Just the day before yesterday, a graduate classmate complained to me that she had a big fight with her husband and mother-in-law again, and she didn’t want to go home at night. She asked if she could stay at my house for the night. I asked her the reason for the quarrel.

The reason for the quarrel was just the question of whether to go back to her house or her husband's house during the May Day holiday. The mother-in-law came to Suzhou to help them take care of the children, and she wanted them to go back with her on May Day; while the classmate wanted her husband to take the children and accompany her back to her hometown. The husband was torn between his mother and her, and finally agreed to go home with his mother. Because of this decision, his classmates quarreled with his husband and mother-in-law.

The classmate believes that every time he has a disagreement and needs support from his husband, he always turns to his mother-in-law. My husband felt that it was quite hard for his mother to come to Suzhou to take care of her children. It was a rare May Day holiday, so he wanted to follow his mother's wishes and go back together to see her.

I listened to her talk for a long time, listening to her complain about all the little conflicts with her mother-in-law and how she couldn't get along with her. Finally, she asked me how I got along with my mother-in-law. She had never heard of me saying that I had any disputes with her. Have we never had conflicts? I smiled and said that I was lucky to have a good mother-in-law, who avoided many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and lived a happy life.

I told her about my mother-in-law, my husband’s mother, and my daughter’s grandmother.

01.

The first time I called her mom, I was thirty years old

My husband and I are high school and college alumni. I am one year ahead of him. So we didn’t know each other in high school. I met him during the re-examination for the postgraduate entrance examination and eventually became an alumnus. At that time, he was a senior and I was a first-year graduate student.

We started falling in love five years after we met. When we were in love, we went back to our hometown for the Chinese New Year and never met our parents. We each called our parents to tell them that we were in love. Neither of our parents had any objections. After getting along like that for a year, we decided to get married.

The first time I called her mom, I was 30 years old. That was also the first time I met her, at our wedding. My husband took me and introduced me to his mother, who is my mother-in-law. I asked him privately, what is your mother's personality like, is she easy to get along with? He said it was okay, I think you two should be able to get along.

It turns out that Mr. is right, we can indeed get along.

02.

One month after her daughter was born, she gained 4 pounds, while her mother-in-law lost 8 pounds.

One month before the due date, her mother-in-law came from her hometown Suzhou. She was supposed to come a long time ago, but I insisted that my husband not ask my mother-in-law to come. I was afraid that getting along with my mother-in-law would be awkward and there would be conflicts. I worry too much.

Despite thousands of warnings, my mother-in-law was told not to bring anything, but to bring two sets of changes of clothes. She obviously promised well, but when I arrived, I found that she was carrying large and small bags in her hands and on her shoulders. On the shoulder, there is another one on the back. I'm very confused about how she brought so many things here from her hometown more than a thousand kilometers away.

When my daughter was born, I had no breast milk, and my mother-in-law did not force me to drink broth to produce milk like other mothers-in-law. She insisted on taking her daughter with her at night so that I could have a good rest and take good care of myself.

During the confinement period, the child drank milk and changed diapers very frequently. My mother-in-law could hardly sleep well at night. She woke up many times every night to feed her daughter, change her diapers, and hold her daughter to sleep. Repeatedly, the child often cried again just after falling asleep. When the child fell asleep completely, she kept her eyes open and could no longer fall asleep.

Today’s children use many kinds of things, and my mother-in-law doesn’t understand many of them. She always asks me what they are used for and learns how to use those supplies and tools. She does what we say. Although she doesn't understand the current parenting knowledge, she can accept it and does not educate us based on past experience. She feels that we young people know more than she does.

She also learned to make confinement meals for me. My mother-in-law asked my husband to find recipes for her from the Internet and cook nutritious meals for me in various ways. She did all the housework at home, including serving tea and water, buying groceries and cooking. I didn’t even make milk powder for my child, change diapers, take a bath or wash clothes.

Thanks to my mother-in-law's careful care, I had a very comfortable confinement period. There were no conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and I rested well.

I had a physical examination 42 days after the baby was born. The doctor said that my body was recovering well. The little guy had gained 4 pounds, while my mother-in-law, who is 160cm tall, had lost weight from 96 pounds to 88 pounds.

03.

My parents asked me to help my mother-in-law with housework

My parents have asked me to learn to do housework since I was a child, not that they think girls must do it. Housework is a necessary life skill for everyone. Even if you leave home, you still have the ability to live independently, and you can live well alone. Therefore, I have a strong ability to live independently and can do housework well.

But since my mother-in-law came to help take care of the children and lived with us, she did all the housework by herself, and I almost didn’t do it. After my parents heard about it, they asked me why I was so lazy now and asked me to help my mother-in-law with some housework. But my mother-in-law always stops me when I am about to do housework. She says that I am very tired even from work, so I don’t need to do the housework because she can do it alone.

After work, in order for me to eat healthily and nutritiously, my mother-in-law would not let me order takeout. She would get up every morning and cook rice and stir-fry vegetables. I found it troublesome and asked her to do more at night instead of getting up early. She said that cooking it overnight was not fresh and good, so she insisted on getting up early every day to do it. Pack it for me before I go out, and prepare fruits and milk for me.

The classmate couldn’t stand listening anymore and asked why she couldn’t meet such a good mother-in-law. Why is there such a big gap between people?

Haha, I am so lucky. God is so kind and gave me such a good mother-in-law!