Figure: From the network

It has been four years since my mother died.

When my mother was four years old, she remarried with her mother and entered another village called Wujiazhuang from Daxiyao. At that time, the villagers often told me when I was a child, Hongliang, your mother suffered. When you grow up, be filial to your mother. This not only refers to her mother's work in more than ten acres of fields in spring and autumn, but also implies that her mother has suffered too much pressure all her life.

Of course, I didn't understand it when I was young, but I vaguely remember that my mother often locked my sister and me in the house to work in the fields. When I was seven or eight years old, I actually threw off the board under the gate, dragged my sister out of the house and stood in the street crying. My mother hurried back from the ground when she heard what others said.

I still clearly remember my mother's appearance, which is the image of her standing in my dream. There are a few white hairs in her black hair, and her round red face is the color of the sunset after years of field work. The most beautiful thing is the mother's nose, like the crescent moon just tilted in the evening glow.

Sky blue cloth shirt, navy blue coarse trousers, nylon shoes made by hemp thread, and small lotus leaves picked up from the inlet by the door. In my memory, this is my mother's best dress. In winter, I put on my cotton-padded jacket and that dress. In spring and summer, I wore that dress alone. It was really hot, so I wore a dacron gown that I wore as a teenager, with a blue patch on my shoulder.

I was born in the early 1970s, when I was a child, I was sickly. First of all, I have whooping cough. I have been coughing for more than a hundred days, and I am as thin as a sorghum stalk. I slept all day. My mother said that I had just left home, and I was so short of food that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was going to be thrown away. It's because she scraped the surface of the ladle at the bottom of the tank, borrowed an egg from others and fed it bit by bit for several days, but she woke up unexpectedly. My mother gave me life!

As far as I can remember, my young mother worked in the fields all day. She was still working in the production team at that time. Because my father was locked up in the detention center for a year because of the Cultural Revolution, my thin and short mother was left. One person should replace two people to do the work of the production team, and the others should be the team leader. But my mother always has to work in the middle of the night, and when she is unclear, she has to work in the morning than others. I had no choice but to lock me at home. Over time, I am always lonely and afraid, always dreaming of growing bigger in the dark.

When I was a child, I always longed for the sound of the captain hitting the railing hanging from the tree pole with a hammer. The crisp sound lifted the clouds in the evening and floated to the vast green fields. Because I was going to work, my mother came back with a hoe. ...

Later, when the fields were divided into households, my father went to a coal mine hundreds of miles away to dig coal. My mother was even tied up in the field. At that time, there was no machinery. To dig the land, we had to plow the cattle and plow the land with shovels. Spring planting and autumn harvest, my mother always works alone.

In the cold spring, she pulls weeds with blood-stained hands, and when the wheat is harvested, she cuts the wheat with a sickle in the hot sun. In the rainy season, in order to save a few cents on the electricity bill for watering the land, she was ill for several days, so I had to get the medicine. She kept silent for several days. Yes, my mother always says nothing in the face of difficulties, and that's the case all her life. It has become a spoken word.

My working mother also recited to us the truth of being a man, such as people are not lazy, old women should not eat too much, there is no free pasta in the world, people should stand on their own feet and don't ask others.

That's what my mother said and did. As long as I can remember, no matter how hard life is, she has never asked others to be stronger. Mother always gets up before dawn and goes to the fields. She asked us not to sleep in lazy beds, or we would lift the quilt and beat it with a cloth ruler. Being a diligent person can make up for her shortcomings, and managing the family diligently is her creed.

In my life, my strong mother seldom cries, even at the last moment of terminal illness, but there are two exceptions.

Once, when I was five or six years old, my father was still in a class in the town and refused to go home for reunion. And I am also eager to put a few electric cannons rolled in white paper during the Chinese New Year. Every time I beg my mother, she agrees every day, but there is nothing in the bamboo basket except scattered kelp and a few dried onions.

At that time, I was too young to understand the hardships of life. On New Year's Eve, I looked at the colorful fireworks rising in Ran Ran in the night sky, and my heart seemed to be greatly hurt. I lay in bed and cried. No matter how my mother coaxed me into calling me "Fried Fish and Chopped Meat", I didn't get up for the New Year's Eve dinner.

After persuasion failed, my mother cried sadly and said angrily, "Hongliang, you don't know that a penny is worth a penny." Our family has no money. " If you don't get up for the Spring Festival, your mother will sleep with you, but not for a year. "

My mother blew out the kerosene lamp. In the sparkle of fireworks outside the wooden window, I saw my mother's tears flashing, so crystal clear that my childhood heart trembled. Yes, my father can't go home for reunion because of political control, and my family is almost isolated. How can a mother who earns a dime a day by working make me laugh?

Fortunately, my uncle came with the children and some firecrackers, and I was refreshed immediately. Mother wiped her tears, quickly got up and said with a smile, "The child is too young, not sensible, not obedient ..." The thatched cottage, wooden door and adobe wall in childhood, mother's smile and love. Become the most beautiful New Year pictures in childhood.

My mother cried for the second time because of my marriage. For this marriage, my parents spent nearly a year, and my father went to the matchmaker's house for several months. On the other hand, on August 15th, my mother was busy working in the field for a whole day. Regardless of hunger and fatigue, she walked seven or eight miles in the dark to give gifts to the matchmaker.

Later, the other party broke up because of various things, and my mother said I would bring it up again. I stubbornly replied that I would rather be a bachelor than beg. My mother said with tears, "Son, if you become a bachelor, your face will hang in front of your neighbors." After many twists and turns, marriage finally became a reality. My mother said: "For many years, the road has become a river, and the daughter-in-law has been a mother-in-law for many years.

The process of becoming a mother-in-law is not easy for mother. In order to increase her family's income, she raised an old sow to give birth to piglets, carried a big basket of grass every day and boiled the pigs.

When people in the village saw it, they all said that your mother was really diligent. She is always busy every day! Especially when sows give birth to piglets, they stay up all night in the pigsty, and the dirty, smelly and disgusting pig afterbirth is mixed with pig manure, but mother can bear it. She peeled the pigs bit by bit with her hands ... A few days later, a group of cheerful and lovely pigs shouted in the straw nest.

The winter of 2002 was the last year that my father suffered from cancer. My mother was the first to cry when she learned. She begged her cousin, who is a doctor in the hospital, to save her father. My mother cried for the first time when her doctor uncle pushed her away impatiently and coldly threw out a sentence "Prepare for the funeral".

In the days before my father died, my mother tried her best to take care of my father, wrapped his favorite mutton, jiaozi, and accompanied my father to sell firecrackers for the last time before his death. My mother pedaled a car full of fireworks and firecrackers and walked to the market alone in the cold snow. She is interpreting the last love of human couples for decades with practical actions.

For more than ten days, my mother lost weight, and I tried to replace her several times. My mother always said that there was no need for anything … my father died in the end. For thirteen years, my mother was alone.

In the winter of 2003, my father died more than half a year, and my mother began to work in Beijing for thirteen years. That year, my mother was 55 years old. My mother, who has been drifting in the North for thirteen years, worked as a sanitation worker, set up a stall, worked as a cleaner and cooked in the canteen. Thirteen years of mother drifting north, the past is vivid:

I saw my mother riding a rusty pedal tricycle, her gray headdress floating in the morning breeze, and her thin but tough figure shuttling through traffic and traffic lights. That's her way to the green land.

At 9 o'clock in the cold winter night, my mother, a domestic worker, shivered on the bus. I called her cell phone, but she didn't answer. My mother got carsick on the bus, and she kept vomiting because of the pungent smell of gasoline and bumps.

That summer, in Liucun, Daxing, Beijing, my mother, who was cooking in the factory, was waving a shovel to add charcoal to the pot. She was soaked with sweat, waved and refused to help without even saying anything.

In the last spring of her life, in Sun Village, Dahongmen Town, Beijing, her mother was familiar with cooking in the canteen of that clothing factory. She said that she would resign after finishing her last year. Rest and enjoy life, but this summer, I was found to be seriously ill and unable to return to heaven. My mother was sixty-six years old that year.

My mother transferred to several hospitals, Daxing Hospital, Renhe Hospital and China Traditional Chinese Medicine Cancer Hospital. The operation lasted for seven or eight hours. The first sentence my mother said in a hoarse voice after waking up was: "Son, you're here, mom is fine ..." I couldn't stop crying at that time, feeling sorry for my mother who had suffered all her life.

Yes, my mother is always busy when she is not sick. She works in Beijing and hasn't seen each other for six months and three months. Even if she met, she was always in a hurry. Now she is free at last, but she can't return to the sky. In those days, my mother impressed me with her strength.

I had a major operation to remove four-fifths of the stomach pouch, and I had to remove the suture for lumbar surgery more than ten days later. I saw that the suture of the blade was nearly 20 cm, like a ferocious and bright snake lying on her body, while the mother's body was only 50 cm. When the doctor picked out the stitches, her mother gritted her teeth in pain and sweated, but she didn't make any noise. Only after that did her mother moan like the depths of the earth.

She goes to the toilet alone and never asks for help. In her words, if I ask you to help her to that extent, it's over. Whether it's chemotherapy, heartbroken vomiting, or long-term infusion of dry stool, five days before his death, abdominal distension was unbearable and he wiped his sweat with his hands in the bathroom. I pushed the door several times, but she blocked it.

During my days in that hospital, I helped my mother, helped her, carried her back, and finally hugged her. When I hugged my mother, she had to leave. My mother finally gasped in my ear and said,' No one can rely on herself in this life'. As she spoke, two lines of tears rolled down her cheeks, and then my mother went to another world. Maybe she never thought that she had come to the end of her life.

In Beijing, the CCTV Building, the Wildlife Park, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, and every corner of Beijing's countryside, mothers have been left behind. In Longtan Park in the west of China Cancer Hospital, after chemotherapy, my mother sat quietly in a chair beside the clear water in the sunset, her silver hair shining like a beautiful statue. My mother walked quietly in Panjiayuan calligraphy and painting market, chatting about the past when my sister and I were young.

Mom was in the ward at that time.

In Beijing, my mother spent the last year, which was also the biggest birthday in her life. On that day, my mother put on a wreath for the first time and sang a birthday song for her. At that time, my mother was the most beautiful.

Looking back, it's almost four years since my mother died, and I'm still wandering in Beijing, looking for my mother's blessing voice. ...