Please go slowly ", the results of an accident said " please use " ... ...
2, a high school classmate chat about the situation in the Middle East, suddenly came out a sentence: the Kingdom of Jordan Hou (Monkey) Saiin. ...
2, high school, a classmate in the chat about the situation in the Middle East, suddenly came up with a sentence: Jordan Hou (Monkey) Kingdom of Saine. At once
laughing over ......
3, there are collection of duck feathers, in the street called 'collection of duck feather grin" Once and acquaintances chat. I was talking about my acquaintance's cold, and then I yelled, "I'm going to collect the cold."
4, the most classic is that I once watched Dou Wentao talk about their own just when the host of the embarrassing things, not to mention the opening report into the curtain ..... The most let me spit is he said once hosted a party, calmly go up, said fondly: "Friends, you have seen the Yellow River? You know it is our mother river ~~" After some affectionate introduction of the Yellow River, he said: "Below please listen to the Song of the Yangtze River"
5, I remember I went on a picnic with my colleagues, coworkers married, and then we do barbecue to eat. Colleagues very whine to her husband shouted
to: husband, you to peel this onion well ~~~~ I do not know is too excited or how... The result said: the old onion ~ ~ you to
peel this root Gongma ~~~~
6, I remember when I was in junior high school, there is a lesson is about the Great Northern Wilderness, the teacher let us read the text, there is a sentence is "stick beat the roe deer
Scoop scooped the fish, pheasants flew to the pot of rice". I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get the best out of this, but I'm sure you'll be able to get the best out of it, and I'm sure you'll be able to get the best out of it, and I'm sure you'll be able to get the best out of it.
7, I remember once and colleagues in the office said so-and-so like farmers, earthy, naive, very cute, we all said
Yes, yes, like farmers like farmers, suddenly the phone rang, answering the phone to the coworkers actually said, hello, hello, farmers!
8, I have a particularly shy male students, go to the cafeteria to play breakfast, the window of the fellow asked him: what do you want? He lowered his head and said
: I want... I want... A bun and a bun. The guy stared at him for half a day and said: What do you want? What do you want? I want a bun and a bun ...... Oh no! A bun and a bun! Buddy FAINT!
9, one day in the dormitory to see the "Muslim funeral", classmates asked "see what book so fascinated?" Said grabbed over, read:
"Stalin's Funeral", I immediately turned over with laughter. Not waiting for me to finish laughing he said "Hey, hey, the author is radar (Hoda) hey
, which we happen to be learning radar to avoid touching the class, laughing at my stomach hurts.
10, I am most afraid of my great uncle. One day in the set saw him, I was scared, blurted out: "Set! You also came to catch
Uncle?"
11, my sister and I played at home when we were young, she pretended to be a chivalrous girl, very alert ears to listen to the outside, and then with a wary face and I said: "Hey? Not right big head ah!"
12, a language class, the teacher called the class a PLMM up to read the first paragraph of the text, MM up to read without thinking: Xinhua News Agency, Chang (zhang) Jiang front line reports. (Note: the original text: Xinhua News Agency Yangtze River (chang jiang) front line reports) all
Class laughed ......
13, I was six years old that year my sister was four years old, once passed by the hotel door to see a donkey in the street, next to the farmers also did not have a farmer, it is estimated to have lost it, immediately excited! Turned my head to my mom and my dad said, look look look, donkey a person walking it huh huh huh ......
14, I junior high school a classmate on the history class slips, the teacher called its read the text, in a panic, picked up the book and read it: "French fleet division, Linghu pluck .... ..." The class laughed over
15, when the high school military training, even a dormitory MM just bathed back ~ with a finger pointing to the head, immensely proud to say: "Look at you, my ' pants ' head cool or not? "The crowd wildly dizzy
16, elementary school history, I can not remember which stage, divided into: matrilineal and patrilineal clans, the teacher will be even pumped up to ask questions, an excitement, Answer: matrilineal clans and male clans. The first teacher laughed, followed by the class laughed
17, once described someone, I wanted to say: "That guy is full of fat!" The result said: "that guy full of fat intestines!" The listener was stunned, and then laughed out loud, and concluded: "Yes, his head is full of fat intestines!
18, when I was a child, when I wrote my essay, I wrote: our life is the liberation army uncle with blood. As a result, I got up to recite when I read "our life is the liberation army uncle with fresh fish for ......
19, once my sister introduced me to a song, she said called "the girl's underpants", I was surprised. I was surprised, took the CD to see, it is the "girl's prayer"......
20, a student put the text "Wang Erxiao bring the enemy into the ambush circle of the Eighth Route Army " read as "Wang Erxiao brought the Eighth Route Army into the enemy's ambush circle"......
21, one day and my classmates in the bar to watch TV, see a very ridiculous picture, she may want to say really funny, and want to say Really funny, the result is very loud and said: haha, really engage in play (testicles?) !
22, and once, a serious to a classmate to tell the truth: "I tell you ah, the world does not have lunch for free!"
Looking at him about to laugh out, hastily changed his words: " Oh, the world does not have lunch free meal!" The other party laughed violently, and from then on easily did not give reason to others.
23, my mom has cervical spondylosis, every day to the neck to wipe the medicine, one day I asked her: "You medicine (to) wipe the neck?" Mom stared at me in disbelief and said, "I haven't planned to kill myself!"
24, I was born with an ear missing a corner, I asked my mom how to get, mom joked: " your father bit!
"My dad was eating a pie in the dining room and answered, "I didn't bite it, I tore it!!!" Huge chill!
25, I remember when I went to school, the opening of the Games, our class girls did not sign up, our sports commissioner (boys) is very anxious, took the registration form in the class announced: tell you, girls listen carefully, and then do not sign up, on the "strong newspaper" (mandatory enrollment). The girls were furious.
26, once my mom's classmates came to my house for dinner, finished eating a bowl of my mom to give her again. She said, you don't give me a feast, I'm not enough ......
27, once, even to even classmates on the phone, the other side picked up the phone to feed a sound, I suddenly forgot who I was calling, um half a day out of the blue: who are you?
28, a classmate and I borrowed money to take the bus home, should say: "Lend me money to take the bus home", but put the words into: "Borrow the bus I go home to sit on the money" ......< /p>
29, once, my friends and I went to dinner, eat to half of my friends said: "Miss, to come to the package of sanitary napkins (napkins)!" Miss humorously said: "Do you want to take the wing guard?" Fainted on the spot!
30, I have a high school classmates to me on the phone, dial the wrong number dialed to the boys' dormitory, there is a man said: Hey you find who. My classmates flabbergasted, actually asked: Excuse me, this is the girls' dormitory?
31, once, my classmates asked me another classmate in the hospital is which section, I do not remember too clearly, feel like internal medicine and acupuncture, the result is that she is: the guilt section.
32, a boy saw his uncle: "buy uncle ah, two dishes! " Uncle: "This child, so big words, even people will not say!
"
33, I went to school when the regimental secretary especially will not speak, I joined the regiment, only I and another girl (belong to the miserable kind) our regimental secretary hosted the time without hesitation to say: today is the day of the two students, the rest of the students, all
laughing over a semester and this dude! When presiding over another student's initiation ceremony, he said Welcome XXX students to join our mysterious organization ......
34, there is also a line from a text taken from a novel by a Russian author that says: "The houses here are all owned by the lords (meaning the rich). As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here are owned by the lords. As soon as the words left his mouth, our language
teacher asked him suspiciously: Where do all the old ladies live?
35. University, a classmate and I argued the issue, a moment in the wind, in the heat of the moment, a slap on the table to get up and yell: you nonsense,
I am not not stupid!
36, a buddy of mine to go on a blind date, back to everyone asked him how, buddy said: this girl really brown. Noon to meal time, 2 people into a beef ramen restaurant, the girl said loudly to the master: Hey, to pull 2 bowls ~ ~ ~ ~ ramen master said: Do you eat?
Eat I will pull. My buddy hurriedly said: 1 bowl, you pull 1 bowl on the line. It is said that the people in the restaurant were laughing ~ ~
38, elementary school teacher in the public class before the "soothing" our nervousness, said: "We do not need to be nervous, to the classroom do not look around, the stage is not sitting down are not all people, are not long with two noses, a eyes!"
39, on the English class, the teacher: "good morning, teacher" students: "good morning, student" the whole class are down .... .... ^_^
40, when I was a child popsicle ice-cream is usually pushing a bicycle hawking, once, in the house to hear an aunt shouted: new to the ice-cream, hot. (Estimated aunts used to sell doughnuts and fritters)
41, a classmate of mine to another friend on the phone, the other's grandfather picked up, the classmate did not know what to think, opened his mouth: "Grandpa, I'm a grandma ......" Suddenly felt that it was not right. Clunk on the phone hung up ......
42, I remember when I was in elementary school, there is a piece of text called waterfalls, the middle of the author turned a mountain to see a waterfall hanging in the mountains, one of my female classmates read aloud is also the voice of the read: turned this mountain, I was stunned, a rag hanging in the mountains.
The class was stunned.
43, unit coworkers read the newspaper, said, Liu Xiaoqing did not get married and gave birth to a child called Yun Yun, we rushed to take the newspaper to find, missing. She came over to us to point, a look, it is "Liu Xiaoqing in those days, had said very modern speech, such as a lifetime of single, but not married can also have a child Yun Yun."
44, an elementary school student to participate in the school recitation contest for the first time, especially nervous, the teacher encouraged the old half-day, palms are still sweaty. Finally her turn. The elementary school student gritted her teeth and took a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers, classmates, I recite the title is: red leaves crazy (maple) ...... (maple leaves red)"
45, or an elementary school students, see the teacher point to read the composition of the classmates, especially envious, always looking forward to the teacher can also let themselves read a back. The opportunity finally came. "So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!" The pupil stood up with a flourish: "My Teacher". Teacher, how much I resemble your mother ......"
46, this time it is a song and dance troupe of poorly learned host. A performance was rushed on stage without proper preparation beforehand. The show went on in order. It was her turn to announce the curtain: "Friends of the audience, please listen to the following calf (solo) flute playing ......"
47, My family often planted onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh. My sister came home for New Year's Eve and saw it, delightedly said to my mom, "Hey! Mom, this thick real onion ......" My mom and I both fell down laughing.
48, there is a neighbor I call "big aunt", ride a bicycle to work every day. Early in the morning, met her at the door, I smiled and politely said: "on the aunt ah, big class ......" Bah! ...... I was dying to bite my tongue off.
49, a female classmate, one day to look at the shadow of self-pity, suddenly turned his head to the back of the people said, "My chest hair beauty?" Startled,
And said, "Oh, I was going to ask if my eyebrows are fierce."
50, I am still an elementary school student, in the whole school assembly to express determination: "We want to learn the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army over the snowy mountains and climb the grassland. "Since then lifetime deprived of the right to political speech!
51, when I was a child, my father gave me language books have written Liu Hulan's text, when Liu Hulan took the initiative to the Japanese devils to admit that she is
*** to save the lives of the whole village, an old man stepped in to save her, the line is: "Xiao Xiangzi, are you crazy?!" But
It was in the days of *** that a poor rural child read aloud, "Little madman, are you fragrant?"
52, high school when the teacher let my desk read aloud the text, the woman has always been known as a vivid read aloud, that day is also the same holding the textbook in a staccato read aloud. ...... He stood firm at his post in the storm, a steel gun clutched in his hand ...... (sic) We heard ..... He stood fast to his sentry post in the blizzard, a steel pen clutched in his hand ...... The class was silent for a while, the teacher fell down laughing, after that the students fell ....
53, all rise! Play the national flag, raise the national anthem...
54, I took my son to feed the ducks. He chased the ducks around while spreading breadcrumbs on them, and I chased him behind with his apple (he didn't like it, so I had to wait for the opportunity to slip him a few bites when he was mentally distracted). He kept running and I kept yelling at him, "Come here and have a bite of apple before you chase the ducks!" Always repeating the phrase, I finally yelled out loud, "Come over here and have a bite of duck ......" And then very smartly braked the gate.
55, school, an even buddy with a basin to the bathhouse, the road met a MM just washed back, want to say hello, and do not know what to say, suddenly came out a sentence: "bathhouse people?" MM: "Not much." After a puzzled look at him and said: "Women's bathhouse more or less what do you care?"
56, a gentleman was late for a banquet. Hurriedly seated, saw the roast suckling pig in front of, so greatly pleased to say; "not bad, I sit next to the suckling pig." Just as the words came out of his mouth, he realized that a fat lady beside him was staring angrily at him, and he hurriedly said with a smile on his face; "I'm sorry, I mean the one that's roasted."
57, there is an old man, because his daughter-in-law is in labor, borrowed the old friend's home. Friends asked why? Answer: Don't mention it! My daughter-in-law gave birth to a child to squeeze me
out.
58, I have a classmate, in case of emergency, they will not say anything. One day in the water room to wash, bystanders to the ground to splash water, startled him to jump a few feet: "careful! Don't get my water wet!"
59, students see water on the table, very calmly said, "Huh? How come the water here is so wet?"
60, politics teacher, old and not very awake, the class rushed to sleep. One day on the blackboard outline, a student on the stage question item, its big hand waved and said: "Wait a minute, I outline (anal fissure) good to you." The crowd first froze, and then fainted.
61, the dormitory, outside the dormitory people break the door provocation, my party raised his arms and shouted: "Close the door, let the dog!" Suddenly saw a brother bellowed, swooped up ...... Another time more can be said to be God's work: a gentleman wash before going to bed at night, hand holding a basin towel, walked to the dormitory door, shouted: "Open the door, let the dog out!" The whole dormitory was silent.
62, the dormitory every morning there will be life teacher knocking on the door to urge to get up, repeatedly sleepy and resist the will. When my dormitory all-night game of cards, all stay in bed. Life teacher anger, to the director of the report: "a month and a day early in the morning at a certain time, called a dormitory people get up, the dormitory but the teacher ignored, collectively in the bed lingering ......"
63, all the teachers are educated to us, the examination paper must not be left blank, do not understand the blind blind also have to fill in one. I don't understand the blind blind to fill in a, but only the chemistry teacher is opposed to. One day in class to us complained: "...... This is simply irresponsible! If you don't know, you'd rather open the book and sneak a peek, but you can't fill in the blanks!" All down ......
64, a lifetime of sweat hair special weight, each subject to ridicule. Physical examination when weighing, weighing out 140 pounds, the crowd suspected, it said: "This is the gross weight
, does not count, must be shaved and called the net weight ......"
65, a classmate in order to brag about their own food, proclaimed in the classroom: "I not only ate six taels of rice at lunch today, but also ate six taels of rice."
66, junior high school language teacher, female, for people extremely spicy, out of the blue. Teaching "Nuclear Boat", to "children with milk cry" sentence, a student in the hall under the snickering, the teacher stormed up: "What are you laughing at? You've never seen it before, have you? I've never seen it before, have you? Go back and look at the filial piety!"
67, geography teacher, known for their breasts and fat ass. Classes specialize in good questions, most like to ask the handsome male class president. One time the male class president deserted to answer, the teacher angry, with a hand on the chest: "You look at me here!"
68, an occasional girlfriend at noon in the classroom lunch break, sleepy, confused, when the class, their teacher said, students good. She listened to the fierce ultra-awake, shouting "for the people. The teacher fainted on the spot. All down ......
69, just now a MM asked me why another MM can play the game on her machine to die. The answer is that the graphics card driver may not work. MM then asked for help to download the latest version and install it. I asked, what's in it for me, and MM said, "At most, I'll let you play for a while!" 0.01 seconds later, the table, the chair all can not see people, in addition to the MM ......
70, high school class has a girl surnamed Jiao, one day and she made a bet, what bets forget, she asked: "You lose how to do?" Answer: "I lost my last name with you Jiao." The voice is loud and clear, the result is that the class laughed for 10 minutes.
71, one day, the school cleaning. A PLMM wipe window, because the window is higher, so stand on the table. But the following glass and wipe can not. Even passed by, MM shouted: "Wipe me below!" I was shocked and asked, "Where?" MM said: "My bottom ah, you help me wipe!" The class burst into laughter
72, even department has a PLMM, once even to take her to do experiments. I forgot to go online in the afternoon, and when I got off work, MM called me, and I pressed the speakerphone, and I heard her say loudly over there, "In the end, do you want to do it?" I was at a loss, and asked, "Do what?" MM said loudly, "Just do that, hurry up! I'm in a hurry!" A split second pull, we are all quiet, and then all wildly laugh
73, college gold internship, the instructor said to boys and girls to cooperate, xx and xx a bed, we all fainted. Formal work, I next bed of the two really funny, because the boys did not fix the parts, the girls are very unhappy and said loudly that you put that cylinder well, I can not clip this!
74, even in the unit are jacket off, said a cold, did not take off. Next to a mm said, put on the clothes I do not recognize you. Sweat.
75, even in high school when the study committee is MM, a recess ten minutes when she said to everyone: "The class teacher wants me to collect all the cost of review materials, we all come to me here, a one-time payment of 120 dollars, well, come on." The crowd went violently cold.
76, I remember when I was a freshman chemistry lab, my roommate didn't bring the lab report at the beginning. Finally issued under the time to forget their late submission, asked the teacher how they did not get, the teacher said, "What do you think?" He actually said, "Oh yeah, I just turned it in." Everyone started laughing maniacally.
77, and a doll-faced girl fighting, the little girl always reason with me, annoyed I blurted out: "Who are you? You are my granddaughter!" Little girl cheeks drummed half a day said: "I am your granddaughter's grandmother!" The surrounding classmates and I were stunned, then laughed out loud, and then this mm blushed when she saw me.
78, once a few buddies to my rented house to watch the World Cup, I lie on the cooler, then MM came in to take the cooler, said to me: "I want you under that thing!" The crowd of buddies are down~~~
79, pouring coke, mm's hand shaking, pouring coke out of the cup. gg asked: "Why flow everywhere?" mm said helplessly: "But I've clamped it!"
80, junior high school, a math teacher lectured on the equation transformation, on the podium sleeve a rolled up and shouted: students attention! I'm going to deform! ......
81, a student in the bottom of the mess, our teacher said: "You give me to stand on top of the blackboard to go!!!" Highly difficult ah.
82, senior math mapping, a boy asked: teacher, drawing no pencil, is to borrow one or use a pen? Teacher (elderly woman) replied: with your poop.
83, high school algebra teacher: "Speak no sound."
84, a high school chemistry teacher and director of instruction to do the problem intentionally wrong, and then let a student to find out the error. The students hard
hard to answer, the teacher said approvingly and very seriously: "very good, you see the teacher's broken **** (bloom)." The class laughed as the teacher walked out of the room after class.
85, we junior high school when the provisions of the national flag to wear uniforms, the result is that there are always some people do not wear uniforms or single only wear pants or clothes. Then every time the flag before the principal is holding a megaphone there to say: "Some students do not wear clothes, some students do not wear pants, some simply clothes pants are not wearing"
86, physical education class, the teacher: male students stand on my left, female students stand on my right, the rest of the place, the results of his did not move. The first time I've seen this is when I'm in the middle of the night.
87, algebra teacher: line a is half of line b, that line b is how much of line a? (The whole class is quiet, waiting for the high argument, half
Zhoumou) line b is half of line a. The crowd fainted a ......
88, once, I went to a colleague's home to visit, press the voice doorbell in front of the building, a childish voice rang (presumably a colleague's son): "Hello?" I asked: "Wang Hua (coworker name) in or not?" A: "He went out." I asked again, "Who are you?" A: "Oh, he is my son." I immediately laughed like crazy.
89, go to school to report to the school, pick up the station is a member of the school's Youth League Committee, a Jiangsu schoolgirl, a small and slender kind of JJ, see a Shandong students are very high, can not help but praise to: "Wow, you look so long Oh
90, there is a time to praise a girl looks beautiful, her eyes are very large, double eyelids, I was excited to say: look really beautiful, double eyelids! The two eyes of the big skin!
!