As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, P comes from the clouds!"
After Zhao Yungang finished, Zhang Fei went on to shout, "P rang just now, and P flew!"
Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.
Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "
Everyone was filled with indignation and thought, "It's just about P, what's so difficult!"
A few days later, Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to put a P to see the reaction of his subordinates. It's been a long time, and finally it's a little p. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general quickly shouted: "P was released by Chu (pig)!"
The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "P was released by Lang (Wolf)!"
Hearing this, Cao froze. Others think that Caotai is slow, and they are all scrambling to put it on themselves. Xia Houdun asserted that: "P came from dun!
"no!" Huang Xu heard a loud retort, "P dangling!"
Xun You said, "P is obedient to you!"
Man Chong said, "P is a pet!"
Jiang Ji said: "P comes from the economy!"
Guo Tu said: "P pictures (spit)!"
Zhong You said, "P comes from the hole!"
then ....
Taurus: "P is gold!" " "
Cao Hong: "P is Hong (red)!"
Zhang Nan: "P is South (blue)!"
Cao. Already flushed, was about to get angry.
Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " ..... deserves to be my number one strategist. Cao. I thought to myself.
Guo Jia went on to say, "P is Jia's!"
Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger. ........
Cao fainted with anger.
Fart at Wang Zhongyang's memorial service
Wang Zhongyang died, Quanzhen Sect held a funeral, and heroes from all walks of life came to pay homage!
Just after paying tribute to the body, the heroes can't wait to put bowls, cigarettes and drinks in the mourning hall, sit around Wang Zhongyang's coffin and start discussing the distribution of Jiuyin Zhen Jing! ! The negotiations were held in a soft funeral music. These heroes shed crocodile tears while fighting for the ownership of Jiuyin Zhen Jing.
At the time of the most heated debate, suddenly a crisp fart rang through the earth, and everyone was shocked. Suddenly, they were silent and looked at each other! This fart is really the pinnacle, swallowing mountains and rivers, pulling a thousand troops, lingering sound, endless aftertaste! But at the same time, it is against the taboo of Wulin (especially on such a solemn occasion)! As the host, Quanzhen Qizi was so humiliated that he got up and drew his sword and posed as the Big Dipper!
Qiu Chuji asked Ma Yu in a low voice, "Boss, could it be our insider?" Ma Yu shook her head confidently. "I don't think so. Quanzhen's internal forces will not be so out of control! " ! So several people's eyes fell on the Jiangnan Seven Monsters with the worst internal force at the same time! Ke Zhene, a flying bat, stood up with a black face and a blue face, trembling all over and said, "Hum! What do you mean? I'm the seven eccentrics in the south of the Yangtze River. I'm not good at martial arts, but I never do such shameless, obscene and disastrous activities! Zhu Cong, the second child, added, "That's right. We Jiangnan seven eccentrics are like one person. Seven people fart together at home and seven people fart together in public. Did you hear seven notes? "?
Qiu Chuji recognized the seven eccentrics in the south of the Yangtze River, nodded slightly to them and motioned for them to sit down! Turned to the usual despicable west poison Ouyang Feng! Ouyang Feng just laughed: "Is the fart of my Bai Tuo villa easily smelled by all of you?" ? Said to Ouyang Ke handed a look! Ouyang Ke body movement, people firmly squatting on the water tank at the door, I saw him demonstrated, a loud roar loud, a white smoke and some yellow liquid all squeezed out from his leg. Ouyang Feng quickly covered his eyes with his hand: "Chloe, you shameful thing, come back quickly and tell you to eat less cold drinks in Jiangnan, but you just won't listen!" ! Everyone saw that a jar of water turned black in an instant, and everyone knew that the old poison uncle couldn't fart upright just now!
Everyone's eyes turned clockwise and fell on Hong Qigong, a beggar in the north. They all thought, "The old beggar doesn't pay attention to hygiene at ordinary times. He must have done it!" " ! Hong Qigong laughed: "Haha, the old fart always cooperates with the action!" ! As he spoke, he poked the dog stick into the ground, and when PP twisted, a dragon wagged its tail. In the fart, two beggars' sect disciples suddenly shot back like rockets.
It's not Hong Qigong. Could it be Master Yi Deng from Nan Di? Eden was pale: "Monk, don't talk nonsense. All the dirty gas in the old man's body has been discharged by a finger." He was glad to say that he put up his middle finger and made a gesture .......... Yu Qiao's four apprentices hurried to hold him: "Master, master, true qi is precious, don't consume it casually!"
Everyone has to turn their eyes to Huang, the evil East. The yellow tiger struck the table with a straight face and stood up: "Yes, yes! These farts are fucking me! " Huang Rong around him hurriedly pulled his clothes: "Dad, you didn't put it there. What do you admit? Jing elder brother, you've heard my dad's bullshit. Please clarify quickly! Guo Jing scratched his head and stood up: "Oh! This is really not put by my father-in-law. My father-in-law's fart is always three points of righteousness and seven points of evil. Besides, people who know a little bit about temperament will be disturbed by his blue sea tidal fart ... Hey hey ... Answer finished! " Huang Laoxie smiled at Guo Jing for the first time in his life and handed over a Peach Blossom Island cigarette!
Now only Mei Chaofeng is left. Before everyone could speak, she got up and said darkly, "Hum! Nobody admits a damn thing, and I let his PP end like this! Said the five fingers a hook, according to the PP standing behind Yang Kang gently grasp, Yang Kang immediately screamed and ran out like a cat's tail was burned. Mei Chaofeng replied, "Although my eyes are blind, my ears are not deaf. This fart is 75 degrees east longitude and 32 degrees north latitude! "! They follow MeiChaoFeng said bearing, eyes all fell on Wang Zhongyang's coffin. ...
The lid of the coffin opened by itself, and all the heroes were frightened to disgrace. They shouted wildly: "Lao Wang cheated the body!" " I saw Wang Zhongyang sitting up from the coffin, singing Gao Linsheng's song: "It's me, it's me, it's me ... You heroes, being original has long died in the West, but everyone is arguing about those nine spirits. I was afraid that you would cut me to pieces before I got my god, so you let out your last breath and burned the Nine Yin Zhen Classics! Then I kicked my leg again and took my last breath.
Heroes shook their heads and left Quanzhen Sect helplessly! Soon, Zhou jumped out of the backyard: "Ollie Ollie, all the seven sons are assembled." Now, I am going to visit Jiuyin Zhen Jing. Just now my brother burned his love letter with a fart! " !
Laugh at Zhuge Liang, the net worm of the Three Kingdoms
Zhuge Liang was a famous net worm in the Three Kingdoms period, and he had high attainments in military, political and literary fields.
Zhuge Liang, whose net name is Kong Ming, was born in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. His ancestral home is in Shandong. Later, due to the war caused by the warlord melee, his family moved to Hubei. He met his girlfriend in an Internet cafe called Longzhong, until they walked into the grave of love hand in hand. Although his wife is a dinosaur, she is ingenious and knows all aspects of the Internet. She personally trained Zhuge Liang as a rookie, and also helped Zhuge Liang set up a personal homepage. The number of daily visits to Zhuge Liang's homepage kept setting a new record, and he was named as "Wolong" and "Feng Chu" just like another netizen named Pang Tong at that time. This period of history was described by Zhuge Liang in his "teacher post" to Liu Chan, the second president and CEO of Han Shu Telecom. "I'm a rookie, surfing in Nanyang, and living in an Internet cafe doesn't ask for a lot of friends."
Later, Zhuge Liang became more and more famous and was admired by many people. Liu Bei is one of his admirers. At that time, Liu Bei's website had just been opened, and there were only a dozen computers and seven or eight cats. But whether Liu Bei is a tiger or a wolf, he wants to ask Zhuge Liang for help. He personally went to Longzhong Internet Cafe to visit Zhuge Liang. The first two times Zhuge Liang chatted with Meimei online, so he didn't have time to talk to him. By the third time, Zhuge Liang just dropped the line and Liu Bei was able to meet each other. The two men discussed the domestic situation in China. Zhuge Liang put forward the idea of three-point Eastern Han Telecom, and advocated technical and resource cooperation with Wu Dong Telecom website to counter Cao Wei Telecom, the most powerful one. This coincides with Liu Bei's idea. Liu Bei sincerely hired Zhuge Liang as the general manager of his website, responsible for business planning and other matters. After a series of bargaining, Zhuge Liang agreed to be the general manager of the website, and the two sides held a press conference to announce the news.
Zhuge Liang did a good job in his youth. First, blow up the mailboxes set up by Cao Cao in Bowangpo and Xinye Branch, and block the mouths of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, the second and third largest shareholders of the company. Of course, his most classic work is persuading Soochow Telecom to unite to defeat Cao Cao in Battle of Red Cliffs.
At that time, Cao Cao was eager to expand his sphere of influence and merge Soochow Telecom, so he raised a lot of money and set up a website in Chibi. This move caused great panic in Soochow Telecom. After several days of internal high-level meetings, it was decided to fully resist the merger of Cao Cao. At the same time, Zhuge Liang also got the news. In order to have the opportunity to travel to Jiangnan at public expense, he found a beautiful girl by the way, and he tried his best to write to Liu Bei. Liu Bei was annoyed every day and finally approved him to go to Jiankang (now Nanjing).
After Zhuge Liang arrived in Jiankang, he was surrounded by a group of online debate experts headed by Zhang Zhao in Soochow, and had a live webcast debate in the online cafe in Jiangsu Yiyuan. Zhuge Liang, with his super typing speed, good keyboard performance and importune ability, made Zhang Zhao and others speechless and won. This is the famous "dispute between Confucianism and Taoism". In fact, both sides are gentlemen. Then, Zhuge Liang used Cao Cao's lies to deceive Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao, the two top girls in the south of the Yangtze River, to set up the Chibi website, which overturned the jealousy of Zhou Yu, the general manager of Soochow Telecom, and successfully persuaded Sun Quan, the president of Soochow Telecom, to agree to unite against Cao Cao.
Zhou Yu used deviant means to get Cao Cao to kill Cai Mao and Zhang Yun, two talents in network construction, and sent a hacker Huang Gai to cheat Cao Cao's trust and steal the commercial secrets and weaknesses of Chibi website. Zhuge Liang predicted the outbreak time of the notorious "Dongfeng" computer virus at that time and launched a general attack on this day. Zhou Yu concentrated all the hackers in Wu Dong, including Huang Gai, Gan Ning, Han Dang and Zhou Tai, to attack Chibi. Under the joint attack of Dongfeng virus and many hackers, Chibi website finally failed, and Wu Shu won the joint operation. This classic battle is called "Battle of Red Cliffs" in history.
Another story that Zhuge Liang was passed down as a much-told story is the story of his battle with Zhou Yu. Zhou Yu, general manager of Soochow Telecom, was also a famous hacker of that era. He is handsome and versatile, and is very popular with girls in Jiangnan. In order to attract Zhou Yu's attention, some girls deliberately posted some wrong posts and asked Zhou Yu to correct them, so there was a saying that "the posts were wrong and Zhou Lang cared". But this man is narrow-minded, and he tried to kill Zhuge Liang several times, but he was evaded by Kong Ming. Finally, the two men fought a decisive battle on the Internet, attacking each other's homepages. After all, Zhuge Liang was better and defeated Zhou Yu three times. Finally, he left a sentence on Zhou Yu's personal homepage, saying: "Zhou Lang has a wonderful plan to protect the world, but it has lost its beauty and lost its soldiers." After reading it, Zhou Yu shouted "He Shengliang" and smashed the computer to vomit blood and died. Since then, Zhuge Liang has lost another enemy.
Later, Liu Bei officially set the headquarters of Han Shu Telecom in Chengdu, Sichuan, and Zhuge Liang became the second person in the company. Successively assisted Liu Bei and Liu Chan, the first and second president and CEO. In the meantime, Meng Huo, a hacker who often harassed the company, was subdued seven times, and he took the method of convincing others with virtue to make him swear not to make trouble again. Zhuge found the shortage of human resources training in the company, skillfully implemented the poaching tactics, recruited Jiang Wei, a young management talent of Cao Wei Telecom, and optimized the talent structure of the company.
Of course, Zhuge Liang also made mistakes. He didn't consider the actual situation of the company. He was overjoyed, blindly expanded, and made the common fault of entrepreneurs in China. He tried to buy Cao Wei Telecom six times and failed. It cost the company a lot of manpower, material resources and financial resources, which led to Jiang Wei's continuing to adhere to the left-leaning reckless route after his death, which led to the rapid merger of Han Shu Telecom by Cao Wei Telecom. Zhuge Liang merged for the last time and met Sima Yi, a veteran of Cao Wei Telecom. Both sides fought hard. Because Zhuge Liang had the habit of surfing the Internet every day and never going offline, he broke down from overwork and died in Wuzhangyuan. A generation of cybernetic talents has fallen.
After Zhuge Liang's death, his body was buried in Dingjun Mountain. To commemorate his achievements, Liu Chan, the second president and chief executive officer of Han Shu Telecom, specially named him "Net Monkey" and set up an official website called "Net Monkey Temple" in Chengdu for people to browse. Because of the misinformation of later generations, it was mistakenly called Wuhou. Today, the ruins of Wuhou Temple remain in Chengdu, becoming a local scenic spot.
Zhuge Liang's deeds are immortal. Du Fu, a famous online poet in the Tang Dynasty, once wrote a seven-character poem called "Shu Xiang" to express his admiration. He said:
Where can I find the position of the Prime Minister? It's in a deep pine forest near the Silk City.
It's good for a house girl to come to the United States since spring, and it's empty to chat with handsome guys.
Take care of the network plan, and the two dynasties help the old birds.
But before he could conquer it, he was already dead. After a long time, the netizens burst into tears.
Never mention loving you [fart]
Every night comes.
Loneliness always surrounds me.
Every time I get an electric shock, my heart beats faster.
This is my infinite enjoyment.
Every time I face you,
Don't leave your screen
Every time I go through customs.
How many strategies are there to see?
No matter how time and space change
How did technology develop?
My love is always in your heart.
You got it?
I want a high-grade P Ⅲ.
Destined to make money now.
I can't stop my inner enthusiasm.
An obsession with computers.
Hug you, oh, my game
Can you see that I'm a little tired?
Whether I love you or not makes me tired and breaks my heart.
Hug you, oh, my computer,
But you know I'm short of money
Even if your eyesight fails, your salary will be gone.
So, I bought my wallet and left it to dry.
Zhu Bajie's last love letter
Yulan: Hello!
Yesterday was a sad day for the whole world, and I finally left. I'm going to the Western Heaven on business with two other old bachelors, one is the Monkey King and the other is Tang Priest. I may not come back until three or five years later.
Can you imagine my feelings when I left Gaolaozhuang? I am a three-step pig. How I wish I could stay in Gaolaozhuang and live a happy life with you. I plow, you weave, I pick dung, and you stock it. Harmony and beauty, kindness and love. When your father's legs straighten out, we will work together in Qi Xin to give birth to a large group of piglets. Then Qi Xin will work together to send them to study and train them into millions of pigs and doctors in the future. When we are old enough to have only one front tooth, we won't regret wasting time, and we won't be ashamed of doing nothing. What a great sense of accomplishment. We dare to pat our fat meat and say that all our life and energy have been dedicated to the most magnificent cause of pigs and strive for their succession.
Unfortunately, all these beautiful dreams were punctured by that damn monkey. I took you away and burned my hole. I worked hard for many years, scrimped and saved, and only dared to kill 300 steamed buns in one meal. Finally, I bought a Xue Huadian brand 2 1 inch color TV and a bulldozer brand electric fan, which were donated by the dead monkey to the hardest hit area-Rebecca. Although color TV sets are often full-screen Xue Huadian, electric fans often roar like bulldozers, sweating. Dead monkey, if I can't beat him, I'll kill him, cut him into many pieces and dry him in the sun. Why haven't you eaten monkeys? I'll let you taste it one day.
And that damn monk, go to the Western Heaven and get some bird scriptures. I suggest that he use door-to-door mail or door-to-door air transportation. He just wouldn't listen, and kept on being timid and calling a large group of people. In addition, there are plane phobia, train phobia, ship phobia ... except riding mules and horses, he is very afraid of everything he sees. There are also such freaks, and the state should quickly pay for captivity and set up a protection fund. Besides, what's the use of getting the classics back? It's just a facade in the study, which makes people wonder about his identity as a farmer entrepreneur. I know such people too well. You can't go. It's an old fool to catch up with the Tathagata. Guanyin is just in menopause, which annoys me and makes me easy to get laid off. I can't help it If you have difficulties, you must go; if you have no difficulties, you must go.
Yulan, I really hate to part with you. As the saying goes, husband and wife get along well for a hundred days, but we get along well for two years. Although you always hold a pair of sharp scissors, I haven't touched a finger of yours, and we don't have a bed driving license issued by the civil affairs department, after all, we have lived together for two years. It pains me to think of the bits and pieces of our life together (this is an idiom, light light blue, I'm afraid you don't understand, so I have to explain it. Cut with scissors. I looked it up in many dictionaries. I know you are also upset, but what can you do? The ancients said: If the relationship is long-lasting, it will be sooner or later (the ancestors speak a little yellow, please don't blame your wife), Yulan, you must wait for me to come back. And I will definitely organize a homecoming group to kill it. Please be confident about this.
Zhu is as slim as an orchid.
Tears of Pig Brother Bajie
Xuan Tong was a boxer for thirteen years.