In the first year, 10 apples were produced, 9 apples were taken away, and 1 apple was obtained. The apple tree was indignant at this, so it cut itself down and refused to grow. The next year, it produced five apples, four of which were taken away, and it got 1 apple. "Ha ha, I got 10% last year and 20% this year! It has doubled. " This apple tree is psychologically balanced.

However, it can also be like this: continue to grow. For example, in the second year, it produced 100 fruits, 90 of which were taken away and 10 was obtained by itself.

Probably shot 99, and got 1. But it doesn't matter, it can continue to grow in the third year and bear 1000 fruits. ...

In fact, how much fruit you harvest is not the most important thing. Most importantly, the apple tree is growing! When the apple tree grows into a towering tree, the forces that hinder its growth will be too weak to be ignored. Really, don't care too much about fruit. Growth is the most important thing.

Psychological comment: Are you a migrant worker who cut off his own meridians?

When you first joined the work, you were brilliant and energetic, believing that "I was born to be useful". But the reality soon knocked you a few sap, perhaps, you made great contributions to the unit and no one paid attention to it; Perhaps, only verbal attention is not good; Maybe ... in short, you feel like that apple tree, enjoying only a small part of the fruit, which is far from your expectation.

So, you are angry, depressed and full of complaints ... finally, you decide not to work so hard to match what you do with what you get. A few years later, when you reflect, you find that you have lost your passion and talent when you first started working.

"Old and mature." We are used to laughing at ourselves like this. But in essence, you have stopped growing.

Such stories abound around us.

We make this mistake because we forget that life is a process and a whole. We feel that we have grown up, and now it is time to bear fruit. We care so much about temporary gains and losses that we forget that growth is the most important thing.

Fortunately, this is not a self-breaking meridian in Jin Yong's novels. We can always give up doing this and continue to walk on the road of growth.

Remember: if you are a migrant worker and meet a boss or corporate culture who doesn't understand management, brutal management or wrong management, then remind yourself not to cut yourself off because of anger and complaints. No matter what happens, be an apple tree that grows forever, because your growth is always more important than how much money you get every month.

Second, the fable of motivation: for whom do children play?

A group of children were frolicking in front of an old man's house, screaming all over the sky. A few days passed, and the old man couldn't bear it.

So he came out and gave each child 25 cents and said to them, "You have made this place very lively. I feel much younger. I am grateful for this little money. "

The children were very happy and came the next day, playing as usual. The old man came out again, giving each child 15 points. He explained that he had no income and had to give less. 15 is not bad, but the child left happily.

On the third day, the old man only gave each child 5 cents.

The children flew into a rage. "As long as 5 cents a day. Do you know how hard we work! " "They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again!

Psychological comment: Who are you playing for?

This fable is a deeper answer to the apple tree fable: Why does the apple tree cut its own meridians? Because it is not "playing" for itself.

There are two kinds of human motivation: internal motivation and external motivation. If we act according to our internal motives, we are our own masters. If what drives us is external power, we will be controlled by external factors and become its slaves.

In this fable, the old man's calculation is very simple. He changed the children's intrinsic motivation of "playing for their own happiness" into the external motivation of "playing for points". He manipulated the external factors of points, so he also manipulated the children's behavior. Is the old man in the fable your boss or your boss? There are also cents, such as your salary, bonus and other external rewards?

If we take the external evaluation as a reference coordinate, our mood will fluctuate easily. Because external factors are beyond our control, it is easy to deviate from our internal expectations and make us dissatisfied and complain. Negative emotions such as dissatisfaction and complaints make us suffer. In order to reduce the pain, we have to lower our inner expectations. The most common way is to reduce the degree of effort.

The main reason why a person forms an external evaluation system is that parents like to control him. Parents are too fond of using verbal rewards and punishments and material rewards and punishments to control their children, regardless of their own motives. Over time, children forget their original motives and care about the external evaluation. At school, he forgot the original motivation of learning-curiosity and happiness of learning; After work, he forgot the original motivation of work-the joy of growing up. The boss's evaluation of him and the ups and downs of his income have become the biggest source of happiness and pain in his work.

Remember: the external evaluation system is often inherited by the family, but you can completely break it and cultivate your own internal evaluation system from now on, so that your study and work will become "playing for yourself".

Third, the fable of planning: fold a piece of paper 5 1 time.

Imagine that you have a blank sheet of paper big enough in your hand. Now, your task is to fold 5 1 time. So, how high is it?

Refrigerator? One floor? Or the height of skyscrapers? No, the difference is too big. This thickness exceeds the distance between the earth and the sun.

Psychological review

I have asked more than a dozen people about this fable so far. Only two people said it might be an unimaginable height, and the highest height that others thought was as high as a skyscraper.

It's horrible to fold 5 1 time, but what if you just stack 5 1 piece of white paper together?

This contrast shocked many people. Because life without direction and planning is like simply stacking 5 1 piece of blank paper together. Doing this today has nothing to do with doing that tomorrow. In this way, even if every job is done well, it is just a simple superposition for your whole life.

Of course, life is more complicated than this fable. Some people stick to a simple direction all their lives and finally reach a height that others can't reach. For example, my friend's life direction is English. He spent more than ten years working hard, and the memory of words alone reached hundreds of thousands, reaching a height that ordinary people could not reach.

There are also some people who have a clear direction in life, such as starting a company as a boss. In this way, they need many skills-professional skills, management skills, communication skills, decision-making skills and so on. They may try to do this and that at first, and no one is particularly proficient, but in the end, the direction of starting a business as a boss integrates these seemingly scattered efforts, which is also a complicated life folding, not a simple superposition.

Remember: Visible power is more useful than invisible power.

Now it is popular to look for answers from invisible places, such as potential development, such as success, thinking that our lives can only be saved by some miracles. But in my opinion, Mao, a consultant of Dongguan Hengyuan Psychological Counseling Center, said more correctly, "It is far more important to make good use of existing abilities through planning than to tap the so-called potential."

Fourth, the fable of escape: the cat's trick to escape from the shadow

"Shadows are really annoying!" Tom and Toby, the kittens, think so too. "We must get rid of it."

However, wherever they go, Tom and Toby find that whenever the sun shines, they will see their own shadow that drives them crazy.

However, Tom and Toby finally found their own solution. Tom's method is to close his eyes forever. Toby's solution is to stay in the shadow of other things forever.

The fable of psychological review shows how a small psychological problem becomes a bigger psychological problem.

It can be said that all psychological problems stem from the distortion of facts. What is the truth? Mainly the negative events that make us suffer.

Because of the painful experience, we are unwilling to face this negative event. However, once it happens, such negative events are bound to accompany us all our lives. The best we can do is to suppress them to the subconscious, which is called forgetting.

However, they will continue to play a role in the subconscious. Moreover, no matter how much we forget the facts, the pain accompanying these facts will still attack us, making us inexplicably sad and uncontrollable. This kind of pain makes us make further efforts to escape.

Finally, the usual solutions are these two: either, like Tom the cat, completely distort our experience and turn a blind eye to all the important negative facts in life; Or, like Toby the cat, we just seek refuge in pain and make everything very bad for ourselves. Since everything is so bad, the events that made us most sad are not so painful.

Li Ling, a consultant in Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said that 99% of drug addicts have had painful experiences. The reason why they take drugs is to escape these pains. It's like hiding in the shadows. The painful truth is the devil. In order to avoid this devil, I simply sold myself to a bigger devil.

There are also many adults who drink. They have an alcoholic and tyrannical father who has suffered a lot from him. In order to forget the pain, they learned the same method.

In addition to these visible wrong methods, we humans have invented countless ways to escape pain, which Freud called psychological defense mechanism. These defense mechanisms are necessary when it is too painful, but unfortunately, if the psychological defense mechanism distorts the facts too much, it will bring out more psychological problems, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety, multiple personalities and even mental illness. There is only one way to achieve real health-facing pain. People who face the pain will get many unexpected gains from the pain and eventually become the wealth of the parties.

Remember: Shadow, like light, is the wealth of life.

One of the most important psychological laws is that no matter how painful things are, you can't escape. You can only face it bravely, resolve it, transcend it and finally reach a settlement with it. If you are temporarily overwhelmed, you can ask relatives and friends, or professionals for help, and let people you trust accompany you to face these painful things.

American psychologist Rogers was once the loneliest man, but when he faced this fact and solved it, he became a real master of interpersonal relationship. Frank, an American psychologist, had a tyrannical and alcoholic stepfather and a terrible mother, but when he challenged this fact and finally forgave his parents from the heart, he became an expert in treating this problem. Japanese psychologist Morita Shoma was once a serious neurosis patient, but he challenged this fact and finally invented Morita therapy ... the most painful fact in their lives, and finally became their most important wealth. You can do the same.

Five, the fable of action-crabs, owls and bats

Crabs, owls and bats go to a bad habit cram school. A few years later, they all graduated successfully and got their doctorates. However, crabs are still rampant, owls still sleep during the day and move at night, and bats are still upside down.

This is Huang Yongyu's fable, and its moral is simple: action is more important than knowledge.

When applied to mental health, this fable is also thought-provoking.

The knowledge of psychology is extensive and profound. However, no amount of psychological knowledge can automatically help a person become healthier. In fact, some people I know who have studied psychology for many years, one of their purposes is to cure themselves, but after studying for so many years, problems still exist.

One of the most important reasons is that they have no practice, so knowledge is only distant knowledge, and knowledge has not been transformed into their own life experience.

A friend of mine who likes psychology was once considered by many psychologists to be slow-witted and not suitable for studying psychology. But it turns out that this speculation is not correct. He is not sensitive enough, but he has a great advantage: knowing a good knowledge, he will immediately implement it in his own life. In this way, those distant knowledge becomes real life experience, and he can help himself and many people without knowing too much.

If high sensitivity is a genius quality, then high mobility is a more important genius quality.

This fable can also be extended to another meaning: don't expect too much from the magic of mysterious psychotherapy. The most important power is always in yourself. Mysterious knowledge, mysterious potential development, dazzling success and so on. Far less important than the power you already have. We are used to looking for answers and strength from others, but forget that strength lies in ourselves.

Remember: other people's knowledge can't save you automatically.

If some of Julian's witticisms touched you, if some words or new beliefs inspired you. Then, these other people's words and experiences are just the beginning. More importantly, you really apply what you think is good knowledge to your life.

The Jewish philosopher martin buber always thought this sentence was the most important: You must start from yourself. If you don't live deeply with positive love, if you don't reveal the meaning of life for yourself in your own way, then life is still meaningless to you.

Sixth, the fable of giving up: bees and flowers

The rose withered, but the bee still sucked hard because it had sucked sweetness from this flower before. But now, on this flower, bees are sucking venom. Bees know this because poison is bitter and tastes very different from before. So, the bee took a sip of it and looked up and complained to the world. Why has the taste changed? ! Finally, one day, I don't know why, the bees flapped their wings and flew a little higher. At this time, it found flowers everywhere around the withered rose.

Psychological review

This is a fable about love, which is the true feeling of a young Chinese teacher. For a time, she was lovelorn, which was very painful. She has always wanted to talk to me, hoping that my psychological knowledge can give her some help. We have been dating, but almost two months have passed, and our time can't just be together. The last time I asked her out, she said, "Thank you! No, I want to understand. "

It turned out that she had just returned from Jiuzhaigou. The pain of lovelorn still haunts her, leaving her in a trance and unable to appreciate the beautiful scenery of Jiuzhaigou. Inadvertently, she noticed a little bee collecting honey from a flower. At that moment, a sentence thundered in her mind: "On withered flowers, bees can only take drugs." Of course, little bees in nature don't do this. Only humans are so stupid. The bee in her sentence certainly refers to herself. At this moment, she suddenly understood the truth of giving up. Before, she wanted me to help her, but the wings actually grew on her, and she could fly if she wanted to.

It is not easy to give up, especially in love. Because love is a replica of the parent-child relationship when we were young. Children can't live without their parents anyway. If mom and dad completely deny him, it means death to him, which is the ultimate injury and fear. We have all experienced the pain and fear denied by our parents to some extent, so when love, a replica of parent-child relationship, makes us experience this pain and fear again, our mood will easily become very bad.

However, there is a huge difference between love and parent-child relationship: when we were young, we could do nothing, and everything was decided by our parents; But now, when we grow up, we have the right to choose our own destiny. It can be said that in childhood, we were wingless bees, but now we have a pair of powerful wings.

However, when we love deeply, we will go back to childhood, and we will forget that we have a pair of wings that can fly. When we realize this, love is no longer an automatic copy of parent-child relationship, and our love is free and has the power to give up.

Remember: love is a matter for two people, two completely equal people with independent personalities. You can work hard, but it doesn't mean that it will have an effect, because the other person, you can't control it.

Therefore, no matter how much you care about a love, if another person insists on leaving you, please respect his choice. Moreover, remember, you are no longer a child, you can only let the pain torment you. You are an adult, you have a pair of powerful wings, and you can fly out of a relationship that has become poison.

Seven, intimate legend: the unique rose

The little prince has a small planet, on which a delicate and charming rose suddenly blooms. In the past, there were only some nameless flowers on this planet. The little prince has never seen such beautiful flowers. He fell in love with this rose and took good care of her. At that time, he thought it was the only flower in the world, only on his planet and nowhere else. However, when he came to the earth, he found that there were 5000 identical flowers in just one garden. Only then did he know that all he had was an ordinary flower. At first, this discovery made the little prince very sad. But in the end, the little prince understood that although there are countless roses in the world, the one on his planet is still unique, because he watered the rose, covered her with a flower cover and protected her with a screen. In addition to the caterpillar on her body, he also listened to her resentment and self-esteem, and listened to her silence ... In short, he tamed her and she tamed him. She is unique.

"It is because you spend time on your roses that your roses become so important." A fox tamed by the little prince said to him.

Psychological review

This is a famous fable in the French classic The Little Prince. I watched it more than ten times, and I still didn't understand it until 2005. Facing 5000 roses, the little prince said, "You are beautiful, but you are empty. No one can die for you. " Intimacy is meaningful only when love is poured into it. However, now we are becoming more and more popular with empty "intimate relationships", and the most typical one-night stand is the proliferation of the Internet.

We long to have it. As if, for every more rose, your life is worth one more point. In the Internet age, it is not uncommon to have dozens of lovers. But all these promiscuous people I know are not empty. They don't enjoy relationships, they just enjoy conquest. "The stronger the desire to conquer, the less interested in the intimacy of the relationship." Rong, a consultant at Guangzhou Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said: "Before having sex, they will try their best to get closer. But once they have it, they will soon lose interest in this intimate relationship. The stronger the desire to conquer, the faster the defeat. "

For such people, the rose garden is more attractive than the unique rose.

However, the beauty of the relationship lies in their devotion and tameness. When two people are naturally involved and tamed, the relationship will become the nourishment of life, making one's life more substantial and better.

But, no matter how close. Little prince or little prince, rose or rose, they are still two individuals. If the rose doesn't let the little prince travel, or the little prince has to take the rose with him when he travels, the two must stick together, and the relationship will no longer be enjoyment, but will become a burden.

Remember: an intimate and independent relationship is better than a thousand ordinary relationships. This relationship will save us from hopeless loneliness and is the most important redemption in our lives.

You won't know the beauty of this relationship until you have experienced it.