There is a very famous modern poem, which was also written into a song. The author’s name is four characters.

Annie Baby's "Nowhere to Say Goodbye"

Original text:

While I was waiting under the awning of a street flower shop with this man, a sudden incident Heavy rain is sweeping across the city.

The moist cold wind carries the fragrance of withered roses. I stood there. I saw him running towards this side holding a motorcycle helmet.

He has a crew cut, sharp eyes, and wears a soot cloth shirt.

At that time, I didn’t know that we were going in the same direction.

They are all going to a wedding.

Lin and his bride had a grand wedding banquet in a hotel.

I chatted boredly to the flower shop owner. Dried flowers look like mummies and have no soul.

The boss said with a smile that flowers are hard to sell and they will become haggard after being kept for one night.

That's because it can't wait to claim its hand. I pulled out a withered rose and told him that it must have been waiting for a long time.

The man looked at me with an interesting smile, but said nothing.

The first words he said to me were five hours later.

I walked out of the hotel lobby and he was waiting at the door.

He said, I will send you back. You are drunk.

The rain is still falling, but it is just cool raindrops, gently hitting my hot face.

He drove the car very slowly, and I thanked him for his silence, which allowed me to shed tears silently behind his back.

When I was a child, I was a bit of a weird girl.

My favorite thing is to go to the grass by the lake alone to catch butterflies.

At that time, I was fostered at my grandma’s house in the suburbs.

Put the captured butterflies in a cardboard box.

One day, a butterfly died.

I am horrified to think that these beautiful lives will all leave me. Unable to resist.

Didn’t ask anyone what to do.

One afternoon, I went to the lake, dug a hole, and buried alive the butterflies that were still fluttering their wings one by one.

The bright sunshine stung my eyes, and my fingers were covered with powder from butterfly wings. Thick like colorless blood.

It is finally safe. No change can cause me pain...

I imagined my heart shattering like glass. With a harsh and sharp sound, it shattered in an instant.

Jing is a beautiful girl. Thick long hair, a pair of eyes with slightly raised corners.

I was the girl with the best grades in the class, but I always read novels during class.

One day the math teacher couldn't bear it anymore and asked me to stand outside the classroom regardless of the fact that I was still a class cadre girl.

I walked to the campus alone. The silent playground is filled with only sunshine and birds.

It was a moment of deep fear, and everyone left me.

When the bell rang, I saw Jing running towards me quickly, and then looked at me without saying a word.

I sat under the basketball hoop, expressionless.

Jing said, you are so brave.

Many years later, I will still think of that moment constantly.

I walked out the door in full view of everyone. The sunshine outside the classroom is as bright as water, but behind me is a silent darkness.

All my self-esteem and shame collapsed silently at that moment.

He sent me to the entrance of the corridor. In the shadow of the corner, his hand gently patted my cheek.

Have a good sleep, okay? Don't think about anything.

Suddenly it felt like he knew everything.

His eyes saw through the darkness behind every tear of mine.

I pushed his hand away and walked upstairs.

When I saw Lin, he was walking out of the classroom next door.

The sunlight shone on his black hair in small pieces, and he had a bright and pleasant face.

I will always be moved by beauty until my death.

That painful touch is like a hand, gently holding my heart.

I was fourteen years old at that time.

There are many situations where we will encounter this.

He is the monitor of the next class. It is said that many girls like him very much.

But he is the kind of gentle and clean boy who keeps a distance from everyone.

At that time, I was an outstanding and lonely girl, often wearing white cotton skirts. But he doesn't like to talk.

Sometimes at dusk, I would run alone on the playground with bare feet and a pair of sneakers.

I like the big playground filled with twilight, it is quiet and spacious, and you can see the birds flying in the sky.

I ran lap after lap, feeling the struggle of my heartbeat in the fierce wind speed, until I was exhausted.

Six years later, Lin came to visit me at my home for the first time.

He was admitted to a northern university and came to say goodbye to me.

During this period, we went to different key high schools and wrote plain and continuous letters for three years.

Perhaps this is his style, cautious, slow, but persistent.

For me, this is a silent festering.

I hid all my imagination and intensity.

Lin stood in the yard on a clear summer night, with the fragrance of blooming roses in the wind.

He was wearing a light blue shirt with pink and white petals falling on his shoulders.

I reached out my hand and gently brushed the petals off his shoulder.

Lin lowered his head with a smile.

We both know that we won’t say any more words to each other.

We just carry on.

The campus literature and history library, that old brick building.

There are dark and empty wooden stairs, and moss crawling all over the walls.

Jing and I always sneak there during self-study classes.

I remember that the afternoon sunshine poured into the room that smelled of dust like running water.

We sat on the high windowsill and looked out at the peaceful playground.

There is also a very old cherry tree. In spring, the pink and white flowers bloom as if they are about to burn.

Right there, Jing took the letter Song wrote to her and showed it to me.

Song is a taciturn boy in the class. We were all surprised that he would write such a letter.

Jing said, he is completely different from the person I imagined.

I like men who have an evil smile and are extremely handsome. What about you, Ann?

I don’t think I’ve thought about it.

I know you like Xiang Lin. You two are the best at pretending, acting as if nothing happened.

Have you ever thought that one day, Lin might kiss you?

He will.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Lin’s letter came from the far north, from a fiefdom.

Every time I finish reading a letter, I put it in the Bible next to my pillow.

This is one of my favorite books. Every night I have to open it and read a passage filled with traditional Chinese characters before I fall asleep.

Lin’s letter paper has always been slightly yellowish and soft.

He told me at length about his single-parent family and his experience growing up in the shadow of childhood.

I remember your eyes, Ann, the way you looked at people was bright and unrestrained.

I feel like your soul will slip away from my fingers like the wind.

But I still stretched out my hand in fear again and again.

Warm and ambiguous sentences bloom like flowers in Lin's letters.

I read them over and over again. Over and over again, experience the desperate joy that surges in your heart.

When he called, I was writing a manuscript on the computer and was so busy that it was dark.

There was also loud music playing on one side.

Are you having a dance? he said.

No, I'm very busy.

I would like to invite you to a concert.

I don’t like to listen to that kind of serious stuff. I like this kind of noisy chaos.

I put the microphone next to the speaker, thinking that he would be shocked, and couldn't help but laugh.

Sure enough, he said there, you are such a child.

I’ll call you when I’m free, okay? I said.

Okay.

I felt that he was very patient. But I didn't have a deep impression on him.

For a long time, I lived an unusually peaceful life.

Work in front of the computer at work, and write in front of the computer after get off work.

Working part-time at a radio station is very hard, and I have to come up with a stack of manuscripts for the program every day.

There is no time left to meet boys and date them.

My favorite rest is to close the curtains and fall asleep in a dark room.

Gradually, I lost my language.

Attending a concert with a strange man. Keep looking for topics, smile at him, or be a good listener.

No matter what, it is something that makes me feel tired.

I remember the feeling of his hand gently touching my face.

He said, don’t think about anything.

I just shed tears in front of this strange man.

Easily, on a rainy night.

If there are no tears, the heart is like a dry lake.

A very heavy snow in my memory.

Big snowflakes fell silently and fiercely in the silent sky.

The two girls lay on the windowsill and held their breath.

Jing said, I don’t know what will happen to us in the future.

They were sixteen years old at that time and were about to enter high school.

Jing said, no matter what, let’s not separate, okay.

Think about it, when we are thirty, we can sunbathe in the park and knit sweaters together.

Our kids play on the grass just as well as we do.

The twilight playground outside the window was covered with heavy snow.

Song held an umbrella and waited stubbornly at the entrance of the corridor.

Jing frowned and looked at him. Ann, let's go down through the other exit.

The two girls sneaked downstairs quietly, and as soon as they left the school gate, they laughed and screamed and ran towards the heavy snow.

Jing’s face turned red from the cold in the heavy snow. She suddenly hugged An tightly, and An promised to be with me forever.

I imagined silently breaking down again in front of him.

I want to tell him all the reluctance and fear in my heart.

The sticky powder on your fingers is the colorless blood on the butterfly wings.

I murder them calmly. The sun stung my eyes.

Promise and affection, the tide with no way out, flooded me again and again.

It makes me lose my freedom and feel suffocated.

But in reality, I am just a girl who has not been exposed to the sun for a long time.

Wearing a washed-out white sarong, I wrote until late at night.

All the passion and imagination turned into festering scars in my heart.

When I went home for the holidays, Lin came to see me.

We went for a walk, a long, quiet walk.

You can walk along the open road along the river to the fields in the suburbs.

The summer night sky is full of stars. The cool breeze is like water, and the air is filled with the moist smell of plants.

We walked without saying much. Neither looked at each other.

Sit down and rest on the ridge beside the rice fields. The silent night looks like a sleeping face.

Lin said, I have always wanted to have a farm one day.

We are together, you give birth to many children, and you sit around the dining table every morning, waiting for me to boil milk for them to drink.

I listened to him with a smile and watched him hold my hand gently.

Then kiss it finger by finger.

Those were our best times. I know.

It happened at the same time as a silent farewell.

His phone rang in the silence of the night.

Still not sleeping?

Insomnia.

You need to sleep well, you know? It's not good for girls to do this to themselves.

What are you doing?

What a willful child. He smiled softly on the other end of the phone.

This patient man ignored my perfunctory and repeated remarks to him.

I have heard that he attracted huge advertising for his unit. For such a persevering man, this is not a miracle.

He usually calls me about a week later to remind me of my appointment with him. A firm but unforced wit.

I just want to see you. install. Believe me.

An saw him at the door of the bar.

This was the first time he saw him.

A crew cut, sharp eyes, and a soot shirt.

He said, there is music you like here. You crazy girl.

He was suddenly at a loss. You actually made me nervous.

He said a little strangely. No girl makes me so nervous.

That’s because you have something in your heart. Ann was always merciless when speaking to him.

The small space where music boils is filled with the smell of tobacco and intense music.

Every face that flickers in and out seems to be a mask.

Hiding a broken soul to have fun.

Only music is real.

It surges like a tide, beautiful and frightening, drowning all people's thoughts.

Ann ordered a soda and sat at the bar, waiting for her favorite song.

He looked at her, she looked as if no one was around and she would not say a word unless she spoke to him.

He always thought she was a willful child. But sometimes her directness and uninhibitedness are confusing.

Do you like me? She suddenly turned to him.

Bright eyes looked at his embarrassment wildly.

I think you are special. he said. I think we need to understand each other.

Really? She smiled. In fact, I am a very boring person, and once you get to know me, I will become boring.

Then let me know.

She laughed loudly.

Her laugh is as unbridled as her eyes.

I don’t remember if I ever fantasized about the man I liked.

His hair, his eyes, his breath, his voice.

I just know that if he were here, I would recognize him in the crowd.

In the wilderness of destiny, there may be no clues to each other, just being displaced by the wind.

Like drifting seeds.

But I still have a lot of time on my hands.

Before getting older, before dying.

Waiting for an appointment with him.

Waiting for him to come as promised.

I don’t know how many ten years a person can give to another person in his life.

The day Lin came back from graduation, I went to the train station to pick him up.

I waited in the night and watched the crowds of people pouring out of the exit.

I suddenly felt at a loss inside.

The boy under the rose trellis, countless starry summer nights, and the yellowed letter paper sandwiched in the Bible have sustained our imagination for a whole decade.

A slow, perfect imagination without any sense of security.

Looking back on it, it seems like a night of miraculous fireworks. Silently extinguished.

I thought, maybe I never loved him.

I don’t know what love is.

But that night, I realized that there was nothing solid and reliable between us.

We stretched out our hands to each other anxiously, and our souls slipped silently through our fingers like the wind.

He sent her home. Insist on walking her to the door.

Then come in and sit down. She opens the door.

The floor is full of books, magazines, English newspapers, and CDs.

A whole bookshelf is stacked to the ceiling.

One wall in the room is covered with dark wooden photo frames, inside which are enlarged black and white photos.

The morning fog in the valley she took in Wuyi, Fujian.

A silent sunrise on the sea.

The sky with birds flying over the countryside.

And herself. The girl with an indifferent expression.

Wearing a white cotton skirt, she sat on the gravel beside the railway track.

Leaning against the glass display window of the coffee shop, outside the window is the crowd of people in the dusk. The wind blew her hair and sarong around the thin figure on the beach.

He looked at her photos one by one carefully.

The photo was washed out and turned yellow, giving off an air of decadence.

Have you been to many places?

Yes, I go out every year. The soul needs to wander.

She sat barefoot on a pile of newspapers, flipping through CDs.

Listen to music? Recently I've been listening to KAVIN KERN's piano, and it's pretty good.

He looked at her as if nothing had happened.

He remembered her tears.

On that rainy day, her face was pressed against his back. The rain was cold, but her tears were warm.

You should live a normal life. he said. Marry me and I will let you live a normal life.

She opened her eyes wide in surprise.

I will not let you write these manuscripts anymore, I will only let you read the recipes every day.

Cook food and wash clothes for me. Go to bed early every day to prevent insomnia.

She didn't smile.

She watched him stretch out his hand and gently put it on her hair, as carefully as stroking a flower.

The day you showed me that withered rose, you said it had been waiting for too long.

But you met me.

Promise, who can believe in it?

The days after graduation were intense and depressing.

I want to resign. Want to leave this city.

Arguing with parents. Suddenly disappointed with life.

I took half a month off and went to Huashan, which I had longed for.

It was dusk when we climbed to the top of Huashan Mountain, which is more than 2,000 meters above sea level.

There is a boy on the top of the mountain, holding a camera to take pictures of the rolling hills under the setting sun.

We all carry huge hiking bags, wear sneakers and baggy cloth pants.

He smiled at me, there were only two of us on the top of the mountain.

The silent sky has turned gray-purple, and a lone eagle keeps circling at our feet.

Would you like some wine? He took out two cans of beer from his bag to celebrate our arrival in Huashan.

Sitting on the rock on the top of the mountain, we drank and watched the sunset in silence.

Until the mountains are silent and the night fog rises.

I don’t remember saying anything more.

When they were parting, he suddenly said, how do you feel in front of beautiful things.

I said, it hurts.

Why?

You will remember it only after it hurts.

What if it doesn’t hurt?

Then it can only be forgotten.

In the empty waiting hall of Xianyang Airport, I spread the postcard on my knees and wrote the last letter to Lin.

Lin, I have to leave.

When I put the postcard into the mailbox, I heard my heart falling gently, silently and absolutely.

The fantasy that suppressed my entire adolescence, the pale and gorgeous fantasy, turned out to be such an unbearable lightness in life.

I chose to wait again.

In their junior year, An and Jing met for the first time after four years of separation.

An remembers that Jing came to her school to see her for the first time after graduating from junior high school.

She is in a key high school and is a vocational high school student.

In the grass beside the playground, Jing told her that her parents were divorcing and something had happened at home.

Song comes to the school gate every day to wait for me, An. He comes every day.

The sunlight poured down on Jing’s face, like a faint shadow.

An thought, at that moment, they discovered each other's silence.

Maybe they are waiting for the other party to say something. A promise or a comfort.

But pride and suspicion lie there silently like a crack. Life is different.

They are both stubborn and insecure children.

On the rainy street, An saw Jing looking towards her from behind the crowd.

Wet short hair and very red lipstick. From the looks of things, she is still a beautiful and proud girl.

Ann had heard about her experience. A life of ups and downs, parents separated, unable to find a job.

After living together with Song for three years, he suddenly discovered that Song was dating another girl.

Jing ran towards her with a smile, and her hand softly placed in An's palm, just like when they were together before.

How about we get in the rain, Ann. Looking very excited.

But this is goodbye. They all know it.

Jing has decided to go to the north.

I slapped him, Ann, hard.

In front of the girl.

His face is pale. I knew then that we were definitely doomed.

When I ran downstairs, I suddenly realized that I could no longer hear my heartbeat.

Ann. It was a really scary moment. There is no heartbeat. A blank.

The day he failed the college entrance examination, it rained heavily.

I felt him outside the door in the room. When I opened the door, he was indeed soaked to the skin.

I was having a very bad time myself at that time. My parents argued all night, and the job I was looking for was unsatisfactory.

Only he is by my side.

I think that was when I decided to be with him.

I always thought I would never fall in love with him.

However, I told myself that this is the man that fate has pushed to me.

There is no room for fantasy. Life is so heavy and realistic.

I let him kiss me for the first time. In the heavy rain, we both cried.

He said, I will be good to you all my life. I only want you in my life.

He bit my lip until it bled.

After our parents divorced, we lived together.

He went to speculate in stocks, and his life has been unstable.

When I went to the hospital for surgery, I really hoped that he would tell me to get married and give birth to a child.

However, he said he had to find a job first.

I don’t know, he is actually tired of this life.

On the operating table, the pain was so painful that I thought I was going to die.

With the window open, I saw a small patch of light blue sky.

I asked myself, is this the love I want?

Those men’s hands are warm and cruel.

How could he let me fall into such shame and pain.

Jing looked at An, her eyes wide open. But it was so empty without a single tear.

I have always imagined that you would come to see me. install.

Only you can give me that kind of clean feeling of knowing and cherishing each other.

I still remember when we huddled on your bed and chatted all night long.

When I woke up, I found that you had been holding my hand.

When we broke up, I always fantasized about you coming to see me.

But I know none of us will do this.

Our souls are connected, equally fragile and stubborn.

We cannot go this long in our lifetime.

We are all girls.

On the dark and damp street, I said goodbye to Jing.

I said, can I go first?

In all separations, I am the one who leaves first.

Leave others before they leave. This is the only way to protect yourself.

Jing said, OK.

She stood in the crowd, wearing a low-quality skirt made of artificial fiber, lonely and helpless.

I gently let go of her hand. Turn around.

The cold and soft fingers hurriedly left my palm, like a dying butterfly, flying away silently.

At that moment my face suddenly turned pale.

Just like that sunny afternoon, I let go of all the panic and fear in my heart.

Fantasy is far away from all fragmented endings. All the deep feelings that consume me mentally and physically.

The sunshine in my memory stung my eyes again.

His hands were carefully placed on my hair.

I suddenly wanted to ask him, do you really know how to cherish a girl who has not aged yet?

Her dreams, her pain, all her waiting and desolation.

A woman’s life is like a flower, and only happiness can be achieved by dying in her hands.

But we are still so young.

Still persisting in the lonely watch.

I said to Lin, do you love her.

It was in a square in the center of the city. Lin gave me his wedding invitation.

It was a girl in his work unit who liked him so much that she even broke up with her original boyfriend.

It was exactly one month from the day I wrote to him.

After a long period of silence, Lin chose a hasty marriage.

As time goes by, you will eventually fall in love. Lin said softly.

I'm just tired and want to rest.

We stood in the crowd.

Some vague memories were shattered in the wind.

The cool breeze in the summer night, the smell of moist plants in the air, and the silent starlight in the sky.

There is also the boy under the rose stand with pink and white petals on his shoulders.

I suddenly reached out my hand, only to see warm tears on my hand.

Lin’s tears fell silently on my fingers drop by drop.

At Lin's wedding, I watched him put a ring on the girl, turn his face and kiss her.

There was sudden silence in my heart.

We said goodbye in the dust and smoke of the noisy city.

I walked calmly and alone among the crowd.

The neon lights on the bustling streets began to shine everywhere.

I saw myself on the glass display in the store.

A woman wearing a washed-out white cotton skirt. A pair of bright and unbridled eyes.

Gradually I got used to being speechless in the silent waiting.

My life must continue peacefully.

Go to work day in and day out. After returning home, I would write boring articles for the radio station in front of my computer while playing loud rock music.

Occasionally I will travel and meet a stranger with whom we can drink and watch the sunset together on the top of the mountain.

Or date a man who will have endless patience with my caprices.

Or marry him, cook and wash clothes for him, and live an ordinary life.

I gradually realized that my waiting was just a silent fester.

But everything goes on.

At the student union meeting, I sat in the darkest corner and saw the playground outside the window gradually being filled with twilight.

Lin’s voice echoed in the empty auditorium.

Accompanied by the girl’s playful teasing and crisp laughter.

In the crowd, Lin is handsome and calm.

He responded with a smile, was witty and gentle, and had the reserve of an top student.

I looked at him from a distance.

The gentle melancholy in my heart surges gently like a tide.