Just started school, a girl transferred from the middle school next door, which is quite beautiful. The teacher asked her to introduce herself on the platform. The girl stepped onto the platform and said, Hello, my name is Jiao Yuan, and I am 17 years old this year. Thank you. On hearing the name, I smiled. The teacher glared at me: What are you laughing at, Mai Biyan? I .......
My daughter is three years old, and my wife came home from work at noon last night to have lunch together! Wife: Honey, did you watch TV last night? My daughter looked at me and asked, Dad, did I watch TV last night? Me (hesitating for three seconds): No! Daughter: No! Mom ~ wife: hmm ~ hum, you two are so treacherous ~
I remember a few years ago, I met an old fortune teller on the road. At that time, he stopped me and insisted on giving me a divination. I asked him, "Are you all right?" The old man confidently replied, "Well, five dollars is nothing." Me: "Do you think I have money in my pocket now?" The old man stared at me for a long time and asked me strangely, "Young man, you don't even have five dollars, do you?" Crazy, really not. . . . .
The reporter once again interviewed Penguin and asked what you are doing every day now. Penguin: Eat, sleep and play with peas! Ask the second and the third ... the answer is the same. The last one arrived, and the reporter said, Are you Doudou? Penguin slapped the reporter. Crying, I fell asleep. . . Go to sleep. . . .
When I was a child, I dug in the yard and dug up an antique jar with a good seal. I thought it was a treasure left by my ancestors, but when I opened it, it was a modern currency. . . I gave the money to my mother, but my father beat me up. . .
I heard a friend say that when he was in college, a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. The boy wanted to break the silence and asked, "Is it cold?" Girl: "cold". Boy: "It's cold. Shall I cover it for you?" The girl blushed and whispered "OK". Then the boy stood up and put his hand on the drip bottle.
When I went to the drugstore to buy gunpowder, I saw a girl weighing herself on the weighing scale at the door. While she was not looking, her boyfriend came up behind her. My sister looked at the results, obviously paused, turned around and hugged her boyfriend, and even began to cry ... crying. ...
In high school, my deskmate and I made a bet on helping each other cook. He helped me cook on the first day of losing, and gave me at least half a catty of rice! And say don't waste food! I am a girl. I'm hurt. I lost the next day, he said with a smile, keep playing. I'm not afraid! I can eat as much as I want! So I was in the last line before the delivery truck left, and I only gave him a bite of rice.
A monk came to the canteen and bought a bottle of shampoo and two cans of beer. Curious, my friend asked the monk: wine and meat pass through the intestines, but the Buddha stays in my heart. Master, you don't need this shampoo, do you? Monk: Oh, this is for my wife. Friends think that a master is a master!
Dad called and said something had happened to my sister. I hurried home to see my sister sitting on the sofa crying, and my mother's eyes were red. I quickly asked my dad what happened, and my dad said, "Your sister deleted your mother's happiness, and your mother played level 500!" "
Young man, do you want a girl? It's free.
I have been with my friends for almost two years, and my feelings have always been good. But recently I found that he is getting colder and colder to me, and it is not as good as before. Until one day, I had something on my way to work, and then I came back halfway. When I opened the bedroom door, I found him lying in bed with a strange woman. I was stunned for a long time. Finally, I said silently, "Can you tell me when you began to like women?"
Xiao Wang went to buy a car. The salesman asked, "Do you want a hatchback or a car?" Xiao Wang said, "It's all small things. I want a hatchback. " Sales: "Why don't you eat spicy food?
I teased the boss's daughter (16 or 17) that she didn't know when the boss came, but no one told me that after work, the boss invited me to dinner, and it was spicy squid and leek squid, and fired me again. Now I'm thinking about going to work tomorrow.
There is a kannika nimtragol in the street with a bad temper. She has a bad relationship with her husband and her mother-in-law has a bad temper. Once she quarreled with her mother-in-law, and her husband yelled at her to get out. The kannika nimtragol was angry. She really went out at night ... It was extremely cold ... Her home was far away, and she couldn't bear to stay in a hotel. An hour later, she flew back ... back. ..
Dad bought a pair of chess, and when he came home from work, he had to drag me to play a few games. Seeing that my father was so happy, I sat down and played a few games with him. Suddenly I lit a cigarette, and my dad grabbed it, put it in his mouth and took a few sips. When he saw my mother coming out of the kitchen, he quickly thrust it into my hand. Looking at half a cigarette in my hand, and then at my dad's calm expression, I suddenly found this chess game more and more interesting.
I bought a pair of Jianghu chicken wings in junior high school, which are abnormal and spicy. The boss beat the pepper hormone on the chicken wings with a needle. I took a bite, drank two cans of Sprite, and threw the rest to the stray dogs on the roadside. As a result, the dog ate a chicken wing and jumped directly into the river.
"During this time, I quarreled with my wife every day." "Can you argue with her?" "Every time I say it at the end, she doesn't say anything." "So powerful, what did you say?" "I said, I'm sorry, I was wrong."
The idiot wife has been pregnant for more than two months, and the calculated date is similar, but she is still pregnant after doing all the measures. I said it might be Tt's fault. Bought it from a small vendor, and the idiot wife collapsed. I asked why, but I saw the second-rate wife say seriously: What if the child asks us how he came? Can you say that it was bought by an impostor?
I remember when I was in high school, all the delicious food I often brought was taken away by my classmates, and I once celebrated April Fool's Day! I bought several packs of Oreos in a big way and turned all the white things in them into toothpaste. Since then, no classmates have robbed me of my delicious food. .
I was a little hungry at night, so I went out to eat midnight snack. As a result, just after eating for a while, an aunt sneaked over and asked me, "Do you want a girl?" Free! ".I was excited at that time and felt that there was such a good thing. I said, give me one right away. After a while, aunt served a plate of duck head. ...
My teacher was going to the toilet that day, and a student ran over and said, "teacher, I don't have any paper." Can I have some paper? " Based on the teacher's moral quality, I gave her my test paper and asked him to go to the office to get it for me again. He has been in class for a long time, and he hasn't come yet. ...
Confessions of a very subtle young man
Confessions of a very subtle young man
1, the wind is ruthless and people are affectionate. Heavy rain is heartless. Snow is ruthless, and people are affectionate. My love for you will never change. Believe me, I love you forever!
Today, I feel feverish all over, and I feel like I've been burned. Do you know why? Because of your appearance, there are two suns in my life. The sunshine of nature shines on my body, but you burn my heart. I am in love with you.
If you are worried or sad because I love you, then no language can replace my guilt. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?
It is really difficult to decide one thing. I don't know how to go on and start over. Living alone? Suddenly I realized that I was such an indecisive person.
5. Time changes day by day, years pass by day, and trees grow old day by day. But my heart for you will never change, and I will always love you.
I am the brightest morning star in the sky. I have never changed for thousands of years, just to protect you. From darkness to dawn, from this world to life, I just want to look at you from a distance, quietly and stupidly. This is my greatest happiness and joy. I love you!
7. I would like to become a goldfish with you and swim freely in the fish tank. I want to be a butterfly with you and fly freely in the sky. I want to be a rabbit with you and run freely on the grass. As long as we are together forever, I will be satisfied.
8. Love you until the seas run dry and the rocks crumble! Your face looks forward to it day and night! I just want to be with you all my life! Never regret after life! Read the first word of each sentence together!
Time will prove my firm and persistent love for you. Don't let the distance between time and space doubt each other's true feelings and confidence. Stick to it and never give up easily.
10, with white clouds, the sky is no longer lonely. With the company of flowers and plants, the earth is no longer lonely. With my company, you are no longer alone. I will always be with you!
1 1, eat a rotten apple, it will not be sweet; Taste a moldy cherry, it won't have delicious beauty; You can't eat bad food, and fickle people can't love it. Choose me. I am the best, I promise I will only love you and never change.
12, if this love is to be exchanged with my life, I am willing. If this love makes me live only one more day, I am willing!
13. If I don't propose to you, I will regret it all my life, because you are the only one for me. I don't want all of you, just your ring finger; I can't give you everything, I can only give you a wedding ring.
14, the pursuit of life lies in your acquaintance; Love me, dear baby; Let's grow old together.
15, you treat me like a kite, either let me go or take it home. Don't bind me with an invisible emotion, it will break my heart.
From now on, I won't allow you to disappear from my sight. From now on, I won't allow you to hide any sadness from me. From now on, I won't allow you to work so hard. Believe me, I will always be by your side.
17, when we first met, you were so different, and your elegant temperament touched me. I don't need to carve your name in my heart with a knife, and I don't need to draw your appearance on paper, because you have left an indelible shadow on my spirit.
18, I dare not say that I will make you all happy, but I will try my best to make you the greatest happiness!
19, you are my cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the Apollo in my life. I am willing to pull a scooter for you to collect junk! I hope I can walk side by side with you, and Qianshan will definitely walk through it!
Love is like charcoal, it will burn, and you must find a way to cool it. If you let it go, you will burn a heart.
I want you to know that I really love you and I am worried about you. What will you do without me to take care of you all your life?
22. Since I had you, I have concentrated my thoughts. From then on, loneliness and loneliness will not occupy the days with you.
23. You are the most beautiful in my eyes, and every smile makes me intoxicated. Your bad, your good, your pout when you lose your temper.
24. I close my eyes and make a wish on a shooting star, so that you can know that I love you! When I close my eyes, can I see a meteor? No, so you still don't know that I love you!
25, no matter the ends of the earth, no matter spring, summer, autumn and winter, I will definitely take you with me, no matter where I go, you will be the heaviest bag in my life!
26. I am a graduate of a famous university with a doctorate in animal anatomy. After we got married, we started our own business and set up stalls in the food market to sell pork. I cut the meat and you collect the money.
No matter what happens in the future, what kind of person you become will always be my favorite and most concerned person.
28. If I bother you because I miss you, nothing can replace my guilty and sad heart. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?
29. If one day you think of someone who loves you, there must be me among them. If one day no one loves you, it must be that I am dead.
I won't run away again. I won't back down again. I hope I have the opportunity to be responsible for your happiness, health and happiness. Love you forever!
3 1. It's a beautiful sadness and sweet melancholy to miss you, but in my heart, it's a warmth that can't be expressed in any words.
32. At this moment, because I miss you, everything is no longer important. At this moment, because I miss you, everything becomes blurred. At this moment, because I need you, time is so hard.
33, coffee and partner, coconut milk sago, just like you and me, perfect match! If I don't marry you, I will become an "old bachelor"!
34. what Waste paper? Is that a lyric poem I wrote, or do I propose to you ... don't you understand? Then what are you doing for your brother? He is a garbage collector. Can he read poetry?
35. How many times have you appeared in your dream? How many times have you been called by yourself? I just want to hold your hand and walk the road of life. How great love is! Get married!
Do you think I'm still the one who has to think about it for fifty dollars for a long time? I want something five dollars deep.
1. The world is sick, what's more, I have to support it.
2. Don't go out when the road freezes in winter in single dog, because if you fall, it will freeze into ... Wang Wang will break the ice.
My personality is lazy, my interest is playing, my specialty is eating and my skill is sleeping.
4. Is the daughter-in-law important or the game important? Of course, a daughter-in-law is important, so I only dare to play games, but I dare not hit my daughter-in-law.
When I got up in the morning, I saw someone shouting in the mirror: "Wow, this beautiful girl looks like a flower."
6. I am so stupid. You said you would love me forever, but I forgot to ask, is it this life or the afterlife?
7. What is a friend? Put 500 yuan on the table and you won't lose it. If you put a bag of melon seeds back, there will be a pile of skin left.
8. This is a magical era. Primary school students call themselves gods and demons, junior high school students call themselves me and my palace, senior high school students call themselves grandfathers, and college students call themselves babies.
9. After the haircut, the barber asked me how I felt. I was silent for a while and said, I am happy if you are happy.
10. Please don't giggle at me when I call your full name, because I'm serious at this moment.
1 1. Old vine crow, the school food is so bad that the students are hungry. The sun is setting. Well, I'm going home.
12. Grandpa said that in their day, when they failed in the exam, they wrote "Long live Chairman Mao", and no one dared to cross it.
13. Every woman is looking for a man, but in the end, she finds that the most man is herself.
14. In the afterlife, I want to be a dandelion, with no attachments, no desires, no demands, calm and safe.
15. I was from Shenyang before drinking, and Shenyang is mine after drinking.
16. Every time I finish my homework, I will sit at my desk and sort out the materials, as if I had just finished broadcasting News Network.
17. The girl I love has a round chest. If I touch her big ass, she will still call me a hooligan.
18. The boy at that station was very handsome, so I went up and grabbed his potato chips and ran away.
19. If you were born with light, if you were born with food, you were born with fat. If you were born with bangs, you were born with strong winds. If you were born with me, why didn't you give birth to my partner?
20. If you are good, I can consider not patting your ass or touching your chest!