(The link is to the full one, due to the word limit, only a part of it will be posted)
Paragraph 1
Guo: Thank you all ah. I'm not capable of doing anything, but I've got a lot of strength. The good and the bad are put aside, you hear a fresh. So many friends came, some because of no ticket, in the door also waited for half a day, I can not repay, can only say a few more, to express our feelings.
Yu: right.
Kuo: We are just afraid that it is too late in the day a little bit back without a car how to do?
Yu: We can't go back.
Kuo: (asking the stage) Is it okay? Really? Good, take the train a? Live so far away, and. If you are willing to listen, I am willing to say. Yu Qian a, is my senior brother.
Yu: Yes, we are senior brothers.
Guo: We have been working together for three or four years. I don't dare to say that we are the best of the best, but I have always thought that this is a particularly good comic actor.
Yu: Ouch, I don't think so.
Kuo: really good. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that, but I'm sure you'll be able to.
Yu: Haha, thank you, thank you.
Kuo: But ......
Yu: This is going to do it.
Kuo: People always have flaws!
Yu: Yes. You're just going to run to the shortcomings.
Kuo: First of all, I'd like to compliment you.
Yu: Yes, first give a sweet date to eat.
Kuo: all good, just spend a little more detailed.
Yu: the fine is not a problem.
Kuo: It is not. The old Yu family is said to have a door style a ......
Yu: what rules?
Kuo: walkway does not pick up things even if you lose!
Yu: What's the rule in our family?
Kuo: home for dinner at night, finished the meal, a push rice bowl to stand up, he went out to work to go.
Yu: What kind of class?
Kuoh: He went out to pick up the money.
Yu: I take picking up money as work.
Kuo: Pick up everywhere. While picking up and hating, people are bad, how come no one throws money? Last year, I even picked up a piece of it!
Yu: a? What does it matter?
Kuo: Huh? A look at the ground, there are ten dollars.
Yu: Oh, there it is.
Kuo: I'm so excited, I'm crying.
Yu: It's so rare.
Kuo: God, it hurts! （
Yu: How did you step on it?
Kuo: The rules for picking up money. The first step, no one on either side, squat down and tie your shoes. Usually go out barefoot.
Yu: Then why tie your shoes?
Kuo: I'm afraid of the cost of shoes. The money is going to the front.
Yu: ooh?
Kuo: (stomping) Hey, gone again. (Stomping again) Well, look at this. （
Yu: And chasing it.
Kuo: What's going on? There's a kidnapping gang after him. The money was eyeballed and tied to a fishing line, a meter long.
Yu: That long?
Kuo: That's it. He's going to look up and see this guy ah.
Yu: He didn't even look up.
Kuo: No, I didn't look up, I didn't look up. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. People are like this: come on, follow ......
Yu: You see how easy it is to tie me up.
Guo: Their family lives in Jinsong, and they have followed them all the way to Langfang.
Yu: Oh! It's called "throwing yourself into the net"!
Kuo: A look up, Hula Chao, all bundled up. It's done, a large group of people, someone said: throw the car throw the car! The head said: Hey, bother that effort! A shake of 10 dollars: this is!
Yu: a? And follow it?
Kuo: said, home phone! Call your daughter-in-law for money. The phone is connected: Yu Qian in our hands!
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: you do not report, cooperate. Sister-in-law loves her the most!
Yu: Yes.
Kuo: Aigoo, don't be like this! You also do not hit him and do not scold him, I cooperate, not just want money? Good discussion. I will never call the police. You say it, but let's say in the head, if you more than 100 dollars, it will tear the ticket.
Yu: A?
Segment 2
Kuo: Why is this happening? (Two sentences are missing in the middle.) Why is it like that? It's not like that. In fact, his family is quite rich, (patting his chest) you say take his father ......
Yu: Don't pat yourself on the back!
Kuo: There are flies ......
Yu: Which flies, this month.
Kuo: Their old man, according to quite rich. Their family is not lack of food and drink, according to the reason is not so. His father honestly, that job that status is very prominent.
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: His kind of practice doesn't match the old man.
Yu: Really?
Kuo: His dad, the grave robber.
Yu: It's not as good as this one of mine.
Kuo: Grave robbers. Archaeology, know where there are graves, the state did not plow, his father went, get out of the artifacts to go out a sale. Carrying that Luoyang shovel a, hit home out also sang it: there is nothing today ah ~ ~ ~ ~, also go to hold the ground a ~ ~ ~
Yu: do not sing.
Kuo: That time again.
Yu: Really?
Kuo: Hebei Province, a rural area, a grave, bam bam bam planing open, there is a picture of the skeleton inside, this skeleton waist inside a tiger skirt, there is an iron rod on the ground, written: Ruyi golden hoop rod, weighing 36,000 pounds.
Yu: this above words are right.
Kuo: His father wondered ah, Wukong's grave?
Yu: It's quite familiar!
Kuo: Why? Is it true? Big, duh~~, big, duh~~, grows bigger and bigger.
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: Can't take this away. Small, small, small, small, small, duh~~~, so big, resting in the ear.
Yu: my father is Sun Monkey a?
Kuo: I watched the Journey to the West to see ah.
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: just set aside, the village chief came, with four people, with a red band. What are you doing? This is Wukong's grave ah!
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: I don't know ah don't know ah. Village Chief: Where did that Ruyi Golden Hoop go? Your father: I don't know ah!
Yu: not admit it.
Kuo: ah, you this mouth is quite tight ah, remarkable ah, you this mouth is quite a urine ah. Take it out, take it out. Your father: I did not see ah!
Yu: This can not ah.
Kuo: you pay a hundred dollars this matter is over.
Yu: Ah? A hundred dollars and that's it?
Kuo: I did not, I do not know ah, you killed me do not know ah! Mayor: You're going to find bad luck ah, you're going to find bad luck!
Yu: What's wrong?
Kuo: there is a rut you want to go. Great! Dead.
Segment 4
Kuo: If you don't have two free money you can afford to buy a king?
Yu: How about something else?
Kuo: Say something else. It's almost New Year's Eve, and these days, it's snowing. The people who come out and go in are more careful. The bottom of the foot slips, on the old you pay attention, walk slowly, do not fall. It's New Year's Eve, and we're still shopping for New Year's goods, so get ready early. The New Year's Eve in our family is just like that. It's not comparable to the old Yu's family.
Yu: I'm not going to be able to get away from you.
Guo: His father is rich! His father is in the business of doing that.
Yu: You're going to say that again, aren't you?
Kuo: No, I haven't even bragged about you yet. The old Yu family spends money, three big sections spend money like diapers.
Yu: There is no such analogy!
Kuo: not to the heart, not to the heart.
Yu: don't care.
Kuo: By New Year's Eve, the family, ouch! I've got it, it's been ready for a long time, a bag and a bag, twelve o'clock, a hear, bell! Bell ringing. Cooking! Hurry up, the pot is also open, under the a! What fire spoon ah, big tofu, intestines, lungs, peeling garlic to eat.
Yu: our family 30 night eat halogen boiled hot spoon a?
Kuo: Old Beijing!
Yu: What are the rules?
Kuo: Old Beijing people.
Yu: You can't eat this!
Kuo: well this well! This is to eat, delicious and everything. This you go abroad, people eat you are not accustomed to see.
Yu: abroad?
Kuo: Well. People pour a glass of red wine, cake, on the clove of garlic, this is all there.
Yu: This does not have this. Cake and garlic?
Kuo: And eat raw meat. Get the steak cut, bared ~~ bleeding, that thing, a mature, how to eat?
Yu: a mature a?
Kuo: In fact, that, when we were drinking blood, that will be ha, go home and ask to go, ask to go.
Yu: Then ask who ah?
Kuo: Ask the old man. We wear leaves that year ......
Yu: There is no such old man.
Kuo: Isn't it just eating raw meat? They still have that abroad now.
Yu: There is?
Kuo: There is a! Eating human flesh. Cannibals, too, live as a family of three. Wake up in the morning, daughter-in-law in the cave inside the regulation, the father took his son: go, go, go hunting with dad.
Yu: hunting to go ......
Kuo: the child is hungry: Dad, I'm hungry. Don't make a fuss, hit someone you eat first. Hey, here's one. Bend your bow and shoot ...... No, this is too firewood.
Yu: thin.
Kuo: too thin. I don't want this one. The child cried: Ah, I'm hungry. Wait a minute. Look over there. Fatty, too fat, this is not good for the body after eating.
Yu: quite delicate.
Kuo: the child cried: hungry hungry. Stop it! This this this side. Hey, look at the river, there is a beautiful woman, washing her face there.
Yu: This is good.
Kuo: child: Dad! Well, take the job!
Yu: How did this change to take a live one?
Kuo: You don't care, don't care, dad is useful, stop. The past, caught, bundled up and put on the shoulders: go, go home with Dad. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Stop it, go home and stew your mom.
Yu: A? There is no such thing!
Segment 10
Kuo: And then the tenth ah. Remember, it's the tenth again. This one, over a hundred? I'll see you later.
Yu: This sentence scared out.
Kuo: snow. In fact, I'm willing to say more, is afraid of the guys go back to not good to go. I came today, the driveway are almost accident. I played that Beijing-Tianjin highway over here, go halfway, Beijing-Tianjin highway that blocked. I was so anxious that I was afraid to be late. How to get ah?
Yu: is a.
Kuo: a large group of police in that busy and it. Hurry down, I see that I recognize the police. The fat man, the traffic police.
Yu: I know, I know, I know.
Kuo: I went over: what's wrong? Hey, Mr. Guo, why are you going? I said I'm going to the show right now a, what's going on here? You see. You know this person ah.
Yu: Who is it?
Kuo: I went over and saw a man lying on the ground. A, I do not live, I die ah! Good thing, Wang Yang.
Yu: Oh, just the host?
Kuo: The host learns from Ma Sanli that Wang Yang. I said this is how, what disease is this? I said the fat man, what happened to him? After going home the two families fought. Said home, his daughter-in-law at home with others to sleep. Then his daughter-in-law anxious, asked him why he did not talk, did not say that day back.
Yu: Is there such a thing as an unreasonable daughter-in-law?
Kuo: The man beat him up, and then let him accompany 10 million. He just shouted half a day there: I do not live, I die! I'm going to burn myself, I'm going to set myself on fire!
Yu: self-immolation?
Kuo: I'm going to pour gasoline and burn myself. We're dealing with it here, and all the drivers are here collecting donations. Oh, how much did I say? 300 liters of gasoline?
Yu: Still burning?
Segment 11
Kuo: We've just been introduced.
Yu: Uh-huh.
Kuo: Mr. Yu Qian's father, is an archaeologist. In fact, his father is more cola.
Yu: Wait a minute. Father, that is, dad.
Kuo: Hmm~. Your family is different.
Yu: How is our family different?
Kuo: That's two people.
Yu: How is it two people?
Kuo: Father is father, father is father.
Yu: Never heard of it.
Kuo: you do not care about this, this ask clearly in the heart is sick.
Yu: I do not ask clearly this disease is more serious, you know?
Kuo: Why is he so successful, so many years, so wrist, net TV series, shooting commercials, why a, his father has a way. His father, an old policeman, has a status in the public security department. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Yu: Prison?
Kuo: It's not a prison, don't think about it, it's not a prison.
Yu: If you don't say that, who will think?
Kuo: Doing administration with that.
Yu: administrative work.
Kuo: Yeah, getting food for the prisoners.
Yu: That's called being a cook, you know?
Kuo: Getting food for the prisoners. The guys responded that his dad was not good at it either.
Yu: Not good?
Kuo: The reaction to this. The prison, too, has a lot of things going on all day long, and there was a riot that blew up the prison, and a whole bunch of inmates ran away. It took a lot of effort to get them back. They asked, "Why did you leave? Why did you riot? The prison food is too bad.
Yu: A? It's too bad.
Kuo: Nonsense! Tell me the truth! What did you use to break the lock? The nest.
Yu: ooh!
Segment 13
Kuo: There's a guy backstage, ah, comparable to Yu Qian.
Yu: That's not easy ah this.
Kuo: I'm talking about in terms of money, comparable to him. That's Xu Deliang.
Yu: He's OK.
Kuo: Xu Deliang lives a life that is comparable to his. I don't want to spend any money, but I've got it all tied up in my ribs. The liver hurts when you move, and you have to scoop up a spoonful of manure to taste the saltiness when you pick it from his doorstep.
Yu: Oh! I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it.
Kuo: catching the rain, he was happy, on the front and back of the house to find, see where the dog urine moss, mushrooms and so on, pull down, eat that. I don't buy food anymore. We performed at the footbridge that is. The first time it rained, he dispersed not to go, call his daughter-in-law: come on, come on, this to come.
Yu: Why?
Kuo: find a pot to find a pot, outside to pull that, mushrooms, borrow the front of the stove, cooking. To eat this. The people looked at the two of them, Coke a, you this thing, can eat? It's fine. Wild ones are the freshest. There's no pesticides, okay? No problem. The guys said, "This one, are you so sure? You don't have to worry about it, look at our dog here, come on, give the dog a bowl of this first. Dogs eat, eat and run, half an hour are fine. Good. Xu Deliang is happy at the back. Come on, eat. I don't want to let anyone else, dangdangdang, all ate.
Yu: good.
Kuo: just finished eating, we have a child backstage, called Zhu Yunfeng, nicknamed burnt cake. Burnt Cake came over: Shifu ah, that dog is dead.
Yu: A?
Kuo: Xu Deliang face is white, how do I do ah, how I can not live, I have to make it spit out ah! What should I do? The guys have an idea: go to the toilet, drink urine, go.
Yu: drink urine?
Kuo: The two of them ran to the toilet, drank urine, and vomited. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get out of this, but I'm sure I'll be able to get out of this one. I'm asking you, was my dog miserable when he died?
Yu: It was not poisoned!
Segment 14
Kuo: It's pointless to talk about Yu Qian. There is another person in the background who is important to everyone. This person is called Li Jing.
Yu: Come on, here we go again.
Kuo: Li Jing is my blood brother, from where? From Mr. Jin Wensheng.
Yu: Oh, from Mr. Jin.
Kuo: West River Drum Gate, we are both pro master brothers. We're the ones who added the characters, and we're the two of us who added the blessings and the longevity. I'm with him I can't get in this hurry.
Yu: What's wrong?
Kuo: This person's temper is too violent.
Yu: Li Jing? Li Jing he chronic a.
Kuo: Huh? Chronic? I think he's quite violent.
Yu: So you're even slower than him?
Kuo: He's a person, I want to hit him when he talks all day. I've never seen him in a hurry. ~~I've never seen him in a hurry. ~~I'm not sure what I'm talking about. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. ~~He's a man who's in a hurry all day long. Talk nicely! Everyone else drives: slow down, don't get into trouble. Only he drove: Hey, drive faster ah, do not delay things.
Yu: I have to rush him a bit.
Kuo: the first day to buy a car happy. ~~I'm going out for a drive, so don't look for me if you need anything! ~~I'm going out for a drive, so don't look for me! ~~ Oh, my mother, three mai so fast ah ~~
Yu: Ah! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to drive this car, but I'm sure I'll be able to.
Kuo: There is a disabled person next to the wheelchair, much faster than him.
Yu: It's better to walk.
Kuo: Drive yourself. ~~My God, it's so exciting~~. Let's go, drive forward. There's so, four hours, right, driving with two kilometers?
Yu: Okay, too slow.
Kuo: Stopped on the side. ~~I'm going to have to take a break.
Yu: I'll take a break.
Kuo: ~~ My heart is about to pop out ~~.
Yu: To what extent?
Kuo: ~~My God, it's so exciting~~! Sitting on the side of the road. ~~ Just this car is a little small ~~.
Yu: I think the car is small.
Kuo: ~~ Well, I have the money to change a big car. How nice to change a big car, just don't have money~~. The first time I saw a car, I saw it!
Yu: What's going on?
Kuo: From the air, dropped a large bag! Open it, it's full of money.
Yu: It's just a phrase.
Kuo: ~~ too exciting! God ah, this time not only to buy a car, but also to marry a beautiful daughter-in-law ~~!
Yu: That's right.
Kuo: Pah! Drop a woman to come, which is beautiful ah, lying there,~~~~ my mother, too exciting! ~~~ hit that side over four police: Hey, this is you hit dead?
Yu: ah
Segment fifteen
Guo: also have to say you.
Yu: Didn't digress.
Kuo: Still have to say you. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. People don't know Yu Qian when he was small.
Yu: you so introduced to understand almost.
Kuo: you in the qu quartet when people do not understand ah! I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm not a good person! In fact, when he was small, his brain is not very good, people students unified to do this brain perspective, his brain with the pine nuts so big. They said his brain was as big as a pine cone. It's not appropriate to return him, and it's not possible to leave him behind to do something else. The company's business is to provide the best possible service to the public," he said.
Yu: I eat coal a me?
Kuo: Do something else. Later on, he learned to be a comic, which is not bad at all. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a movie where I'm not the only one who's been in the audience. But sometimes he did something that no one else could do.
Yu: What is it?
Kuo: The principal, the principal, said: tomorrow, the director of the Cultural Affairs Bureau will come to inspect the school, and all of you will stand at the door and applaud. I let you applaud you clap, I said stop, you do not clap. I said stop, who still shoot, I tell you, was going to improve the food tomorrow, eat buns, who still shoot, tomorrow will not let eat buns.
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: The students stood still. The director came and the principal said: shoot! Wow ......
Yu: Applause ah.
Kuo: they applauded, the director of the happy also applauded: thank you, thank you, thank you. The principal said: stop! Everyone stopped, the director is still there: thank you, thank you. He came over to give the Secretary a mouth: you do not eat buns?
Yu: screw you.
Segment 16
Kuo: You don't eat buns anymore?
Yu: Who's eating buns?
Kuo: That would be a he, a wubin, two fools.
Yu: Yes, Wu Bin is my classmate.
Kuo: Wubin, and him, two people, do not find money a, who do not find money.
Yu: all like this?
Kuo: Wubin's family living conditions are a little better than his, mouth greedy, mouth most greedy this child. A school, the pocket inside the pocket bulging. Yu Qian: stop, with what?
Yu: ask.
Guo: I'm not going to tell you I brought boiled eggs.
Yu: It's confusing.
Kuo: Give it to me. I'm not giving it to you. I guess? Can you give me one to eat if I guess right? Hmph, if you can guess that I have four eggs in here, I'll give you one to eat. Yu Qian thought about it: six?
Yu: I've never heard of that, and that's not even a correct guess?
Guo: Later, people's ratings are good, he has the lowest score. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. The collective dormitory, the children of the comedy are sleeping, people lying down he got up. He got up and poured a cup of acid into the bottle and held it in his hand: "I'm going to get back at you, and if I don't get better, none of you will get better! This thing sprayed on the face you ruined, hum ......
Yu: how to give drink!
Segment 18
Guo: say another story of Li Jing. Li Jing recently had a lot of happy events.
Yu: There are always good things.
Kuo: He has a girlfriend. Li Jing is very introverted, everyone knows. His girlfriend is very open.
Yu: Really?
Kuo: His girlfriend is very open, very atmospheric.
Yu: Oh.
Kuo: The other day, I said to Li Jing, "We've known each other for four or five days, so let's move in together".
Yu: This atmosphere is a bit too much.
Kuo: Li Jing thought: ~ ~ then try it ~ ~. The woman said: It's okay ah, my parents are very open. You come up to my house, meet my parents, have a meal, you pick me up, I'm going to get something, I can't get it, you drive me back. You come tomorrow, the first time you come to our house, you buy something, don't be empty-handed. ~~I don't know what to do, but I don't know what to do, so don't worry about it. The next day, run to the supermarket, buy a bunch of fruits and so on, hit the supermarket out of the stuff loaded to the inside, hit this side over a man: want to plate? ~~I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. What disk a ~~? You look at it. A look, cartoons. I said, "Can I watch this when I'm this old? Do you have any feature films? ~~Any good ones? Yes, there is! He's a pro! He took out a bunch of porno movies and told him what's going on here and there. Li Jing's face turned red. A grasp of their own adult, buy a pile of yellow disk out. Drive to his girlfriend's home, a door into the face are red, embarrassed! Not to speak. Out in, the girlfriend also teased him: Well, so big a person, but also like a girl. Until the meal, the parents are sitting down, the girlfriend sat on this side, Li Jing lowered his head.
Yu: still so shy.
Kuo: The woman joked with him: I really do not know you are a believer in Jesus ah!
Yu: Ah, his father!
Segment 19
Kuo: Give a lot! Let's talk more about Xu Deliang.
Yu: Come from plate to plate.
Kuo: It's not appropriate to talk about others. This is a matter of fact, do not take you as outsiders. Xu Deliang is Zhang Wenshun's favorite student.
Yu: the favorite disciple.
Kuo: How bad is the old man, huh? All day long, he taught him to be bad. So and so and so and so and so and so and so and so and so and so and so and so, teach him.
Yu: teach him when this is not correct.
Kuoh: He taught him: Ah, Liangzi, master teach you ah. I was a little young then, twelve or thirteen. You have to learn to scare people.
Yu: scare people?
Kuo: No matter who you see, you tell them: don't hide it from me, I know everything. I know the truth about things. And you can scare people.
Yu: That's enough to scare them?
Kuo: Is it? Ryozo went home, as soon as he saw his mom: I know the truth of the matter! His mom's face is white: the child, give fifty, take the flower to go, do not tell your father a.
Yu: A?
Kuo: out of the door, saw his father: hum, I know the truth of the matter! His father took out two hundred: Liangzi, don't tell your mom. The two hundred dollars to take and spend. Bright son happy, ah, become rich. As soon as he went out, he saw the one who delivered the letter in front of his house. He pointed to him and said: "I know the truth." He cried. The letter delivery one cried: son, dad hug it.
Yu: line!