Adele Faber Elaine Mazlish, Adele Faber, USA

201112/20 Tuesday

I have read two chapters. According to the advice in the book, I read about one chapter a week, but I feel a little slow. The theme of each chapter is actually very simple, just a few words, but the author basically explains it in detail in plain words.

The first chapter helps children face their feelings.

Four skills to help children face their feelings

1, listen carefully

2. Respond to their feelings with "Oh ……" and "So ……"

Step 3 tell them how they feel

4. Realize your wishes in a fantasy way.

Chapter II Encouraging Children to Cooperate with Us

Five skills to encourage children to cooperate with us

1. Describe what you see or describe the problem.

Step 2: Skills

3. Express in simple language

4. Tell your feelings

Step 5 write a note

Chapter III Methods of Substituting Punishment

Punishing a child actually deprives him of the process of reflecting on his wrong behavior from the bottom of his heart.

Don't treat children as troublemakers, but as active participants in solving problems.

Seven techniques of substituting punishment:

1, ask children for help

2. Clearly express a position of strong disagreement (but don't attack the child's personality)

Step 3 state your expectations

Step 4 offer options

5. Tell children how to make up for their mistakes.

Step 6 take action

7. Let children experience the natural consequences of wrong behavior.

Five steps for parents to solve problems when children refuse to turn over a new leaf.

The first step: discuss children's feelings and needs;

Step 2: Tell your feelings and needs.

The third step: discuss together and find a solution that everyone agrees with.

Step 4: Write down all your thoughts (no comments).

Step 5: Pick out which suggestions you accept, which you don't accept and which you need to put into action.

Chapter iv encouraging children to stand on their own feet

One of the most important goals for parents to cultivate their children is to help them become independent individuals.

Let children do their own things, experience the struggles brought by various problems, and grow up in their own mistakes.

Let the child's sense of dependence be minimized and let the child become a responsible person.

Six skills to encourage children to stand on their own feet

1, let children make their own choices.

2. Respect children's efforts

3. Don't ask too many questions

Don't tell the answer in a hurry.

5. Encourage children to make good use of external resources.

6. Don't ruin children's hopes.

Let the children think for themselves and think clearly about the problem.

Asking too many questions will make people feel that their private life has been violated, and children will tell you when they want to tell you.

Don't tell the answer in a hurry. It is wrong to educate children or students in this way, that is, it is not good to tell students the answers to questions in a hurry. But sometimes I ask you what you think. But I find that the time wasted in class is limited, and some students don't want to talk about it. What should I do about it? In fact, it is best to use it for individual counseling, but there will be more time.

Parents who are not good at using external resources will be the most bitter and tired parents in the world, but perhaps the effect is not so good.

Cultivating children's independence is everywhere and all the time. The key is whether we have this idea or not. There is also the degree of support from family members. The main difference is different from parents' ideas. Now it is generally raised on both sides. Sometimes adults change, sometimes in their own homes. These two different educational concepts have brought certain difficulties to educating children.

Only coordination.

Let the children make their own choices. In fact, we are providing children with a variety of solutions, so that they can choose their own answers. This is also something I do unconsciously. Just like eating, parents should make basic alternative recipes instead of accusing their children of anorexia and partial eclipse.

It is most helpful to ask them more questions and let them think further. The process of finding the answer is as valuable as the question itself.

More often, children have now developed the habit of being too lazy to do housework. How to change it now, such as letting children clean their own rooms, has never been asked to do it, on the one hand, it is also to save his time. I used to think that if children go to the countryside to exercise like me, such as cutting rice, picking oranges and pulling weeds, they can exercise their will and study hard. Now it seems that in fact, the little things in life, such as tidying the room and doing your own thing, are also cultivating children's abilities in all aspects.

I let him peel the eggs for himself this morning. Actually, I think it's good, and it's good at home.

Children have too many hobbies, which leads to working overtime to do something, such as defecation and sleeping. Generally speaking, these problems should be solved with children.

Now a child's mantra is that I am such a person, I don't care. This role orientation also needs us to change rather than strengthen.

Chapter 5 Learn to appreciate children

Children who are appreciated at home are more willing to set higher goals for themselves.

Appreciation requires caution, and goodwill appreciation sometimes leads to unexpected rejection.

An important duty of parents is to learn to praise their children for doing the right thing in time.

Appreciate children's three skills:

1, describe what you see.

Step 2 describe your feelings

3. Summarize the child's praiseworthy behavior in one word.

Chapter six liberating children from their roles.

How parents look at their children will affect their behavior.

Being true to yourself is more important than being a "good daughter of mom"

Never underestimate the impact of your words on a child's life.

Six skills to free children from their roles:

1, looking for opportunities for children to see a brand-new self.

2. Create opportunities for children to see themselves differently.

3. Let your child overhear your positive comments on him.

Step 4 lead by example

5. Remember the children's special moments.

6. When the child acts in the original way again, express your feelings and expectations.

Treating the same child, your guiding ideology is different, resulting in completely different educational effects.

Chapter VII mastery through a comprehensive study

To change children, all skills are needed.

What's all this for?