A single-parent family is not a broken family, nor are the children of a single-parent family doomed to failure and disappointment.
Single-parent families can also be a beautiful place for children to grow up.
Single-parent families can be calm, safe and full of love, but it may take some time to get used to it.
0 1 Recognize the value of your single-parent family
The first thing you can do for a single-parent family, perhaps the most important thing, is to realize its value and uniqueness.
Whether as a single mother or a single-parent family, you and your children have advantages, abilities and cognition that others don't have.
Single-parent families may look different from traditional two-parent families, but they have the same value.
So when it comes to single-parent families, the first thing we think of is the negative impact of single-parent families.
But in fact, single-parent families also have many positive aspects.
For example, the advantages of parenting style mentioned above are unlikely to lead to differences and conflicts in parenting.
It has no contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and single parents spend more time with their children.
Although it may take us some time to discover the happiness of single-parent parenting.
However, there are still many ways to help us shift our attention from the negative to the positive of single-parent families.
What are the special advantages of single-parent families?
Each of us is unique and has a quality, insight and ability that others don't have.
Because each of us is so special, the family we form is also special.
Our expectation is to shape our reality.
As a single mother, you may always think of those difficult things, or things that look different from our traditional two-parent family.
But as life gradually stabilizes, you can use your wisdom and creativity to make some changes.
Maybe it's not changing the facts in your life, but changing the way you look at and understand them.
For example, at a family meeting, you can take out a piece of paper and think, discuss and write down the things that make your family special with your children.
Maybe you will say, "We are not special at all", "We are just ordinary people trying to make do",
But if you take the time and energy to explore, you will find that your existing family has some unique positive places.
For example, compared with the previous two-parent family, your family now has a particularly warm and accepting atmosphere, or a positive and enthusiastic atmosphere.
A positive and optimistic mother who studies hard, takes care of herself and lives hard, and a cheerful and diligent child.
You have discovered abilities and talents that you haven't discovered before, cultivated new interests, made some like-minded friends, established a circle that allows you to be recognized and accepted, and even shared your interests with your children.
Setting aside time to find the characteristics of your existing family with your children will help you and your children feel United and grateful for what you have, which will help you see that the differences in your family may be its greatest advantage.
Rebuild the tradition and ritual sense of single-parent families.
The identity and particularity of a family depend largely on its tradition.
In other words, the way we spend special time, the celebrations and ceremonies in our common life.
Holidays can be a particularly difficult time for single mothers.
Because the child's time must be divided between father and mother.
For a single mother who spends holidays or birthdays alone, life may seem rather bleak.
Many times, the family traditions and ways of celebrating that we once relied on felt "wrong" when we were single parents.
For almost all families divorced or remarried because of infidelity, the pressure of holidays is even greater.
Where will the children spend their holidays with their parents?
In fact, there is no need to struggle, because it seems that no matter who children choose to spend those special days with, some people will feel sad and others will feel left out.
So we can do something to make holidays and family gatherings full of joy again.
1. Adjust your expectations to suit your situation.
For example, don't look forward to holidays, or children's birthdays, and hope that mom and dad will spend them together.
Accept the fact that we are single parents now, accept that only father or mother will accompany our children on vacation now, and accept that the material conditions are worse than before.
In fact, the best way to treat family or holiday ceremonies is to accept what you have.
And try to make it the best for everyone.
Being different from before doesn't mean "worse".
Don't be afraid to improvise or do something different.
Although it is hard for us not to be affected by forced changes, we all hope that what we are used to will not change.
Don't be afraid, take the first step and change your practice to suit your situation.
If the children can't be with you during the holiday, plan a special celebration on one day when you are together.
In fact, it doesn't matter when to celebrate, what matters is to create some special moments together.
3. Ask children what is most important to them.
Then determine how you celebrate around their answers.
For example, in the past, people always ate jiaozi on the solstice in winter. When you ask your children what special things they want to do to celebrate the winter solstice, they may say that they want to eat KFC most.
Then you might as well change the family custom of winter solstice and eat the whole family bucket.
Don't be afraid of change and different habits.
Taking time to create special memories will help you and your children form a sense of belonging, accomplishment and happiness.
4. Try to resist the psychological compensation of a large number of gifts.
Don't confuse love with giving many gifts.
Remember, even children in two-parent families are still not satisfied after opening gifts all over the floor.
So, don't feel guilty because you can't give your child enough gifts. Instead, take this opportunity to teach children other possibilities.
5. Create some special moments.
Those moments that unite us as a family should not be reserved only for holidays and special occasions.
Special "together" moments appear every day. In our busy life, it is very important to set aside time for this.
You can create special moments around any activities your family likes.
Regular family meetings not only provide time to solve problems, but also form a sense of family and whole in the process of your participation and sharing with your children.
Family meetings also let families know that single-parent families can also work and provide time for listening, talking and simple entertainment.
Create special moments for single-parent families, not only on holidays, but also every day, such as taking turns to play role-playing before going to bed every night, going out for cycling on weekends, or just hanging out together. These special moments don't need to be perfect, in fact, they may not be perfect, but the more such moments, the stronger the foundation of your family will become for everyone.
Those moments with children don't need to cost a lot of money, and they don't need to be big events. The important thing is to spend time together.
One of the most precious things parents can give their children is the memory of the time they spent together. These precious memories are the foundation of genealogy.
6. Believe in the power of ceremony.
Weaving rituals into our daily lives can make our lives colorful and happy.
Rituals are familiar and repetitive events, which have become a part of our lives, and sometimes they form themselves.
But sometimes we can plan them, create them and use them to bring our families together.
A familiar and very effective example is the bedtime ritual.
Putting children, especially young children, to bed may be an annoying process that every family goes through every night.
If we make it a ritual, it will make children feel safe and comfortable, and it will also make the whole process of going to bed easier.
For example, a glass of milk before going to bed is our bedtime ceremony.
The routine is formed, and the child will know that he is going to sleep when he sees the milk you bring.
Rituals can help us to commemorate and celebrate the changes and important events in our lives.
They can help us heal and give us a way to express sadness or happiness.
Most of us may be familiar with birthday ceremonies, such as cakes, candles and birthday songs, but we can do more to make this moment special.
For example, you can choose a birthday child to go out for a special lunch of "just the two of us".
Or birthday children can choose the dinner menu and use special plates.
Rituals are a powerful way to bring families together.
However, when we plan these special celebrations in our life, we should also ensure that it conforms to the uniqueness and situation of your family, and try our best to adapt your ceremony to the real life of your family, not to adapt life to the ceremony.
7. Pass on your love to your children at any time.
We can show our love to our children in some ways.
For example, putting a note or an interesting poem or just a smiling face that says "I love you" in a child's schoolbag or pencil box can tell the child that he is special.
If the child is older, you can contact him more through the computer or mobile phone.
Or use symbolic objects, such as holding a furry bear doll when you are in a bad mood.
The most important thing is to spend special time with children.
Nothing can express "I love you" better than getting along with children one-on-one regularly, sharing ideas, playing together or staying together.
The most favorable way to convey love is not what we say, but what we do: eye contact, touching with love, being with children, and building a sense of belonging and value for children.
Laughter is the best medicine.
One of the best ways to express love and harmony is to laugh.
Cultivate your sense of humor, learn to recognize and enjoy the ridiculous side of life, and find ways to laugh with your children, which can make you and your children feel amazing changes in life.
Laughter can't solve all your problems and troubles.
But to be sure, it will make your problem look less unbearable.
Creating special time with children is much easier than we thought.
It can actually become a way of life and change the atmosphere in your home.
Setting aside time for rituals, traditions, laughter and memories will make your home feel at home.
It will help you create a home where everyone wants to stay for a while.
Whether being a single mother is your choice or not, your family is your family.
It will be what you have the courage to make it look like.
Believe in your heart that your home will be beautiful, take whatever measures you can and celebrate!
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