Drink with the leaders and others, raise your glasses and loudly say, "Let's die together!" At that time, my brain was too hot ......

There was an old lady in a mental hospital.

She wore black clothes and held a black umbrella every day.

She squatted at the gate of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: To heal her, we must start by getting to know her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes and held a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

in junior high school, the teacher called the translator Who is this man?

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless.

Jimmy Lin said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

Andy Lau said, "My fans say my idol is Hua."

Jacky Cheung said, "My fans say my idol is a friend."

Jordan chan said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

When riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, button the back to keep out the wind. One day, he was driving under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the roadside.

After the police arrived ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he is still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

police officer b: ok ... one, two, push hard, and turn back.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ...

A mental patient caught a passerby in the street and pointed a gun at his head and asked, "What's one plus one?" Passers-by thought carefully for a long time and said, "Two!" The patient quickly fired his gun and blew into the flue: "You know too much." < P > One afternoon, he felt very sleepy. So I went to the water room to wash my face. As soon as I entered the water room, I saw my friend monkey fighting fiercely with a pot of clothes. Seeing how carefully he washed, I said hello and began to wash my face under the faucet on his left.

when I finished, I looked up, damn it! I don't know when this guy jumped to my left and washed another basin of clothes. At that time, I was really impressed. I washed two pots of clothes!

I looked at him in surprise. I was about to speak when he suddenly turned his head and said sadly, "I washed the wrong clothes just now!" "

In the self-study class, Xiao Juan accidentally farted. The students all turned their heads, when Atian, who had a crush on her, said, Sorry, I let it go. After a while, Xiao Juan couldn't help letting go again, and Xiao Du, who had a crush on her, was busy defending her: Since everyone is so happy, I'll join in the fun. However, Xiao Juan released another one later, when someone asked: Who released this? At the same time, Peng, who has a crush on her and likes her more, stood up and said, I let her go. Then pointing to Xiao Juan, he said, I'll take all her farts from now on!

As geography has taught, Fushun, Liaoning Province produces the most coal and Anshan, Liaoning Province produces the most iron, so Fushun is called the "coal capital" of China and Anshan is called the "iron capital". In an exam, the paper showed that the coal in China was (black) and the iron in China was (hard). After the exam, he also said: How did the teacher come up with such a simple question?

2. An additional question in a Chinese exam asked Prometheus what literary works he was, and a classmate filled in: Harry Potter. Another time, I asked Zuo Zhongyi what his name was, and a classmate wrote: Zuo Lengchan.

3. A political topic: China's research ship _ _ _ _ _ went to the Arctic for investigation. My answer: Titanic.

4. Chinese exam. Explain the word "death". I replied: "Go to hell" (originally I wanted to write "die") The teacher was furious ... < P > 5. In primary school, a classmate recited poems, and the first three sentences were so hard. The last sentence: "A line of egrets went to the west." The class is dizzy!

6. Fill in the following sentence in the language test of Grade One in Senior High School, "Why to cut the candle at the west window?". I replied, "husband and wife sit until dawn." Correct answer: "evening rain time".

7. In a Chinese exam, the poem fill in the blank is a sentence "_ _ _ _ _ _ _" in Bai Juyi's Peach Blossom in Dalin Temple. I don't know if I came here. The correct answer should be "I always hate that I can't find a place when I return home in spring", and a classmate in front of me simply filled in "I always hate that the village girl has no place to find".

8. As soon as I filled in the picture in the biology exam, I asked what kind of organism a cytogram was. The correct answer was "female fruit fly", and one person in my class answered "female fruit fly". The biology teacher held a meeting to study n for a long time and decided to give points.

9. When I was in high school, I also filled in poems and sentences. The last sentence is: "Luoyang relatives and friends are like asking each other"; One of my classmates filled in: "Just say I'm in Yueyang Tower".

1. In a Chinese exam in senior high school, the following sentence is also filled in: "The fly shakes the tree, _ _ _ _". One of my classmates wrote: Not moving. It is in line with the facts.

11. In high school, in the biology exam, Q: What is the digestive type of chicken? I won't. A: Chicken type! As a result, the teacher criticized the class by name!

12. The above sentence is: "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse", but the students couldn't hold back for a long time, so they scribbled: "Black turtles climb by the river in the East Village"!

13, high school Chinese exam, write the next sentence of ancient poetry. The last sentence is: "When the mountain flowers bloom", one person in our class actually filled in: I will try my best to pick the flowers.

14. When I was in junior high school, I took a Chinese exam and asked the name of Mr. Lao She's famous works. A classmate couldn't remember, so I told him: teahouse. As a result, that person heard: teapot lid. Be scolded by the teacher!

15. In the past, students read the text, including one sentence: Take out the banana fan. The original pause should be to take out the banana fan, fan. That classmate directly read: take out the banana, fan fan!

16. When I was in junior high school, I read Dou E's injustice as "selling" E's injustice. The whole class laughed. I don't know why!

17. There is another math exam, and the last big question is to judge which one is correct by two solutions. I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't come up with it. By the way, I mentioned a few words: Fair is fair! The old woman says that the old woman is right! Look, it doesn't matter! It's all right to think about it … As a result, after the math teacher read my solution through all four classes she taught in the whole grade, I became famous!

18. The Chinese class in senior high school is taking * * * * * Yongmei, and self-study in the morning requires memorization. The teacher ordered someone to answer: "-she laughed in the bushes, and XX answered!" XX was eating, and he couldn't speak for a long time, but he said, "Laugh and don't make any noise!" The whole class laughed!

2. Write the following sentence in the exam: "I was born to be useful". A gifted student replied, "the mouse son can make holes." Our Chinese teachers in the whole office collectively laughed without image!

21. English test: HOW ARE YOU? Translate like this? The answer-how are you? HOW OLD ARE YOU？ How to translate? The answer-why is it always you?

22. Question: If a China student witnessed a traffic accident in California, USA, and * * * asks you if you know what happened, what should you tell him? One person replied: one car come one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.

23. While doing the Chinese test paper, Mr. A was stumped by a fill-in-the-blank question "Who is the author of" The Dawn is Quiet here ". After thinking hard for a long time, A Jun resolutely wrote "holyfield" on the empty column.

The invigilator asked with a smile, "Why don't you write Tai Sen?"

A Jundao: "His name is too short to look like!"

24. Mr. B wants to describe a person's appearance in his composition. When he can't say a word, he asks his deskmate in a low voice, "How do you write the word' vice' for a pair of glasses?"

The deskmate told him, "It's just a pair of checkers."

After the teacher reviewed Mr. B's composition, he saw that it said, "He has a pair of checkers on his high nose."

25. Topic: The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves before _ _ _ _

A student answered: The waves are getting worse with each generation

1. Topic: While ... While ...

Kid: He is undressing while wearing pants.

Teacher's comment: Is he going to undress after all? Still have to wear it?

2. Topic: One of the children: One of my left feet is injured.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. topic: children: after work, dad went home one after another.

teacher's comment: how many dads do you have?

4. Topic: Sad children: It's sad to have a ditch in front of my house.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is more sad

5. Topic: Again

Children: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Topic: Look

Children: What are you looking at? Never seen it?

Teacher's comment: Don't drag it too far

7. Topic: Prosperity

Children write: Prosperity and glory.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many soap operas!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: Delicious fart.

Teacher: ...

9. Title: Naive

Children write: It's really hot today.

Teacher comments: You are so naive

1. Title: Sure enough

Children say. A teacher started to count the number of students in our class,

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1, tick ... (suddenly stopped)

When the director of our senior high school office once again scolded us for not being good at speaking in class, he said, "If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for turning against others!"

An English teacher teaches grammar. Before class, she asks everyone, "I've finished. Do you still understand?" We replied in unison: "No!"

I bought WSJ for LP, but I didn't know what to buy after going to the store for a long time, so I took a bag at random and asked the shopkeeper, "Boss, is this good?" The boss (male) gawked at me for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this either!" "

There was a time when there were rats at home, so my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but there was no medicine for any rats. One day early in the morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison in the corner of the doorman, and said to herself, "How come no one takes this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girl behind him took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's my" unfamiliar colleague in the class ~ ~

I chatted with him, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? [

.

I've been cold for a long time! ! ! !

The little mosquito came home crying, and his mother asked, What's the matter? Mosquito: Dad is dead! Mother Mosquito: He didn't take you to the show? Mosquito: Yes, but when the audience applauded, Dad didn't dodge.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Qiao Nina. She fell in love with a girl named Shade. They watched the stars together. When the meteor crossed the sky, they named it: Jonina Shade Star

Judge: Why did you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

I went to the school to get my diploma today. When I was excited, I grabbed a passing buddy and asked, "Hey, what's the name of this school again?"

The buddy gave me a hard look and said, "How should I know? I'm only a freshman!"

a brother likes to eat fish. Wal-Mart's bass is 9 yuan a catty, and if it dies, it will be 7 yuan and two pieces on the ice, just as fresh. A brother rushed to buy it after work, but it was often bought away. A brother stood in front of the fish tank and waited, sometimes one died for a long time. A brother fished in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand. The waiter couldn't stand it any longer, so he came over and said to his brother, "Sir, it doesn't count that he passed out ...".

A man and a woman were having an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window without wearing clothes and walked in the street, and passers-by watched. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

at night, one person in the dormitory of four fell asleep, and three people were discussing how to express their confession after chasing girls for the first time. The discussion was lively, and the sleeping one woke up: Don't say anything, let's go to bed ...

At the beginning of school, a new English teacher came, and he asked us to answer all questions in English in the future. Then he began to call the roll: NO.1. He shouted, No.1 in our class. The teacher said: Please in English! (Please answer in English) My classmate scratched his head and held back for a long time and answered: lead ~ ~ (pronounce the second sound).

A:I'm sorry! B:I'm sorry,too. A:I'm sorry three. B:What are you sorry for? A: I'm sorry five ...

-When I took the bus yesterday, the bus driver kept staring at me as if I didn't buy a ticket. -Then what will you do? It's very simple. I kept staring at him as if I had bought a ticket.

The tortoise was injured. Let the snail buy medicine. After 2 hours, the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise scolded in a hurry: I'll die if I don't fucking come back! At this moment, the snail's voice came from outside the door: Tell me again that I'm not going.