As parents, although it is not necessary to let children be brothers all over the world, at least let their children have their own social circle and grow up with their friends. If children lack good friends from childhood, they will become inferior and sensitive, which is extremely unfavorable to their mental health development.
Why are children unpopular?
In order to find out the reason, we should first look at the problem separately. Generally speaking, there are two types of children who are not suspected:
The first category: children are not popular with their peers.
Children are unpopular with their peers and can be divided into four situations:
Situation 1: children are weak in some ways, which leads to unpopularity.
"Can I play with you?"
"No, you run too slowly."
I never won with you.
If a child is not good at something, it will cause him to be unable to play happily with the child. In this case, parents can carry out special training for their children's shortcomings. If training can't change the status quo, they can guide children to develop their strengths and avoid weaknesses and tap new advantages. For example, "Are you not good at table tennis?" Why don't you ask some friends to play table tennis together? "
Yes, I'm going to find Pippi.
Solution:
Method 1: Train for the deficiency.
The second method is to tap the advantages of children in other aspects.
Situation 2: The child does not have the problem of weak ability in one aspect, but still cannot integrate into the group.
Some children don't have the above situation, but they just can't get along with everyone. This situation is caused by too few children participating in group activities, and it is actually very simple to solve this problem.
Solution:
Method 1: Take more children to participate in parent-child activities. Parents must take their children to actively participate in various activities organized by the school. As long as children have more time to get along with their classmates, they will always make a few good friends and establish their own social circle.
Method 2: Children form social circles. Parents can also help their children form social circles by finding ways to share common interests.
Situation 3: Some children have unique personalities and interests and like to be alone.
Some children naturally like to be alone, and some partners don't play with her, so she won't feel lost. Then there is no need for parents to force their children to be like others. As the saying goes, there are nine kinds of dragons, each with its own differences. There is no need to obliterate a child's unique personality.
Solution: If children like to be alone, please respect their unique personality.
Situation 4: The child acts unwelcome.
Some children are unpopular because they often have some unpopular actions, such as:
Children are teachers' minions and like to report.
A child who doesn't know how to share is a bit selfish.
Children like to belittle and laugh at others,
Children like to solve problems with their fists.
Faced with the above problems, parents should understand that the psychological motivation of children to do these behaviors is not necessarily bad. After all, children are still young, and many things don't know how to handle them properly.
1. Children belittle and laugh at others. This situation may also be to help your friends, but also out of a sense of justice to see your friends being bullied into gossiping, but I don't know that these behaviors will arouse the resentment of my classmates. If parents don't correct it, children are likely to get into a lot of trouble.
Faced with this situation, parents should first be psychologically prepared to fight a protracted war, because some problems cannot be solved once or twice. For children who like to snitch, parents may wish to cooperate tacitly, let the children put themselves in their own shoes, deal with them as they deal with them, and feel the emotions of others.
The following example is a double-reed play.
Tang Tang usually has the habit of tattling. This time, she has been punished by her grandmother for breaking the vase at home, but she is afraid that her father will punish herself again when he finds out.
Sugar Sugar said to her mother, "Mom, can you not tell Dad?" "
Mom: "Good". After returning home.
Dad: "Candy, you are so naughty that you broke grandma's vase."
At this time, Tang Tang's mother seized the opportunity to guide her children to put themselves in other's shoes.
Mom: "Does Mom tell you that you are happy?" "
Sugar sugar: "Well, unhappy"
Mom: "Then think about it. You always tell the teacher about your classmates. Will your classmates be happy? " "
Sweets: "Well, no" but but they just made a mistake. "
Mom: "Then tell them directly. Why tell the teacher? "
Sugar sugar: "Mom, I get it".
2. Children don't know how to share. Parents can also buy children's favorite food. When his face is eaten, when he sees that his mood has changed, he can seize the opportunity and guide the children to understand why they should learn to share.
3. Facing children who love to report. Children can be guided to get rid of unwelcome behaviors by giving them a taste of their own medicine.
Children like to laugh at and belittle others. The above method is not suitable. If parents laugh at their children and belittle them, it is likely to hurt their self-esteem and is not conducive to their growth. Faced with this situation, mom and dad can play two different roles respectively.
For example, Tangtang's math score was ok this time, but because he made a mistake on a very simple question and didn't get full marks, Tangtang's father planned to take this opportunity to make Tangtang, who likes to laugh at others, feel the harm caused by ridicule, so his father played the satirist and his mother played the pertinent role.
Dad appeared first: "Oh, haha, you have got such a simple question wrong. You are so stupid. "
"I don't like dad."
Then my mother appeared: "Is it a pity that I made a mistake by accident?" But everyone makes mistakes, so be careful next time. "
I'll get full marks next time.
One evaluates children in an ironic way, and the other evaluates children in a pertinent way, so that children can experience the same thing. There are two different versions. In this process, children can be guided to understand which statement is more acceptable.
"Are you happy that Dad said that about you?"
"You are happy, mom said well."
"After that, you should also talk to a classmate who did something wrong like your mother."
Oh, I see.
Those who are cynical afterwards must give their children the right guidance, otherwise it will be counterproductive for children to follow suit and ridicule.
Solution: Parents guide children to understand how different roles communicate with others.
5. Children who like to solve problems with their fists. They are usually boys, and there are always one or two in each class to solve this problem. Parents should not blindly beat and scold their children, but should patiently ask their children why they beat them, ease their emotions and point out their misconduct. Encourage him to associate with his classmates in a friendly way next time.
Solution: in the face of children who like to hit people, find out the reasons for hitting people, correct improper behavior, and encourage friendly exchanges.
It should be noted that none of the above methods can be used frequently, but attention should be paid to the effect.
In fact, there is nothing wrong with letting children suffer some grievances at home, which is better than letting children become "targets" at home.
The second category: children are not welcomed by adults.
As for children who are not treated well by adults, this situation is rare, and even if there is, it is caused by children's naughty manners. Faced with this problem, on the one hand, parents should control their children, on the other hand, they also need to communicate with others to get forgiveness and understanding.
Finally, let's divide the situation and summarize the solutions to different problems.
First, children's ability in one aspect is weak, so they can train for their shortcomings or tap their advantages in other aspects.
Second, children can't integrate into the group. Parents are advised to actively participate in parent-child activities to help children form social circles.
Third, for children who like to be alone, we should respect their unique personality.
Fourth, a selfish child who likes to report can deal with a man as he deals with you and correct his behavior.
For children who like to belittle and laugh at others, parents can divide their roles and guide them to understand the way of interacting with others.
6. For children who like to hit people, parents should find out the reasons for hitting people and encourage them to interact with others in a friendly way.
Of course, every child is different. I hope these measures can play a role in attracting jade and help parents to come up with more good ways to let their children grow up healthily in a normal interpersonal environment.