At a destiny seminar organized by the University of Canberra, one of the most common questions asked by the hundreds of students on stage was "Why do people have completely different destinies?" This is indeed worth thinking about, why 10 years after graduation you become a multinational company's Asia region executives, learning better than you at the table, but in the urban and rural areas of a vegetable market stalls? Why is it that some people's fate is always miserable? Why is it that some people make bad choices at critical moments and miss out on big opportunities in their lives without even realizing it?

People don't understand such questions, just as they don't understand what fate is and what it takes to change it. In fact, the "miserable life" is always of one's own making, and no one else's; everyone's destiny is paid for by himself - not by anyone else, and not by the circumstances of his existence.

A Chinese student asked me, "How do you define success in life?"

I asked him in return, "Think about it, is success a quality or a mindset? Is it a behavior or a habit? Is it a form of luck or chance?"

He thought for a moment and answered me loudly, "Success is both a kind of luck and a habit!"

Although he was very confident, unfortunately, it turned out to be wrong, and very wrong. First of all, he was tied to his own thinking by my question and lost his independent judgment; secondly, he mistakenly thought that success equals a happy fate. So, no matter how good his education is, I have seen the broad outlines of his life.

I said, "Some people, though gifted, always fail and have a miserable fate in life. This is a question that deserves to be thought about y and with as much result as possible, beginning in the college years. Have you ever thought about what the causes are? I can tell you that the biggest reason is not that he missed certain opportunities or that he couldn't find any golden connections to help him, but that he didn't penetrate to realize what fate really is, he didn't become the master of his own destiny, and he didn't have the courage to analyze his own destiny. When he encounters a major choice in his life, he is unable to unleash a force strong enough to master his destiny."

In reality, we find too many people regretting -

"Why didn't I confess my love to the person of my choice in time? You see, in the end, let someone else get there first!"

"Why didn't I go into business in time? Those old coworkers who quit their jobs to do business are now rich, and I'm still an embarrassed salaryman with a lifeless career from 9 to 5!"

"Why didn't I buy a house earlier? Now the price of housing is so high, if I started earlier, I have made a big profit!"

"Why didn't I dump my stocks in time? Because I was too greedy, I lost all my money in the stock market!"

"Why did I make that stupid choice? It's too late to regret it now!"

............

Whenever people talk about these failures, which form their gray destiny, their faces are filled with pain and resentment. They keep asking "why?", and they are constantly angry and resentful. They even slap their own thighs when they tell their story, so as to tell others how rich their fate is full of "regret" and misfortune.

Finding reasons is the easiest thing to do, but what about causes?

The vast majority of people in this world lack the ability to make decisions and choices at the right time. So from childhood to adulthood, they always live in regret, complaining about the injustice of fate and shirking their responsibilities. They have countless reasons to vent their grievances, and can talk to you for an entire day; they never feel that they have messed up their lives, but always find brilliant ways to try to win back face for their downfall.

Claesson is 30 years old, graduated from the Free University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands, has a very good educational background, but his family is in an average situation, at the bottom of the just starting to struggle. In the decade from 20 to 30, Claesson has been struggling with fate - at least he thinks he has lived a down-and-out life, far from realizing his life's dream - a black tragedy of fate.

At 22, he knocked on the doors of hundreds of companies, handing out carefully crafted resumes one by one, before being hired by the one with the lowest pay scale. He worked for this boss for 3 full years and only got one raise. He was surprised to find that the short, fat guy in the same department had soared to the top of his pay scale in just a few months. He chalked it up to this - the fat guy's relationship with his boss was obvious!

It was at the age of 25 that he had his first love and married the Italian girl. The two live to this day in a suburban town an hour's drive from downtown The Hague, and have never moved, despite the fact that the house is less than 70 square meters. The phrase he mutters almost every morning is: "We have the most crowded rat hole in town."

At 28, he was determined to start his own business. Destiny needs to be decided by yourself, doesn't it? That's the truth. But once again, he was knocked down by the reality that the banks turned their noses up at him because he didn't have enough assets to secure the business and couldn't find strong references. He couldn't get the necessary loans and had to settle for second best, opening a cake store with only 60,000 euros.

Now, his cake store business is almost 3 years old, not warm, neither can see the hope of getting rich and changing their fate, but also not to bankruptcy and closure so that he lost the basis of survival. In short, Clayson, looking back on the past of this decade, strongly felt the fate of his play.

"So, have you pondered why?"

"The reason? The reason is that no one has helped me." He said, "I think it takes some outside force for people to want to dominate their destiny, and the individual is always vulnerable. But since I was a child, I always dealt with everything on my own. No one appreciated me, pushed me, opened a door for me, made me take a few less steps. It took me a hundred times the effort to get what some rich boy could get by moving his lips. It's hard work, like a donkey sweating and sulking in a vain attempt to pull the whole Alps!"

Is Klassen's sentiment sympathetic? It sounds like it. Kids who struggle all on their own are honorable and innocent. But when life doesn't get better for a long time, that innocence is likely to turn to anger immediately. That's right, Klassen is now a whiny, angry young man. "It's good to meet even one honorable person, like my classmate Arendt-who was nowhere near as good as me academically or in terms of family background-but he got lucky right out of college because he married the daughter of a Siemens executive, and within a few months he was in the best industrial manufacturing company in the world. taking home three times my salary."

Why do some people feel that "meeting a lucky man" is so important to their destiny?

1. They don't believe in their own power, including ability, background, choices, and judgment.

2. They are accustomed to rely on the charity of the strong, thinking that there is always someone who can help them.

3. Their belief in destiny is a rejection of their own, and they lack a minimum of personal willpower.

It's true that we all want to get help from people at important stages of our lives. However, when a person puts all his hopes of "turning the tide" on a magical benefactor, his aura of destiny has actually reached a very weak point. He doesn't believe in his own ability, and doesn't expect to be able to seize the opportunity to do things well on the ground and run his own life. He just wants to get magical powers from others.

Brandley, a Wall Street investor, is in his forties, and he's the one I'm working with now. Every day he suits up and has a lot of energy. But look at him carefully, you will slowly feel what is wrong, he has a kind of "mold" between the eyebrows of the hidden, as if born to be an unlucky person - this is his assessment of their own. When he walks toward you, you can read the deep fear and pleading in his eyes: "Please don't reject me, okay? I'm already bruised all over."

He was known in the industry as the "King of Bad Luck", not because his luck was really bad, but because he always had the word "bad luck" on his lips. This has become his mantra. Fund prices fell, he shrugged helplessly: "Hey, just this luck!" Stocks lost a bottom, he broke the glass, let the bad news report staff out, and then look up to the sky to lament: "I never have the chance to hit the big luck."

From the day he made his fortune in the stock market, Brandley believed in the blessing of luck, and his bones were full of speculative genes. He will not eat or drink staring at the electronic price board for up to four hours, racking his brains to study the price trend of the target stock, judging which stock is worth buying, but on the thick business information in front of him, but ignored; he took the success as a gift from God: "There is no one who is stronger than anyone else, we are all the same goods, the difference is that God looks at who, who's fortune is The difference is who God sees, who has the luck to be red hot!"

In the end, he really became the attraction of "bad luck". Good things are eight feet away from him, and bad things always come to him. Whenever he is ready to do something, there are always unexpected factors to disrupt the plan, so that he lost a mess. Over time, Brandley felt that he had met his destiny. He didn't know what had gone wrong to make the luck so bad. He even suspects he needs to do something about it, like turn to a priest or another religion.

When he sat down in front of me, the first thing he said was, "I'm so unlucky." It was repeated again before he said, "I think I need answers and a way to turn my life around and bring back the good luck so that I'm red hot from now on!"

"Ohhhh, luck is?" I told him, "Luck is the wonderful excuse you use when you shirk your responsibilities, the rag you use to maintain your self-esteem. Suppose we cast it aside and look at the truth? You'll find the truth breaks your heart, and it turns out that all the screw-ups were just your own carelessness, lack of effort, lack of action, and lack of decisiveness, and that you're throwing away your destiny while thinking that it's God who doesn't respect you at all!"

What is Bradley's "destiny revelation"?

1. He believes that luck determines destiny and treats it as the central index of career success.

2. He never thought of his own responsibility when he hit a low point in his life, but looked for objective factors.

3. He judged things by the standard of "what are my chances of winning" rather than "how hard should I work".

4. His philosophy of destiny is one of speculation, believing in probability rather than careful management.

Mr. Shi, a Chinese American, and I have known each other for two years, but I only heard his story a few months ago. Mr. Shi started doing business when he was 23 years old, and he is the kind of natural "business smart" in people's impression. Mr. Sze has been doing business since he was 23 years old, and he is the kind of natural "businessman" people think of. He has been in the garment business, speculated in stocks, opened seven restaurants, and is now the owner of an import and export agency in San Francisco, with more than 200 employees and a branch in Hong Kong.

In his self-deprecating words, "Except for not selling arms, I've done everything I can. But why did I work so hard and still have such a bad time?" His business used to be so bad that at one point he couldn't pay his employees, and had even borrowed money from those callous loan sharks. Things are better now, but it's a struggle to stay afloat, and the monthly surplus isn't enough to support him through a family trip to Hawaii.

For any "big boss", this is a depressing state of affairs, and it inevitably makes him think about things like "what is destiny? He wanted to find an answer, so he thought of me. Our first acquaintance was at a gathering of North American Chinese business circles. He was in full bloom, well-dressed, and the air of a successful man was obvious. When he introduced his business to me, he didn't see any trouble in his life at all. We left each other's contact information and agreed to discuss investment and management issues together sometime. At that time, I did not think that Mr. Shi's heart was actually full of anxiety.

This summer, I was invited to visit his home. He and his entire family - his wife and three daughters - came out to greet me. When I stepped out of the car and saw Mr. Shih for the first time, I saw a faint aura of sadness on his face, as if someone owed him $2 million and had been refusing to pay. This was very different from his state a year ago. I could see that he had been under a great deal of psychological pressure recently.

Mr. Shi has a common misunderstanding of fate -- the same thing that young white-collar workers in office buildings think these days, that they are unlucky for their talents. I have a lot of ideas, but they never get realized," he says. Whenever I'm ready to make a big move, the obstacles jump out at me. Either there are policy restrictions or a lack of sufficient resources. This era needs to change, otherwise there will be many more talented people like me who will be swallowed up by the harsh market environment." Mr. Shi describes himself as a bird in a cage, unable to fly to the sky even though he has a thousand ambitions. His ideas were not understood, his thoughts were not accepted, and even his closest comrades left him at the company's most difficult moment.

The question is, was someone like Mr. Shi really born at the wrong time?

During our conversation, I learned that although Mr. Shi is a very ambitious and capable person, he always makes some mistakes in choosing key moments. For example, he entered the stock market at the most inopportune time; he opened a Chinese restaurant at a time when the restaurant industry was experiencing massive negative press, and was raided by the federal government's health agency not long after opening; and his import/export brokerage company, which had a quiet year, was caught in the middle of another "good time": the global economic downturn.

1. He thought he was wasting his abilities, but in fact he was using his talents in the wrong place at the wrong time.

2. He always thinks it's the environment, but the truth is that he doesn't really recognize the environment and doesn't want to integrate into it.

3. He stubbornly does not recognize his own responsibility, even if everyone pointed out his mistakes, he can condescendingly continue to shift the responsibility to the times.

When I pointed out his bias relentlessly (in front of his wife), Mr. Shih's first reaction was to be annoyed, and he went on to talk to me even more dramatically about his dissatisfaction with the current investment policy and his own personal "big ideas". This is what I expected, because it confirms my judgment that the reason why some people live depressed lives, and their destinies are gray or even black in color, is that they never repent and never look at what they lack.

They wonder the same question every day, "I'm so good, why does fate treat me so badly?" Please believe that if you think the same way, sooner or later you will become extremely arrogant and conceited like Mr. Shi, and then lose the trust of your friends and colleagues.

Another person who describes himself as "miserable" is Mr. Sanchez, a famous Brazilian coffee merchant. He had an admirable career, fame and wealth; he earned enough money every year to buy a garden house in Rio de Janeiro that only a few people could afford; his business was booming, his family was happy and harmonious; he was incredibly energetic, with one idea after another; his luck was always on the upswing, and it seemed as if there was nothing stopping him from going to the top of the ladder of happiness in life.

However, it was at this point that the accident occurred, like a trigger, which changed the trajectory of his destiny from then on, and made his fortunes irreversibly go in the opposite direction. Sanchez said, "I'll never forget that incident, it was like a punishment from God." After a Christmas Eve binge, he hit someone with his car. The injured man struggled for a month in the hospital and eventually passed away. Even though Sanchez paid out a $200,000 settlement, it couldn't dispel the shadow inside him.

His business fell apart and he lost the confidence he used to have. "I resigned myself to my fate," he said, "and no one can change it!" So he watched as his company went from strength to strength, with key employees jumping ship, all because they saw no prospects for growth here. Clients stopped contacting him because Sanchez refused to answer his phone, and he went from being an admired workaholic to a demoralized old man.

I asked him, "Is it so hard to make a change?"

He said helplessly, "If I could forget that, everything would be different. But I can't erase the past or regain my confidence. It's as if I've suddenly entered a strange world where the 'me' of the present is not remotely related to the 'me' of the past. I can't hold on to my life, just like a man and woman in love suddenly lose each other, I believe many people have this feeling of being powerless over their destiny."

How many of us are like Sanchez, and how many of us are just "letting fate take its course" when it comes to setbacks?

1. Escape from reality: When difficulties come, the first reaction is not how to overcome it, but to escape.

2. Abandon Destiny: In the need to rise up, no courage to face the challenge, but to throw away their rights.

3. Go with the flow: when the opportunity arrives, instead of putting in a hundred times the effort to try, every time with the opportunity to pass by, so that they listen to the so-called fate of the arrangement.

These three reasons are precisely the root causes of those who have a miserable fate. If you are still a person with their own independent thinking and long-term vision, you must abandon these reasons and excuses to make you discouraged, to make your "destiny power" to get a substantial increase.

From now on, the most important thing you should do is to change your mindset first, and then go to reshape your thinking - to recognize your destiny again, and to establish the correct destiny index. Otherwise, your future is only gray.

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