In other words, the biggest difference between online dating and real dating is that the former is actually a process of "we fell in love with an ideal partner in fantasy", while it is a process of "we have feelings with a real individual".
Why do most people think involuntarily when they are online dating, and are sensitive and suspicious?
Because we saw each other's photos and videos, but we couldn't help rationalizing these images-imagination.
In other words, the companion image we have just established through online chat is often the product of secondary processing of imagination.
At the same time, only 30% of our structure of this person's image is true at most, and the rest comes from "self-rationalized subjective imagination".
Maybe the person across the screen just sent you a picture of an exquisite breakfast, and you can't help but make up "he may be a self-disciplined person who knows how to live", but this is not necessarily the case;
Maybe the man across the screen sent a photo of a suit and tie, and you would be more willing to believe that "he is a promising young man", but in fact it may be a world of difference;
Maybe the person on the other side of the screen suddenly ignores you and gives you a cold shoulder one day, and you start to doubt and worry, wondering if he doesn't like me at all, but it may not be. ......
So why don't I suggest limiting dating to online dating for a long time?
Even if we chat with each other frequently and enthusiastically, in fact, to a great extent, we are all in love with our fantasies. And the man across the screen, we can't help but imagine him as our ideal type, but it may not be.
In other words, the illusion of love you have is not a real love individual, but mostly a kind of virtual satisfaction in your imagination, and you can't help projecting this feeling on the person across the screen.
He is not only the carrier of your emotions, but also a true love partner.
Until the two sides really can't restrain this virtual love impulse and start inviting each other to meet, it is actually a process of breaking their fantasies with their hands.
In real life, you will find that this person doesn't seem as good as you think.
In your love fantasy, this person may be a gentleman full of education, but in reality, when we meet, he smokes in public and shakes his legs when eating;
In your love fantasy, this person may be a successful young man, but when we meet in reality, he is just an ordinary young man who can't even meet your minimum standards;
In your love fantasy, this person may be a gentle and careful warm man, but in reality, when we met, he didn't ask your advice when ordering, and ordered a table of dishes he didn't like. ........
This is a hot chat on the internet, but it died as soon as we met. At the same time, this also explains why online chatting is quite emotional, but after meeting, good feelings, impulses and love desires are gone.
Anyway, we are always talking about love. Many people attribute the so-called love to a specific event or a specific relationship, which is actually one-sided and superficial.
In my opinion, the so-called true love is actually the product of the combination of "spiritual memory" and "physical memory" of both sexes. They are inseparable, complementary and interdependent.
If only "spiritual memory" is exchanged, both sexes will fall into a long emotional vortex of nihilism. All our feelings about love are based on our own fantasies, and people who "talk to themselves" are just containers of their fantasies.
Once the mental memory is completely above the physical memory, and in real life, he does not meet his expectations, then all our hopes and impulses for love will be dashed.
At the same time, if there is only "body memory" communication, the attitude of both sexes towards this relationship will gradually become absurd and unreasonable. The other party is not a person who really wants to rely on and trust, but in the end, it has become a tool for the other party to vent their desires, commonly known as "sex friends."
Once the physical memory is completely above the mental memory, it will make a person gradually lose the most basic sensibility and insight of love, and then fall into the deep well of desire, and it is difficult for anyone to fall in love.
Note: Physical memory is not limited to sexual behavior, but refers to real feelings, behavior patterns and intimate behaviors (such as holding hands and hugging).
So let's look at this problem again. Can high-frequency chatting make you have the illusion of love?
It will give you a temporary illusion of love, but in the long run, it will deprive you of the truest feeling of love.
Therefore, I suggest that all of you here: when you have a particularly hot chat with someone and are accompanied by the urge to fall in love, it is best to consolidate the relationship through meeting, dating and real communication within 28 days.
Because the cycle of people's emotional metabolism is 28 days, once it exceeds this period and there is no authentic communication to consolidate the relationship, it is difficult for you to maintain a highly excited ambiguous state.
Naturally, the more we chat, the more we have nothing to say, and the more we get along with each other online, the more bored we feel.
After talking for a long time, you have no feelings for this person. This is not to say that you are naturally indifferent and have no excitement for him. At the same time, there is no real physical memory to fill the needs of freshness, dependence and security. At this time, you will naturally feel empty and dull.
So high-frequency chatting has been going on for a long time, but there is no clear offline understanding and contact between the two sides, so most relationships will end in vain.
Therefore, men and women, don't bet their fate on an illusory online love, the rate of return is too low and the risk is too great.
It is often more practical to explore some worlds other than online chatting, to attract each other by summing up their unique personal values in real life, and then to break through the ambiguous upgrade relationship than to say more disgusting words online.
Whether chatting is hot or not is actually not a trivial value-added project for both sexes. What can really establish the relationship between them lies in the dual fit of mental memory and physical memory.
The ambiguity of falling in love with me only on WeChat generally doesn't last long.
Through the internet, they attract each other, understand each other and tolerate each other in reality, so a relationship can often go downstream.