The sketch "Decoration"

Performers: Gong Hanlin, Huang Hong, Lin Yongjian (decorated with a triangle)

Gong Hanlin: (on. (holding a paint bucket) Hey! Dear audience friends, Happy New Year!

gong: ouch! I bought a new house in the Year of the Rooster, and I was busy decorating it. The decoration procedure is the same, every household hits the wall first! (Walks to the door) Alas, my new house has arrived. Please drop by when the renovation is finished. (Put down the paint bucket. Take a look, the door of the new house is beautiful! (Opening the door) Oh, look at this door panel, look at this door lock, (hard) look at ... look at ... you ... (showing the key) Oh, the quality of this security door is really good now, and you can't even poke the key of your own house! (Shouting) Huang sledgehammer!

Huang Hong: (top) Hey, I'm coming! The east wind blows, the drums are beating, and the decoration cannot be separated from the yellow sledgehammer. Hit this one and hit that one. I'll hit whoever I want. (Shouting) Big Brother!

gong: alas.

Huang: Who are you hitting?

gong: smash the door!

Huang: smash ...? (Doubt) Brother, isn't it a pity that the good door was smashed?

gong: ouch, you have to change the door after decorating the house anyway.

Huang: why do we have to change doors?

gong: think about it: I want you to decorate. shall I give you this key?

Huang: hmm.

gong: why don't you come every day with this key?

Huang: Then we have to come!

gong: in a month or two, you will walk smoothly. When the house is decorated, you may come again while there is no one in our house!

Huang: What do you mean?

gong: oh, why don't you get it? To put it bluntly, changing the door is not to prevent thieves, but mainly to prevent you from decorating.

Huang: how can you talk like that? Huh? (brandishing a hammer, threatening) Is the decoration insulting? It's also protected from decoration. Do I need a key to enter this door?

Gong: (fearfully) You, you, you just ...

Huang: (slamming the door) Do you still need the key? Aren't you coming in? And tell me about it.

(yellow enters the door. Gong picked up the paint bucket and followed. )

Gong: (fearfully) I'm sorry ...

Huang: The key to not talking like that is!

gong: oh, no, no, no, how about this: I'll give you this when you take it down.

Huang: sorry, the last thing we need in rural areas is security doors.

gong: why?

Huang: Every family has a dog. I'm not bragging to you. A good dog in my place is equal to five security guards in your place ... < P > Gong: Huh? !

Huang: baton in hand.

gong: alas, you startled me!

(Huang and Gong walk into the room. Gong puts down the paint bucket)

Gong: Look at our new house quickly.

Huang: It's quite spacious.

gong: ouch! Not in the past. I used to live in four square meters. There is air leakage in winter and rain leakage in summer. Three people live in the same bed, and the child always squeezes into the middle. I want to make out with my wife at night, and the conditions are not allowed at all. (shyly) Hehehe!

Huang: (laughs) Of course. If you look at this article, you will know that you used to live in a very narrow place.

gong: (angrily) hi! You mean my figure is clipped out?

Huang: It matters! Your house is the same as raising livestock in our countryside!

gong: eh?

Huang: The small shed is not tall, and the small circle is not fat. Now that the house is big, all the children are taller than their parents.

gong: nonsense!

Huang: What nonsense?

gong: height has nothing to do with the height of the house.

Huang: how can he be okay?

gong: let me ask you!

Huang: you say.

gong: is Yao Ming tall?

yellow: high.

gong: does it have anything to do with their house?

Huang: It is said on the Internet that the house of basketball superstar Yao Ming has no roof; The house of sketch star Pan Changjiang is like a water tank. See what you've done to the child?

gong: (laughing) ha ha ha! You are so humorous! (lifts the lid of the paint bucket)

Huang: I find you more interesting.

gong: what?

Huang: You said you need to buy a bucket of paint yourself?

gong: of course! Decoration is to carry forward the spirit of "four fears".

Huang: "Four not afraid"?

gong: I am not afraid of trouble, effort, rework and anger. In order to prevent the contractor from cheating on you, I will take a taxi to buy a small screw, which is cheap!

Huang: How much are the screws?

gong: (seriously) ten cents!

Huang: What about the taxi fare?

gong: seventy-seven!

Huang: (to the audience) This head is kicked by a donkey in our countryside! (Xiang Gong) I tell you, according to what you say, there are "four basic results".

gong: what?

Huang: that is, the family is basically ruined, the body is basically injured, the life is basically chaotic, and the husband and wife are basically stiff.

gong: oh, I feel the same way! (shaking hands)

Huang: Right!

gong: since I started decorating, my wife has been quarrelling with me every day. During the day, quarrel with your coolies; At night, argue with my husband!

Huang: Then you have to make it clear to your eldest sister-in-law that you can treat your husband as a coolie during the day, and you must never treat our coolies as husbands at night!

gong: I see ... (let go. You took advantage of me, didn't you?

Huang: We don't work overtime at night.

gong: what a nuisance! (walks to one wall) Come and see. I'm going to install a 56-inch rear projection in this place, which is a little close.

Huang: it's a little close.

gong: smash this wall ... (mark it) first!

Huang: no problem, big brother! This is the wall! (Approaching the wall) Don't say ... (Looking behind the wall) Brother, you can't smash this wall.

gong: why?

Huang: Behind this is the toilet!

gong: why can't the toilet be smashed?

Huang: think about it, the TV is in front and the toilet is behind. If you need a convenience, won't it be broadcast live?

(Huang and Gong walk towards the middle)

Gong: Why don't you know anything about romance?

Huang: why don't I understand romance?

gong: do you think this toilet is for convenience?

Huang: I don't understand what else this toilet can do.

gong: you can take a shower or take a bath. Think about it (press Huang Shi to sit on the paint bucket). If you sit here and watch TV (twist your yellow head against the wall), my wife will sit there and take a bath ...

Huang: Then I have no mind to watch TV ...

Gong: (push Huang away) (angrily) I'll sit here and watch!

Huang: then what should I do?

gong: smash the wall!

Huang: smash the wall! Big brother, (warming up) I'm on the sledgehammer!

gong: hurry up! (Huang is about to hit) Stop!

Huang: (stop) eldest brother, you say.

gong: the salary hasn't been discussed yet.

Huang: Oh, that hammer costs a lot. Forty small hammers and eighty big hammers.

gong: (surprised) so this has doubled?

Huang: Big Brother, a sledgehammer is equivalent to a big shot. This amount of appearance fee must be high.

gong: hehe, eighty is eighty!

Huang: thank you, big brother, you are eighty! Thank you, big brother! (walking towards the wall) It's smashed!

gong: smash!

Huang: (smashing and shouting) Eight! Ten! Eight! Ten ...

Gong: (eagerly) Stop!

Huang: (stop. Ouch, big brother! When swinging a hammer, it is most taboo to shout stop, which is easy to highlight the lumbar disc!

gong: (with concern) I'm sorry, I just want to make it clear, do you want 81 for a day or 81 for a hammer?

Huang: (impatiently) Eighty a day! Eighty for a hammer. Isn't that a hammer deal?

gong: then why did you hit a hammer and shout?

Huang: don't I have the energy to shout like this?

gong: but I have no bottom in my heart!

Huang: What if you don't even give the deposit, and I don't tell you to forget?

gong: ok, ok!

Huang: There is something wrong with this man!

gong: be narrow-minded!

Huang: I can't even shout! (ready to smash the wall) I shouted! (Shouting while smashing) Eight! Ten! Eight! Ten ... (Broken wall) Big Brother, it's done!

gong: ok!

Huang: Big Brother, the water pipe is cracked.

gong: oh, great. get me a fountain right here.

Huang: I'm afraid not, big brother.

gong: why?

Huang: (wipes his face) Drain!

gong: ouch, yo, yo! (Mark another place on the wall) Not that way, hit this way.

Huang: Hit it here? (Shouting while smashing) Eight! Ten! Eight! Ten ... (Broken wall) Big Brother, it's done!

gong: (approaching) hey, this way is good! Nothing! (Reaching to the opposite side of the wall) Ouch! (electric shock) electricity electricity ...

Huang: (carrying paint bucket) What?

Gong: Smash ...

Huang: (puts down the paint bucket and picks up the sledgehammer) Smash what?

gong: hit me!

Huang: Big Brother, smash! (hurling at Gong)

Gong: Ouch! (slamming into one side. Stiffly) smash, smash, smash ...

Huang: (approaching Gong) Brother, are you all right?

Gong: (weakly) I want to make it clear to you ... why don't I give money by smashing the wall ...

Huang: (shaking hands) Brother, this hammer is from me. Big reward for the Spring Festival, one for free!

gong: thank you ... ouch, it's too dangerous ... (stands up and walks to the middle wall. Mark the wall)

Huang: That's true. You have to have a decoration plan. Otherwise, we're all out of breath, and it's really going to hit the gas. (Standing up and approaching Gong) Brother, what are you drawing?

gong: figure. According to this picture, smash one on the wall for me ...

Huang: (Interrupted) No, big brother, the load-bearing wall, when it hits the beam, it comes down.

gong: don't smash it thoroughly. smash half and leave half. take out a closet.

Huang: It takes skill to handle this thing.

gong: oh?

Huang: (putting down the sledgehammer) Don't make a rash move with the sledgehammer. (Take out the small sledgehammer) First, this small sledgehammer will dig the seam. (Take out the hammer nail) Then the sledgehammer will finish it.

gong: a small hammer is good, but a small hammer is cheap! (yellow knocks on the wall. Gong shouted while smashing) 44441 ...

(Huang gradually stopped. Gong gradually stopped. )

Huang: What are you yelling about?

gong: didn't you say that the sledgehammer is eighty and the sledgehammer is forty?

Huang: If you add this forty, it will be 121. Do you know?

gong: another discount, 61?

Huang: no! (packing) Are you asking for a profit after being scolded by you?

gong: (persuasion) eighty ... eighty ...

Huang: (lifting the sledgehammer) I didn't have the patience, so I went straight to the sledgehammer. (Shouting while smashing) Eight! Ten! Eight! Ten ... (Broken wall) Big Brother, it's done!

gong: (approaching Huang) ok!

(on the forest [as a middle-aged woman]. Hold a broom. Come out of the hole in the wall. )

Gong and Huang: (in horror) Wow! !

Lin: what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

gong: nothing, sister-in-law. I just want to expand my space.

Lin: What are you doing in our house to expand your space?

Huang: Brother, isn't that your house?

Lin: that's my house!

Huang: It crossed the line.

gong: madam, I didn't want to cross the line. I just wanted to dig out a closet.

Lin: Did you dig out the closet? Our closet has just been finished, and I'm sweeping the dust. Well, a sledgehammer is coming! Fortunately, I was in a hurry, or my face would be ruined, you know? (crying)

yellow: (draw closer to yellow. (quietly) ouch, big brother, this disfigurement is equal to plastic surgery!

Lin: What did you say? What did you say? (Huang and Gong approach Lin) Let me tell you, is it easy to buy a house? One wall and one column, let you smash into a broken house! (Splash)

Huang: (Wipe your face) Brother, it's worse than the sewer!

gong: don't be angry, sister-in-law! You see, as the saying goes: with this wall, we are two families; Tear down this wall ...

Lin: (Interrupting) There are also two!

Huang: Yes! Families can't have an affair!

Lin: What did you say? What did you say?

Huang: You can't get through privately.

Lin: All right, cut the crap. What do you suggest?

gong: I'll build a wall for you right away.

Lin: build bricks!

Huang: If you can dismantle it, you can build it, if you can break it, you can stand it. (Taking out the bricklaying tools) I can also be a bricklayer ...

Lin: (Interrupting) Wait a minute ... I'll go first. (Walking into the hole in the wall. Down. )

Huang: Sister-in-law, come and visit! I'm going to build a brick, and take the main entrance ...

Gong: (Interrupt. Wang Dachui! I think you are a living sledgehammer!

Huang: I don't know. She's half-dug. I'm pushing the whole wall!

gong: you build a wall for me!

Huang: wall laying. Where are the bricks?

gong: (rhetorical question) where are the bricks?

Huang: I smashed her house.

gong: move it!

Huang: Big ... Brother, I dare not ... I am afraid of disfigurement when I look at her! (Splash)

Gong: (Wipe your face) What shall I do? Look at this wall ...

(There is noise from the other wall)

Huang: Brother, there is noise next door. (Gong and Huang approach the wall. Stick it on the wall ) Did you hear that? The procedure is the same. First, the small hammer picks the seam, and then the big hammer fixes it. (come to my senses. Shout) Done! (The two quickly moved away from the wall)

(The wall collapsed. On the forest [decoration worker] )

gong: what are you doing?

Lin: oh, I'm sorry, big brother! I want to dig out a closet and hit the boundary! Under the forest. Two people chase. )

Huang: (Gong and Huang stop. ) eldest brother, we have bricks! Bricks!

gong: what about this wall?

Huang: What do you care? Let's rob Peter to pay Paul first! (building a wall)

Gong: (anxiously) Oh, how unlucky I am! This hammering from the east to the west has turned my good room into a honeycomb briquette!

(on the forest [decoration owner]. )

Lin: hey, hey! Who smashed it? Who smashed it? Who smashed it?

Huang: I ... I broke it.

Lin: Who told you to smash it?

gong: (angrily) I let him smash it! How's it going?

Huang: (zooms in on Gong) Don't be too horizontal. It may be the property ...

Gong: What's the big deal about the property? I have already paid the decoration deposit. (walking into the forest) I tell you, I can smash it as I want, because this is my home!

Lin: what floor do you live in?

gong: the ninth floor.

Lin: (angrily) What floor is it?

gong: the ninth floor!

Huang: That's right, Big Brother. (Lalin goes to the door) Look at the sign. Look, there is a sign hanging at the door, which says "Nine floors".

Lin: What do you know? I'm telling you, it was yesterday that the house across the hall smashed the wall and knocked this nail off. It's not the ninth floor but the sixth floor! You smashed my house!

Huang: Big Brother, I smashed someone's house ...

Gong: Looking for something.