In recent years, there is a popular saying that "the car has oil, the mobile phone has electricity, and Cary has money!" Is the greatest sense of security. I just didn't understand it deeply until an unforgettable thing happened: I gave birth to a baby at the age of 33, with no experience, no instructions and deep love. But for various reasons, when the baby was 3 months old, the mother decided to go back to her hometown. My mother-in-law complained for a month instead of all kinds of criticisms, and then took the opportunity to run away from home. I am walking in an empty house with a soft and waxy baby who can only cry and sleep: what if the baby suddenly has a fever and coma, and what if he suddenly faints? In this crowded and bustling metropolis, no one can rely on ... I was completely scared to cry (maybe a little postpartum depression) when I was 9 years old and could solve countless problems independently. I called my father in tears. His old man calmly said, "Go to the hospital if you are sick." Calm down and think about it carefully. From pregnancy to giving birth to a baby, I have always handled it myself. Furthermore, every time you go to school and choose a school, or even get married at work, you must face and solve it alone. Why am I so fragile and dependent on others now? Later, I consulted many articles about marriage and psychology, and also consulted a professional marriage counselor. I spent more than a whole year talking to myself repeatedly, and finally figured out a clue: I have the confidence to undertake all the important tasks of life without sufficient material security and stable economic sources. Because I am confused and anxious and have expectations and expectations for others, I supervise each other. These roots are all limited by objective factors in material aspects, and there are also defects caused by various psychological trauma and lack.

Now that we understand the reason, we must find a solution.

The first step is to work harder.

In addition to paying more attention to the sales business of the design company founded with my husband, I also have another part-time job in my own foreign trade sales business, using my baby's sleeping time to call back and send emails to draft contracts and so on. I'm too busy to coax the baby to cooperate. Because of the time difference of foreign trade business, I often use the time period of 9: 00- 12: 00 after my baby goes to bed at night to work efficiently.

After more than half a year, domestic design companies accounted for nearly one million, and the part-time income of foreign trade sales was several thousand yuan per month. The pressure from the economy has eased, especially after knowing that I can live on my own and the problem of food and clothing can definitely be solved, as if I saw a light in the dark, I am no longer so afraid of one person, nor of the future of others. My heart has become certain, my eyes are bright, and I am not so easy to get angry and cry.

The second step is to nourish the heart.

With the baby and work, there are so many trivial matters of marriage, I often feel very angry and wronged. After repeatedly communicating with the baby's father to apply, I finally have a week's free time. During this time, I often go to the community library alone. At first, I read about the solution of marriage problems and the coordination of gender relations. Later, I read some psychology, then some social sciences, entrepreneurship, business administration, flower arrangement and tourism. I completely jumped out of the framework of family and marriage, and began to deeply understand that my pain comes more from my mentality, but my mentality comes from my own perspective, and my narrow perspective comes from my lack of knowledge, poor ability and improper methods. Through reading, thinking and looking forward to, I found that I still have many opportunities, many aspirations and many potentials. After I found my ambitious and high-spirited self in the past, the other person's indifferent eyes, unreturned information and even vulgar curses became so naive, superficial and uneducated. I finally understood what other people's problems were and what topics were in my life, so my heart became calm, full, smooth and bright.

The third step is to pay attention to work and rest, make friends and develop your hobbies.

After many uncontrollable breakdowns and tears in the middle of the night, I found that the ability of health, friendship and self-pleasure is the most important and lasting. I no longer check all kinds of emotional posts in the middle of the night, do not participate in all kinds of complaints of single mothers, ensure proper sleep, eat on time, and often communicate and consult with new and old friends at work. At the same time, I decided to develop my literary hobby temporarily suspended due to work, rewrite it, and try to answer some questions about career planning, parenting and feelings in a higher-end community. Slowly, slowly, I slowly picked up my social network and hobbies to stand up and become a normal person.

After nearly six years of bloody marriage, I finally hobbled to the shore with my baby on crutches, and walked out of the muddy swamp of endless quarrels, discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, parents' pain, single parents having babies, unclear career development and so on in the Cold War.

At present, the ideal life is a baby, a dog and a career.

On weekdays, I get up early to make a nutritious vegetarian breakfast, chat with my baby and encourage each other while eating. After I put the baby on the school bus in the morning, I went back to the office to deal with my work. After work at 5 pm, I picked up the baby at the gate of the community, and then two people prepared dinner together. He chooses vegetables and I cook. Talk about their day's experience while eating. Take a walk with Xiaohei after dinner, read books with my parents before going to bed, and then say good night to each other.

As for the weekend, we get up early and go to the nearby library, park, children's playground and suburban fields. Enjoy the silence of the library, feel the footsteps of spring together, experience the joy of sports together, watch ants move and bees collect honey together, and have a good meal and a relaxed sleep after playing enough.

As for the Spring Festival, we can arrange it freely. We can stay at home if we want, travel, visit relatives and friends and work if we want, and we don't have to shuttle through crowded stations and airports wrapped in filial piety, wasting precious time that should be easily shared by the family. During the winter and summer vacations, we can discuss and coordinate with each other, complete a short trip, have a meaningful training, or water flowers and plants carefully every day or read related books according to a theme.

When we have a little spare time, we divide our work reasonably and clean up together. In spring, we put on colorful sofa cover. In winter, we will put plush cushions, look up recipes online to make some delicious food, and bathe and cut the dog's hair. On windy days, we fly kites; On rainy days, we stay at home and watch movies; On a sunny afternoon, we wash clothes and smell the fragrance of warm sun; On a snowy morning, we build a snowman downstairs and give him a carrot nose that we like. ...

Now the living environment is too suitable for a person's life, and the feeling of free commitment to self-realization is too beautiful. Some people may say what to do if you are sick and what to do if you are lonely? In fact, a painful marriage is more likely to cause physical and psychological problems, but a make-do marriage can't solve these problems, but it just makes you feel that someone has shared or exempted your hard work, which makes you miss the time of good preparation and makes the disaster unprepared. Two imperfect, strong, selfless and brave adults are completely separated, and no longer supervise, urge, complain, quarrel, doubt and blame. It's exhausting but useless. what do you think?

Finally, it ends with Haizi's Facing the Sea, Warm Spring in bloom:

From tomorrow on, I want to be a happy person;

? Feed horses, chop wood and travel around the world.

? From tomorrow on, I will care about food and vegetables.

? Living in a house facing the sea, spring is blooming.

? From tomorrow on, write to everyone I love.

Tell them my happiness.

What did the lightning of happiness tell me,

I will distribute it to each of them.

Give every river and mountain a warm name.

Stranger, I will also wish you happiness.

I wish you a bright future!

May you lovers get married!

May you be happy on earth.

I only want to face the sea and spring blossoms.