Sister Tong used to be the customer service manager of the bank, and her husband was an engineer. Three years ago, Tong Jie gave up her job and went home to have a baby because she was pregnant after marriage. We haven't seen each other much since Sister Tong went home to take care of the children. When the doll was full moon, I saw Sister Tong. Although she wears a loose T-shirt, it is hard to hide her bloated posture. Her greasy hair was tied casually behind her, and the broken hair at the temples looked a little messy, gaunt and blank. Compared with her previous job in the bank, she is completely different.
At work, she wears high heels, work clothes and delicate makeup, always smiling, and looks like a smart woman. I can't help but feel sad to see her now, but I have to sigh the sacrifice and greatness of being a mother.
Sister Tong called us to get together the day before yesterday, saying that the doll had gone to kindergarten, and she wanted to invite the sisters to get together when she had time. At this party, we saw a completely different child sister, who actually changed her untidiness with the baby. If the whole person is radiant, radiant and smiling as before. Without seeing her eyes full of stories, I don't even remember that she got married and had children, as if she had returned to the smart and capable person who worked in the bank.
Sister Tong is not surprised by our surprise. She smiled and explained that things would be like this.
On the first day of blackmailing her husband, she thought that he would beg her to come back as usual, and then promised to love her more, love her children more and share the housework for her. However, it seems that her husband is tired of her unreasonable troubles and did not let her add back to WeChat as she thought. That night, her mind was full of accusations of her husband's "crime", so she spent the night in insomnia and anger.
The day after her husband was blacked out, she was so sad that she couldn't concentrate. She is in a daze all day, and she is still doing housework with her children, but she is very depressed. She thought a lot and scolded the man inhumanely in her heart. She felt that she must have been blind when she married such a person. All he thought was her husband's fault, and she spent a few days in such anger and worthlessness.
On the eighth day of blackening my husband, who had been tortured by anger for many days, I was even more haggard. She thinks it's too painful to live alone with her baby every day. Although her husband had traveled for more than half a month before, at that time, they had a good relationship and were in contact with each other, telling each other the pain of lovesickness by phone and video. There is no news now, which is a great blow to her. These days, she began to reflect on herself. Slowly, she realized her problems in this marriage. It has been more than two years since she gave birth. Because I was breast-fed before, I was out of shape and swollen. In addition, the tedious daily routine and closed circles make her irritable, and every time she encounters disappointment, she will vent her anger on her husband. Her husband's tolerance several times did not make her converge, but made her worse. But these are not the reasons why her husband doesn't take the initiative to add back her WeChat now. This man let her down, even let her despair several times. She is still very sad and unwilling to make peace.
After 11 days of blackening her husband, she struggled in disappointment and meditation for several days. When she looked in the mirror, she began to realize that the woman with blank eyes, haggard face, unkempt hair and bloated body in the mirror should not be herself. She thinks that her life is still decades away, and she shouldn't spoil herself like this for a man and a child. She hates herself in the mirror now, and she wants to change. She wants to love beauty as before, with things to do and friends to meet. She made up her mind that she must start to manage herself well and find herself again. She found many videos of fitness at home on the Internet, and made a weight-loss plan for herself by combining a reasonable diet with exercise. She wants to change herself now.
The 21st day when my husband was blacked out after sticking to the ten-day weight-loss plan was sad and melancholy. Fortunately, her husband lost more than 7 pounds in more than 2 days. At this time, she looked in the mirror and lost a circle. She is very happy. After many days of not tidying herself up, she suddenly wanted to dress up and put on a light makeup, which made her feel much better. By this time, she had lost some resentment and began to miss her husband's days. Although she also thought about the good things before them, she still couldn't let go of her husband's behavior. She thinks that since her husband doesn't take the initiative, she will never take the initiative. In this way, I suffered for several days.
On the 25th day after my husband blacked out his husband, he went home. This is the longest cold war since two people got married for so long. When her husband came home, she still didn't take the initiative to talk to him. Although there was no positive communication between them, she saw her husband's surprise in his eyes. My husband ignored her attitude, took some things and left. She regretted not having the courage to take the initiative to keep her husband, and was angry at the man's indifference and stubbornness. In fact, for so many days, she has been busy reflecting on herself and changing herself, even forgetting why she quarreled in the first place. What worries her more now is her husband's attitude. Both sides are stubborn personalities, and no one will give anyone a step down.
On the 28th day of blacking out her husband, he went home to get things for various reasons every day these days, and every time he brought back some snacks that she and her children loved. In fact, she understood that her husband was making peace in disguise. Although she was flattered, she still ignored her husband on the surface. She still insisted on exercising and dressing up. Gradually, she began to understand that the role of her husband is not so important in her life. The reason why she was emotionally unstable and grumpy before was because she devoted all her hopes to her husband and relied on him for everything. Now, she thinks about it because her expectations are too high, so she always ends up disappointed. Now she doesn't place any hope on her husband, and gradually finds that this person seems to be as beautiful as when she first fell in love.
On the 31st day when her husband was blacked out, she came back from shopping with her children. As soon as she opened the door, she was led to the bedroom by a path paved with crimson rose petals. She saw a delicate gift box on the heart made of rose petals on the bed, and her clumsy husband was standing by the window sill with an unlit candle in his hand. She hid her face and wept, which was the only romance since we met, except that she sent roses when she proposed. That night, she was happy, as if she had just fallen in love. The two tacitly didn't mention the original quarrel and cold war, but enjoyed that wonderful night, and her husband also took the initiative to add back her WeChat.
The two have a good relationship now. Sister Tong said that she didn't want to go over old scores. No matter how disappointed this man once was, she wouldn't bring up the old ones. In the past, I pinned all my hopes on my husband, so I forced myself into a hysterical madman. I forgot to love myself, let alone love others. I don't love myself. How can others love you? In the future, she wants to rely on herself more.
Indeed, I agree with Sister Tong very much. When we first fell in love, we only saw each other's advantages, and we didn't ask each other to satisfy too many desires, so this kind of love is pure and beautiful. However, when two people establish a marriage relationship, women usually make the mistake of giving up their career, then attaching themselves to the marriage and relying on their partners, pinning all their expectations for the future on their partners. After having children, they turn around the family and children all day, completely neglecting their emotions and forgetting how to manage themselves. In the trivial things of daily necessities, they gradually collapse and become crazy and hysterical.
Through the story of Sister Tong, we should understand that when marriage encounters contradictions, we should first give ourselves some time to think calmly, realize our own shortcomings, understand our demands, and find ways to meet their demands. In the marriage relationship, no one is the eternal dependence. When we underestimate the reliability of the relationship, we will understand the importance of managing ourselves and investing in ourselves. I also said in my previous article, don't pin all your hopes on others. Usually, the people who give you hope have the greatest potential to disappoint you or even despair. You must learn to manage yourself well, invest in yourself, and put yourself first in the future planning book. Any investment in yourself is rewarding. No matter whether it is external or internal, the rest of your life is not long. Please spare no effort to be kind to yourself and please yourself.