigate and collect evidence, the judge asked me to tell the joke and let the jury decide whether the factual requirements for manslaughter were met.

Although I majored in law, I was already a little worried. I was afraid that there would be "consequences" if I told this joke, so I asked everyone in court to have a one-night stand with about 1