Yesterday afternoon, after work, I took my little daughter out shopping. Because of the hot weather, my little daughter has no appetite to eat recently. I wanted to take her to the old Shanghai wonton restaurant for noodles. She was very happy and had a good time.
After eating noodles, we went to school to watch Dad Niu run. When we got to school, Dad Niu had just finished running. We stayed at school for about half an hour and then came out. On the way, the girl's father wanted to eat turtle paste, and the girl said she wanted to drink bean jelly. So, we went to life accessories and bought turtle paste and bean jelly. Dad soon finished eating the turtle paste, and the jelly was cold, fearing that the little girl would have a bad stomach. I only gave the little girl a few sips. Dad suggested packing the rest of the jelly home. He wanted to give some to the little girl when it was not so cold. The little girl agreed and looked forward to it.
It was just after seven o'clock, and Dad Niu had just finished running and wanted to go home and take a bath first. I took the calf to the nearby square to watch others dance. The little girl skipped for a while. She doesn't want to stay because the speakers are too noisy. She asked me to take her home and said that she wanted to go back and see if the bean jelly was not so cold. She wants to eat some more bean jelly.
I took the prospective chicken home, and as soon as she came in, she asked her father about bean jelly. Her father suddenly changed his mind and advised her not to eat. He put the bean jelly in the refrigerator instead of hanging it outside as he said before. The little girl was very unhappy. When she opened the refrigerator, she was accused by her father, saying that she should not always open the refrigerator. The wronged little girl cried instantly, and her father criticized her, saying that she only cried all day and didn't realize what was wrong with her practice.
I was sleepy at night, but the little girl slept more yesterday afternoon. It's time for me to get off work. Her father said she was still up. The chick I used to sleep with didn't want to sleep by the hour last night, saying that she was not sleepy at all. Considering that she sleeps too much during the day, I don't want to force her, so I told her to play for a while if she is not sleepy, and then sleep when she is sleepy. I'm sleepy, so I want to sleep first. The little girl plays with the puzzle by herself. Before long, she went to the balcony to find her father, who would blow a book on the balcony.
When I was a little sleepy, I thought I heard my father and the chicken say, "I'm going to sleep, so I can't play any more." Then the girl's father put the girl directly on the bed. When I heard the chicken crying, I woke up at once and turned to look at her. She cried and whispered to me, "Mom, I'm not sleepy at all. I don't want to sleep yet. " Her eyes were full of begging. Before I could speak to persuade her, her father turned off all the lights with a bang, and then accused her of "it's time to go to bed, why are you crying!" Then she snatched the puzzle from the chicken's hand. The chicken wanted to cry, but was afraid to cry. She choked up and said to me, "Dad took my puzzle, and I still want my puzzle." I told the chicken to go down and get it if she wanted it. Countless facts tell me that reasoning with my dad at this time will only lead to quarrels. I didn't want to quarrel with him at that time, but I was really annoyed with him. I'll talk to him when I think about it.
I just want to comfort the chicken first and stabilize her mood. I told her that mom and dad were going to bed. If she is not sleepy, just play with puzzles for a while, and don't sleep too much during the day, otherwise she can't sleep at night. The chicken is lying on the bed, holding a puzzle in her hand and crying. It's so wronged. I know she doesn't want to sleep because it's fun, but sleeping more during the day is really not sleepy. Forcing a person who is not sleepy to sleep is very unpleasant. I wiped the little girl's tears with a tissue and told her to open her eyes when she was not sleepy, and then sleep when she was sleepy. Chicken asked me to hug her, and I felt sorry for chicken at that time.
The little girl has experienced similar grievances countless times, and I am no exception. When the little girl buys a toy, she chooses it and holds it in her hand. Her father said the color was not good and asked her to change it. As soon as the little girl cried, he threatened not to buy it if she cried. He never asks the chicken for advice when throwing her old toy. He thought it was old and broken, so he just threw it away. If the chicken can't find it, he will cry and kill the child. The child will say it when he goes to the toilet. He thought it was time to go to the bathroom after a long time, so he went to the bathroom directly with his baby in his arms. The baby said he didn't want to pee, but he insisted. Otherwise, his pants were wet and the forced baby cried in the toilet, so he criticized the baby and said, "What's there to cry about going to the toilet?"
Me too. I always feel as if I'm married to him, and I belong to him. I'm not allowed to have my own ideas. Everything has to be decided by him. If I don't listen, he will be angry. He wants to take care of everything, big or small. His control is not generally strong. He can't learn to respect others, and he wants others to respect him for everything. He can't learn to give others face, and he needs others to give him face in everything.
He threw away my personal belongings such as clothes and shoes several times, sometimes only when I saw them in the trash can, and sometimes I said I threw them away if I couldn't find them. I was so angry that I quarreled with him several times about it. I planted my favorite flowers and plants on the balcony, but he didn't like them and pulled them out without asking. He left my book on the balcony without asking my permission. I bought a bookshelf online and came back to tidy up the books. He said that I didn't ask his permission to return it before I went home. I refused, and then we quarreled. Let's go out for breakfast. He said he wanted to eat rice rolls, and I said I wanted to eat steamed stuffed buns. Bought the steamed stuffed bun wrapped in paper towels and took it away directly. He said they were packed in plastic bags, but I didn't listen. He got back the change he had taken out before paying others, and immediately got angry and left without saying anything all morning. ...
I have been married to him for more than three years, and quarrels are common because of various contradictions. A few times, I treated him the way he treated me, hoping that he could reflect on his behavior. As a result, I underestimated his reaction every time. Once in my hometown, he didn't respect me and I didn't respect him. He was very angry and shouted at me to leave. I tried to treat him in the same way at work, and the next day he went straight back to his hometown.
In the past few years with him, I deeply felt a lot of unfairness. His bullying and strong desire for control often make me feel suffocated. Our marriage is always tense.
2. hateful people also have pity, that is, they have never been respected since childhood!
Father Niu has been obedient since he was a child, and he has never been respected by his family since he was a child. He only knows to do things according to the wishes of adults and has become a sensible and obedient boy. Listening to his relatives' evaluation is: he is obedient and never needs to worry. The part of himself that he lacked in family of origin has been brought into full play in this new family. He doesn't know how to respect the wishes of others in everything, and always wants to be self-centered. He thinks that his wife and children have to listen to him and will not tolerate others having their own ideas, otherwise they will collapse.
In fact, these questions about Dad Niu can be answered from his growing experience. The way he treats us is really irritating, but he is really pitiful. A very obedient and clever person from an early age is to sacrifice too much self in front of his family to fulfill their ideas. In order to meet their expectations, he can only suppress many of his thoughts.
In the process of getting along with his family, from the comments of his sister, his mother and his relatives, I learned a fact: Father Niu is extremely obedient. He usually does what adults say, which is particularly reassuring. I also witnessed his obedient ability when I lived in his hometown during maternity leave. In front of family, people in their thirties are like a giant baby. They are superstitious about what their mother and sister say, and never consider right or wrong.
His sister also told me personally that her brother had been obedient since he was a child, and he didn't want to talk to him if he didn't listen to her. In the final analysis, his family can only accept the obedient side of Niu Dad, and once he is disobedient, he will not be recognized. Growing up, no one cared about his own ideas and respected his wishes. People around him only know to ask him with their own ideas. In order to cater to his family's ideas and gain their approval, he must be obedient and sensible.
His sister is obedient to her children now. I once argued with her about this way of raising children. As a result, his sister told me: "I have never been respected since I was a child, but it is still not good!" " In her subconscious, it is an extremely correct parenting experience to ask children to be good and obedient. Children should listen to adults and respect their wishes.
The relationship between his sister and his brother-in-law is also very bad, just like my relationship with my father. Speaking of family, his sister is also very overbearing. Obviously, the family is not her own, but she makes the final decision alone and always scolds her partner for no reason.
Children who come from a family and are not respected have a common problem when they grow up: everything is self-centered and they can't learn to respect others!
3. The way you treat your child, what kind of person will the child become!
In real life, many parents are full of expectations for their children's future, and their love for their children is considered to be 100% painstaking efforts. But in fact, few parents can respect their children's real needs when they treat them. From their own point of view, most parents are used to asking their children to use their own ideas to realize their wishes. On the way of raising children, children's performance is far from their own expectations, because they expect too much from their children or don't know them at all. Anxious parents do not reflect on their educational methods, but also blame their children, constantly putting pressure on them, which eventually leads to the deterioration of parent-child relationship, and the children's problems are getting more and more serious instead of being solved. ...
In fact, the problem of children is the problem of parents from another angle. You complain that your child is disobedient, and the child is blaming you for not listening to him; You envy other people's excellent children, and children envy other people's excellent parents; You are eager for your children to understand your pains, and your children are also eager for your understanding ... Many causes and effects are interrelated, and what you plant, your children will bear.
In the final analysis, the way you treat your child, what kind of person the child will become. You respect children, and children will respect you; You understand children, and children will understand you; If you want your children to be excellent, you must first be an excellent parent; You know how to care about children's needs, and children will pay attention to you. The way you treat children largely determines the way children treat others.
Parents are the best role models for children, and everything you say and do affects their future. The children are growing up, and so are the parents.