No hurry, no rashness, arouse children's desire to communicate
After entering menopause, Ms. Li became suspicious, irritable and fond of nagging. However, the child has to face the key senior high school entrance examination, which makes Ms. Li uneasy. She didn't communicate with her children much before, but now she often argues with her children about her studies. "I just want to ask about my son's study and exam results, but his attitude is too bad. When you say east, he insists on west." Ms. Li said angrily. On the third day, Ms. Li began to send her son to school every day. In order to improve her children's academic performance, she also invited several tutors for her children. The tutor fee alone is more than 1000 yuan a month, but the child is ungrateful, which makes Ms. Li feel very sad. As soon as she communicates, a big war broke out between mother and child. Helpless, Ms. Li had to bow her head and apologize to her son. In her view, this is already a great concession. As a result, I didn't expect it to be counterproductive. Ms. Li not only failed to establish trust and good communication with her son, but made her son feel that her mother's apology was just to make him obedient, and he became even more reluctant to communicate with her.
The reporter learned from some middle schools that there are not a few parents like Ms. Li, and many parents who married late and gave birth late in those years have caught up with the "PK of menopause and adolescence". The child is just in the third grade, and now it is the key time before the middle school entrance examination. However, due to some symptoms of menopause, parents become talkative, grumpy and difficult to calm down. "Communication between menopause and adolescence" has become a difficult problem for many families.
In this regard, Min Min, a psychological teacher at Beijing Chen Jinglun Middle School, said that parents must remain calm and not be impatient when communicating with their children, especially those in menopause should be calm and not pay too much attention to their children's learning. In the case of Ms. Li, the emotional foundation between her and her children is not well established, so it is unwise to rush to "catch up" before the middle school entrance examination. Apologizing to children will easily make children feel that parents are playing tricks. Facing the senior high school entrance examination, parents should not suddenly change the relationship between themselves and their children, and should not care too much about their children, otherwise it will increase the pressure on their children. For rebellious children, parents should do the opposite, and if they want to communicate with their children, they can try to ignore him, so that children can have the question that "my mother used to care about me, but now she doesn't care about me" and arouse their communication desire.
To talk about learning, we should start with life.
When Zhang Lin (pseudonym), a junior 3 student, walked into the school psychological counseling room, the first sentence he said was "I am most afraid of looking into my mother's eyes". Zhang Lin said that seeing the anxiety, worry and disappointment in her mother's eyes made her feel worse than her. Every time after the exam, my mother will ask herself, how did the exam go? How did other students do in the exam? Why did you lose these points? "I hate it when my mother always says,' How many points did someone else get in this exam, and the senior high school entrance examination will definitely surpass you'. As soon as she said this, I didn't want to say anything to her. " Now, Zhang Lin shuts himself in the house as soon as school is over and doesn't say a word to his parents.
It is understood that many children in grade three are most afraid to talk to their parents about their studies. Parents' concern for academic performance is a major reason for the pressure of production in grade three. Wen Fang, a psychologist, believes that the reason for the outstanding communication problem is that parents want to participate in their children's learning too much and are too eager for quick success. Parents should realize that communication with their children should be based on their usual emotional accumulation. The more they are forced, the less they trust their parents.
What parents want to communicate with their children most is learning, but this is the last thing that children want to talk about. At this time, parents can communicate with their children by emotional approach, starting with life problems, not talking about learning, talking to their children about their favorite stars and social hotspots, etc., to make them happy and let them feel their parents' love for him. Some parents like to do things for their children, and sometimes being too arranged will also cause their children's resentment. What parents do for their children depends on the needs of their children, not on their demands.