Bao Lei is 24 years old. I just graduated from college two years ago. He is a technician at a construction company. Salaries are relatively high among peers. Although the family is not wealthy, it is still in the upper middle class. I met Xiaoli through a blind date. To be honest, he had very few love experiences during his student days. He only fell in love once during college, but it was very innocent at that time. Even the reason for the breakup is not clear.

As we all know, students majoring in science and engineering spend most of their time in school. Therefore, emotional intelligence is not that high, let alone love intelligence. Without experience, it can be said that he takes care of Xiaoli as much as possible. On the one hand, I am very satisfied with Xiaoli, and on the other hand, because I can really feel the taste of love this time.

Because deep down I still feel that I am not worthy of Xiaoli, and it is precisely because of the lack of self-confidence that has led to many subsequent problems. To be honest, after contacting me, he started to realize his mistake, but did a lot of very childish things with very childish ideas.

In fact, when they first got together, they were just like ordinary couples, shopping, watching movies, eating, dating, etc. However, when the passion of love gradually dissipates, many problems gradually come to light.

However, after that, the focus of our respective lives gradually shifted to our lives and work, so the time and frequency of alone dates were not as frequent as at the beginning. In fact, this is the norm for many couples’ communication and long-term relationships. It was during this period that Bao Lei's own lack of confidence led to a series of problems that should not have been caused.

Due to the nature of his work, Bao Lei often follows projects at the construction site, and Xiaoli works in a design company. Therefore, Xiaoli's work intensity is higher than that of Bao Lei, and Xiaoli's work often requires overtime. Therefore, many times, Bao Lei does not get a good response when he contacts her. In fact, anyone who works a high-intensity job knows that burnout can be a problem after a long day at work. Not to mention boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm afraid in that state, I just want to rest alone and quietly.

Due to his lack of self-confidence, he frequently checked his complaints and checked his cell phone. Plus after several inappropriate exchanges, Bao Lei's suspicions became more serious and began to sprout in his mind. This mentality of pain and loss due to lack of self-confidence makes Xiaobao suffer and start to think about unrealistic things.

In love, once this wrong idea arises, it is difficult to eradicate, especially if the two people have difficulty communicating recently. These unrealistic and incredible thoughts are like a demon, slowly eroding a person's thoughts and the love between each other. Later, due to the continuous growth of this idea, Bao Lei always wanted to know where the other party was and what she was doing 24 hours a day. As the name suggests, he frequently checks the posts. Xiaoli felt a serious sense of distrust and his excessive desire for control.

Because there was no major conflict between the two people, the two went on a good relationship after several dates and began to develop in the direction of reconciliation, but at this time conflicts appeared again. During a date between two people, because there were more people in the bathroom, she came back directly. He suddenly saw his boyfriend Bao Lei checking her mobile phone and suddenly became very angry. She grabbed her phone and found that her boyfriend was looking through her chat history. As a result, the two finally broke up. Xiaoli broke up without seeing him. Bao Lei tried to make peace several times, but to no avail.

Practical operation plan for recovery:

In fact, this situation is also very common among many boys. That is to say, in the process of love, long-term love relationships are not very successful. Good handling, love quotient is too low, there is always a mentality of suffering pain and loss, and these emotions are inappropriately passed on to women. Thinking that this attitude means loving her, in fact, it brings more and more invisible pressure to the other party, but it will push the girl further and further away. In fact, we can think about it carefully. In this kind of love, what is wrong with the love between two people? It turned out that Bao Lei's lack of self-confidence caused him to have random thoughts, and thus he had psychological doubts about Xiao Li.

In fact, in the final analysis, the secret of a girl's double consciousness is that in addition to her own character, her own value still dominates. If your own value is strong, it will naturally be more attractive to the other party, so that you will not lose your confidence. Only by doing this can these girls be inseparable from you and the two of you will be truly long-lasting.

In this case, several things need to be done:

1. First prepare the ground for expectations: communicate, eliminate misunderstandings, and then further ease the relationship

At the beginning of getting back together In this stage, many boys cannot control their emotions and are worried about this, so they always want to keep in touch with their girlfriends or wives. But in fact, the more frequent contact you have, the more girls will want to run away from you.

In the early stages of recovery, one thing we need to do is stabilize our mentality and recognize the current situation. At the same time, we must also find ways to make the girl's emotions as stable as possible to avoid arousing the girl's disgust. If not handled properly at this stage, it can easily lead to further deterioration of the relationship.

After Bao Lei found me, we got a preliminary understanding of the basic situation from the screenshots of his chat with Xiaoli and the display in the circle of friends, and began to come up with a comprehensive secondary attraction strategic plan for him. First of all, based on the display of Xiaoli’s circle of friends, we analyzed that Xiaoli is a kind of girl who follows trends, likes to enjoy life, and enjoys life a little bit. Since Bao Lei has been working for many years, he does not pay much attention to his image. Therefore, our first step is to show him his better self, with the goal of making the two people at least look more compatible. For a person to change, the first step is always visual impact.

Secondly, based on Xiaoli’s Weibo circle of friends, the display method of Xiaobao’s circle of friends was adjusted and changed. Xiaoli's circle of friends is mainly about shopping, food, etc. It can be seen that although Xiaoli is usually very busy at work, his pursuit of quality of life is still very high. On the other hand, in addition to work, Bao Lei's circle of friends is also about work, otherwise it is just non-nutritional chicken soup for the soul from some public accounts. It can be said that this is very inconsistent with his age.

We set up a group for him. Work: Can be presented appropriately, but pay attention to grouping. Life: You can spend time going to some unique and high-quality restaurants. Sports: Bao Lei is a little chubby. Exercise is not only suitable for your body, but it can also show your life status in a healthy way.

Food: Food can make some simple desserts or Western food by himself, which reflects his interest in life and hands-on ability. The main purpose of this display structure is to show the diversity of their lifestyles so that girls can see the changes from the side, thereby alleviating previous obstacles and embarrassments. First, normal communication must occur before finding the next step.

2. First trial contact: look for opportunities and open windows

The first stage of the promotion stage is usually expected to be about 10 days. Of course, it depends on the actual situation. Specific cases are analyzed in detail, and the girl's emotional feedback process is observed during the progress. During this period, the initial stage was mainly about building my own display stand to arouse the girl's curiosity and at the same time enhance my presence.

If you have the right opportunity, you can also like Xiaoli in your circle of friends. At this stage, you must control your mentality. Here, it is mainly reflected in two aspects. On the one hand, you can't reveal your neediness, and you can't let a girl perceive that your purpose is too strong. Therefore, when contacting girls, it is essential to find the right opportunity. In fact, at this time, it is very good to find some common interests or hobbies, or to find themes through work. This is a huge headache for many boys in the process of reconnecting.

I have also said before that the communication process is divided into three, six and nine different levels. The most important point to measure the quality of communication is the frequency of interactions. In other words, the topic you raise must be able to attract enough attention and interest from women. If the topic doesn't generate enough interest indicators from girls, it's definitely not going to work. In the initial contact stage, you must adjust your mentality. Even if you don’t get good feedback for a while, don’t rush. You need to test and continue to improve the relationship while showing different side changes so that the girl slowly starts to notice you and is gradually attracted to you the second time.

3. Grasp the transition period and prepare for the invitation

With the early window, we need a reason that the girl cannot refuse, so we can keep it this way first. There's a good reason to be friends first. Because the early embarrassments and conflicts are not as obvious as they were at the beginning, becoming friends will not put too much pressure on each other. This is what we call the transition period. There are two important points to note at this stage:

The first point is, don’t reveal your neediness, and don’t let the girl give you some positive feedback before you start feeling smug. The second point is to pay attention to the foreshadowing of the same topic. Because at this stage, all you need to do is attract a second time, and your life should be positive. This fulfills two basic requirements and the girl will have a good impression of you again. Comprehensive improvements in all aspects are never said by themselves, but demonstrated from the side.

With the same basic hobbies, we first asked Bao Lei to participate according to the birthdays of their two good friends, and organize board games, karaoke and other activities after the birthday party. On the one hand, Xiaoli saw a lot of organizational and execution abilities that Bao Lei did not have before. At this point, with a positive impression and assessment, it will be a huge help in the recovery process.

Fourth, connect emotions offline and achieve emotional resonance

After that, Bao Lei and other friends organized several offline parties, so Bao Lei and Xiaoli’s The feeling of contradiction is completely eliminated. We started planning for Bao Lei’s friends to organize a board game in the afternoon, and also arranged some other friends in advance. After the board game ended, they took the opportunity to leave beforehand, which provided the two of them with a chance to be alone together.

In fact, before this offline gathering, the atmosphere between the two people was relatively harmonious, and sometimes they were talking and laughing. I also separately rated the success rate of a direct invitation between two people on a date accordingly. In fact, the chances are still good. However, we ultimately decided to eliminate intentionality and the most natural way. During the afternoon dinner, he successfully took the lead in the chat, and he could always easily grasp the atmosphere of the chat.

PS: In fact, there are many people here who are prone to walking misunderstandings. When the time is right, he will start to express his feelings and talk about his feelings with the girls. In fact, in the second stage of attraction, you can talk about anything, but absolutely nothing about feelings. One is because it can easily cause bad memories, and the other is that it can easily cause unnecessary pressure on girls. In the subsequent contact process, as the resistance was eliminated and Bao Lei changed, offline invitations gradually began to increase. During our final date, we used our pre-planned plan of great memories and confessed our love again. In the end the two managed to get together.

The last thing I want to say is that when facing a breakup, we always choose to keep apologizing and asking to save the relationship, but I don’t know that this wrong approach will only intensify the conflict between two people. . Everyone knows that it takes two people to agree to be together. It only takes one person to decide to break up. Whether it can be recovered depends on the hard work and the fate of the two people.

Wanting to get back together is not a trivial matter. We need to take it seriously and do it with heart. The worst thing that can happen to a person is not losing the person he loves, but losing himself in the process of getting back together.