Funny things you should not look at while eating

1. Walking in the park, I found those love marks carved by lovers on the big tree trunk. . . First of all, instead of questioning why they carved words on the big tree trunk, I fell into deep thought as to why couples should carry knives on dates. .

2. Let go of your impetuosity, let go of your laziness, let go of your three-minute enthusiasm, let go of your brain that cannot resist temptation, let go of your eyes that are easily attracted to anything, let go of your thoughts of everything Stop talking about gossip, calm down and do what you should do, it’s time to work hard!

3. My husband and I are both office workers. This is the background - every morning after I change my clothes, I ask him if I look good dressed like this. , every time he would answer decisively, yes, it looks good! At this time, his inner thoughts should be like this: If I say it doesn’t look good, you bitch must change your clothes, and you’ll be late for work after you change!

4. After dinner, I walked back with a married third-term squad leader and passed by a female soldier. I said this smell is quite special, but I haven’t seen any laundry detergent with this smell sold in supermarkets. The squad leader said, young man, you are still young and don’t understand. That is the smell of Fu Yanjie.

5. On the girl's birthday, the boy gave the girl a bouquet of roses, and praised the girl sweetly, saying, "My dear, your lips are so beautiful, as red as this bouquet of roses." Unexpectedly, the girl slapped the boy and turned around and left. The boy was stunned for a moment and then quickly caught up with the girl and asked what happened? The girl turned around and said: You can see clearly, my lipstick is cherry red!

During the May Day holiday, I was on duty, and a girl I hadn’t contacted for a long time on WeChat kept asking me out. I said I was on duty, and she said she would come and accompany me! I said no, she insisted on coming! You see, four hours have passed, and she says: I’m lost and I haven’t found the place yet!

7. A female colleague pinched my thigh and said with a smile: "Hey, young man, you are in good shape, and you are not wearing long johns!" But it scares me. If you pinch your butt, you will find that I am not wearing underwear!

8. I went for a walk and saw a red banknote on the ground! Grandpa Mao! I never imagined that I would be so lucky! Today is such a good day! (I picked it up and looked at it) Damn it, 100 million yuan!

9. I rented a house outside just after graduation. One morning the landlady knocked on the door and said that I had too much fried rice and asked me to open the door quickly to pick it up. Because I was used to it at school. I put on a shirt and went to open the door. As soon as I opened the door, the landlord saw me carrying it away again. I was wondering when I looked down and found that I slept naked last night. What should I do next?

10. Once, a friend was dissecting pigeons in an experimental class. A girl in the class thought the pigeons were pitiful and let them go from the window. It turned out that the meat pigeons bought by the teacher could not fly and fell from the fifth floor to death

11. The schoolbag was opened by the thief, but I was too lazy to take care of it. The thief was so stubborn that he kept digging through it. I kept flipping through it, and finally couldn't help but turn around and yelled with all my domineering energy, "I'll get you which book on Chinese, Mathematics, English, Physics, Chemistry, and Biology you want!"

12. When eating Western food on a blind date, break a bowl. The waiter said: Hello, sir! This bowl costs 50 yuan. When I looked through my pocket, there was only one hundred dollar bill left. The waiter didn’t have any change either, so I just pretended to understand! I picked up a plate and threw it on the ground. Is it okay this time? Take it! Keep the change, please! The woman looked at me appreciatively, and I was very proud. Sir, 50 for the bowl and 100 for the plate.

On Mother's Day, the class organized a discussion on a keyword that summarizes the image of mother. I asked my classmate: My deepest impression of my mother is that she is very frugal. By the way, is your mother frugal? ? Then she looked up at my face and shook her head like a rattle: You are dreaming! No date!

14. I just arrived at the door of my house after get off work. It was quite cold. I saw that the neighbor’s little girl had forgotten her key and was squatting at the door shivering. I went over and told her: Come over and have a cup of milk tea at home. . She knelt down with a plop: Uncle, I'm still young, please let me go. Me:

15. My son came out of the toilet with a pained look on his face and asked him what was going on? He said: Maybe he has hemorrhoids! Me: How could you get hemorrhoids at such a young age? You must have eaten too much chili recently! My son said: That’s not necessarily the case. Teachers often say that hemorrhoids are not due to age!

16. The time is the same if you wear a watch worth three hundred yuan or a watch worth three million yuan. Vomiting is the same if you drink wine worth thirty yuan or three thousand yuan. Living in a house of 300 square meters and living in a house of 300 square meters will lead to the same loneliness. What we need is a sense of presence, and a sense of presence has nothing to do with Hermès and Lamborghini. One day you will understand that the true happiness in your heart can never be given to you by the material world.

17. I wanted to eat eggs and went to the supermarket to buy them. I asked the boss: How much do the eggs cost? Boss: How much do you want? The more you buy, the cheaper it is! I thought about it and said: Install it for me until it’s free! Boss: Beat me until you die

18. My sister went back to her parents’ house angrily. Asked her what was wrong, she said she had a fight with her brother-in-law a few days ago, and this morning she discovered that her brother-in-law used her basin and towel to wash his face, brush his teeth with her toothbrush, and drink water from her cup. .

My sister asked her brother-in-law why he didn’t use his own. My brother-in-law said, what if you wash your feet with my washbasin, wipe your feet with my towel, clean the toilet with my toothbrush, and catch the urine in my cup?

19. Today I suddenly received a text message from my son: Dad, do I still have a chance to become a rich second generation? I had mixed feelings and tossed and turned at night, then gritted my teeth and stamped my feet, picked up the phone, and forwarded this text message to my dad.

20. My daughter caught a cold and was a little afraid of the cold. She refused to sleep alone. She came to the big bed at night and hugged her mother tightly. . . Me: Baby, why don’t you hug daddy? Daughter: My father has to go to work every day and pick me up and take me to school. I don’t want to pass the cold to him! ! !

21. There are some people in life. You have invited them to eat many times, but they will not take the initiative to treat you once. It is not that they have no money, but that they are reluctant to use it

22. Lao Shi asked us to write a precept about caring for grass. I said shyly: Today you step on my head, tomorrow I will grow on your grave~

23. I had dinner with a colleague. When paying the bill, the colleague said that he was treating me today and handed it to me. The boss's ticket is 100. After a while, the boss came again with 100 yuan and asked: I can't change the 100 yuan, do you have any change? The colleague said: No. Then look at me. I quickly said: I have it. I counted ten 10-dollar bills from my wallet and put them on the table, then put the 100-dollar bill into my wallet.

24. In the morning, my wife said to me: Husband, you always talk in your sleep, should you go to the hospital for a check-up? When I heard this, I immediately refused: How can I go to the hospital for treatment? If it is cured, my only right to speak at home will be gone.

25. When I brushed my teeth in the morning, my daughter wanted to use my toothpaste. I said, you can’t use it because you are still young, so you have to use the baby’s toothpaste. My daughter gave me a cold look and said: You use my baby cream every day, did I tell you?

26. I bought a pair of trousers online, but they were too big. In order not to waste the money I spent on the trousers, I ate as hard as I could. After half a month, I finally put them on, and then I discovered I can no longer fit into the pants I used to wear. .

Twenty-seven. Wedding, Groom: In fact, after I fell in love with you, I also loved many people. . . There was an uproar in the audience, and the bride was also stunned. Seeing this scene, the groom continued with satisfaction: Many people, including your parents, your family, and your friends. . . The audience burst into applause. The bride paused and asked: Does it include my besties?

28. The cafeteria lady asked my roommate why he ate so many sausages at every meal? The roommate shyly told her: My girlfriend told me to eat whatever I want! Then the aunt served two pig brains to the roommate.

29. We went to the cafeteria to eat together. A female colleague (a very open-minded person) looked at her breasts and said: Oh, I wonder what your men’s breasts are used for? Well, we were speechless. A buddy next to us replied: Men's breasts are a measure to tell you that women shouldn't be too small. Damn it, is there any point in collectively spraying rice?

Thirty. I washed my hair in the morning, and while I was eating, my baby’s father gently stroked my hair. I felt warm in my heart. This kind of intimate gesture can only be done when you are in love, and I heard my baby. Dad said: There is a white hair on the top of your head. I will rub it out for you and pull it out! Dizzy~~~

31. I drove to work in the morning, and my girlfriend was the co-pilot. Suddenly, my girlfriend shouted, "Be careful ahead!" It startled me, and when I looked carefully, no one came out without pets, so I asked her: What the hell are you barking at? There is nothing. She looked at me and said plausibly: Didn't you see a banana peel? I'm afraid of slipping!

Thirty-two. I went to the restroom in the evening. When I came back, my wife had snatched my computer. I sighed: It’s true that people are lost and dogs come to take over. result. . . My face still hurts now. . .

33. My son went to eat snacks after school without doing homework. I asked him: Is it embarrassing to eat without doing homework? The son said: Of course, I am thick-skinned!

Thirty-four. My girlfriend suddenly sent a message: I misjudged you! I panicked all of a sudden, and it seemed I couldn't hide it anymore so I had to confess: Listen to my explanation! It was your best friend who seduced me first! At the same time as the message was sent, I received a second message from my girlfriend: There was a man on the road just now with the same hairstyle as you!

Thirty-five. One day, the teacher said angrily in class: Now, whoever answers my question correctly can go home from school. At this moment, Xiao Ming immediately threw his schoolbag out of the window. The teacher asked: Who did it? Xiao Ming replied: I did it. After saying that, he immediately ran home.

Thirty-six. Female: Dear, do you think I would look better if I were thinner? Man: I don’t know. Woman: Go to hell, how could you not know? Man: I’ve never seen you look thin!

Thirty-seven. My best friend said: Her husband loves his son very much. He holds it in his mouth for fear of melting and holds it in his hands for fear of falling. He loves it so much every day. I said: Isn't this a good thing? My best friend said: What a fart. I can’t bear to tell him that the child is not his when he is like this. Me

38. The boy hugged the girl from behind and whispered in her ear: I want to taste your lipstick.

The girl couldn't bear to refuse, so she tremblingly took out her lipstick from her bag and handed it to him: "Take a small bite, the one I used today is more expensive."

Thirty-nine, my son always takes a long time to do his homework. Last night I scolded him again: You said that when you were doing homework, you either ate or pooped, or got distracted, which made your father anxious to death. Unexpectedly, not only did he not change, he also smiled shamelessly, imitating her mother. His tone was: Damn ghost! What's the rush! I. . .

I am 40. My wife is a standard foodie. Today when I was shopping, a thief took away more than 500 yuan. When I got home, she complained to me. With tears in her eyes, I had to comfort her: The thief took your money. Went to see a doctor! But my wife got into my arms and cried loudly: No, he must have gone to buy something delicious!

41. A couple had twins, a boy and a girl. After they fell asleep, while they were having a fierce fight, the daughter suddenly stood up and asked what were you doing? Her father gave his daughter a mouthful of words without saying a word, and the woman cried in grievance! My son said: I told you to lie down and watch. If you don’t listen and insist on standing up and watching, you will get beaten

42. The first time I went to my girlfriend’s house to meet her parents, I couldn’t express my feelings. Nervous, I kept asking her what she should pay attention to along the way. She seemed a little annoyed by my questions and comforted me: "Don't be afraid, my parents are very nice people. Just relax, Teacher Wang."

43. Have I been single for too long and don’t want to fall in love at all? I know how to earn money, make clothes, wash shelves, fight, find a boyfriend and wait for food and drink. Lazar also has to worry about whether he will find a mistress. Nowadays, there are many men who don’t steal food. I have to evolve into a man. I don’t have the ability to pick up girls, but I am also a girl.

44. The express arrived and asked me to pick it up, but I was I don’t have time, so I plan to pick it up in the afternoon, but I don’t know where the courier point is, and no matter how many times I call for courier services, I don’t answer the phone. Then I called the seller, who explained patiently for a long time, and finally said to check it for me, but couldn't find it. He asked me what I bought, and I said bicycle. The other person was silent for a while and said in a low tone, "My house doesn't Selling bikes. .

Forty-five. On a business trip, I went to a city where my best friend lived. I had nothing to do in the afternoon, so I made a room and took a rest. She came to the hotel where I was staying after get off work. She didn’t know my room number, so she called me: XX, what bed number do you live in? Damn it, what number is the bed? What bed number are you staying in? Your husband lives in bed number one in the men's department! You can't be friends with a nurse. Don’t read the funny stories here when you eat.

Don’t read the funny stories here when you eat.

1. Oh my God! I don’t understand why my sister is always so easily admired by thousands of people.

2. Don’t walk around in my world, because I remember you in my heart.

3. No one really cares whether you are tired from flying or not, as long as you fly high or not.

4. In fact, the most romantic thing I can think of is to watch you grow old.

5. You always ask what is love in the world? Someone replied: Waste.

6. Let me tell you, my sister has a smile that I will never be able to imitate in my lifetime.

7. It’s true that I can’t use credit cards because I’m handsome, but I can get credit!

8. Now I have hope, desire, and extravagant expectations for life, but in the end I am still disappointed.

9. Sometimes I really don’t want to tell you that you look like the scene of a car accident!

10. Look at that stupid you, still thinking stupidly. Silly you are still in a relationship with me!

11. You big idiot, not only is there something wrong with you, but you also have something wrong with your hair.

12. By the way, Qiandao Lake has no cover, so just go! I will never hold you back.

13. It’s not that my wife is abnormal, it’s just that we all don’t understand this miserable era.

14. It seems that the teeth are white. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that the teeth are white, it may be that the face is dark.

15. The Blind Association sincerely advises you from the bottom of our hearts: Never drink and drive.

16. If I say I can’t let you go, will you look back at me again?

17. You see, there is always love in thousands of mountains and rivers. Can you please give me one more point?

18. Can you please not turn your back to me and confess your love? Because I can't tell whether you are a prince or a frog.

19. I hope you won’t call me a nerd. Please call me [Madame Curie] from now on.

20. Sometimes I feel like a hedgehog. When I go there, others are afraid when they see the thorns all over my body.

21. Don’t be obsessed with your sister anymore, be careful that your brother-in-law will make you vomit blood.

22. Don’t think that I dare not touch you. It’s because I can’t beat you because I’m afraid of breaking you.

23. Don’t expose your wounds because others will rub salt into your wounds. Heartwarming Sentences to Thank Your Leaders While Eating

Heartwarming Sentences to Thank Your Leaders While Eating Part 1

1. No matter where you go, you will always be my work mentor. I wish you success in your career. In good health.

2. I would like to thank my leaders for their trust, support and encouragement in me. I sincerely thank you!

3. If it weren’t for the wind, I would have been haggard; if it weren’t for the rain, I would have been pale; if it weren’t for your company, I would have been overwhelmed by worries. Thank you for the wind and rain, which taught me maturity; thank you for your Encouragement, give me courage and strength.

4. I must ask you for more advice when I have the opportunity. Every word you say will be of endless use to me throughout my life. In my impression, you are a dynamic and charming person.

5. My parents are happy because of my filial piety; my girlfriend is sweet because of my thoughtfulness; I am considerate because of my salary; boss, please give me more salary to make me more filial. Thoughtful.

6. I am grateful to my parents for letting me have flesh and blood, to life for letting me understand how difficult life is, to my frustrations for letting me know how to challenge, to my friends for letting me understand that friendship is priceless, and happy Thanksgiving.

7. I am grateful to the mobile company for giving me this opportunity, to my parents for making me so smart, to the mobile phone production and operation dealer for allowing me to get such a good mobile phone, and to you for letting me give it to you when I was bored. Sent this short message!

8. With a grateful heart, you will cherish friendship more. How difficult it is for us to become friends and even confidants among countless people passing by. No wonder the literary giant Lu Xun sighed: "It is enough to have a confidant in life, and the world should treat him with sympathy."

9. Youth and genius walking hand in hand are undoubtedly the most perfect scene in the world. And you have both of these. Today, may your youth and wisdom bring you a more perfect tomorrow!

10. I am grateful to have you in my life and wish my leadership happiness!

11. Thank you for your teacher-like guidance and continuous learning at work.

12. Since you have chosen to pursue, don’t cry. Just hold on and get through today, and happiness will be one step closer. What can really wear people down is the despair in their hearts.

13. I am happy to win your recognition and friendship, cherish it, and maintain it in the long run.

14. I pass by you every day, but I never go in to visit you. Today I finally decided to muster up the courage and knock on your office: Happy holidays, boss!

15. It is a great honor to work and study under your leadership in the past year. Part 2 of heart-warming sentences to thank your leaders during meals

16. Be grateful to the company, which has given you a platform for development!

17. Thank you for providing me with this platform so that we can better show ourselves!

18. Without ideals, that is, without some kind of good wishes, there will never be a good reality.

19. After so many years, I would like to thank my leaders for their careful cultivation of me. Without Bole, I would never be a Chollima. Your care yesterday made me what I am today. Thank you!

20. If I were a "horse", then you would be my "Bo Le". As long as you are here, I will continue to work hard!

21. Dear leader, thank you for taking care of me. I will work harder in my future work.

22. There are certain things that you must take with you when moving, such as: happiness, joy, health and other valuables. Some rags must be thrown away: sadness, annoyance, nothingness!

23. A journey of a thousand miles is built on small steps; a ship of thousands of miles is built on a compass; I am grateful to my leaders for their daily guidance, so that I can achieve what I have today.

24. I would like to thank my boss for giving me the opportunity and a platform to show myself and improve myself. I would also like to thank the leaders of various departments for helping me, guiding me and admonishing me---I will grasp every learning opportunity. Opportunities to remember what should be remembered and forget what should be forgotten

25. Hello leader, today is your birthday. I specially send my blessings and wish him a long life like a bowl of sweetness. Noodles, chewy noodles are my long wishes, delicious soup is my blessing for your happiness and sweetness

26. Getting to know you, with your help, I have achieved A welcome improvement.

27. We work together, struggle together, and progress together. In a team that loves life and works hard, I am happy to have you, we are good leaders and good colleagues.

28. Thank you for your friend-like smile, which makes me feel happy at work.

29. The days of working together are joyful, and the days of struggling together are unforgettable! Thank you for your help. I wish you happiness in the New Year! .

30. Thank you for your support in my work over the past year.

When foodies are eating, post mood phrases and sentences in WeChat Moments

For a foodie, food and love are the only things that cannot be let down. Every day when meal time comes or before meal time, our foodie friends are already We are ready to rush to the paradise of delicious food, so what do we want to say in our circle of friends before eating? Today I have carefully compiled some mood phrases for foodies to post on WeChat Moments for everyone. I hope you like them!

1. No matter how miserable life is, I will work hard to eat.

2. You deserve a foodie girlfriend!

3. The life of a foodie is actually very happy.

4. I always hover between being full and being full

5. No need to ask me what I want to eat, I can eat whatever is available

6. Foodie The most annoying number is 24 (starve to death)

7. Foodies enjoy the pleasure in their mouths and want to lose weight in their hearts.

8. Slim foodies are the best among foodies.

9. In life, one should not be ashamed of being a foodie.

10. I haven’t eaten for several days, and everyone looks like pancakes.

11. A foodie is like a train, eating like crazy. Eat like crazy

12. You can eat without studying. How can you study without eating?

13. I am just a foodie with a qualified mind but an unsatisfactory stomach.

14. Eat to live, but live not to eat.

15. All gatherings not for the purpose of eating are just hooliganism.

16. For foodies, the only thing that cannot be eaten in this world is loss.

17. Eating is for living, but life is not just for eating.

18. The motto of a foodie: Just eat it!

19. Eat an average of three meals a day, each meal lasting eight hours. This is a foodie

20. Life is as simple as eating when you are hungry and sleeping when you are sleepy!

21. When I eat mushroom instant noodles, I always add some isatis root to clear away heat. Detoxify.

22. It is said that foodies will not fail the exam because foodies are too heavy to pass high math.

23. It’s not just to show off the delicious food, I really like the color of this tablecloth.

24. Which is more important, food or body? Foodie: The body is amazing? Can you eat it? ?

25. If you think eating is everything in a foodie’s life, you are wrong, there is still sleep!

26. Work should be driven by food instead of waiting for food. , this is the only way to pass.

27. The idea of ????a foodie is that if it is delicious, you should eat more, and if it is not delicious, you should eat more.

28. For foodies, life will not be monotonous if there are delicious food every day.

29. What is the mentality of a foodie? If it is delicious, you should eat more. If it is not delicious, you should eat as much as possible.

30. When I was determined to lose weight, I realized that there were so many people posting delicious food in my circle of friends!

31. Whether they are immersed in farming or eating, they will never forget to look up at the sky.

32. When I was a child, I didn’t like eating, which made me short now; now I like eating, which makes me fat and short.

33. Never ask a foodie if he has eaten. This is not a problem at all for a foodie. If you want to ask, just ask if he has eaten enough

34. Everyone posts delicious food in their circle of friends. I looked around and was indifferent. There was no ups and downs in my heart. I grew up

35. It is a cruel thing for a thin person to eat for a fat person; it is very cool for a fat person to eat for a thin person. Things

36. Food and love are the only things you can’t live up to. If you don’t have a lover, just comment and share the food. Who else is not a little prince?

37. In the circle of friends Posting about food, travel, bags, and cars, and then...crying about poverty, it's so fucking hypocritical.

38. I have a desire to lose weight and a stomach that is a foodie. They compete every day. I counted with my fingers and Emma’s stomach won again today!

39. Some pustules are equivalent to foodies, but foodies are not necessarily pustules. The basic difference between the two is that pustules are very edible, and foodies are very good at eating them.

40. The circle of friends is just a trap. Show off as much as you want, and no one will care about what you want. Show off your delicious food and someone will invite you. If you post books, someone will help you borrow them.

Can you still simply appreciate it?