1. A day is actually very short, and the computer will pass as soon as it is turned on and off

2. Notice: As a celebration, all the ladies' toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge. Welcome!

3. Some people can't say what's good about it, but no one can replace it.

4. Don't think you can bite people just because you are a dog.

5. You just want to see how you write about the mood of that woman.

6. The best way to stand out is to refuse to be vulgar.

7. Don't be afraid to ask for a heart-to-heart meeting just because you may be separated

8. [If you love someone but can't be together, you can't meet at the right time]

9. It turns out that except those friends who don't keep in touch often. I am always alone.

1, a thought of prosperity and a thought of gray; One mind becomes a joy, everywhere is prosperous and everywhere is splendid; When you think about it, you will miss it inch by inch.

11. If I am happy, I will be satisfied.

12. We are like the sea water where the Baltic Sea and the North Sea meet, but we can't merge when we meet.

13. I will be aware of myself in cold and warm, and I will be more self-conscious.

14. I really miss it when I stand shivering on the street alone.

15. Remember that you told me to forget. You said that you would cry not because you cared about

16. There is no doubt about employing people. In fact, supervisors and subordinates are the same as * * *, and the performance of subordinates will affect the performance of supervisors. The authorization of the supervisor is enough to determine the performance of the subordinates.

17. I am a person who often laughs but not always happy.

18. Time flies, even though thousands of courage are finally exhausted, don't wait for me to give up before I know my goodness.

19. My soul seems to have been taken away by you, leaving only my heart bleeding.

2 years old shortened the distance between us and then lost it.

21. Don't say sorry to me, sorry can only be exchanged. .

22, children don't treat me as a fast broadcast, please open it when you are lonely, and watch movies with others when you are happy. Don't think that you can hit people with less clothes.

Guide: A psychopath came to the bank's withdrawal window and knocked on the glass and asked the waiter, "Is this glass bulletproof?" The waiter answered yes. Then the psycho asked, "Is it bomb-proof?" The waiter turned pale with fear and was about to call the police when the neuropathy took out two pieces of big and small king stickers on the glass and said, "Fried!" After ten seconds, the waiter said with trepidation, "I can't afford it!"

1. One day, the teacher was giving a lecture, but no one was listening. The teacher shouted for silence, but nobody gave a damn about him. So, I pushed the sleeping monitor and told him to be in charge of discipline (the monitor is very fierce). The monitor stood up and shouted, "Quiet!" Suddenly no one spoke. GC is the monitor and immediately said, "TMD, what's the noise?" Listen carefully to my son! "

2. A science man finally fell in love with the girls in his class after failing to pursue several liberal arts girls. But he is always distressed because he can't say some romantic love words. One day, he was visiting the park with his girlfriend, and suddenly he was inspired and said affectionately, "Since I met you, I feel my world has become smaller." The science woman blinked and said, "Do you think I am fat?"

3. Father and son, one carrying a big hoe, the other carrying a small hoe, went to the field to weed. After a while, I heard a sound of gongs and drums in the distance. It turned out that someone in the village had married a daughter-in-law. The son put down his hoe, blushed and said to his father, "Dad, I am twenty this year." The father looked at his son and said, "Oh, then change to a big hoe tomorrow."

4. The hidden rules are everywhere. There is one for the landlord's college students. Just after the final exam, the cheat sheet was found by the invigilator. The horse immediately put the cheat sheet in his pocket, and the exam came over and said, Take it out. I accidentally took out the 1 yuan in my purse, and the invigilator paused, smiled and took away the 1 yuan, leaving me messy in the wind ...

5. One day, Xiao Ming had a question to ask the teacher, asking, What is beauty and what is regret? The teacher thought about it and replied, "I had a good dream and I still remember it. This is beautiful", hmm! What about the regret? I woke up.

6. Teachers will encounter all kinds of interesting answers when correcting papers at the end of the term. Test one of a certain grade: change the following sentence to anthropomorphic sentence, the sentence is "Birds are chirping in the tree", and most students are routinely changed to "Birds singing in the trees". Suddenly I saw a sentence: the bird cried in the tree: "I am a man!" I am a human being!

7. Before Zhang Fei and Guan Yu were sworn in, they met one day and practiced calligraphy together. After careful study, Zhang Fei felt that his handwriting was not satisfactory, so he turned to Guan Yu and said, "My handwriting is so ugly. What about yours?" Guan Yu put down his pen and put his fists in his hands, saying, "How ugly you are! It's a long story. Nice to meet you!"

8. There are several pregnant people in the company who are still at work. One day, the leader came down to be considerate of the employees and asked them for months when they saw that they were pregnant! Then say yes, yes, it must be a man, and everyone is happy! Then another one came in, and the leader asked again: Wow, the watermelon is so big, it's been several months! I only heard the sister paper say shyly: sorry, this has been going on for several years! ! Leader: Yes, yes, try to have a Nezha!

9. When I was in junior high school, I secretly fished in a fish pond in the next village, and I was caught by others after fishing for more than ten years. I was forced to take the fish to my house and ask my parents to pay for it ... I had no choice but to take them home. Dad saw me coming back with the fish and said, "I tell you, the fish in that fish pond will take the bait, but it's a pity that it's not as much as I did last time ... Hey, who's behind you?"

1. My aunt introduced her girlfriend to Erpin's friend and asked him for a photo. Erpin took it to her ID card, which was invincible. I didn't expect the girl to see such a real person and they were really together. I just wanted to say: What kind of person has what kind of life!

11. The chairman of the board of directors said to Xiao Ming at a loss: Xiao Wang, there is something you can do for me. I want my daughter to come to the company to take over. shui won't come anyway. You are all young people. You can help me to convince her. I can't lose you afterwards. Xiao Ming went to the chairman the next day: Dad, OK, she will go to work tomorrow. The chairman was frightened: who do you call dad? Xiaoming: Didn't you tell me to sleep with your daughter? She's really impressed! I'm still holding the wall! Chairman: Get out.

12. Woman A: Don't take pictures. You've been taking pictures in a mirror for half an hour. Woman B: Who makes me so attractive? Woman A: I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people. One is very beautiful, and the other is you.

13. A few days after the start of school, there was an oral ulcer. I endured it for a few days at first, but I couldn't eat later. My father took me to the hospital for emergency treatment during evening self-study. Finally, when I opened my mouth, the doctor shouted, "Don't look, the oral ulcer is advanced!" " My father's legs are weak when he hears "late stage". Then the doctor said slowly, "It's almost done. Don't waste money."

14. Let my colleague wait for me to have dinner together in the evening. He went to eat without me. So I calmly walked to the canteen, locked his bike with mine, and turned off his cell phone!

15. Grandma is superstitious. She says it takes nine monks to become a cat, so the cat she keeps is also a vegetarian. Poor cat, she hasn't had a bite of broth since she was a child, let alone fish. This day, my grandmother asked me to help him boil water. I asked her, "What do you want to boil water for?" Grandma said, "when the cat grows up, I want to shave it!" " I said in surprise, "What do you want to shave the cat's head for?" Grandma said solemnly, "This cat was changed by a monk. Now it needs to be shaved when it grows up!" "

16. After tutoring my eight-year-old nephew in English, chat with him. I teased him if there were any pretty girls in the class that I liked. His words made me confused in an instant: "Aunt, you know me. If I love someone, I won't say it easily! "

17. Several girls are talking about the pressure on their boyfriends. A said, "I put 2% pressure on my boyfriend and feel that my life has improved a lot now." B said: "I give my boyfriend 5% pressure and feel that the future of both of us is bright." C said: "I gave my boyfriend 1% pressure and felt that other girls' lives were much better. Now I am an ex-girlfriend. . 。”

18. Go shopping for shoes with some classmates. After visiting several stores, I finally saw a pair, but I still wanted the boss to lower the price. One of them said, "Boss, make it cheaper, there are many of us." After hearing this, the boss stood up and said, "Why, there are many people, and I am afraid of your wordiness!" "

19. I just had dinner with some friends, and one of them was an idiot who played games in the Internet cafe all night yesterday. He was so sleepy while waiting for food that his head slammed on the table without any pain. I pushed him, but he didn't wake up. It happened that the waiter's sister was next to us, and we said, why hasn't the food been served yet? I fainted. This can make that girl panic, running and shouting: manager, manager, manager! Someone at table 5 is starving!

2. I'm a senior three in high school, and I'm struggling to review. Today, the math teacher bought a lot of steamed buns and gave them to the whole class to eat with shoes. I suddenly found out how much we love her, but ten minutes later, the teacher came up with a pile of test papers and asked us: Are you full, children? It's time to go to war when you are full! After that, Mr. A angrily threw half a steamed bread on the ground and shouted: This TM turned out to be a decapitated meal!

21. The traffic police saw a driver struggling to push a car in the street, and asked, "There's something wrong or there's no gas. Do you need any help?" "I forgot to bring my driver's license when I went out."

22. My wife said, Lao Wang upstairs has a lot of money at home, and breakfast is settled at McDonald's! Today, I saw him walk out from the inside again, with a satisfied face. I said: you are really rich! He smiled: "Oh, I just go to the toilet, without my own paper or water. Who called him a foreigner and earned our money? "

23. Xiao Ming has been watching the teacher giggle in class. Teacher: Xiaoming, why do you keep smiling at me? Xiaoming: Because I have a cold. The teacher said with concern: Do you still laugh when you have a cold? Did you take your medicine? Xiao Ming: I just laugh after taking medicine. Teacher: Why? Xiao Ming: The advertisement says that it will work all day! Teacher: Yes. .

24. I saw the most beautiful joke today: M: I have liked you for a long time. Can you be my girlfriend? The woman came up, pa ... The man covered his face: Why? Don't hit me even if you don't agree. Woman: Nima, I've loved it for a long time. Why didn't you say so earlier, which made me single until now?

25. Going home by bus, a foreigner is listening to music with a mobile phone. The earphone is too loud, which makes me a little impatient. After thinking for two minutes, I finally got up the courage to say to the foreigner in English, "Can you turn down your voice?" The foreigner shouted in common words with clear pronunciation, "What's your business?"

26. One day, on the bus, a girl got on the bus and wore a miniskirt. A buddy took a glance, and the girl slapped the buddy. The buddy was really anxious. He took off his pants and slapped the girl, saying, Don't think that you can beat people around just because you wear less ...

27. In the morning. When I woke up and walked into the kitchen, my girlfriend had eaten all these and even people were gone! Leave a note for me to brush the pots and bowls!

28. One day, our dean was kidnapped, and the kidnapper demanded a ransom of one million yuan, saying that if he didn't give it, he would burn him with gasoline. Hearing this, the whole school was shocked and the students discussed it privately. A: You know how the dean usually treats us. We can't turn a blind eye like other students. Why don't we donate some? B: Yes, donate some. A: Then how much do you donate? B: Donate three catties of gasoline first. A: Then I'll donate five catties!

29. One day, there was a car accident in the street. A woman sat in her sagitar and called: Husband, there was a car crash! Nothing, I broke a bread. A man outside the car said foolishly, Tell your husband that the bread is called Land Rover ...

3. I went to a distant city on business, so I preferred to fly. It's quick and convenient. Unexpectedly, I just arrived at my destination. The plane just landed, and a buddy in the front seat was hanging around with a ticket in his hand, and he kept talking. Listen carefully: Nima. Actually, it is "this insurance is useless again!"

Editor's note: I have a good best friend, who has been inseparable since childhood. A few days ago, she came to my place and cried that she had been cheated on by someone she had been with for eight years. I said no, you have been together for eight years. Unexpectedly, she cried even more. My best friend said that it was because I had been there for eight years that I was sad. At this moment. I can't help but sigh: men don't have a good thing. Eight years of love! I cann't even resist my seduction once. Women should not think that they can stop studying if they are good, and men should not think that they can grow if they read well.

1. Public relations means: Zhang Zi is not as good as chopsticks, chopsticks are not as good as face, face is not as good as tickets, and tickets are not as good as braids.

2. Smile at the sun and be happy together.

3. The sky with you is always blue

4. The first time you make a mistake, the second time you make a mistake, and the third time you make a mistake.

5. One day, I will take off my mask for someone.

6. Maybe I'm not your favorite one, but I know you best.

7. Love is not everything. So don't blindly pursue eternal happiness.

8. Women should not think that they can stop reading because they are good-looking, and men should not think that they can grow ugly because they read well.

9. I'm just a crazy person with unique emotions

1. If I die one day, please don't come near my body, because I have no strength to stretch out my hand to wipe your tears.

11. I don't want to be sober, but I would rather indulge in indulgence all the time. I don't know the way back, I would rather pursue it without regret all my life.

12. I have never had self-doubt. I have never been discouraged.

13. A person has at least one dream and a reason to be strong.

14. Eunuchs always go to brothels, and Liu Xiahui sits still, because he is gay!

15. The flowers of the motherland bloom and I step on one.

16. What does it mean that you turn the message board from the back to the front? Those who said they would always be with you are no longer in contact.

17. I can't blame myself for not doing well in the exam, but I will. It didn't take the exam at all.

18. Women sleep with money, while men languish.

19. At the beginning, we were all just children

2.