One day when I came home from get off work, my 5-year-old sister came to me crying and complained that her 14-year-old autistic brother, who had always been docile, actually assaulted her!
After learning what happened, I laughed.
My son is tall and tall, but he is always bullied at school.
Is it a blessing or misfortune for my son that he doesn’t know how to hit or curse, or even care about other people’s harm?
But after having a sister, something seemed to have changed——
On May 13, I came home from get off work and my two children were playing in the living room as usual, so I hurried I went to the kitchen to cook, and while I was busy, my sister suddenly came to me crying and asked me for comment!
It turned out that my sister had just been painting in the living room, and my brother was watching beside me with a glass of water, but my sister was watching. I accidentally knocked over the water glass.
My brother, who had always been docile and without temper, suddenly complained, "Oh, you knocked down my water!"
My sister said "I'm sorry," but my brother still refused. Rao "I just poured the water, please apologize to me!"
The younger sister did not expect that her brother would be cruel to her, so she said aggrievedly: "I already said I was sorry," and then started crying. Looking for me.
I did not favor my sister, but told her seriously, "Even if you apologize, others may not forgive you. You have to show sincerity to make your brother forgive you. Go and help him wipe away the water." Come on, give me another glass of water!"
"Little accidents" in life are often good opportunities for education. The two children quarreled, but I felt very happy because of their growth.
In addition, my brother’s tone just now was exactly the same as my sister’s tone when she complained about him before!
Before I had my sister, my brother would only imitate his words, and I would have to guess what he meant first every time. Ideas, and then help him express them, and he will follow them like a parrot.
The arrival of his sister taught him to proactively make requests, ask for delicious food, express reluctance, etc.
It was his sister who gave him a second chance to learn and grow.
My brother’s name is Dayali. He is 14 years old this year. His development has lagged behind his peers since he was a child. As the saying goes, “Children turn over, sit up, and climb.” He has not done this, and his behavior is stereotyped. Severe sleep disturbance.
At the age of 2, Da Yali was diagnosed by Xi'an Children's Hospital as having mental retardation and autism tendencies.
At the age of going to school, Da Yali’s ability to take care of himself was still very low. Fortunately, a friend of mine happened to work in a kindergarten, so he entered the kindergarten smoothly at first.
But Da Yali has always been a "celebrity" in the kindergarten: he never takes a nap and has to have a nursery to watch him at noon; he can't sit still for more than a minute and will lie on the floor; he needs to be fed when eating; He cannot take care of himself; at the age of 4, he can only speak less than 20 words...
With my constant communication and efforts, the teachers sympathized with my son and took good care of him. Dayali also went to kindergarten for two and a half years relatively smoothly. However, when the teacher changed classes at the end of the last semester, Dayali was suddenly ordered to drop out of school.
Not knowing why, I went to the principal and found out that the new teacher said: "If Da Yali doesn't leave, I won't take over this class!"
My arrival made the kindergarten The principal was very nervous, thinking that I was here to cause trouble, and was very worried that I would force him to come back to class.
I swallowed my grievances and tears, said with a grateful heart, "I know the child's situation best, thank the kindergarten and teachers for taking care of the child," shook hands and left.
When Da Yali was a child, my biggest wish was that he would learn to walk on his own when he grew up, stop asking me to hold him all the time, eat by himself, and not urinate or defecate in his pants.
After a long period of training, Da Yali finally learned to walk and talk, and even took advantage of my job (teacher in a regular school) to attend regular classes in a regular school. But we were faced with a new challenge. challenge.
Da Yali can’t hit or curse, and his expressive skills are not very good. He only cries when he is bullied.
Because I am a teacher, teachers and students are very friendly to my son, but his specialness still makes him the target of bullying by a very few students with bad conduct.
Once, he was bullied right across the wall from me.
Da Yali was already 1.65 meters tall in the fifth grade. He was obviously much taller than other classmates, but he was stripped of his pants and slapped by a boy, even outside my office door!
After hearing my son's cry, I rushed to see him and asked him what happened, but he only cried. The children passing by told me that it was the boy next to him who was bullying Dayali.
When I asked the boy, he denied it in every possible way. He also said that Da Yali was beaten by someone else, and he was just helping Da Yali get up.
He didn’t admit it until I called up the surveillance.
Da Yali was beaten for no reason, and I was so angry that I cried.
I sent the surveillance video to the grade leader and the boy’s class teacher, and then asked them to go to the parents to deal with it.
That night, the parents brought the boy to my house to apologize and brought a bunch of snacks.
The boy said "I'm sorry" to me,
I said, "You didn't bully me."
At that time, my son was helping me prepare dinner in the kitchen. The boy went in and didn't know what he said to his son, but when the son came out and saw a pile of food, he was immediately happy.
Dayali is very insensitive to complex interpersonal relationships and only lives in his own world, but it is a blessing in disguise that he does not realize that he is being bullied and ridiculed. Only those of us who loved him were sad.
He never hits or even curses people. Is this a blessing or a misfortune for him?
It was not until his sister Xiao Guo was born that he gradually learned to actively make demands and "resist" while getting along with her.
In the process of teaching my sister how to speak, I deliberately taught my son at the same time so that he could learn to communicate with others again.
Although the NT sister is young, she is very self-aware and will take the initiative to make requests. When the elder brother sees that his sister has made requests, he can get delicious and fun things, so he follows suit and is no longer just passive. waiting to be accepted.
In addition, my sister is a clever little girl. Sometimes she will "put the blame" on her brother when they do something wrong together. For example, when I asked, "Who made such a mess with the toys?" She would jump out first and say, "It's my brother!"
After going back and forth, the brother finally learned to defend himself and identify his sister.
When I got off work on the 13th, my brother also learned the sentence he used to blame his sister.
The two of them usually like to play dominoes. If the brother accidentally touches the dominoes set by the younger sister, the younger sister will say "Oh! Look, you knocked down my set!"
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"I just said that, please apologize to me quickly." She had to force her brother to apologize to her.
Her brother had always given in to her, but this was the first time she was attacked.
My sister has brought a lot of joy to our family, but at first I was worried that there would be another autistic child and did not want a second child.
Until one time, I went to the Guangzhou Yangai Parents Club for Special Children to participate in parent training. A 93-year-old man from Taiwan said, "His greatest achievement in life is to survive his own children." (His intelligence His son lived to be 71 years old), and he could die in peace.
Life is impermanent. If I can't accompany him to his old age, then I will leave him the closest person in the world. If one day I am gone, they can still find another fulcrum in their lives in this world.
So I put the second child plan on the agenda, so that Da Yali would not feel "left out" after the arrival of my younger sister.
I have been instilling the existence of my sister to my brother since I was pregnant.
Teach him to talk to the baby in his belly, but he only says "Sister, I am a brother!" and "Sister, I love you!" every day, haha.
When I was discharged from the hospital after giving birth to my daughter, the first thing I did was to watch the photo albums of his childhood with my son and tell him, "When you were young, your grandparents, parents, and parents all hugged you. Now You have grown up, and my sister is small, so we have to hug her more."
But we usually "coax her from both sides", saying "I love you most" in front of my brother, and "you are" in front of my sister. My darling.”
Because my brother knew that I loved him, he not only accepted being "left out", but also took the initiative to take care of his sister.
Every time he crosses the road, he will take the initiative to protect his sister on the inside, and he will also say, "Sister, be careful about the car" just like I took care of him back then.
My younger sister is now 5 years old and is a big kid. Sometimes when my older brother touches other people’s hair (his stereotypical behavior), she will imitate me and be aggressive towards him and remind him not to do it. I will tease my younger sister, “What are you doing?” Damn my son, this is my son, not yours.”
I never thought about having a second child to take care of my brother for the rest of his life. Little Apple should have his own life.
However, I also hope that the two children will have blood thicker than water, love each other, and be considerate of each other, just like any ordinary brother and sister.
Both brothers and sisters are independent living individuals. As parents, what we can do is accompany, educate, tolerate and appreciate them.
After my brother was diagnosed, I have been working hard to help him with intervention. Fortunately, my brother is a snack. As long as food is used as a reinforcer, he will cooperate with the intervention training and make great progress. big.
In order to help him take care of himself and become socially independent, I started letting him learn how to use money since he was seven years old.
From letting him watch me buy, to me leading him in line to buy, to letting him hold the money and telling me what to buy, to me accompanying him to buy (his speech was vague and the boss couldn't hear clearly) , then gave him money to secretly buy with him, and then completely let go, it took me 6 years.
Dayali can now go to and from school independently, take public transportation, buy and clean vegetables, cook, do laundry, and complete other life tasks according to instructions. She can also play the piano, draw, and use the computer to pass the time.
The best thing is that my brother will teach my sister the same way I taught him. My sister’s skill of frying eggs was taught by my brother.
In addition, my father and I are also trying to accumulate wealth as much as possible, hoping that our children will have more financial security in their future lives.
Before the housing prices in Xianyang soared, we bought two houses in the city. In the future, Dayali should be able to meet our basic living needs by collecting rent.
Taking care of a child with autism is hard, but whose parents have an easy life?
Just like ordinary students in Dayali have to do homework until midnight every night, their parents have to worry about their children's further education, employment, marriage... At least, I can worry less about these things.
They have their sorrows, and we also have our own happiness!
Big Yali and Little Apple, two little angels, thank you for coming to this home, and I am grateful to be able to participate in your growth!