It is a very serious thing to meet another taxi in a similar position for the first time. We haven't met, and it's not clear whether the other party would like to meet. It is also impolite to rush into the other person's home and ask for an audience, which is suspected of being imposed on others. Or although the other party will not refuse the reception, the time is inconvenient, and the uninvited guests will make the host feel at a loss, which is also rude. Therefore, in advance, we must convey the meaning of seeking the audience through "people who will be lucky." "People who can make things happen" means "dying", which refers to people who communicate the wishes of both sides in the middle.
Ancient gifts, people with equal status can "compete with each other"; Do we need to send messages through each other's servants only if our status is different? For example, the minister called the son of heaven "Your Majesty", which meant that he was afraid to talk to the son of heaven, and he could only deliver the message through the deacon. When a scholar goes to see another scholar, the status is equal, so it can be equal. However, the seeker still carries the words and deeds of inferiority, and conveys his inferiority and modesty through the "dying person". This method is widely used in letters, such as writing letters to friends of the same identity and age. But in order to show respect for each other, the envelope says "from Mr. So-and-so", which means that I dare not give it directly to the other party, so I can only ask my very young people to forward it. Or write "Mr. So-and-so condescending" to show superiority. Similar expressions are still used by some scholars today.
After obtaining the consent of the host, it is a solemn way to ask the audience to visit with loyalty. Therefore, "Hui Shi" said that "no loyalty can't meet". Scholar and scholar meet with pheasant as a gift. Because pheasants can't be kept, they are usually dead pheasants. If it happens in hot summer, use air-dried pheasants to prevent rancidity.
The reason why the ancients used pheasants as a gift for literati to meet each other is rich in meaning. Biography of the White Tiger explains: "Scholars take pheasants as their loyalty, feed on them, and cannot be lured. If they are coerced, they will die and not be born." It can be seen that the scholars at that time took pheasant as a gift, which was based on the characteristics that pheasant was not tempted, not afraid of deterrence, and would rather die than surrender, to compare their own moral integrity.
For the convenience of writing, we call the requester "guest" and the requester "Lord". When guests arrive at the door of the host's house, they can't meet the host directly, but talk to the host through "refusal" (the person who salutes the host). The other party's speech is extremely modest and respectful, and has a fixed language format. Bing said, "Some people always wanted to see it, but they didn't make it." Today, this dying man finally made me obey your orders. "The two sides are equal, and the other party visits in person. This is condescending. It would be arrogant to let the guests come in to meet you directly. Therefore, the host should "please go back" and invite the guests back so that they can visit. The host said, "Someone asked you to tell you that they want to meet. "I didn't expect you to condescend to come here today. Please go back to your mansion first, and someone will visit you soon. " The guest said that he would meet here again and said, "The food you ordered really doesn't deserve anyone, so just give it to me." At this time, the host should humbly "please come again" and say, "Someone is not insincere. Please go back to your mansion before someone visits. " The soldier said, "I didn't mean what I said, so I asked him again." After the guest once again expressed his wish to meet here, the host agreed to meet the guest.
But the guest is loyal, which is a courtesy to show respect to the host. If the host "accepts loyalty" and does not refuse, it is also a sign of arrogance, so the host should "resign loyalty" to show modesty. The host said: "Since someone has repeatedly refused and can't get your permission, you should go out to see him at once." But it's a pity to hear that you came on your own initiative. I want to thank you for your gift. "Bing said," If someone doesn't bring a gift, he is afraid to meet someone he respects. At this time, the host wanted to "say goodbye" and said, "Some people really dare not be this big gift. I want to politely refuse again. "Bing said," If someone doesn't bring a gift to show his respect, he won't dare to visit, so he asked again. "After resigning, the host can formally agree to receive guests. The host said, "Without your permission, how dare someone refuse again and again? "
Then the host went out to greet the guests and made a farewell ceremony. Bing answered with a farewell ceremony. The host invited the guests in, and he went in from the right side of the door first. Bing came in from the left side of the door with a pheasant in his arms. Guests and hosts first accept the loyalty ceremony. Guests give gifts, the host receives gifts after the farewell ceremony, and the guests also go to the farewell ceremony.
After the ceremony, Bing went out. The host asked the expelled person to convey his wishes to the guests. Bin Nai returned, saw his teacher, and said goodbye. The host sent the guests to the door for a farewell ceremony.
Second, it is indecent to come and not go.
The host has been invited to return, invited to return, resigned, and then resigned, and then invited to receive visitors and see them off. From the perspective of modern people, the etiquette of meeting is over. Coulee is not. "Book of Rites Quli" said: "Rites are equivalent. It would be indecent not to come; " It is impolite to come and not go. "Ancient etiquette pays attention to reciprocity, and only unilateral behavior is not a gift. Since the other party condescended to come, you should pay a return visit, otherwise it will be arrogant. After the host and guests meet, the etiquette of meeting each other is completed. It is not called "the ceremony of the scholars", but "the ceremony of the scholars", which is what it means.
The return visit is usually the second day of the other party's visit. On the day of the return visit, the identities of the subject and the object changed. Yesterday's host became a guest, and the guest became a host. The visitor came to the host's door with the pheasant brought by the guest's visit yesterday. Through the conversation between the visitor and the host, he said, "It was very kind of you to come to our house yesterday so that someone could visit us. Please allow someone to return the pheasant to the dying person. " What the guest said was not "give back my loyalty to you", but "give it back to the person who endangered your life", which is a sign of inferiority and modesty. The host said: "Since we have met, we dare not bother to come. I sincerely hope to refuse politely. " The soldier said, "Some people humbly ask for the respect of the Lord, hoping to return the pheasant to the dying man." The host said: "Yesterday, someone visited, so I didn't dare to bother again, but declined politely." "Someone returned the pheasant and didn't dare to disturb you," said Bingdao. "I'm here to see the dying man." The host replied: "Some people have repeatedly refused to get your permission. Do you dare to do it respectfully? " After obtaining the master's consent, Bin entered the door, and the master bowed to Bin and accepted the wisdom. The ice is out. The host sent the guests to the door for a farewell ceremony.
At this point, we can find that the sincere meeting of ancient people is just a way to express inner respect and loyalty, and there is no obscene motive in it. Scholars meet by virtue, not money. Only in this way, the beloved party will return the gift to the other party the next day, otherwise it will be suspected of being greedy for money. It is really the so-called "friendship between gentlemen is as light as water". Nowadays, interpersonal relationships are becoming more and more commercialized, and gifts are often given to each other. On the surface, the giver is polite, but in his heart, he hopes that the other party will give him some convenience and has no sincere respect. The recipient believes that it is natural to accept gifts with power; Gifts and gifts have completely changed their taste.
The tradition of reciprocity still exists in modern society. Here is a well-known example. 65438-0925 Tsinghua University decided to hire Mr. Wang Guowei as the tutor of the National Studies Institute. Initially, I sent a letter of appointment to Mr. Wang Guowei in the name of President Cao Yunxiang. Mr. Wu Mi believes that it is not solemn and sincere to invite Rainbow Guowei with a letter of appointment. So, Mr. Wu Mi personally went to Mr. Wang Guowei's house, bowed three times, and then conveyed the principal's employment intention. Seeing that he was very respectful, Mr. Wang decided to apply. Soon after, he paid a return visit to Mr. Wu Mi's home. Mr. Wang Guowei is familiar with traditional etiquette, so he is very decent.
The principle of equal treatment of scholars can be extended to the relationship between doctors, vassals and countries. According to Zuo Zhuan, during the Spring and Autumn Period, the communication between countries also followed the principle of equality. In today's international diplomatic affairs, reciprocity between countries is one of the norms of international communication. For example, when the president of country A visits country B, the president of country B must return to country A at an appropriate time, and the courtesy received by each other is also reciprocal. China established this principle as early as the pre-Qin period.
Third, various communication tools between scholars, doctors and monarchs.
"Hui Shi" not only records the etiquette of Hui Shi, but also records the ceremonies of taxi meeting doctors, doctor meeting, scholar-officials meeting gentlemen and so on, which helps us to further understand the communication etiquette of the aristocratic class. Here is a brief introduction.
Scholars and doctors have different status, so the etiquette of meeting is different. When a scholar meets a doctor for the first time, the doctor doesn't need to meet him outside the door. After the scholar arrives, as long as he enters the door, he can pay tribute. When the scholars leave, the doctor sees them off with a farewell ceremony, but it is not necessary to send them to the gate as when the scholars meet.
When people with different identities meet, it is a very complicated problem for the higher party to deal with each other's "dedication", which needs to be decided according to the specific situation. The scholar offered loyalty to the doctor, but the doctor still couldn't accept the gift after three "resignations". The reason is that both sides (such as scholars and literati) with equal status, the host can accept the loyalty of the guests, but he should return it when he visits; If the status is very different, if the monarch meets a minister, the monarch is the king of a country and can accept the dedication of the minister without having to pay a return visit and return loyalty. The relationship between doctors and scholars is not the same. If you don't pay a return visit and return to Zhongjun later, you will be suspected of being a tyrant. If you pay a return visit and are still loyal after receiving it, you are suspected of being a scholar and can only "resign from loyalty."
If the guest used to be a servant of the doctor's family, that is, the so-called "old minister", after getting started, the guest should first put the gift on the ground and then say goodbye to the host. The host bowed and answered. The guests offered sincere wishes, because their relationship was extraordinary, so the doctor could accept them with a modest sentence, saying, "Someone politely declined your gift and couldn't get permission, so he didn't dare to politely decline it again." But after the guest goes out, the host will send a person who refuses to come to the door and return the gift to the guest, saying, "The host asks someone to return the gift to you." The guest replied, "someone made a dedication and met the host, so they can't accept your request." The rejecter said, "My master told me,' You must never be insincere in returning the gift.' So please accept it. "Bing replied," someone is just a humble private servant of the master. How dare he let the master return the courtesy of the guests and refuse so politely! The rejecter said, "Someone has been ordered by his master to do this, but he dare not speak insincerely to you. Please accept it again! " Bing replied, "someone has declined politely many times and can't get permission." Dare he disobey? " So I bowed again and accepted the gift.
If the foreign minister comes to see the monarch, the etiquette is different, because he is not his own servant. After the two sides saluted, the deserters were ordered to return loyalty to the guests. He couldn't say what he owed him, but said, "I am widowed and sent someone to repay loyalty." Bing couldn't say anything to refuse, but said, "You don't even want to be a foreign minister, how dare you refuse again?" So I bowed again and accepted the gift.
Doctors can't use pheasants when they meet. Pheasants are gifts for doctors when they meet. What to use depends on the level and status of the doctor. If it's the first time doctors meet, make friends with geese. The goose is wrapped in patterned cloth and tied with ropes on its feet. The way to hold the goose is the same as when the gentleman meets, with the goose head facing left. If it is the first meeting between doctors in the world, the lamb is the most important. The sheep is wrapped in patterned cloth and its four legs are tied in pairs. The rope should be crossed on the back of the sheep and tied back to the chest. When holding the cup, the sheep's head faces left, and the way of holding it is the same as when offering a cup in autumn. The ceremony of doctor's meeting is the same as that of scholar's meeting, but it's just different.
The monarch does not have to be loyal to his courtiers at court or banquet, but the new minister must be loyal to the monarch for the first time. When the new minister walks into the monarch's hall, his appearance will be more respectful.
When a scholar-bureaucrat sees you for the first time, he should first put loyalty and righteousness on the ground, and then pay homage. The monarch usually doesn't bow down to his ministers, because it's the first time we meet, so he should pay tribute.
Ancient monarchs arrived in the countryside for patrolling and hunting. When meeting with Shu Ren, Shu Ren regarded the European Monetary Union as his loyalty. When he went to see the monarch, he didn't have to run around like a nobleman, but just hurried back and forth to show his respect.
Fourth, Yan Jian jun's miscellaneous instrument
Scholar-officials meet with you and have formal etiquette. Seeing the monarch privately after retiring from Korea (referred to as "short words" in the literature) is not as complicated as in North Korea, but there are also norms that must be observed. In short, the position of monarch and minister is also based on the position of monarch facing south. If the monarch does not stand facing south, he should bow in the east or west direction of the monarch, instead of casually bowing in an oblique direction because the position of the monarch is incorrect. When the monarch was in class, there was no strict rule about which step I should take. You can go to class from the steps near you.
When nobles meet, the topics discussed and the ways of speaking also belong to the category of ceremony, from which we can get a glimpse of the ceremony of other speakers. Anyone who speaks to the monarch instead of answering his questions must wait until the monarch is seated. The topics discussed in leisure time are different for different objects, but they are all conducive to improving virtue and Taoism: with the monarch, we should talk about how to use the liegeman; With Dr. Qing, talk about how to serve the monarch; Talk with older elders about how to educate disciples; With young people, we should talk about how to be filial to our fathers and brothers; With ordinary people, we should talk about how to be kind and faithful; Officials below a scholar should talk about how to be loyal to the public.
When addressing elders, the direction of sight is very important. If the line of sight is higher than the other person's face, it will appear arrogant; The line of sight is too low, and it seems very sad under the other party's belt; If you look wobbly, you will be careless. When talking with Dr. Qing, at first, look at the other person's face and observe his face to see if he can talk; After you finish, move your eyes to the other person's chest to show respect and give the other person time to think; After a pause, move your eyes to the other person's face to see if the other person has adopted his own opinion; During the whole process, don't change your posture and appearance casually. So are the other big doctor sitting here. If you are talking to your father, because the relationship is particularly close, you don't have to be too formal, and your eyes can wander a little. If the father stops talking, his eyes should be in the first part of his movements when he walks: standing by his feet and sitting by his knees.
If you are sitting next to Dr. Qing or a sage in junior high school, you should always observe their posture reaction so as to make corresponding measures. If the doctor or sage yawns and stretches from time to time and asks about the time, tell him about the dinner preparation and let him eat at the right time. If the doctor or saint keeps changing his posture in his seat, it means that he is tired, then he can take a long vacation. If you sit with him at night, Dr. Qing or a saint asks if the bell and drum are missing for a few hours, or if he has eaten spicy dishes such as leeks for dinner, it means that he is tired and can take a long vacation.
If the monarch sends meals to the scholars together, the monarch should sacrifice before eating. According to the ceremony, butchers should taste food for the monarch before offering sacrifices. If the butcher is not here, the scholar should taste food, various dishes and drinks for them, and then wait for the monarch's order. The monarch ordered dinner, and then officially ate. If there is a butcher instead of tasting food, you should wait until the monarch starts eating. If the monarch gave his deputies the title of wine, the ministers left the table, kowtowed to the monarch again, took the title of wine, and then came to the table to offer sacrifices and drank up the wine in the title. After the monarch finishes the topic of wine, he will give the topic of wine to the editor. After class, put your shoes on your knees and put them in a hidden place. The monarch will get up to see him off and say, "Please don't get up for me, or I won't go." If the monarch saw him off in the next hall, he wouldn't dare to turn around and go straight out. If the guest is a doctor, you can say goodbye to the monarch. The doctor got up and left, and the monarch got up. When you step down, so does the monarch; The monarch saw him off when he arrived at the door. In these three festivals, the doctor can be the king who politely refuses.
If a retired official or an on-the-job official goes to see a scholar because he admires his virtue, and because their status and age are too different, the scholar has to refuse, which shows that he is not worthy. If they insist on meeting, they will say, "Someone didn't humiliate you, but sincere and polite refusal can't get your permission, so someone must visit at once." So I went out and saw it first.
If the doctor is not on the orders of the monarch but on a private visit, the address should be different. Those who refuse him should not call him a widow, but only by his first name. If the doctor Qing Shi is appointed as an envoy by the monarch, those who reject him can call him "widowed old" Anyone who claims to be in front of the monarch should be humble, and all scholars are called "ministers"; Retired officials call themselves "street ministers" in the middle, while Juye calls themselves "caocao ministers"; Shu Ren called himself "the minister with thorns". If you are a scholar-bureaucrat in other countries, you call yourself a "foreign minister".
When you meet a monarch, you should show your inner respect and solemnity in your gestures. For example, when you go to see the monarch with money and silk in your hand, be careful not to walk too fast. The closer you get to the monarch, the more respectful your appearance will be. When holding the jade to meet the king, the steps should be slow and small, the front foot should drag the back foot, and the heel should not leave the ground, so as not to accidentally break the jade.