1. Shandong dialect joke

On the podium, a teacher with a provincial accent read a poem entitled "Sleeping in Spring" for everyone with great affection, and asked everyone to write it in a notebook. The word is like this:

2. Sleeping in Spring

I heard the flowers in the dark, but I hated the bottom when I was lying on the branches, and I heard it from afar like water, and it was easy to reach Chun Lv.

I didn't expect a Shandong classmate's notes to be written like this:

I am stupid

I have no education, and my IQ is very low. Ask me who I am, a big donkey! I am a donkey, I am a donkey, I am a stupid donkey!

3. Guangxi dialect jokes

Some people in Guangxi speak Mandarin, and their pronunciation is inaccurate, often with obvious local accent. It is common to read empty words as public, mouth as dog, and wind as crazy, which leads to the following jokes:

4. When a friend is far away, he will usually serve a plate of snail when he eats. The host picks up a snail and says: public! Then abandon it. Clip another one and say: male! Clip and discard, muttering: it's male again. My friend was very surprised and thought to himself: Awesome, Guangxi people are awesome, even the male and female snails can see it!

5. I also invited my friends to dinner. My host in Guangxi caught a little cold and found himself sitting under the air outlet of the air conditioner. He said, I have a cold, so I can't sit next to a mad dog. When I finished, I changed seats, and my friend was not happy. What do you mean, I was a mad dog and made a misunderstanding!

Shaanxi dialect joke

A Shaanxi native opened a restaurant in Chinatown, New York, with his son as a waiter, his mother in charge of collecting money and his father as a chef.

One day, a foreigner came to the store, ordered a set meal, and in the middle of it, he "crashed" and broke the soup bowl.

My son ran to have a look and said, "The bowl is broken!" "

The foreigner thought, "one dollar ..."

My mother heard the sound and came to see a broken bowl on the ground and asked, "Who hit it?"

The foreigner thought, "three dollar ..."

The son said, "He hit it!"

The foreigner thinks, "ten dollar! ..... "

Mom said," We need to make another bowl! "

The foreigner thinks, "Happy and One (one hundred and one yuan)! ! ..... "

Dad was chopping vegetables in the kitchen. He heard the noise outside and ran out to see what was going on. In my hurry, I forgot to put down the kitchen knife.

Dad, who is five big and three thick, is standing in a restaurant with a kitchen knife. When foreigners look at him, his heart beats faster and his blood pressure rises sharply, but what makes him more heartbroken and collapsed is his words.

Dad said to his son who was scooping soup on the heating furnace, "It's hot, hold it less!" Foreigner: "ten thousand ..."

The foreigner took out his wallet from his pocket at an amazing speed, poured all the money on the table, and then ran to the door like Liu Xiang ...

6. The leader spoke: the city leader of a Pearl River Delta region vowed at the press conference: "We must resolutely refuse (consciously) to accept the supervision of the National People's Congress." The audience was in uproar.

7. When the leader of a Chaoshan area enthusiastically led the guests from other provinces on a boat tour, he said seriously, "There is a big storm today, so everyone should take some medicine (medicine name" to avoid dizziness ") to avoid dizziness." Everyone blushed. Then, the leader warmly greeted everyone: "Come on, please come to the bedside (bow) and sit on the bedside (bow) to see your wife (suburb). The more you look, the more beautiful you are!"

8. The leader of a public institution in Guangzhou praised a senior employee for his excellent work. He said with emotion, "After all, it's the old scum." Since then, young people have followed suit and praised colleagues who are older than themselves.

9. Once, a leader from western Guangdong went to the army to thank * * for his support to the Children's Palace. He gave a very enthusiastic speech: "Hello, dear officers and men of the South China Sea rotten team (South China Sea Fleet), thank you for giving the retired rotten boat (warship) to the Children's Palace ..." The officers and men present looked at each other. It was obviously a good boat!

11. On one occasion, an official in Chaoshan hosted a banquet in a hot pot to entertain senior guests from above. He raised his chopsticks and stirred them in a steaming hot pot, while smiling, saying, "Don't mention it, everyone, eat after boiling, and then roll (boiling) after eating."

11. In midsummer, a cadre in the Pearl River Delta led a group of * * from other provinces to visit everywhere, and took a short break in the middle. He kindly said to everyone, "It's too hot, please eat some watermelon to relieve the heat, kiss the heat (clear heat), come on, you eat shit (large pieces), we eat urine (small pieces), and after eating, we will see what happens to us (shrimp). People are holding watermelons and don't know what to do.

12, Sichuan joke: Joke 1:

Sparrows and crows make a dragon gate array together. The sparrow said, What kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am Phoenix Thine!

Sparrow: How can there be a phoenix as black as your turtle son? Crow: You know a shovel. I'm a phoenix sulfur burning boiler.

13. It's the season of ten women and nine silks, nine silks and eight blacks, eight blacks and seven penetrations, seven penetrations and six thick ones, six thick ones and five short ones, five short ones and four bends, three hips and two ugly ones, and a bunch of killers.

14. My aunt and elder sister began to ask me from time to time why I haven't brought my girlfriend back, and when am I going to get married? I am forced to do nothing, I am still young, I still want to play, I am too busy at work, I haven't bought a house in Beijing, I am too poor, and I will say that I am gay! They replied in unison: impossible! Didn't you say gay is handsome?

15. Teacher, you are the devil in my heart. The closer I am to you, the farther I am from the Buddha.

16. I made the person who tripped me never get up. The man who helped me, I made him never fall.

17, young girls are precious, young women are more expensive, and if you have a rich woman, you can throw them both.

18. once I was on a business trip, I saw two lines written vertically on the wall of a restaurant: stir-fry, light meal. So I went in for dinner, and when I finished eating, I saw two children laughing in front of the wall and said, Look, look, this family sells fried rice with urine. I throw up. . .

19, once the sea was difficult for a woman to be poor, don't cheat.

21. Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? A: Take the blame for wearing a green hat and watch others have sex!

21. The poem "Why do I always have tears in my eyes" can't have been written by Ai Qing, but someone must have ghosted it. "Because Ai Qing doesn't feel sad easily, everything looks happy."

22. Is it true that girls use big treasures when their faces are rosy?

23. Two people complained that the subway was too crowded. A said, "Some time ago, my wife was squeezed out while taking the subway.". B said, "That's nothing. My wife was squeezed pregnant a few days ago!" "

24. A child in the delivery room laughed after birth. The midwife was very surprised. When she gathered around and observed, she found that the child's fist was clenched. After breaking it, she found it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say, Damn it! Trying to kill me? It's not that easy! !

25. The wolf invited the white rabbit to drink beer. After drinking too much, the wolf thought about it again one day and said to the white rabbit, "I'll treat you to beer!" The little white rabbit said quickly, "No, no, too much beer hurts.".

26. I have a male friend who runs Taobao and is in online love with female customers. When I came back after meeting, I cried bitterly, saying that the customer was good-looking but too fat, and he agreed not to do anything. After he calmed down, I said helplessly, "You are not stupid. You sell large-size women's clothes. What are you fooling around with customers?"

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