2. Mr. Yu's family has been rich for generations, and his great-grandfather used to be a second-class scissorhand in the former Qing Palace.
Let's see ... Qaidam, Xinjiang, is this outside the Third Ring Road?
A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.
In the future, when we have money, we will make a movie called Sex, which is an instant hit! Talk about the troubles of our ordinary people buying a house ...
6, a steak, no beef, I love onions, put more onions.
7. With the progress of society, women are stronger in life; With the development of science and technology, men are weak in bed!
8, his photo, posted on the door to ward off evil spirits, posted on the bedside contraception.
9. Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken feet and ate one and a half.
10, withered vine and old tree faint crow, small bridge flowing water. The old road is thin, the sun sets, heartbroken people … in the hospital.
1 1, I threw the shot very far, and the coach said, it doesn't count if people go out!
12, what's your name? Stop it! Saying it is a curse!
13, bought 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto ... Get up with a dart and drive like a train!
14, the only difference between me and Superman is that I put * * * in it.
15, do they have a family style? If you don't pick things up in the aisle, you will lose them. ...
16, Mr. Wang, you are good at learning. You are better than college students, masters, doctors and academicians. You are a martyr.
17, would you like to listen? Are you willing to listen or are you willing to listen? I will never insist.
18, come to heaven, the buildings here are beautiful, and there are signs on both sides: paradise 100 meters, no stalls!
19, I have been an artist for more than a week.
20. People are the most inhuman in the world.
2 1, marriage is the grave of love-if you don't have a house, you can't even get into the grave!
22, fall in love with you, I have put my head on my belt!
23. An audience friend in Tianjin said: After 50, you are an artist. You chamber pot in the Tang Dynasty also urinated!
24. How advanced are mobile phones now? They are color screen type, flip type, slide type, through type and call type.
The purpose of an actor standing on the stage is to make you laugh, not to educate you. It is a crime for an actor to go on stage and cry to educate the audience.
26, the horse is thin and hairy, and the son is not a thief. The blind uncle married the blind grandmother, and the old couple spent most of their lives without seeing anyone.
27, hooligans can martial arts, no one can stop ... scientists can martial arts, hooligans can't stop!
28. If you want a hamburger, wrap a piece of paper and open it. Want to eat crabs, uncover them; If you want to drink milk, grab it on the steamed bread.
29. This brain nucleus is a big pine nut. When you open the skull, it is a bowl of stew.
You don't need electricity to say it out loud.
3 1, young man, you are the sun at two or three o'clock in the morning.
32. Those who are close to pigs are fat, and those who are close to urine are coquettish.
33. Some people scold me: Degang Guo's cross talk is tasteless and unruly. Behave yourself. Look, raise the national flag.
If I don't beat you, I will turn against you.
Mr. Yu Qian, he speaks crosstalk well, and ... he is also very generous, and we all respect him as the "crosstalk queen".
I want to be a chef and a performing artist. ...
37. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice!" When he was in service, he said: "We must consider China's national conditions!"
38. Help if you are in trouble, and help if you are not.
39, concubinage according to law is the obligation of every citizen!
40. How dare you join the Beggars' Sect! Dressed up very well!
4 1. If we get tickets to the theater, we won't even have enough electricity.
42. With the performance, the audience gave the actors baskets of flowers, one after another. I don't even have a wreath here.
43. Mr. Yu Qian speaks crosstalk well, and ... he is also very generous. We all call him the "crosstalk queen".
44, beef noodles, big noodles, a Japanese, what to eat? Well, the Japanese pointed with their hands: cow shit!
45. Revenge the poor days before! Buy a jacket with a hole, and I will put coins in it when I get on the bus, so I don't plan to save my bike. ...
46. An audience friend in Tianjin said: After 50, you are an artist. You chamber pot in the Tang Dynasty also urinated! !
47. Mr. Wang, you are really rich in knowledge. You are better than college students, masters, doctors and academicians. You are a martyr.
48. We are not hosts, and we are not scolded by our colleagues. Some scum or something. , are said to the mirror.
49. One or two beers and four peanuts. Wait a minute. Here is one (pick one on the ground). Just three.
50. A good teacher can take you to heaven no matter which bed you are in, and a bad teacher can take you directly to the master suite!
5 1, when we have money, we will make a movie called Sex, which will be a hit! Talk about the troubles of our ordinary people buying a house ...
52. The story told today is not far from now. If there is an old man at home, you can go back and ask him. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period ...
53. There are three girls in their family. The elder sister looks like his father, the second sister looks like his mother, and the third sister is beautiful and white, like a neighborhood.
54. Four Great Classical Novels: A Dream of Red Mansions, Outlaws of the Marsh, Clouds in Beijing and Degang Guo were later turned out by me.
55. He scolds me, I take a step back, he scolds me again, I take a step back, there is a wall behind me, and he still scolds me and hits ya! !
56. I have an agreement with the audio industry in China. I am in charge of humor, and they are in charge of taste. Nobody touches anything or moves.
57. Some fried dough sticks are fried, and how long a fork is, just like your face, not yellow. Bite, ah, hit your face as soon as you let go.
58. Give me forty steamed buns and eighty catties of pancakes. How about making two copies of this cookbook? There are many ways to commit suicide, which is terrible.
59. Some actresses sleep with male directors for acting. It's so * *! There are too few female directors, what should I do as an actor?
60. My daughter-in-law said to me, "Speak crosstalk well, and don't worry about anything else. Just speak crosstalk well." This is also her dream.
6 1, the relationship between lovers is not necessarily good, and a good relationship is not necessarily a couple; Crosstalk masters don't necessarily speak crosstalk, and singers don't necessarily know music.
62. I ordered a shark's fin fried rice, but three pairs of chopsticks couldn't find shark's fin. Can you tell me where the shark fin is? The chef said, my name is shark fin.
63. Ten years of primary school and twelve years of secondary school. I was named the most familiar face in the school. When the new teacher came, he asked me the inside story of the school. ...
64. On the Journey to the West, Tang Priest and Elder Tang traveled around with a servant named Friar Sand, two pets, a monkey and a pig.
65. The old man is in good health, but his mouth is full of teeth, only one tooth is left, and his teeth are blocked when he eats ... He eats lotus roots and covers his eyes.
66, Yu Qian's father, looks like a protective hair. (Yu Qian: Is it long to protect your heart and face? ) significantly fierce! You have to talk first.
67. Thank you for coming so many people. It's amazing. It's Chinese New Year before the first month, so I salute you and wish you happiness in your later years.
68. Tian Erfei ran down the road with his head down and went. He picked up his head and had a little contest with this stone ... Tian Er lost.
69. I am a clean and pure person, and chastity and virtue are my pronouns. Wherever I go, the chastity archway follows, and I will never take outside work.
70. I like reading. My room is full of portraits of scientists, such as Marx, Engels, Zu Chongzhi, Lenin, crayon Shinchan and Harry Potter. ...
7 1, how dignified the swimsuit used to be. I used to have to open my swimsuit to see * * *, but now I have to open my swimsuit to see my swimsuit.
72, he is delicious, big cake rolls steamed bread and rice. When you hold it, it is solid porcelain. Sometimes I come backstage, grab two Jin of cake and cut it for later use.
73. There is a military wizard named Degang Guo in China. Wen can write down the world and mount a horse to do Kun; On the kang, you know the ladies-in-waiting, and on the kang, you know the shoes.
74. After all, I can't outrun that BMW. I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my pedal is broken!
75. At this point, yes, it is the White House. There are many reporters standing at the door. When they saw me around, they asked, "Master, do you want a CD?" ?
76. Do you have a two-foot lobster? Sorry, there is nothing two feet long, only two feet two. What stupid restaurant doesn't even have a two-foot lobster? Eat a plate of shredded potatoes.
77. There are more than 1000 traditional cross talks left by the old man. After years of continuous efforts by our actors, it has been basically lost …
78. Old people have a room full of books, traditional, simplified, ancient and foreign. Alas, this is learned! There are various versions of Jin Ping Mei.
79. Jumping off a building will kill more cocaine. I studied it. The twentieth floor and the second floor have different effects. The second floor is bang, ah! Twentieth floor. Yeah ~ ~ ~ Bang! high-tech
80. We got lost halfway. He took out a bunch of instruments and pointed to the needles in the southeast, northwest and northwest ... I said you were all behind, so we had to take advanced measures and throw shoes.
8 1, Yu Qian came out that day and dropped a wire on his face. He was black all over and went to hospital. The doctor asked Yu Qian: Are you from the Coal Mine Art Troupe?
82, alas, people are easy to bully, Mashan rides his neck and shit! Fuck, I dial it, I diarrhea, I wipe it, I ride my neck to diarrhea!
83. (An audience shouts): Degang Guo, you are not alone! Degang Guo: Yes, we do. (another audience shouts): And me. Degang Guo: The three of us.
84. Don't hit him or scold him. Just asking for money, so we can discuss it. But to put it bluntly, more than 100 yuan can kill the ticket.
85. In the evening, the director of women came home from the door and met a rogue on the way. The director of women is honest and persistent. After a fierce struggle, the rogue was stripped naked.
86. I know that some actors are disrespectful and end up hanging their children to prison. (Yu Qian: No, it's called imprisonment), but the hero's name is Diao Er.
87. Secretary Gao, I have to praise you. You are smart and savvy, you show your face to your uncle. Look at the words you typed. You made seven mistakes. (Yu Qian: not much) Let's look at the second line.
Zhang Wenshun's mother is superstitious about wearing clothes. Alas, she died of illness. She went to get dressed and beg for incense ashes. Later, her stool dried up. After over a week, she took out two plates of mosquito-repellent incense.
89. What do you have? My mother brought me eggs. Give it to me. No ... guess, guess how many. I think so. You give me one. If you want to guess, I'll give you two. Five?
90. I met Job this morning. I just got back from Panjiayuan with his father. His father bought a water tank, and he bought a Xuande furnace. Job said, I have a stove and my father has a jar.
9 1. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes when the rain is too heavy, the whole family takes shelter in the streets.
92. You know my appetite, especially I don't like roast duck. After eating four, I can't eat any more. I can't eat cakes one after another. I have to eat when I get home later.
Xu Deliang: Everyone is here today. Why? Because today, Degang Guo and I have a cross talk, and I'm still standing here joking, which is unlikely. Degang Guo: Yes, your cover is not very green.
94. There are four plates on the table. Open the first one. Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!
95. After taking part in the work, I can earn 300,000 yuan ... I looked at the drawings and a 40-meter chimney was built. When people came to see it, they beat me up, but the drawings were turned upside down and I was asked to dig wells.
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