A friend asked me what I thought of it, and I was so scared that I sweated. Instantaneous arrhythmia It's hard to say at this age. Yesterday's newspaper said that life lies in movement, and today's newspaper said that life lies in stillness; Yesterday, it was said that long-distance running was good for health, and today it is said that long-distance running is harmful to health. Besides, words are my heart and my heart rhythm is abnormal, so I decided to keep silent. People who have no patience to think during the day will dream at night.
In my dream, I went to this hemorrhoid factory to buy new medicine. I saw the factory was dark and covered with hemorrhoids. Those people covered with hemorrhoids were spectacular. The factory director came out to receive and wrote: "Hello, hemorrhoids compatriots!" ! On behalf of all hemorrhoid workers, welcome. Hemorrhoids are common and frequently-occurring diseases. Not only is the old man old, but hemorrhoids are thousands of miles away. Young and middle-aged hemorrhoids are also strong lingyun; Even the children have hemorrhoids, and hemorrhoids are not old! Now ten men and nine hemorrhoids, ten women and nine hemorrhoids, all kinds of hemorrhoids, all kinds of hemorrhoids will soon be owned by the whole people! So people in our factory are fighting hemorrhoids, and they are all dedicated to hemorrhoids. Finally, for those who have hemorrhoids, there is a way that the research on hemorrhoids has been successfully carried out in' hemorrhoids must' specific drugs. Welcome to try! "
So my fellow hemorrhoid and I rushed to buy' hemorrhoid essential' and took it immediately.
When I woke up, I found that my hemorrhoids had not improved, and the hemorrhoids were still dripping.
2. Are there any jokes about translation errors in classical Chinese? When reading The Donkey of Guizhou, students are required to translate the sentence "The donkey is angry and its hoof is on it". A classmate named Ye translated it into "Donkeys can't win, so they are very angry and complain about these hooves" and made an interesting joke. In fact, in this sentence, "victory" means "patience". When reading the first sound, "anger" can be understood as "anger", "hoof" can be understood as "kick", and "it" can be replaced by "tiger", which is correctly translated as "the donkey can't help being angry, and kicks the tiger with its feet"
Some ancient and modern meanings in classical Chinese translation will make jokes if misunderstood. For example, in Tao Yuanming's "Gui Xi Ci", "If you learn from the past, you don't need to remonstrate, and those who know me can pursue me", some students will mistakenly translate it as: "I won't send invitations to people who knew me before, but later people can still pursue me." . The correct understanding should be "there is no need to save the past mistakes, knowing that you can still try to do things well in the future and not let regrets happen again."
"I can't use my son early. It's my fault to have a son now." The correct translation is: "I can't reuse you earlier." It's urgent. It's my fault to ask you now. " It's my fault that I couldn't hire my son earlier and now I'm in a hurry to have a son. That's a joke.
Welcome to adopt, I wish you progress in your study.
3. A joke caused by not knowing the tea ceremony 1. An underage girl was arrested by the police as a pickpocket.
The policeman asked her father, "Please don't let her be a pickpocket any more. You should educate her well." Father said shyly, "I'm sorry, we are very strict with her and often educate her, but she has a bad brain and always gets caught in the end."
2. Hansen: "Donna, your son has been away for many years, so he must have achieved a lot." Donar: "I don't know if there is any achievement. Anyway, * * * values him very much. "
Hansen: "What's the matter?" Donar: "The police issued a notice saying that if he is found, he can get a bonus of 654.38+ 10,000." Victor, who stayed indoors, was arrested and imprisoned and sentenced to heavy punishment, which was unexpected.
His mother asked him painfully, "what crime have you committed?" Is it a crime for you to fiddle with those pictures, steel plates and ink at home? " "Not exactly, mainly because I use those things to compete with * * *". "Competition for what?" "See who printed the banknotes more like the real ones."
In the law class, the professor assigned us to read articles about civil rights. The next day, he asked a classmate to say 10 civil rights, but that classmate didn't respond. The professor said, "OK, list five!" " When the students remained silent, the professor said helplessly, "As long as you tell me one of your rights as a citizen!" " "The student replied," I have the right to remain silent! ""5. One day, I was walking on the playground of the campus. Because I just became a member of the Commission for Discipline Inspection, I was in a good mood when I saw a boy riding a bicycle across the lawn. At this time, I was in high spirits and shouted, "Get off!" The boy turned a deaf ear. When he saw that his authority had been violated, I shouted angrily, "Get out of the car quickly, or I will shoot!" " "The boy fell from the car.
4. Ancient jokes caused by pronunciation or typos 1. Li Hongzhang was a famous minister in the late Qing Dynasty. Once, he had a distant relative to take an exam. This man is so ignorant that he doesn't know how to answer a question when he receives the test paper. At this time, he had a brainwave and suddenly thought that he was a relative of nave adult Li Hongzhang, so he wrote on the test paper: "I am the wife of nave adult Li Hongzhang." This ignorant relative actually wrote "Qi" as "wife". The examiner smiled, so he approved on the test paper: "As nave's own wife, I dare not marry (take)." Therefore, this relative is still at the end.
2. Buy 1000 pigs
Once upon a time, there was a county magistrate who scribbled. He wanted to treat the guests that day, so he wrote a note for the officers to buy pig tongues. Who knows that the word "tongue" is written too long and divided too widely. In ancient times, the officer mistakenly thought that he was told to buy 1000 pigs. It was very busy for the servant. He traveled all over the city and went to four villages to buy it.
It is easy to buy 500 pigs. As soon as he felt that he couldn't do the job, he pleaded with his master, hoping to buy 500 less.
The county magistrate said angrily, "I told you to buy pig tongues, but I told you to buy thousands of pigs."
Hearing this, the officers replied, "Nothing! But please pay attention in the future, if you want to buy it.
Meat, be sure to write shorter, don't write to buy my wife. "
3. About being single
One person's surname is Bu, whose name is unknown, and the other person's surname is Tu, whose name is self-evident. They became sworn brothers with different surnames.
One day, the elder brother didn't have to say to the younger brother, "Our names are all strange, and my surname is even less." You see, the word "burial" is like the word "home", but it is a little less; It looks like the word "Meng" and has no head, just like an official with a belt. Now I will discuss it with my brother. Could you please move a little from the waist of the word "Bu" to the head of my word "Tomb" to make me a "home"? "
The younger brother replied, "It doesn't matter if I lend you this little money to become a' home', but after you become a home, don't I want to be a bachelor?"
4. Ji and thirsty
An old man wrote the word "Ji" on the table before he went out to visit his friends on the first day of New Year's Day. He thought he would be lucky, but he didn't even drink a cup of tea after seeing several houses. He came home angry and looked at the words on the desk again. Unexpectedly, he stood in the wrong place and read the word backwards, so he said smartly, "I thought I wrote the word' Ji', but it turned out to be the word' dry mouth'." No wonder I didn't even catch a cup of tea. "
The more translators, the better the plaque. A man boasted that he could get into Imperial High School and said, "I dream at night, and someone plays drum music to give me a plaque."
His friend said, "I also dreamed that someone gave you a plaque with four words written on it: outrageous." I'm afraid someone grew up in a rich family and spent money to buy a five-product official, but they don't know the sufferings of the people.
One winter, he went out to inspect. I saw a beggar standing shivering in the cold wind.
He felt very strange and asked his entourage, "Why is this person always moving?" The waiter said, "It's cold and my clothes are thin. I'm shivering." The man was even more surprised and said, "Isn't it cold to shake?" A rich man bought a barrel of wine and put a seal on the lid. His servant drilled a hole in the bottom of the barrel and stole wine every day. The rich man was surprised to find that the seal was complete, but the amount of wine was getting less and less every day. It is suggested that he check the bottom of the bucket to see if there are any defects. The rich man replied, "You are a fool, but there is not enough wine above and there is no wine below.".
A man was invited to dinner. When the host poured wine, he only poured half a cup at a time. The man said to his master, "You have a saw at home. Please lend it to me." The host asked, "What's the use of borrowing it?" The guest pointed to the cup and said, "Since the top half of this cup can't hold wine, it should be sawed off. What's the use of keeping it? " Two friends who have invested in brewing together are going to brew together. A said to B, "You give food and I'll give water." B said, "I can pay for the meal. After drinking it, how can I divide the profits?" A said, "I will never let you suffer." After drinking, I just want water, and the rest is yours. "
Zhang Youyu, who guessed the riddle of Wumen, aroused the curiosity of talents. Every day, there are intruders who pretend to be riddles and stick them on the door: "If you hit it, you can enter." Mystery cloud: "old but not old, small but not small;" Don't be embarrassed, okay. "
There is nothing in it; Wang Gubai shoots a cloud: "The squire is 80 years old when he meets King Wen; Gan Luo twelve as prime minister, small not small; It is shameful to swallow it alone after closing the door; Open the door for everyone to eat, okay? " Zhang laughed.
A man was ordered to deliver an urgent document, and the boss specially gave him a fast horse. Isn't it faster? But he just ran after the horse.
Passers-by asked him, "Since it's so urgent, why not ride a horse?" He said, "Isn't it faster to walk with six feet than with four feet?" Willing to die, there was an emperor who loved playing the piano, but he played it so badly that the civil servants and queens in the Qing Dynasty could not stand his piano sound. The emperor searched the whole court, but he couldn't find a bosom friend.
He ordered a condemned man to be released from prison. The emperor promised: "As long as you say I play the piano well, I can save you from death."
Unexpectedly, the emperor had just played half the piano when the death row shouted, "Please don't play, I am willing to die!" " "Pick up the straw rope someone committed theft and was locked up by the government. Someone asked him, "What big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person is unlucky and walks against the board.
I happened to see a straw rope in the street yesterday. I thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up
"The questioner asked," Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope? " I only heard the prisoner continue to say, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!" "Salt bean family is very stingy when they are wealthy businessmen.
He put the pickled beans in a bottle and put a few in each meal with chopsticks. He was having dinner that day. Suddenly, someone told him, "Your son is eating big fish and meat in a restaurant!" " Hearing this, the rich merchant scolded, "Who have I worked so hard to save?" Then pour a handful of salt beans from the bottle, put them all in your mouth, chew and say, "I lost, too!" " "Like father, like son, there was a man who was arrogant and never let others.
One day, he was walking in the street, and a man came and didn't make way for him. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face.
After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, "Why are you still standing here? Everyone in the family is waiting for you to buy food and cook!" " ""I can't go, this man won't make way for me! " "That you go to buy rice, I stand here to show you, who finally give way to who! "Baldy words A scholar met a monk. The scholar thought of the monk's ugliness and asked him, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "This is the Passover.
A newly married couple didn't understand complicated holiday etiquette, so the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw the blacksmith hitting her with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she wouldn't say.
Finally, the husband got angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, "Since you know all about it, why did you send me?" Monks should use blood to repel mosquitoes.
When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked, "Why do you want to feed mosquitoes?" The monk said, "They ate and ate, so they should fight."
The story of a scholar-a scholar took an extremely good student to catch the exam. I lost my hat on the way.
The extreme boy said: The hat fell (the first one). The scholar said quickly, not landing, but the ground.
Extremely help the scholar pick up the hat, fasten it firmly on the scholar's head, and then say: I won't touch the ground again this time. A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy.
One day, a man went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I've been holding it.
Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts.
So I'm proud. Go home and tell the old woman about her experience.
Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights! Once upon a time, there was a scholar named "Xipo" who often praised Su Shi. During the drought, the satrap set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write poems to remember this grand occasion.
The scholar wrote a poem saying, "The prefect prays for rain, and all the people are grateful for virtue. Last night I pushed the window to see the moon. "
The satrap was furious and sent Yunyang. His uncle gave it to him.
Farewell, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: "See Yunyang, and see my uncle as if he were my mother." People cry together, three lines. "
To match, officials like his poems, take his wife as the topic and ask him to recite them. The scholar said, "Ring Ding Dong, madam, come out of the back hall.
Three-inch golden lotus, horizontal. "Officer, make its self-mockery.
Scholars are.
6. Laughter caused by language and jokes caused by different languages. Mike: I will be in March soon. My Chinese is wrong. Today, it is no problem for me to go shopping with my translator. I'm sure it's no problem
Narrator: Visit the hotel.
The foreign translator said: Jay Chou is so confident.
The translator Jay Chou asked:
Today, I see some signs every few blocks, which say "Commerce, Agriculture, Construction, Transportation, People's Bank".
Jay Chou: Ha ha ha Mike is wrong about banks, commercial banks, agricultural banks, China Construction Bank, Bank of Communications and People's Bank.
Mike: I almost fainted when I covered my mouth and opened my eyes.
To (crooked) wisdom/dress and forgive (angry) reception/potbellied (up and down)/intense (understand) god/teasing (how)
(Mom) Chen He can't read. Although this word is mispronounced, it is just like describing me: my mother's eyes are' understanding'. hahaha.