A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. How can I get back to normal if I eat cucumbers and eat watermelons? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

The blind man stuttered when riding a bicycle. He stuttered and watched the road. Suddenly he saw a deep ditch. He stammered and exclaimed, Gougougou! ! ! The blind man sang back: "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" "So they fell into the ditch.

A swimming coach was shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked intently and saw that it was one of his students. He then said loudly, "You really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes!"

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived!

It's said that on the longest and scariest road on a dark night, a taxi driver drove by and a woman waved on the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "The apple is delicious for you ..." The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said, "Delicious!" The woman replied, "I remember I liked apples before my death ..." Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... When the driver heard this, he was frightened into an emergency car, and his face turned white ... I saw the woman slowly tilting her head to the front and saying to the driver, "But I don't like eating it after giving birth! ...... "

I dreamed of God yesterday, and he said he could grant me a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to be beautiful. He pondered and said, take the globe and I'll have a look.

. Do you remember that we ate roast duck together? You like to eat duck's ass. When the food was just served, you grabbed it and stuffed it into your mouth like an arrow. I whispered: Why don't you see duck's ass? You proudly pointed to your mouth and said, Here's your ass!

piggy set up a club and said, members should call me piggy by nicknames! Dog: Call me puppy! Kitten: Call me kitten! The chicken blushed, so she said calmly, it's really boring. Go first!

college entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D has the smell of rotten eggs. What are ABCD?

My answer: A is chicken, B is raw egg, C is cooked egg, and D is rotten egg! (this group of XX! )

Beijingers, French and Americans were walking together in the desert, and they were dying of thirst. Suddenly, three people found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can satisfy each of you with three wishes." The Americans said first, "I want a box of dollars", "There are two more", "Well, one more box of dollars", "The last one", "Well, the last one is to send me back to America" Whew, the Americans disappeared, and the French were also anxious. "I want a beautiful woman" came with "Well, I want another beautiful woman" and "There is another one" "Give me a bottle of Erguotou", "Two more wishes", "Another bottle of Erguotou" and "There's another one". When Beijingers saw that it was boring to drink two bottles of wine alone, they said, "Bring them back again and drink with me". Whew, Americans and French are back.

So the three of them continued to walk, but fortunately, they found another magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. "Haha, I am the younger brother of that magic, and my magic is not that high. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you." This time, the French and Americans thought about it. It was useless to say anything. If he was brought back, he would die. Let him say it first, so he pushed Beijing to the front, Beijing. Beijing touched his head with wine and thought for a long time, but he didn't speak. The French and Americans were so anxious that they urged him to say, "Speak quickly." So the Beijingers suddenly said, "Well, I have nothing else to do, so go home." Whew, the ghost went back.

1 Children and cats

Children sat at home for dinner. The cat came up to him and meowed. The child threw a piece of

meat to the cat, which ate it and "Mimi".

The child threw it another piece, and it ate it, but it still called "Mimi".

The child was angry, stood up and said loudly, "You sit in my seat, let my Mimi

bark, and you give me meat to eat!"

2 What is "but"?

Pupils are telling a story: "When a cat sees a mouse, it becomes a tiger, but when it sees a tiger, it

becomes a mouse ..."

What does this "but" mean?

He thought for a moment and replied,

"This is an animal bigger than a cat but smaller than a tiger."

3 Bet

Two friends are betting.

"I dare say that you don't have the guts to go into that black house alone!" "

"You said I didn't have the guts? Then come with me and I'll show you! "

4 Tie your shoelaces

On the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in police uniform. She looked up and down

and asked carefully,

"Are you a policeman?"

"yes."

"Mom said that no matter what difficulties you encounter, you will get help from the police, right?"

"Yes!"

"Good," the little girl lifted one foot. "Please help me tie my shoelaces."

5 pregnant baby

A pregnant woman was walking on the road when a little girl came up to her and asked, "Auntie, why is your

belly so big?"

"Because I have a baby in my stomach!"

"auntie, are you afraid of trouble?"

"ah? Why? "

"You put the baby in your stomach because you thought it was inconvenient to hold it."

1 notice

"What's wrong with you today? What are you doing fiddling with it for so long? " The father said, grabbed the notice from

' s son and turned it over. There is a comment written by the teacher on it: "Shoot slingshots in class, put bugs in classmates' pockets ... please ask parents to talk about it."

"If you do all this at school, what will you be when you grow up?" The father shouted at his son

.

"Dad, this is not my notice. I found it in your old box."

2 methods

A mother educated her 7-year-old son. She said to her son, "There is no seat left in your bus. At this moment, an old woman wants to get on. What should you do?"

"I shouted at her: Go down and wait for the next one! There is no seat, little man. "

3 Not afraid of ghosts

One day, Xiao Yang took his children to Wuzhishan to play. Children are running around all over the mountains. Little

Yang was afraid that the child would be in danger, so he frightened him and said, "Don't run around, be careful that ghosts will eat people here."

The child immediately replied, "I'm not afraid of ghosts. You forget, the uncles and aunts next door all call you a gambling ghost. Mom called me a kid; Grandma called grandpa a heavy smoker; Mom calls you a slacker; You called mom

a dead ghost. I deal with ghosts every day, and I'm afraid of a ghost! "

4 Buy it next time

Dad: "If you get more than 95 points in this exam, I'll buy you a violin. ......

A few blips "Dad, the examination paper was handed out, and I got 96 points. "

Dad:" Good. Well, not bad ... "

Son:" Then give me the violin! ...

Dad: "Money is tight this month. Let's buy it next month."

son: "this is the second exam, take a look."

dad: "ah! ? Only got 59 points? You ... "

Son:" The score is tight this time, let's talk about it next time. "

5 Why

Child: "Dad, what is this smoking?"

Dad: "Remember, it's the chimney that smokes."

child: "call, I know! Dad, why don't you call your nose a chimney? "

Dad: "..."

Study on the chemistry of exuviation

In a restaurant.

A customer, carrying a plate of dumplings, turned away from the sales window and smiled and said, "I like wonton very much!" "

another customer held a bowl of wonton and declared, "I like noodles (noodles) best!"

The customers were stunned, and one of them, an astute customer, solemnly explained, "They

are all very good at food mouldy chemistry."

-----------. "Congratulations, sir, your kitchen here is very hygienic!" "Thank you, Sir ... I'll do my best. However, I ask, you have never visited my kitchen, how can you boast that it is very sanitary here? " "Oh, it's simple. Everything I just ate here smells like soap."

-----------. B: "I own a' foreign goods store'. "A:" Why not sell domestic products? " B: "I don't sell foreign goods, but all domestic goods. Because my business is not good, I can't make money, but I support a few guys, so I call it a' partner shop'."

-----------. "Just open a table." "A table can also earn it 561?" "earn? I lost more than 111 yuan! " "Hang it all, how can you lose it?" "You don't know, I'm hosting a banquet in Chu Zhuangwang, and I invited the five tyrants!"

-----------. The payer couldn't help saying, "I have been standing at the your window for 11 minutes." The payee replied slowly, "I have been sitting behind the window for 31 years."

-----------. Shop assistant: "It was quite big when it first came out." Customer: "Why is it small now?" Salesman: "Don't you understand that heat rises and shrinks?"

-----------. When the customers heard this, they all gathered around to see the surprise. The waiter was very angry and said, "You are afraid you are crazy!"! Where is the person in the steamed stuffed bun? " The man said, "You said there was no one in the steamed stuffed bun. How can there be someone's hair in the stuffing?"

-----------. Boss: "Why do you ask this?" Customer: "I want to drill and see where the stuffing is."

-----------. Hunan guests bought a catty and left. At this time, a Shanghainese came to buy it, and the vendor shouted again: "My pepper is not spicy at all, but also sweet." Shanghai guests were about to buy it when they saw Hunan people coming back and said, Your pepper is sweet, but I don't want it. "The peddler argued," This pepper is stale. Those who love spicy food eat spicy food, while those who like sweet food eat sweet food. A passer-by Cantonese listened and said with a smile, "I don't want Chili. Can I buy your stale mouth?"? ！” There was a burst of laughter in the street.

-----------. Shop assistant: "I've never loaded drugs, so I've eliminated any drugs!" "

-----------. "Buy it with a different book." "What book is it with?" "An old age world."

-----------. Young people: "You should have the most eye-catching hairstyle." Barber: "That's good! I'll shave your head. "

-----------. Waiter: "sir, please wait a little longer. The food is already ready." Customer: "Why do you want me to wait when it's already done?" Waiter: "Because there are a few flies in the dish, wait for you to take the vaccination before eating."

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