Ask a few jokes that make people laugh to 100%!

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?

3. Reasons for failure in exams If students fail in exams, they really can't be blamed for the following reasons: 1. Weekend: There are 52 Sundays and 52 × 2 = 104 rest days in a year. After deducting these days, only 26 1 day is left in a year. 2. Winter and summer vacations: About two months in a year are either very hot or very cold, so you can't study. So after deducting 60 days of winter and summer vacations, only 20 1 day is left in a year. 3. The annual statutory holidays account for 10 days, and only 19 1 day is left in one year after deduction. Sleeping 8 hours a day accounts for one year 122 days, and there are only 69 days left after deduction. One and a half hours of meals, snacks and fruits every day take up 23 days, so if you deduct them, there are only 46 days left in a year. 6. One hour of game time per day accounts for 15 days of a year, and only 3 1 day is left after deduction. 7. One hour of communication time per day accounts for 15 days of a year, and only 16 days are left after deduction. 8. Going to the movies, shopping or other activities accounts for 10 days a year, and there are 6 days left after deduction. 9. It is estimated that if you are sick for five days a year, there will be only one day left in a year. 10. Today is your birthday. How can students pass the exam with so little study time? So you can't blame them.

4. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you." 6. Anonymous had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted on his head and farted so that he could smell it. I didn't expect that I pushed too hard and directly pulled a pile of shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up and slapped him in the past. ...

8. A gentleman rented A Jin Tianyi in Manba, and when he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which day he drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. Every time his wife quarrels with her husband, he runs to the toilet for half a day. There are many such situations, and the husband has to ask his wife: What are you doing in the toilet? It seems quite Japanese? The wife said: brush the toilet! My husband asked if flushing the toilet could be fucking solved. The wife said: I don't know, anyway, every time I use your toothbrush. 10, a funny translation of some dishes in China? "Mapo Tofu"-"Tofu made by Freckle Girl"; ? "Four happy party balls"-"Four happy meatballs"; ? Iron beef-wrinkled iron beef: sashimi-cut strange fish; ? "Official Baoji Ding"-"Chickens who haven't had sex"; ? "Sweet water surface"-"Sweet water surface"; ? Scorpion-Molecules. 1 1, before marriage: he: long live, finally! I can't wait! ? She: May I leave? ? He: No! Don't even think about it! ? She: Do you love me? ? He: Of course! ? She: Will you betray me? ? He: No, why do you think so? ? She: Will you kiss me? ? He: Yes! ? She: Will you hit me? ? He: Anyway! ? She: Can I trust you? ? Read from bottom to top after marriage! ? 12, is this the smell? Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. ? But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. ? She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " ? 13 A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "

I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and kill the leader." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 14, X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ... "Colleague:" Last week. " Friend: "I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a lift …" Colleague: "Never mind, just go down and find him?"

Friend: Ah, you are really joking.

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . .

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 15, last week someone bought a can of good wine and put it in the corridor. The next day, I found that it was one fifth less, so I posted the words "No stealing wine" on the barrel. On the third day, the wine was two-fifths less. He was very angry and posted the words "heavy punishment for stealing wine" On the fourth day, the wine was still stolen, only one-fifth of it was left, and my lungs were almost mad. When his friend knew it, he said to him, "Idiot! You won't stick the word' urine bucket' on the bucket to see who steals it, will you? " He felt reasonable and did it. On the fifth day, he cried: the bucket was full ... 16, seven dollars.

A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, at least it is printed. You actually took this money! " Forget drawing, to say the least. You can draw ten pieces, five pieces or seven pieces! "17, I had a drink with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him. 18, need a beating? The barber shop met a buddy. After sitting down, the master asked him if he could wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed and chose shampoo. Master carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you going to do? This guy looked at the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head." ... "19, gastroenteropathy? An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach. ? The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular? " ? " Very regular, defecate at eight o'clock every morning on time. " ? " So what's your problem? " ? " The problem is that I don't get up until nine every morning. " ? Doctor: "..."? Funny sentences and comments series: Monday, February 30th is fine.

It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad.

Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.

1. Title: Although ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.