2. Novice friends, don't panic when you break into a pig farm, but be brave in fighting. There are at most three results: you win, you are better than the pig; You lost, you are not even as good as a pig; If you do, you're like a pig!
You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as brilliant as a butterfly, as diligent as a bee, and like everything. No wonder everyone calls you an animal!
Promise me that no matter what happens, you must be calm, no matter what you do, you must be firm, you must be optimistic and happy whenever and wherever you encounter anything, and don't tell anyone that you are crazy!
You are the only customer I love, and serving customers is our aim. I believe that the customer is God and the customer is always right. Supervision telephone number:12315; Service hotline: 520xx 14!
6. Tea, which is very fragrant when drunk; Road, you must come through thick and thin; People should have deep feelings and love until the next life; Pig's feet, fresh! Hey! This one with a mobile phone is not bad
7. Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can stand thirst, but poplar can. Not every idiot can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!
8. Dialogue between pig and puppy: Brother Dog, what do you want to do in your next life? Dog: I want to be a man. What about you? Pig: I still like being a pig. A few years later, the dog's wish didn't come true, but the pig learned to read short messages!
9. You're cool, you're handsome, you're a bachelor, and you can choose the beautiful girl who keeps chasing you. You are flushed with joy and your heart is pounding. Suddenly there is a voice in your ear: Scavengers, don't sleep here!
10. A fool is a fool, a dwarf is a melon, a cuckold is a watermelon, a big belly is a pumpkin, a bitter gourd without sweetness, a tasteless cucumber, and a loofah hanging on a shelf. These are not your fools.
Aauto Quicker's joke is very funny (classic).
1. I can't forget touching fish and shrimp barefoot in the river when I was a child; I can't forget to hang my nose and play with sand; The most unforgettable thing is that in the evening sunset, I played the flute and rode you leisurely to take you home!
It's hot, I'll ask Sister Caterpillar to bring you some kisses. I ask Aunt Mosquito to sing you a lullaby every night. Don't be polite to me. There are better gifts for you!
3. When God saw that you were hungry, he created food. God saw your desire, and he created water; God saw a man who didn't understand you, and he created me; God finally sees you alone, if he creates a kindergarten.
4. Cowherd and Weaver Girl match, Yingying Zhang Sheng's West Chamber; Liang Zhu become a butterfly makes people drunk, and Bao Daikong makes love tears; Ruth Jack is heartbroken, and Beckham is a spice girl's favorite. You have to ask who is right for you, and Xifeng is the best for you!
Whether you miss me or not, my heart is with you and I will never leave you. Whether you follow me or not, my belief is firm. Come to me, or let me come to you. Pay the bill, I like it in my heart.
6. A chubby man married a very tall wife, and others laughed at him if he wanted to climb a ladder. He proudly said: beauty is in the eye of the beholder; As long as you practice kung fu well, whatever!
7. Life is beautiful and happy. Many friends are not lonely. They are brave and unyielding. Humorous messages are sent to pigs. Pigs laugh when they receive text messages. I also know the effect. I don't want to write back. I should go feed the pigs.
8. It is absurd to pull out the seedlings and encourage them, but it is foolhardy to cover their ears and steal the bell. Borrowing an arrow from a straw boat is a clever plan, and burning the boat is a decisive battle. Romance is romance, and sacrificing one's life for righteousness is dedication. If you keep looking down, you are a big fool!
9. Female patient: Doctor, you told me to stick out my tongue. Why didn't you look? Doctor: I don't want to see your tongue. I told you to stick it out. I just want you to keep quiet while I write the prescription.
10. western advertisement day, February 16. Dear, I was wrong: I regret it! I repent! I repent! I repent! I repent! I repent! I repent! I repent! I repent! Hehe, love tolerates small mistakes.
Aauto Quicker's jokes are funny (selected articles)
1. Twelve months a year, you like February; The competition is vigorous and promising, although it only won the runner-up; Even in the lottery, you always win the second prize. I really don't understand. Why do you always like two?
Starting tomorrow, the city has decided to get rid of all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance! Hurry up and pack your things, go out for shelter from the rain, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You are welcome!
3. I miss you so much; Wearing clothes has no shape; I can't get emotional with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; I can't keep up with Lenin in thinking; Don't steal if your heart is fine; Pneumonia is atypical!
When Xiao Wang came back from a business trip in Shanghai, he just got off the train and found that the zipper of his bag was not zipped. When I opened it, the information was still there, but the words written by the thief were added in the blank of the information: such a beautiful bag, there is no money in it.
Being friends with you for so long, you have helped me so much, and you are so kind, but I have never done anything for you. In order to repay you, I will pull weeds for you in my next life.
In my eyes, you always look carefree, you always eat with relish, and you always sleep soundly. I really envy you, alas, sometimes I think it's good to be a pig like you!
7. A joke: Congratulations on being admitted to frog university, toad department and shameless class. Please take the 250 bus to Fool's Road and get off at Fool's Street with the proof of mental illness! Please stand at the school gate and giggle when signing up!
8. I received a small card from you, and I poured out my deep thoughts on me. Although we haven't seen each other for a long time, our feelings remain the same. You said I was particularly concerned recently, and I must visit your second brother's house.
9. 15 love format contract: Party A: you; Party B: Me; The object of the contract: it is sincere; Performance mode: heart for heart; Term of the contract; For living; Note: carry out love to the end and never cancel the contract!
10. My heart is so tired. Are your legs tired? Woman: What's it to you? M: I feel that you have been walking around in my heart recently. Woman: Your heart hasn't hurt yet. I'm going back to wear high heels!
Aauto Quicker's short conversation is very funny.
Aauto Quicker's jokes and short stories are funny (hot articles) 1. Today, a middle-aged woman accidentally stepped on her shoes in the street. Before she died, she cried: You are blind. Do you know how expensive my shoes are? I can't afford to sell you because you are poor! I was so scared that I immediately knelt down and begged, rich woman, rich woman, let's be friends.
2. Just now, QQ news said that the Netherlands is going to buy 6.5438+0.2 million tons of waste cooking oil from China and process it into jet engine oil. The Netherlands has a great demand for waste oil every year, while China has a large amount of oil resources. I smiled, Holland. What am I thinking? You bought the gutter oil. What do we eat in China?
3. Why are you so tall? You are over 1.7 meters tall. Are your parents this tall? B: No, my parents are only a little over 1.6 meters. A: oh ~ the gene has mutated ~ B suddenly became anxious and shouted, where has it mutated? My uncle is only 1.8 meters!
4. Next to a barbecue stall of kebabs, a lamb knelt there and looked at the kebabs being roasted. Tears kept falling: Mom, mom, they roasted you, and they were crying. A little mouse came over and gave the lamb a white look: cry your mb, cry! That's my mother.
Eight years ago, one of my two friends got into the bad habit of smoking, and the other got into the good habit of drinking milk. But now, the buddy who smokes is alive and well, but the one who drinks milk is dead. Facts tell us that in China, there is no tobacco in cigarettes, but poison in milk!
6. The girl's new boyfriend has gone out to work! Call him at night and ask him: Have you eaten? The man said: finished eating! The woman said: it's okay to go out for a turn after dinner! The man said, I'm not familiar with this place, but I can't cross the corner!
7. I have money and don't know how to spend it. I went to buy leather shoes. I joked with the waiter: Is there anyone with leather? The waiter got angry and said, are you sick? With ghost skin, do you want it? Later, I bought a pair for more than 1000, and I took it back to have someone look at it. God knows what leather it is!
8. I received a text message: Today, starting from 15: 3 1, my wife is going to sleep with someone else's husband. I have to wait happily for washing, dressing and bathing, and I have to ask him to take a gun. After reading it, I can't understand it. When I saw the sender, my god, there was such good news of giving birth!
Yesterday, I went shopping with my girlfriend. When I got off the bus, I found that my mobile phone was missing and I was greeting the thief's family. My girlfriend received a short message with my number on it: Let's break up! I immediately grabbed my girlfriend's cell phone and dialed mine. It was turned off! Thief, how wicked are you?
10. One day, I went to a barbecue, which was set by a middle-aged couple. I was having dinner when the alarm sounded, and the dark clouds covered the top, and the city management shook the ground. I am very disappointed in them. I thought the japs were killed, robbed and burned when they entered the village. They only achieved a third: robbery.
Aauto Quicker's short conversation is very funny (classic).
1. I chased a goddess for 5 years and never cared about chatting with her. One day, take the initiative to leave me a message on qq. Are you free next Sunday? I haven't been on Q for a fucking long time, and I won't see it until next Monday. I regret it to death. Call her and ask her what happened. She said, nothing, just getting married that day and wanting you to come to the wedding.
2. The Tang Priest and his disciples are going to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. The Tang Priest wanted to take a shortcut, so he asked Wukong. Wukong replied: I heard that airplanes are much faster than Baimalong. Pig's suggestion: Master, I heard that Shenzhou VI is faster. Then Friar Sand pulled out four bullet train tickets, pointed at the Tang Priest and said, Master, I heard that this thing can send you to the west at once!
I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your ass? . Oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your ass?
Don't ask me why I am crying, my tears flow for you and my heart is broken for you. I hate that man. Why did he take you away from me, thief?
Wearing cheap goods and Wenzhou shoes, the whole body adds up to no more than 200 yuan, but the bag in hand is a high-grade leather bag, because its English name is gaojipibao.
6. It rained one day in a mental hospital. Many patients bathe in the rain. You're the only one watching from the windowsill. The dean asked curiously, what are you doing? You answer: I'll wait until the water is hot!
7. Your moving voice comes from the valley. I looked down and it was you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran down and said, Grandpa, can I borrow your donkey?
8. Some people say that you are like a professor by day and an animal by night. I think they are wrong, because you are an animal when you take off your clothes at night, and you are not a professor when you put on your clothes during the day, but a devil wears Prada!
9. There are more and more people I know after work, but I find that there are fewer and fewer true feelings between people. I suddenly remembered you, so I bought you your favorite, seafood dog food!
10. You look at me for a while and the ground for a while. I think when you look at me, it's far away, and when you look at the ground, it's close. Well, you can chew that bone. Taking you out for a walk is really a headache!
Aauto Quicker's jokes and short stories are funny (selected articles)
1. When I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me. The heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.
I miss you so much! Oh, I accidentally sent it wrong. I sent it anyway. If you accept it, keep it. If you don't accept it, please send these four words back to me, thank you!
3. On Monday, leave the hospital. Tuesday, hand in hand. Wednesday, first kiss. Thursday, in love. Friday, beautiful lies. Saturday, romantic goodbye. Sunday, rotation.
I understand that every short message sent to you will make you unforgettable! I know, every word I write to you makes you forget all about eating and sleeping! But I want to know, when will you treat me to the meal you owe me?
Today, I saw a beggar begging with two hats. After giving a dime, I asked the beggar why he was holding two hats. The beggar replied that business was not very good recently, so I opened another shop.
6. You are the most beautiful in my eyes, and every smile makes me intoxicated. Your bad, your good, your pout when you lose your temper. You are the most beautiful in my heart, and only those who love each other know you best.
7. Keep this principle in mind. A person standing beside you, water does not require cleaning. Set up signposts to indicate sheep, and don't touch the buttons by hand. It is best not to add rice to chaff shells. (Answer: May you be lucky and healthy)
8. I love your obsession, miss your fever, watch your face blush and heartbeat, and can't stop dreaming. Please don't run away, I want to hug you! Ah! Money, just kidding, don't care!
9. Every night after I met you, I went to sleep every night, thinking and thinking about you! Your smile and your face always appear in my heart, which keeps me awake!
10. Your shy face is so beautiful, like a flower in bud; Your graceful posture and kitten-like temperament fascinate me, so you have a nickname: painting cats.
Car express jokes about love are made in car express.
1. Suddenly found that many good friends lost contact unconsciously. It turns out that friendship, like love, will eventually become a stranger without management.
One day, you don't need vigorous love, you just need someone to give you a cup of hot water by your side, and all you want is someone who won't leave you.
3. Find what I think is important, ideal or love. I need something like this to remind me that I don't live by the inertia of living.
Of course, I know that people will change, and I have never expected that you will never change, but when I feel that you are not the same as before, I still can't help secretly feeling sad for a long time.
It's no use being sad, but living a good life is the most important thing. Although love is beautiful, it is not the whole of life. It is better to forget with a smile than to recall with sadness.
6. The world is so big, but let me meet you; The world is so small, but I lost you. Since I missed it, why did I leave a trace? Since I missed it, why should I meet you!
7. Being in love is like drinking a glass of water. At first, it was to quench my thirst. After drinking it, it seeps into your blood and into your bones, and it is indispensable before you know it.
8. Before falling in love with you, I want to wander the rivers and lakes alone and see this colorful world. After falling in love with you, I feel that the rivers and lakes are too far away. I just want to be with you.
9. If life is bitter and sweet, it is complete; Love is fun when it is noisy and harmonious; What feels sad and happy is called experience; It is natural to have cloudy days and sunny days. May there be laughter and happiness every day!
10. I'm not afraid of our temporary separation. If good love needs to come back in a big circle, then I can hug you with a smile and say, look, you are still mine.
1 1. Is there anyone you want to see but can't meet? Is there a person you want to love but dare not love? Is there someone you want to forget, but don't give up?
12. Please cherish the people around you who love you silently. Maybe, one day he really left. You will find that it is you, not him, who can't live without each other.
13. I have crossed bridges in many places, seen clouds many times and drunk many kinds of wine, but I have only loved one person at the right age. Good morning!
14. I am ready to spend my life with you, and I am ready for you to leave at any time. This is probably the best concept of love, affectionate and not entangled.
15. Love can't be forced, and marriage doesn't need to be forced. Both men and women should be cautious about love and marriage, and emotional marriage cannot be arbitrary.
16. A caring miss is love. Marriage is a period of humility. Companionship is the longest confession, and happiness is to find a warm person for a lifetime.
17. No matter how earth-shattering the pledge of eternal love is, it is not as good as the company that never leaves, and the unforgettable love is not as good as the plain happiness of daily necessities.
18. What is love? The best appearance of love is that two people have three meals a room all year round. You love singing, I love laughing, I worship you like a hero, and you love me like a child.
19. Loneliness is a pity on such a beautiful night. It's a pity to miss the love you can't get. Love songs made me waste my romance, and finally the song ended.
20. Love is the best. You are in my hands and belong to me. I'm in your hands. Leave everything to me. I am most comfortable when you live in my heart. I live in your heart, and I feel at ease.
2 1. Life can only be experienced, and only when it is experienced will it be cherished. There will always be someone who makes you laugh the sweetest and someone who hurts you the most.
22. Indulge your desires is the greatest evil; Talking about other people's privacy is the greatest sin; Not knowing your mistakes is the greatest pain. -Aristotle
23. Being lovelorn is definitely not heartless. To tell the truth, your love is fake, not true, but self-deception.
I don't know when it started. Finding you in the crowd at a glance has become the best thing for me. Where I miss you, I can see you.
25. I once had a sincere love in front of me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this.
What you can control is not love, but need. Love is knowing that you don't want it, but you can't help it. I always want to leave, but I just can't.
27. I hope to have someone like you, such as the refreshing wind in the mountains and the warm light in the ancient city, from morning till night, from Shan Ye to the study, as long as it is you in the end.
28. Love that can't be together for life is just that people come and go in a hurry during a long journey. No matter how long they stay, they always leave to take another flight.
29. The best feeling is not because we are the best, so we are attached to it, but because we can never go back. We can only call them nostalgia, so we become the best!
30. The love I want is simple: I speak and you listen; When I am willful, you will love; When I need you, you will be by my side; You were there when I turned around. That's enough.
3 1. Love is a feeling, even if it is painful, it will be very pleasant. Love is an experience, even if it is heartbreaking, it will feel sweet. Love is an experience, even if it is broken, it will feel beautiful.
32. Love is not to enjoy the fascinating two of a kind in those sweet times, but to bear the disappointment brought by loneliness and cold in the long years to come.
33. When I was a child, I watched the stars all over the sky. When a meteor flies by, it's always too late to make a wish. When I grew up, I met someone I really liked, but it was still too late.
34. I just understand that after liking someone, you are everywhere, you are everywhere, you are everywhere, you have successes and failures.
35. You and I are destined to be parallel trajectories, and the ends of the earth are independent. Just each other, listening to the fragments of life, leaving in strange footprints, shouting in a hurry.
36. "Do you know where ABC started?" "From A." Do you know where love begins? ""where? " "Start with you and me."
37. True love includes proper rejection, timely praise, proper criticism, proper argument, necessary encouragement, gentle comfort and effective urging.
38. Do not expect vigorous love, sweet words, vows of eternal love. I just hope that for a long time, there will be a word from you and I will not leave.
Actually, if I really want to contact you, I can convince you with any reason. However, some things have passed, and it is my gentleness not to bother.
40. There is no winning or losing in life, only worth it. Everything, any experience, including love and work, is either to gain or to learn. Sissy
Aauto Quicker's popular funny jokes, Aauto Quicker's funny talk.
1. Always say that my mouth is shut. How do you know I'm soft if you don't kiss me?
2. How come there are so many friends? What's the background and education? Let's go out and play together. You can make me beautiful. You are my good friend.
Although some people are busy catching up on their homework behind their backs.
4. Homework is lying on my bed charmingly, charming lips gently open: Police officer, it's been so long, why don't you touch others? This assignment is also worthy of beauty. The voice trembled, and finally it rose three times, tickling people like feathers. I gave her a slap in the face: I will let you know my strength on the last day.
Today, I spat on the plane, and some foreigners looked at me. I said eight words in order not to lose face!
6. Everything that can be solved with money is trivial. No wonder I can't solve anything.
7. When you grow up, go to a nun's house. I just heard that Wu Meiniang became Empress Wu Zetian, Zhen Xuan became Empress Dowager and Yang Yuhuan became Yang Guifei.
8. Usually go to school to drive a Land Rover, go out to play with a Bentley and drive a Ferrari. But if you ask me what kind of car I like best, I like joking best.
9. Teacher: This question is for you to grade! God replied: mom said you can't just ask for other people's things.
10. A gentle person like me knows it's fake at a glance.
1 1. After a winter vacation, the words became ugly, people became stupid, IQ dropped, everything they learned was forgotten, and the factory settings were restored.
12. When I was a child, I went to the zoo with my family. When I was watching the monkey, I put my head into the railing. Then, I can't pull it out. I was so anxious that everyone stopped watching monkeys and surrounded me. Even the monkeys looked at me on the rockery.
13. I saw a sign saying that preserved eggs and lean meat are 3 meters 3, so I read it out. Then the shopkeeper said, beauty, I'm sorry, this is preserved egg lean porridge. Laughed for a long time.
14. People who know your past are terrible, and people who have photos of your past are even more terrible.
15. I bought a cheap charging treasure online. I can't wait to use it when I get back. I charged my mobile phone. Half an hour later, I found that my mobile phone was dead. The original 80% power of the charging treasure has now become 100%.
16. I don't even know the new term. Some people have been in love for 300 rounds.
17. Chatting with roommates in high school. My roommate who fell asleep in the first bunk said I would fart when I slept, and then he said I would shit, which scared his roommate in the lower bunk to get up and wake him up.
18. If you give me 50 years to write about winter vacation homework, I will put it off until the last day.
19. Why do you want such a handsome boyfriend? You worry about being taken away by other girls every day, so you leave me the handsome one, and I worry about you.
20. I've thought about the words "I work very hard", and I've done all the first four.
2 1. Actually, we knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. This is an autumn without white clouds. You ran with me in the wind, and you left your teeth marks on me. Later, this incident was passed down as an eternal story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.
22. I was lovelorn and sent a question about why I feel suffocated even listening to music. Someone replied: Please don't wrap your headphones around your neck to listen to music.
23. I thought there would be a vigorous review, but later I found that even homework was a problem.
24. A friend said he had a phone number for shopping rebate. I'm surprised: are you sure it's not a website but a mobile phone? A friend said: you can get a rebate by calling this number after receiving goods online, but not much. Dialed this number with a try. I only heard a male voice on the other end of the phone asking, hello, are you going to collect waste at home?