How to make people like you

Want to gain friendship? Why not learn from some of the best friends in the world? who is he? Take a walk around the streets tomorrow and you will definitely meet him. From ten feet away, he starts wagging his tail at you. If you stop and touch him gently, he will jump up happily and show his love to you. This behavior is so innocent, he will not sell you real estate, and he does not want to marry you.

Have you ever thought about it: hens have to lay eggs, cows have to produce milk, and canaries have to sing. Why are dogs the only animals that don’t worry about their livelihood? It is enough for the dog to show love to you.

When I was five years old, my father bought me a yellow-haired puppy, Tippi, for fifty cents.

It brought endless joy to my childhood. Every afternoon around 4:30, it sits in front of the yard, staring at the distance of the path with its lovely eyes. As soon as it hears my voice or sees me shaking food behind the bushes, it will purr, pant and run over, jumping and barking to greet me.

Tippi and I were together for five years. I will never forget that heartbreaking night when he was electrocuted ten feet away from me. Tippi's death was the greatest trauma of my childhood. Tippi hadn't read anything about psychology, and he didn't need to. The knowledge was innate to him. If you can sincerely care like Tippi, I'm sure you will gain a lot of friendships in two months. But the friendships that people who just want care and love spend two years cultivating are far less than you.

I repeat: If you can sincerely care like Tippi, I am sure that you will gain far more friendships in two months than others. It takes two years to develop a friendship, and the latter just wants to be loved.

Everyone understands the truth, but some people always want to ask for it. Such people will never have friends in their lives. Obviously, others don't care about you, everyone is paying attention to themselves, paying attention to themselves all the time. From morning to night, all the time.

In order to collect commonly used words on the phone, the New York Telephone Company conducted a detailed survey and research on the content of people's phone calls. You must have guessed that out of the 500 phone calls, 3,900 times the word was mentioned: "I", "I", "I"!

Take out a group photo, who would you look at first? If we focus solely on impressing others and getting attention, we will never achieve true friendship. True friends can never be obtained this way. Napoleon was such a person. When he met Josephine for the last time, he said: "Josephine, I am the luckiest person in the world. I find that at this moment, you are the only person I trust." Historians are very doubtful about Napoleon. Do you really trust the other party so much?

Alfred, a famous psychologist in Vienna. Alfred Adler wrote the book "Inferiority and Transcendence".

The book mentions: "If you are indifferent to others, you will be destined to have a bad fate and cause harm to others. It is because of such people that the world is full of suffering." Even after reading dozens of profound volumes You can't find a more important sentence than this sentence in psychology books. Adler's famous saying is so profound! So I will repeat it again:

People who are indifferent to others are destined to have a bad fate and will cause harm to others. It is because of such people that the world is full of suffering.

I took a writing class at NYU, where we were taught by a well-known local magazine editor. He said that his desk is filled with dozens of novels every day. You only need to read a few sentences of any one to feel whether the author pays attention to the readers.

"If the author is indifferent to the readers, naturally no readers will like his works."

This experienced editor interrupted the lecture twice in the writing class to express his gratitude to his readers. Long apology. He said: "Let me tell you now. If you want to be a good writer, remember to care about your readers like a pastor preaching, so that they will be interested in your work."

Writing novels is like this. , this is how we should treat people and things. I was in "Magic King" Howard. Spent an evening in Howard Thurston's dressing room. It was also his last Broadway performance. In the past four decades, he has traveled all over the world and created countless breathtaking performances. More than 60 million viewers have paid to watch his performances, and he has earned an income of approximately US$2 million. .

I implored Thaxton to tell me the secret of his success. Thaxton ran away from home in his early years and wandered around. He took various trucks along the road, slept in haystacks, and begged all the way. He learned to read by reading the signs along the railway line. Of course, the answer had nothing to do with his education. Is his magic skills superior to others? No.

He told me that there were hundreds of books on magic tricks and that there were dozens of people who had mastered as many magic tricks as he had. But there are two things he did that others didn't. First, under stage lights, he is able to fully demonstrate his personal style.

As a master showman, he knows human nature inside and out. Every gesture, every sound, and every frown he performs is carefully rehearsed in advance, and every movement is precise and just right.

Beyond that, Thaxton's attention to the audience is unparalleled. He said that when many magicians face an audience, they think: "Oh, there are a bunch of stupid guys sitting in the audience, they are all country bumpkins, let's see how I can make them fool around." But Thaxton doesn't think so. Every time before he goes on stage, he would say to himself: "How grateful I am to the audience. They come to watch, so that I can live a comfortable and good life. I must give them the best show."

George of North Warren, Pennsylvania. Dyke has worked at a gas station for thirty years. Later, the road was rebuilt and the gas station where he worked was demolished, forcing him to retire early. It wasn't long before he had enough of the boring retirement life and started playing his violin. After that, he traveled around, listened to music all the way, and asked those violinists for advice. Despite his humble status, he religiously made an effort to reach out to people, met every musician he knew, and gained many friendships. Later, he participated in a competition, and his story soon began to spread among country music fans in the eastern United States, that is, "Uncle George, the fiddle player from the village of Kinzia." At this time, George was seventy-two years old, but he still enjoyed every minute of his life. George always maintained a strong passion and interest in other people. While most people were dying, he created a new world.

This is also the reason why President Roosevelt is deeply loved by the people. Even the attendants respected and loved him. One of his attendants, James. James E. Amos wrote a book about him called "Theodore. Theodore Roosevelt: Hero to His Valet. Amos writes about an interesting thing in the book:

My wife had never seen a quail, and one time she asked the president about this bird. The president introduced her patiently and in detail. Soon after, the phone rang in my room (Amos and his wife lived in a cabin at the Presidential Villa in Oyster Bay). The wife answered the phone. It was the president. He said that there happened to be a quail outside the window. If he looked out the window now, he might still be able to see it. Whenever he passed our house, he would say hello from a distance: Hey, how's Annie doing? Hey, how's James doing? These are all friendly greetings from him.

It is many of these little things in life that reflect the president's approachable character. As his attendant, how could he not like such a master? Who doesn't like that?

One day Roosevelt visited the White House, and President Taft and his wife happened to be away from home. He greeted all the original White House staff, even the maids who did the cleaning work. He showed great respect for those of lower status.

"When he saw Alice, the kitchen maid, he asked her if she was still making cornbread. Alice replied that she sometimes made it for the servants, but no one was eating it upstairs." Another servant, A. strange. Bart wrote: "Roosevelt deliberately raised his voice and said, 'They really don't understand food. When I see the president, I will tell him.'"

"Alice brought a piece of cornbread and put it on the plate He handed it to him. He ate while walking until he reached the office. He never forgot to say hello to the gardeners and workers wherever he went...

"He said hello to everyone as before. Ike Hoover, who served in the White House for 40 years, spoke of Roosevelt with tears: "(Seeing him again) was the happiest day for me in the past two years, and I wouldn't change it for a hundred dollars." ”

Edward., a business representative in Chatham, New Jersey. It was because of this consideration for strangers that Sykes gained a business.

He recalled: "In the Massachusetts area, I represented Johnson & Johnson to visit a customer, which was a grocery store in Hingham, Boston. Every time before entering the store, I I first exchanged a few words with the clerk who was responsible for mixing drinks and sales, and then talked to the store owner about the order. This time, when I was about to talk to the store owner, he suddenly asked me to leave and said that he would no longer purchase Johnson & Johnson products. < /p>

Because he felt that Johnson & Johnson focused too much on food stores and discount stores, neglecting and damaging the interests of grocery stores. I could only leave in a hurry and wander around the city for a few hours. Finally, I decided to go back. At least I have to explain the situation to the shopkeeper.

"I returned to this small store again, and as usual, I greeted the front and back shopkeepers before walking towards the shopkeeper. At this time, the shopkeeper welcomed me with a smile and ordered Bi. There were twice as many goods as usual. I was surprised and asked what happened. The store owner gestured to me and said, "You are one of the few salesmen who greeted the store clerk. They think that if anyone is worthy of doing business, it must be you." "The store owner was convinced and has been a loyal customer since then. I will never forget this. Giving sincere care to others is a quality that a salesperson should have at all times." < /p>

I have come to the same conclusion from my personal experience. As long as a person sincerely cares for others, no matter how busy or unattainable the person is, you will always get feedback from him and win the conversation and conversation. Opportunities for collaboration. Let me give you an example below.

Many years ago, I taught a novel writing class at Brooklyn College of Arts and Sciences.

At that time, I planned to invite some well-known writers with unique styles such as Kathleen. Kathleen Norris, Fanny. Fannie Hurst, Ada. Ida Tarbell, Albert. Parson. Albert Payson Terhune, Rupert. Rupert Hughes came to share his creative experience. I wrote letters to these people, expressing my admiration, hoping to get their guidance, to learn from their successful experiences, and imploring them to come to school during their busy schedules.

Each letter was signed by one hundred and fifty students, and the letter also expressed their understanding of their work. Maybe they didn't have time to prepare a speech, so I attached a questionnaire so that they could introduce themselves and share their creative methods. They all like this method of communication, who wouldn’t? In the end, they all came all the way to Brooklyn just to help us.

In the same way, we also invited Leslie. Leslie M. Shaw; Attorney General George. Gee W. Wickersham; and other celebrities such as William. Byron (William Jennings Bryan), Roosevelt Jr. and others came to give public speeches to our students.

Whether we are workers, clerks or high-ranking monarchs, no matter what our status is, we all like people who can praise us.

After the end of World War I, German Emperor Wilhelm II was greatly belittled and slandered by the people, which even led him to flee to the Netherlands to save his life and became a public enemy. Everyone hated William II so much that they wanted to cut him into pieces or burn him at the stake.

When everyone was furious, a little boy wrote a letter to William II. The content was simple, but very sincere, full of kindness and admiration. The little boy said that no matter what others think of him, he will always love William II in his heart and hopes to continue to be his subject. The emperor was deeply moved by the letter and invited the boy to meet him. The little boy came, and so did his mother. Later the Kaiser married the little boy's mother.

This little boy has not read books on making friends and interpersonal relationships, but he has these skills in his nature. If we want to be popular, we should spend time and energy thinking about how to contribute and serve others. When the Duke of Windsor was still the Crown Prince of Wales, he planned to travel around South America. Before setting off, he spent several months learning Spanish and then gave a speech in the local language, a move that was enthusiastically loved by the South American people.

For many years I tried to find out the birthdays of all my friends. How to do it? I know nothing about astrology, but I will go out of my way to discuss it with the person and ask him if he believes that birthdays affect personality and habits. Of course, the other party will tell me his birthday, such as November 24th. After hearing it, I would repeat the number silently in my mind. As soon as I leave, I will immediately write down his name and birthday and write it on the calendar so that he will remember it naturally. On the eve of this friend's birthday, I will write or send a telegram to express my congratulations. You can imagine how happy they would be! Perhaps, I am the only person in the world who remembers his birthday.

If you want to make friends, you must invest your enthusiasm and energy to infect others. You can use this psychological trick when someone calls. You can say clearly: "Hello! I'm so happy to receive your call!" When many companies train operators, they will require the tone of the phone to reveal concern. and enthusiasm, making the recipient feel that the company really cares about them. You can also try it when you call tomorrow.

Is this approach commercially feasible? Of course, I could give a lot of examples, but space is limited and I will only give a few.

Showing concern and enthusiasm for others will not only keep your customers loyal, but you will also make many friends. The publication of the North American National Bank in New York published an article about depositor Madeleine. Rossday's letter:

I want to tell you how much I admire the employees of your company. Each of them is enthusiastic, polite and helpful. When I'm at the end of the line, someone always greets me kindly, which is a very pleasant feeling.

Last year my mother fell ill and was hospitalized for five months. Mary, the cashier who often served me, often asked about and cared about the progress of my mother's condition.

There is no doubt that Rossday will continue to support the bank.

Charles. worked in a large bank in New York. Walter, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a company. He knew that there was only one person in the company who had the relevant evidence he urgently needed. When Walter was introduced to the company's chairman's office, a young woman poked her head from behind the door and told the chairman that she had no stamps for him today.

The chairman explained to Walter: "I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son!" Walter explained his purpose and asked some questions. The chairman was obviously distracted and gave vague answers. He didn't really want to talk, so the meeting was short and boring. Walter recalled in class:

To be honest, I didn’t know what to do at the time.

I suddenly remembered the conversation between the chairman of that company and his secretary, "Stamps? A twelve-year-old son?"... Then I thought that our bank's foreign exchange office often receives letters from all over the world and has a large collection of stamps.

The next afternoon, I visited the chairman again. Before the visit, I sent a message in advance saying that I had some stamps that I wanted to give to his son. This time I received a warm welcome. He shook my hand as enthusiastically as if he were running for Congress. He smiled knowingly and said: "We, George, will definitely like your stamps." He continued to express his obsession with stamps: "Look, this stamp is a treasure!"

We spent the whole time He spent an hour discussing stamps and looking at photos of his son. Then he spent more than an hour talking about the information I needed - although I didn't ask him to talk that much. After the chairman told what he knew, he called his subordinates to ask. He also called his friends and handed me all the cases, charts, reports and information.

To use a word often used in news, I really got "exclusive news"!

Let’s take another example. Carnafel, a trainee in Philadelphia, kept racking his brains to sell fuel to a large chain, but the company kept detouring to another dealer to purchase fuel. One night, Kanafir gave a speech to his class in which he castigated the chain, calling it a blight on the nation. No matter how hard he tried, he could never find a breakthrough to sell fuel.

I suggested he try something else. I organized a debate in the class and divided the students into two groups to discuss "whether chain companies infringe on national interests."

During the debate, I suggested that Kanafiel join the negative side, and he agreed to defend the chains. So he went to the chain manager who had turned him down and said, "I'm not here to sell fuel, but I'm asking you to do me a favor." He explained the debate he was preparing, and added, "I really I couldn't have asked for a better person to help me prepare my debate materials.

I really want to win the debate competition, and I will be grateful for your help, no matter how much." Kanafiel said. What happened next:

I only asked for a minute, and after hearing this condition, he reluctantly agreed to see me.

After listening to my introduction, he invited me to sit down and talked with me for one hour and forty-seven minutes. He also called one of his colleagues to introduce the situation. This colleague of his is a director of the company and has written a book on chain operations. The manager also wrote to the National Chain Store Association and helped me collect some information.

He believes that the chain business is truly serving the public and he is proud of it. His talk was passionate and I have to admit he opened my eyes. I never dreamed that I would be completely changed by his perspective.

When I was about to say goodbye, he sent me to the door, patted me on the shoulder, and wished me success in the debate. At the same time, he asked me to inform him of the outcome of the debate the next time I visit him. Before leaving, he also said: "Come back in late spring, I want to order your fuel."

To me, this is incredible. I said nothing about selling fuel, I was just genuinely interested in him and the issues. In less than two hours of conversation, I gained much more than I had in the past ten years, when I only knew how to get him interested in me and my products.

This truth was not discovered by Kanafiel. A long time ago, in ancient Rome a hundred years before the birth of Christ, a famous poet Publius. Publilius Syrus once had a famous saying: "If we want someone to be interested in us, we must first be interested in him."

Like other interpersonal skills, if you want to get to know the other person, your attitude must be sincere. Only in this way can both parties benefit from it. Martin, a student from Long Island. Ginsburg mentioned that there was a nurse whose care for him was something he would never forget:

On Thanksgiving Day when I was ten years old, I was admitted to the hospital due to illness and had to have an operation the next day. I understand that the recovery period for several months after surgery will be very painful as I will have limited mobility. My father passed away early, and my mother and I depended on each other. We lived in a small apartment and got by on social assistance, but my mother didn't show up that day. I fell into a deep state of loneliness, despair, and fear. I know my mother is also worried about me, staying at home alone, with no one to eat with her, and even no money for Thanksgiving meals. With tears in my eyes, I buried my head under the pillow, secretly feeling sad, and couldn't help but tremble and cry.

Hearing my cry, a young nurse came to see me. She took away the pillow and wiped away my tears. She said she was also lonely, having to work on Thanksgiving and not being able to eat with her family. She asked me if I could have dinner with her. She brought two plates of food, including turkey, mashed potatoes, and strawberry jam and ice cream for dessert. That day, she kept chatting with me and comforting me. Although she could get off work at 4 p.m., she kept playing games with me that day until I fell asleep at 11 p.m. and left.

Before I was ten years old, I had many Thanksgivings. But this Thanksgiving is something I will never forget.

I still clearly remember the feeling of depression, helplessness, and fear at that time. The warmth of a stranger made it all disappear without a trace.

If you want others to like you, want to gain friendship, and want to help others and get help at the same time, then remember: care for others with a sincere heart.