I wonder if you have paid attention to the description of mother in many celebrity biographies: mother is gentle, virtuous and considerate, and she always contributes silently to her children without complaining, and her mother is strong, kind and opinionated, as if nothing can beat her ...
Are these words familiar? It is such a mother that it is possible to cultivate such an excellent child. Because children have an instinctive dependence on their mothers when they are young, their mother's personality, language and behavior will affect their lives.
How can we make the child's personality habits not develop in the opposite direction to the mother's personality and inherit the advantages of the mother?
The best way is for a mother to restrain herself in front of her children and become a real mother.
In front of children, not at the negotiating table, mothers don't need to look at children with critical, critical and demanding eyes. Their aggressive attitude, harsh language, manipulative behavior and self-righteous judgment do far more harm to children's self-esteem and self-confidence than exam-oriented education.
For children, from the moment he was born, the child's requirements for the role of mother are almost eternal.
There is a report on the brain research of men and women, which shows from a scientific point of view:
From the perspective of human evolution, women's emotional energy far exceeds that of men. Mothers are the soul of the family. Happy mothers make the whole family happy, while anxious mothers make the whole family anxious.
Mother is a family regulator and oxygen supply machine.
So, how to be a qualified good mother?
How to be a qualified good mother
1, enter the door and forget your unhappiness.
Mother must remind herself before entering the house: forget all the unpleasant things in the unit, and now she is taking on the role of mother. Children need their mothers to be happy, so don't pass on bad feelings that have nothing to do with children to them, because children are innocent.
2. A child's little honor is very important.
When a child tells his mother cheerfully that he got a five-pointed star or a small red flower at school today, don't show boredom or disdain. Be sure to praise him as happily as your son.
The most appropriate way is to say whether you can show your mother and share this happiness with him, because this honor is very important to children.
3. "Ignorant" mother
When a child comes to ask his mother such questions as "how to pronounce this word", it is best for her not to answer him immediately. The worst answer is "how come you don't even know this word". Mom had better take a look and say, Oh, I don't know either. Shall we look it up in the dictionary together?
After several times, the mother taught the child to use the dictionary. At the same time, the child will have a great sense of accomplishment after looking up the word in the dictionary. After many times, he will develop the habit of consulting materials without relying on his mother.
When a child comes to ask his mother a question, she must not act as smart and capable as she is in the company. Pretending to be "ignorant" is a good way to encourage the child to use his brain and think clearly about the problem by himself, or the mother can consult books with the child or use the Internet.
Mother can't tell all the answers like "spill the beans in a bamboo tube" and be complacent while talking, which is not good for the child's growth. After several times, the child will avoid asking her questions and become very inferior.
4, calm, calm, must be calm.
When the child tells her mother that she didn't do well in the exam today, her mother must restrain her emotions and never get angry or look gloomy. The child is watching her face nervously at this moment.
Therefore, it is best for the mother to show no emotional changes, let the children take out the papers and analyze what is wrong with them. If the child has understood where the mistake is, the mother doesn't have to pester him any more.
But in the end, encourage him: you see, you can't go wrong in the next exam if you understand it. If mom feels that she can't control her emotions, go to the bathroom to wash her face, look in the mirror and take a few deep breaths.
5. I used to be a coward.
When a child shows timidity before an exam or before doing something important, the mother must not disapprove or reprimand him for being timid or act more nervous than him, which will aggravate the child's psychological pressure and lead to the child's failure to play normally.
At this time, the mother had better easily tell the child that no matter how you do, mom and dad are not as good as you when they are your age. Don't worry.
At this time, the child will be very confident and confident, and he will play better than usual.
If the child is going to participate in important activities the next day, when the mother observes that the child is preoccupied and nervous, it is best for the mother to accompany him to sleep at the bedside that night, and tell him a story or read his favorite books with him before going to bed to relieve his inner pressure until the child falls asleep.
6. In the face of failure, we will be stronger.
When the child suffers from failure or frustration, the mother should be strong and never give up, and calmly tell the child that failure only represents a moment, not a lifelong failure.
Don't have children. Before she thinks about giving up, the mother first shows no hope. The worst thing is to use harsh language to dig at him, scold the child for nothing, and even count the old and new accounts together.
Children educated by such mothers will feel extremely inferior and even give up their own bright future.
7. "You must ..." and "You should ..."
Mothers should not express their views in a self-righteous way before their children have clearly expressed what they want to say, and command their children in the tone of "You must …" and "You should …" whether they like it or not.
Represent your child's point of view with your own point of view, and ask your child to implement it. Mother must not be synonymous with "autocracy".
In this case, children who grow up lack independent opinions and the ability to judge right and wrong. Mothers and children should establish an equal relationship (equality is not unprincipled) and know how to respect each other.
8. The injury comes from the closest person.
A mother should control her way of speaking in front of her children. The mother knows the child best in the world, so the mother knows the weakness of the child best.
If the mother often points directly at the child's weakness, satirizes, criticizes or threatens, or deliberately asks the child to do it knowing that the child can't do it, this is undoubtedly stabbing the child's pain with the sharpest weapon.
The child will be very hurt inside, because this injury comes from the person closest to him.
9. "Short Language+Silence" > Keep nagging
Mothers should control the number of languages in front of their children. Don't nag. In fact, what scares children most is their mother's silence. Therefore, instead of nagging their children endlessly, it is better to tell them in short language where he made mistakes or what he should pay attention to.
Next, the mother's silence is definitely more useful than continuing to talk. Don't think that the child doesn't understand. Although he pretends to be indifferent, he is actually observing whether the mother takes what she said seriously.
Therefore, the mother's personality, language and behavior will affect the child's life.
And behind a good mother, there is often a husband who loves her deeply. The firmer the husband loves, the more stable the wife is, and the gentler her personality is.
If there is anything that can benefit children most in their life, it must be that father loves mother and mother loves the whole family.
Parents are the children's first teachers, and the children's personality depends on your usual attitude towards him (her). The mother's mood determines the child's fate, and the husband's love determines the mother's mood!
Let's work together for the children!