The first episode:

1, Zi Qiao: Left eye jumps, peach blossoms bloom, right eye jumps, chrysanthemums bloom, and suddenly.

One night, the spring breeze came, and a hundred flowers bloomed in spring.

2. Guangu: Ceng Laoshi, you haven't participated in our activities for two months.

Fairy: But the devil's stepmother has only 24 episodes.

Guangu: But you watched forty episodes of Where is My Mom?

Ten episodes of Divorce Without Crying and 160 episodes of Being a Daughter-in-law

Congratulations, you have experienced a woman's life.

3. Yifei: You must call me online tonight, otherwise, I will put yours.

Write your name on the clipboard.

4, Yifei: We are guests with status, don't follow the decoration team.

appear

5. Guangu: You talk to them until midnight every day. How can they have time?

Create human beings

6. Director: This is called costume magic drama, and now it has been making action movies.

Where do mother-in-law, mother and aunt go to see? If you have no mother-in-law and daughter-in-law,

, karma and the third party, not in the main file.

7. Fairy: Let me give you a hint. The good guy is me. I am.

once ...

Zhang Wei: Brother Zeng!

8. Zhang Wei: I have something to do tomorrow, so I have to go first.

Zi Qiao: You can ask for leave. The little nurse over there can help you ask for leave.

Leave application/description

Zhang Wei: I will get married tomorrow.

Zi Qiao: Then write a sick leave note. ...

9. Zi Qiao: This is the greatest toilet since human invention in the 20th century.

Invention: the ultimate single night

10, Guangu: Singles Day night, I have been there before, and the next night.

..... Flying chess

1 1, Yifei: TV Guide: Parents Dead, Children Lost, Grandma.

The old woman is crazy, and her daughter-in-law is ruined ... costume drama The Story of Diusim.

Presentimientos

12, Yifei: I heard that the black cat sheriff and the gourd brothers are going to shoot live-action versions.

View from a height or a distance

13, Guangu: This feeling is like the plot of an old cartoon.

A sailor saw the girl on the deck and then turned to his companion.

Hey, have you seen that girl? One day, I will put

She, marry back.

14, Xiaoxian points to the sun: Wow, what a big moon.

15, Zhang Wei: I will definitely be cut into potato chips.

16, Zhang Wei: Who did it? I don't know if mobile phones are waterproof.

Zi Qiao's cell phone rang: Look, my cell phone is fine, Phelp.

Special cottage waterproof machine, cottage machine, is the cow.

17, Zi Qiao: Since ancient times, anyone who has not died has to die sooner or later.

18, Zhang Wei: Now the raw rice has been cooked into porridge.

19, screen, world peace

20. Zi Qiao: I, Lv Xiaobu, always walk through the snow without a trace.

I can lick blood and get away with it, because I can always find the right reason.

Fairy: For example, you meet a terrorist in a supermarket or bathtub.

I met a monster in the park.

Zi Qiao: I have used all these reasons.

2 1, Zhang Wei: It's not terrible to die, it's terrible to sit still.

22. Youyou: This role is perfect for me. What I am good at is playing.

It was ... a rural woman in War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression's time.

23. Yifei: Zi Qiao, a pure man? China is not just a pure master.

Children?

24. Zi Qiao: Master, pull over and buy a green military cap.

Prop priority

Fairy: green ... hat?

25. Guan Gu: Every time she smiles like this, nothing good will happen. Last time,

She laughed so much that the price of oil went up.

26. Guangu: God, I can't wash it when I jump into the sea in Japan.

27. Youyou: I'm thirteen fucking sisters.

Fairy: Your mother is so strange.

Yifei: the devil of * * *

Guangu: ... Who is she?

The fourth episode:

1, Yifei: There are the best products everywhere these days. I just bought a new set of famous detective Conan. I opened it and took a look. Tears welled up when I saw the second page. I don't know which bastard drew a circle on a character with a pen and wrote "This is the murderer"

2. Zi Qiao: According to her cooking level, there are bugs in vegetables and wires in the fan.

3. Yifei: Men are candles. If he doesn't light it up or give it a sense of crisis, he won't know how to cherish it.

4. Yifei: How can I infer that you washed seven socks in five days?

Zhang Wei: But I only have seven.

Yifei: If I don't punish you, you won't know that I have both wisdom and courage.

6. Zhang Wei: I did an intelligence test in an orphanage. The teacher said that if the IQ drops by 40, it can be defined as smart.

Yifei: The IQ tester in your orphanage is not as good as our microwave oven.

7. Question: Why don't polar bears eat penguins?

Answer: Because polar bears are in the North Pole and penguins are in the South Pole.

Question: If Ceng Xiaoxian climbs trees to pick melons, he can pick one a minute, but he will accidentally drop two out of every ten. How many can he pick a day?

Answer: 0 Because cantaloupe doesn't grow on trees and Ceng Xiaoxian's legs are short, he can't climb trees at all.

Question: If there is a car, Xiaoming is driving and Xiaohong and Xiaolan are sitting in the back seat, who is the owner?

A: "If" has a car, the owner is if.

Question: Stretch out four crooked fingers.

Answer: Four wonderful bends.

Question: Who is the person who always makes you responsible for her, but she is not responsible for you?

Wrong answer: third party

Correct answer: banks.

Problem: A sow crosses the bridge. The bridge can bear 500 kilograms, and the sow weighs 300 kilograms. But when she walks to the middle of the bridge, the bridge collapses. Why?

Answer: It's a bridge that I drove through.

Zi Qiao: Sows can drive?

Yifei: Ceng Xiaoxian can drive, but why can't sows?

Q: Hu Yifei suddenly dropped from a height of six kilometers to one kilometer. Why is she still alive?

Wrong answer: Because she fell down in the plane.

Correct answer: Because she is a shareholder in China.

Question: Please name the four lines that Friar Sand in The Journey to the West said the most.

Answer: Big Brother, Master has been taken away by monsters. Second brother, the master was taken away by the monster. Brother, second brother has been taken away by the devil. Big Brother, Second Brother and Master have all been taken away by monsters.

Question: In medicine, there are twelve levels of pain, one is the pain when bitten by mosquitoes, and the other is the pain when the mother gives birth. What is the thirteen grades of pain?

Answer: It happened that pregnant women were bitten by mosquitoes during childbirth.

Question: What is always relevant to you, but you can't see or find it when you need it?

A: Relevant departments.

Q: One small step is a big step for civilization. Where did this slogan come from?

Answer: the men's toilet ...

Question: There were four people playing mahjong in the room, but * * came and took five people away. Why?

Answer: The person being beaten is called Mahjong.

Question: How many English letters are left after removing E and T?

Answer: 2 1 because ET drove away UFOs.

Question: Sekitani Kamiki has one thing, which is longer than all the boys here, and Zhang Wei is the shortest.

Answer: Name.

8. Zhang Wei: We always talk about money and say that we have no culture. We can bet something fresh and exquisite. What do I bet you? It's not what you want, but what I have!

9. Zhang Wei: My favorite actresses generally have no happy endings. I used to like Okubo Matsuo, and then she passed away. I like Noriko Sakai, too, and then she takes drugs.

10, Zhang Wei: I think this method is unscientific. The method of counting sheep comes from abroad. In English, the pronunciation of sheep is very close to sleeping sleep. Reading too much will have psychological hints. But how can English psychological suggestion be used by China people? I have a new and more direct and effective method, that is, counting ... jiaozi jiaozi = sleeping.

1 1. ziqiao: let me tell you, my major in college is ...

The fifth episode:

1, Zhang Wei: prospective lawyers are also lawyers, so rotten eggs are not eggs?

2. Zi Qiao: I am helping others. Helping others is fun, and there is never conflict.

3. Xiaoxian: Guan Gu is good at spreading love, so we call him Guan Gu.

4. Guangu: The second room? Do you mean two rooms and two halls?

5. Guan Gu: Help! Are there no normal people here? Can you do something for people on earth?

6. Dunn's first rule of performance: don't give the right to speak to your opponent, the play is robbed.

Donne's second performance rule: never let the audience guess the development of the plot.

The third law of Tang performance: create a sufficient background for the story, preferably involving the grievances of two generations.

Rule 40 of Donne's Law of Performance: The audience will always expect more complicated characters and more interesting plots.

7. Mo Yu: Don't explain. I'll tell you what explanation is. Interpretation is to explain the reasons for things to change, or the relationship between things to change, or the law of things' development through observation and thinking. Your explanation is to cover up the facts, and the facts are the beginning of evil.

8. Guan Gu: Me? Call me Lei Feng.

Mind: You are lying. This accent is not like Lei Feng.

The sixth episode:

1, Guangu: Keep looking, people will think we are forced to demolish.

2. One flight: If it really flows into the sewer, it is estimated that it is already in the Pacific Ocean.

3. Yifei: Have you changed to a mature route?

Guangu: I have been walking for 27 years.

Chad: I didn't expect all your friends to be charming.

Guangu: Crazy people play music? Why did he curse?

Dear, I will spend my whole life buying you diamonds.

6. Guan Gu: If Conan were alive, he would be angry with Richard Moore.

7. Zi Qiao: The Uber level of the other party is also an important indicator of reasoning.

8. Zhang Wei: JOY, is there any alcoholism here?

Joey: We have imported wine and sake here, but we don't have any wine.

Zhang Wei: How dare you open a shop without anything?

9. Joey: What is said on TV may still be false.

10, Xiaoxian: It is rumored on the Internet that eating five pieces of chewing gum together can make you feel full, and the most important thing is that you won't get fat, which is most suitable for people who are lovelorn.

1 1, Yifei: You fucking sheep sound, you can't run back when you start wandering.

12, Yifei: You are not open-minded, you are Ada Ada.

13, Mo Yu: I am a new generation of urban women. Make the hall go to the kitchen, kill the Trojan horse, climb over the fence, drive a car, buy a house, beat a mistress and beat a hooligan.

Zi Qiao: Are you still smart? You are a personal name.

15, Youyou: Hello, I'm the waiter here. Your car exploded at the door.

Benny: What? But I am a bike.

Youyou: ... Yes, the pedal was blown off and the cushion caught fire. You'd better come and have a look.

16, Yumo: It's for my boyfriend Danggui to remind him to come back that night. I suggest you eat and live alone.

Tina: I know. Isn't it for rheumatism?

Yumo: Women who live alone should remember to behave themselves and never hurt themselves or others.

The seventh episode:

1, Youyou: She is normal, even a little abnormal.

2. Mo Yu: Otherwise, send two lipsticks to Ceng Laoshi.

3. Zi Qiao: When you fall down and there is only one drop of blood left, ask Brother Zeng to come back to life in the same place.

Fairy: Who are you cursing?

4. Yu Mo: I planted no ordinary flowers. It's called smiling naturally, and its floral fragrance can make people have all kinds of hallucinations.

5. Yumo: If I start to give up my brand-name bags casually, it should be the most terrible signal. My goal is to let these children be influenced by luxury goods since childhood, and then grow up crazy about these things, and then men will buy them by hook or by crook, thus destroying all men on earth.

6. Youyou: Aren't you playing the Three Kingdoms Kill? You can use your tip.

7. Teacher: You are a celebrity now.

Zhang Wei: I'm really not a celebrity. I am just a celebrity.

Zi Qiao: We just need to play an exciting game with her. This game is called King of the Party: Flying Chess.

9. Fairy: Listening to other people's stories, I shed my own tears, blocked my blood in my heart and finally spit it out.

10, Yifei: As the saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day, except in the microwave oven.

Zi Qiao: Do you have a lightning rod? I have a strong feeling.

12, Youyou: Who says it's a drama, obviously it's a drama, and you have to sing it in the end?

Zi Qiao: People often make another mistake because they want to avoid it.

14, Mo Yu: There is no UPUP breast enhancement exercise at all, I made it up. If you really need it, the silicone pad is king.

15, Dean: I feel that people today are a little familiar.

Yifei: This ... is probably because all caring people have a good face!

The eighth episode:

1, Xiaoxian: Problem, my computer monitor has been shaking recently. what can I do?

Zi Qiao: You have been shaking, too. When your frequency and amplitude are consistent with the monitor picture, you won't feel anything.

Fairy: ... Good idea.

2. Zhang Wei: Question, is Maya's prediction reliable? Is 20 12 really the end of the world?

Yifei: I heard that rich people in the United States have gone to buy boat tickets. Otherwise, how could there be a financial crisis?

3. Fairy: Ask a question. Who did you say Liu Guan and Zhang Taoyuan became sworn friends for?

Yifei: After Heaven and Earth? Emperor Yan and Huang?

Youyou: For ... peaches, of course.

Guangu: I see. They came out to mix the rivers and lakes, and it should be Master Guan who confessed. ...

4. Youyou: Question, how long do you think it will take Yumo to really stand up from the shadow of emotional failure?

Yifei: This is the most nutritious topic we have discussed for half a year.

Fairy: It depends on the nature.

Youyou: Sister Yifei, what about you?

Yifei: What do you mean by standing up? Why do you want to stand up? If my relationship fails, it must be the other person who falls.

Youyou: What about you, Zi Qiao?

Zi Qiao: What do you mean by failure? Why did it fail? I am the only one who is unbeaten at sunrise. Forgive me for not knowing how to answer this question.

5, Youyou: Please, such an old film, you archaeology.

6. Handsome guy: Go down? (Downstairs? )

Youyou: Did he ask you to go down? (Is that enough? )

Yumo: Enough, enough.

7. Zhang Wei: I have seen it with my own eyes. When Zi Qiao chats online, she can act like a divorced affectionate young woman.

8. Zhang Wei: Chatting online is very dangerous. Don't get emotional.

Zhang Wei: It's not my fault that I was born in this world full of thunder and lightning.

10, Guangu: My heart is pounding like a little dinosaur bumping around.

1 1, Guangu: I also want to fall in love early, but it's too late.

12, Yumo: You really should put a toilet in your head to get rid of all those disgusting things.

Yifei: Then his brain was completely cleaned.

13, Zi Qiao: Stylist, what a messy occupation?

Yumo: Excuse me, what's your occupation?

Zi Qiao: I am an ... artificial teacher.

Zi Qiao: I will make you cry rhythmically.

15, Yifei: But he is handsome, even more handsome than a cricket.

Fairy: Don't you always put the connotation of men first?

Yifei: That's for you people who don't have big looks.

16, Xiaoxian: Small eyes, small eyes.

17, Xiaoxian: After all, we are all people with status.

Yifei: You can have an ID card at most.

18, Yifei: Cut carrots into diced meat.

19, the Chinese teacher said Guan Gu: Your Chinese ... was taught by the PE teacher?

20. Mo Yu: Are you depressed?

Guan Gu: Feelings are not frustrated, but setbacks can be recovered. I'm terminally ill.

2 1, Zi Qiao: Kant once said that the engaged party is the one you can't miss the most, so you can choose now. Are you going to attend or attend?

22. Yifei: When it comes to bad people who chop and change, even Zi Qiao is more aboveboard than him. Among the timid little men, Ceng Xiaoxian is a little more pure and kind than him.

23. Fairy: Why do I feel that they look at me like animals?

24. Guangu: I am a seven-foot man. I should wear other people's shoes, go my own way and let others find me.

25, Guangu Beijing accent version: I don't want to see you, while playing.