● My neighbor forgot his key, turned it over from my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and then opened his door. What is even more amazing is that I met on the balcony from beginning to end and didn't feel anything wrong. Alas, our heads must have been squeezed through the same door.
● One day, I found that my mobile phone was missing. I rummaged through my bag and every corner of the house, but failed. I sat down on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a short message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone.
● When everyone was playing mahjong and the power went out, they lit a candle and continued to play. Later, someone was too hot and shouted "Hey ~ Turn on the electric fan". Everyone was busy persuading "No, no, the candle will be blown out.
● Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, we have become "gentlemen". Gentlemen talk but don't start work, and of course they are too lazy to move their legs. If there is anything, they would rather spend some telephone bills than go out and walk around. There is a young man named Li Lei in our house. He got a job in the summer vacation and worked as a programmer in a website. He went to work yesterday, and someone called for him, and I answered. I said that Li Lei was not here, and the other party asked him if he had gone back to his hometown? I said no, and the other party said, "Then tell him that I am his classmate, and ask him to call me when he comes back. The phone number is ××××." I took my notes (I later learned that it was actually a phone call diagonally across the dormitory, which was not familiar with us).
When Li Lei came back in the evening, I told him about the phone call. He said it was probably from a high school classmate, so he called back on that phone. Li Lei is from Shaanxi. As soon as the phone calls, he asks, "Do you have any from Shaanxi?" The person who answered the phone said, "We don't have one here, but we do have one across the hall. Wait a minute, I'll call you ..."
Immediately, I heard shouting in the corridor: "Li Lei, come and answer the phone, your hometown!"
Li Lei paused, and told our third room that I would take a phone call in the past, so you can keep an eye on it for me here. If it's through, just say I'll be back soon. Li Lei passed, and Lao San picked up the phone. Within a few seconds, there was a voice of "hello, hello". The third child immediately said, "He's out. Wait a minute!" Then he pushed open the door and shouted, "Li Lei, this phone is connected. Come back quickly." Li Lei waited there for a while, but when he saw no response, he hung up. When he went back to the house, he took the phone from the old man, and only heard the "beep" sound after hanging up. "Strange!" He said gloomily, "Why is nobody answering?"
Then he picked up the note that recorded the number and dialed the number again: "Do you have any from Shaanxi ..."
When I was in high school, a buddy in my class, born in 198 1 year, was very old. .....
Here's what happened when he took the bus:
In the second year of high school, this buddy went to school by bus. Because of the long journey, when he was bored, a 35-year-old man next door talked to him. The man opened his mouth and said, "Brother, where are you going?"
This buddy may have been treated like this a lot, and he was not very surprised. He answered quite calmly: "Three Middle Schools".
The man's second sentence: "oh, go to see the children?" It's hard for children to go to school ... "
The buddy's face twitched and he didn't say a word.
The third sentence: "eldest brother, what grade is your child in?" That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence: "Senior One"
At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at the buddy with great surprise for ten seconds and then said, "Brother, you got married very late!" "
I remember when I was in high school, I met a close friend who bought a big cake outside the school gate. You know, when I was in high school, I was often hungry because I used my brain too much. I immediately ran up and beat him, and then I took a bite of his big cake. I also swore that it was really not enough. I bought a cake without me. As a result, I didn't swallow a bite of the cake. I looked up and found that I mistook him for someone else. This is nothing.
The pie ran away as soon as it was stuffed into the man's hand, and the whole process was done in one go! ! !
I remember that when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall with the pie with a missing mouth in his hand. I can't help but beat myself up when I think about it sometimes! ! ! !
● A topic requires that the following four sentences be connected with related words:
1, Zhang Haidi sister paralyzed;
2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;
3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned many foreign languages;
4. Sister Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture.
The correct answer should be: "Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard, not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.
As a result, one child wrote: Although Sister Zhang Haidi stubbornly learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.
I found a more fierce child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed! (Today's children are so talented.)
I'm from Yunnan University, class of 2000, which is Ma Jiajue's level. Mark had an accident, but before he was caught, it was said on the wanted order that there would be tens of thousands of rewards for helping the public security organs catch Mark. Everyone is jealous and wants to get that large sum of money, and they pay great attention to the looks of passers-by when they go to the streets. One day, when I went out and sat on a bus, there were not many people, only one person was standing. Suddenly everyone stared at that person. When I took a closer look, it looked like Mark on the wanted order. Maybe everyone could see it, and they were all nervous and excited. The atmosphere was tense to the extreme, and the man was alarmed by everyone and shouted angrily, "I'm not Ma Jiajue! The bus driver was very responsible and said decisively, No one can get off the bus. I'll drive to the police station. Everybody get ready and close all the windows at once. That man has a very helpless expression. Arriving at the police station, the driver proudly said to the police: someone in my car looks like Ma Jiajue, so I immediately drove the car. The man said to the police aggrieved, it's me again, officer. I've been caught here for the second time today.
● My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring his handkerchief, so he kept sucking it into his nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! It' s noisy! " The whole class was quiet. The teacher added, "Who is stealing noodles in class and making so much noise?"
● When I was a freshman, I went to the canteen to pack my bags. Who knows that there was something wrong with the card-marking machine, and I rowed down 25 yuan and 3 yuan. My brother, who sells steamed buns, couldn't add it back after a long time, so he said piteously, "Nothing, I remember you, and I will come here often in the future until I use up the extra money." I have to agree.
Poor me, I ate steamed buns for a semester, and Brother Steamed Bun still owes me 2.3 yuan ... The most exasperating thing is that I didn't find a girlfriend after four years of college! ! (Now there are such cheap steamed buns in the school cafeteria.)
Until graduation, one day I was walking on the campus tree-lined road, and I listened to a group of girls behind me pointing and whispering, "Yes, that's him! ! Don't find such a boyfriend in the future, and go to the second canteen to eat steamed buns every day without paying! ！”
My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken, are you in the pig house?" At that time, I yelled at that guy.
● When cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!"
I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, Boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.
● Drink with leaders and others, raise your glasses and loudly say, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot at that time.
......
● I went to the market to buy food and prepare for a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce for $2.4. He gave all his change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-
"I gave you all my hair, so there is no hair."
The peddler was speechless for a long time and answered-
"I don't want your hair."
● Once I was chatting while eating in the canteen, I suddenly found myself dropping a piece of rice outside, secretly feeling sorry for the farmer's uncle for wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that the rice didn't seem to be mine ... (This is too much)
Pinch a cock's neck but dare not go under the knife. After a long pause, the chicken was strangled by me.
● Sina News Headline: Chongqing railway police Special Police rehearsed anti-terrorism on the train.
A netizen in Hebei commented: Excuse me, can you get on the train in China? Also * * * anti-terrorism!
When I was drinking with some friends one night, several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, and we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him.