1. I made a blind date with a girl. My mother liked her very much, so did my father. Finally, I recognized her as my adopted daughter, and said that I was not worthy of her ...

2. I went home from playing cards in the middle of the night last night. I quietly went to the bed and sat on my wife's head and farted. I was so happy that I would have laughed. If my wife hadn't come out of the toilet and my mother-in-law had looked at me in horror from the quilt. The policeman said to me, calm down first. You can't take notes if you keep laughing like this.

4. My nephew made a mistake. My sister beat him up and asked him: Will you dare it next time? My nephew cried and said, I won't dare. I'll be a son of a bitch if I do it again ... Then my nephew was beaten up again!

5. I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill in the gym. I went to remind her, "Sister, you have to speed up, or you won't lose weight." Sister listened to the wronged answer: "I adjusted it quickly, but it slowed down as soon as I stepped on it!" "

VI. At the class reunion, everyone was filled with emotion. A girl cried, "I'm

28 this year. I'm not ugly and I have a good personality. Why don't I have a boyfriend and no one to chase me?" Everyone is silent. At this time, a classmate floated faintly: "That's because you can't know yourself correctly."

7. Who says boys and girls don't have pure friendship? As long as you are ugly.

Friends are everywhere!

8. "If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, would you like to find a plump one or a petite one?" "I still can't find anyone who can't swim."

9. Today, I went to donate blood. The big brother with a beard in front gave

2cc, and when he got halfway, he saw his ferocious face: Come on, come on, I can't do it, call me back!

1. The teacher made an upper couplet: Ginger is still old and spicy, and asked the students to make a lower couplet. Xiao Ming immediately took out the next couplet: the chest is still big for a woman. Teacher: Xiaoming, get out of here.

Xi. I heard a friend say, "When you get married, you should wear a ring on each finger. If you want to divorce, you should chop off your finger." I told my wife this when I went home. As a result, she said, "Don't wear a ring, let's wear a necklace!" "

12. I dated my ex for

3 years. One day, he suddenly broke up on the grounds that he fell in love with someone else, and I cried. I fell in love with someone else and didn't break up with him. How could he!

XIII. Customers often say, "I'll go back and think about it, and I'll come to you when I'm sure." After they finished speaking, I understood a truth: some people turn around for a lifetime.

14. My son

is six years old. Today, he spoke a little louder to his wife. My son was watching cartoons and suddenly came to me and said, "How dare you mess with women! Do you want to live? " I am speechless!

15. study by yourself early and go to bed. I am very happy to be scolded by the teacher, because the girl I like is also scolded. What time did you two sleep last night? You two, hey hey hey!

XVI. Never throw the used toilet paper in front of you when you defecate in the wild. Especially when the wind is strong, it is too easy to scrape your face. Remember to remember, remember!

17. I hate slogans like "It's shameful to waste food" in the canteen. How dare you say others are shameless when you make the food that farmers' uncles have worked so hard to grow so bad?

XVIII. When the Chinese New Year is coming, I ordered the takeaway and took the takeaway from the takeaway brother. I said, It's hard work. I have to deliver the takeaway soon. Little brother smiled and said to me: you have worked hard, and you have to eat takeout soon after the New Year!

19. Why do you play with your mobile phone when you go to the toilet? Don't play with mobile phones, do you play with shit?

2. I studied very well when I was a child. Once I failed in the math exam, I was called to the podium by my teacher to criticize me. The more the teacher said, the more excited she became. I raised my hand to hit me, and I slapped her with my brain ...

XXI. Today, when I went to the gym, a muscular man came up to me and laughed and said, "Hello, mother." Out of politeness, I silently replied, "Hello son."

twenty-two. I believe that there must be someone in this world who doesn't mind all your shortcomings, such as freckles and acne, flat chest and fat legs, barbarism, rudeness and irrationality, laziness and sloppiness. This person is your rival in love.

twenty-three. I used to be a diaosi, but my goddess sat in front of me in class today. Suddenly, a huge fart thunder appeared, and the whole class looked over … She looked at me with eyes for help. As soon as my mind got hot, I stood up and said, Yes, that's her … damn it, I told you to refuse me!

24. In the middle of the night, the wife heard a door ringing outside, and vaguely shook her husband: "Wake up, my husband is back!" " Her husband also said in a daze: "Why didn't you say so earlier? Where can I hide now?" Then both of them woke up ...

25. The most painful thing in the world is not that I miss you but that you are not with me, but that I found that I was wearing cotton slippers in the middle of the shower.

26. "Miss, may I have your name?" "My family name is very simple, one mouth for one day, guess!" "Oh, hello, Miss Tun!"

XXVII. Yesterday, my wife bought underwear, which was more expensive than my suit. My wife also said that underwear would sag if it was not good! I casually said: you have to have it first, then it will sag. Then, the moon is so round tonight!