Many people ask the question "How to strike up a conversation with a strange girl".
I think the more fundamental and essential problem is: fear of hitting up a conversation with a strange girl.
When we meet a strange girl, especially a beautiful girl, we will have many subtle reactions in our hearts and bodies.
(1) We will be excited and slow down.
(2) We have the impulse to strike up a conversation, want to know her, and expect some romantic stories;
(3) But in the end, we often stop approaching, drool for another look, and then walk away.
At this time, our thoughts are:
(1) She is so beautiful that she must be married or have a boyfriend, and I won't have a chance to know her;
(2) She's so beautiful that she won't take a fancy to me and won't want to know me;
(3) If I say I want to know her, she will refuse me, which will make me lose face.
(4) Her friend is nearby, so I will go up and strike up a conversation. If I fail, I will be laughed at by her friend;
(5) My friend is nearby, and I will be laughed at by my friend if I fail to strike up a conversation;
(6) There are so many people around her that I will be surprised by the people around me when I strike up a conversation, and I will be regarded as a hooligan;
(7) The environment here is so noisy that it is not suitable for talking with her. I'll get close to her when she reaches a quiet place.
(8) She seems to be busy now. I'll wait until she is busy.
But no matter what we thought, we stopped there and didn't move. Finally, the beautiful woman left, or we walked by ourselves, maybe we looked back and walked away!
All the above ideas seem reasonable on the surface, but they are actually excuses for their fears.
We are afraid to walk up and meet strange beautiful women!
we are afraid of being rejected by beautiful women!
We are afraid of the opinions and comments of friends or strangers around us!
think carefully about whether these thoughts are an excuse to cover up your cowardice. Serious introspection and admitting one's own shortcomings are the beginning of progress.
Some people may say that I'm not afraid, but I'm a little concerned, and I don't want beautiful women or people around me to treat me as a hooligan.
but do you really want to play hooligans?
you just want to go up and meet beautiful women! Like you just want to ask for directions! You don't have any bad intentions, and you don't intend to hurt beautiful women or anyone!
I've been thinking about this fear for a long time. I've read a lot of books to find the source of this fear. Because this fear doesn't make much sense. I know clearly that the failure to strike up a conversation will not bring any bad consequences. Even if the conversation fails,
(1) I won't lose any money;
(2) I didn't lose much time, just a few minutes;
(3) It is impossible for a beautiful woman to take off her high heels and hit me on the head;
(4) People around me won't call 11 to arrest me;
(5) Even if a beautiful girl's boyfriend or husband is nearby, he won't rush up and take out a pair of scissors to cut off my penis.
99.999999% of the time, my total loss is only
(1) one minute of face.
I only lose face, and this feeling of losing face doesn't need to last long, so I can escape from the scene without any risk or accident, and escape from the sight of everyone who saw it.
am I so afraid of losing face?
is there no way to overcome this fear?
any kind of fear can be overcome through training, including the fear of death.
the simplest and most effective way is to talk to 5 beautiful women directly. Don't think too much about skills, and don't care about the result of chatting up. Find a place where there are many people, chat up a beautiful woman when you meet her, chat casually, kiss up to her, and ask for her phone number.
the first time, you will be extremely nervous, and you may even be as uncomfortable as death. You can set your goal lower, for example, just say hello to her casually.
after a few times, you will find that most beautiful women's reactions are still very positive. Usually smile at you and talk to you; Ignore people in the minority; It's hard to meet people who swear; It's harder to hit someone (don't forget to tell me if you're so lucky).
After training enough times, you will become more and more relaxed, and you can even start playing a joke with her. When you leave, ask, "Can I meet you?" Tell me your phone number and we can have a cold drink together when we are free. "
here, you have succeeded!
A few experiences,
(1) Most beautiful women's reactions are moderate or positive. The most negative reaction I met was that the beautiful woman walked away quietly without talking to me.
(2) It is best to find a beautiful girl when chatting up, because the more beautiful the girl is, the more positive she will be to strangers. On the contrary, ordinary girls are more likely to be nervous and avoid strangers. This is because beautiful women are used to being harassed by strange men, and some girls even meet strange boys every day. A Chongqing girl I live with in Shenzhen will tell me how strangers accost her when chatting.
(3) Even without any skills, chatting up people may be successful. What a blind cat can hit a dead mouse!
(4) Don't take what girls say to your heart, in fact, don't take what anyone says to your heart. Even if the girl says, "I don't want to know an old man like you." Don't take it to heart, don't feel sad, and don't have other ideas. People who say these words don't really care about your happiness and happiness. They just talk about it and won't take any responsibility for you. Your happiness is up to you.
(5) The most important thing when chatting up is not the skill, but the psychological state and the image temperament externalized due to your inner state. Don't be afraid, timid, shy or hesitant, as if this is the most natural thing in the world. The more natural you are, the more natural the girl will be; If you are shy, girls will find it strange to meet strangers.
(6) If the girl you accosted turns you down, it's her problem, not yours. If your attitude is polite and friendly, she walks away without saying a word, which is her rudeness; You sincerely want to know and associate with her, but she refused, because she lost the opportunity to know a good friend; Some girls turned you down. In fact, when she comes home, she will regret that she missed the opportunity to meet a boy because she was shy.
(7) The girl you accosted probably has her own demons. You are afraid in your heart, and she may be afraid in her heart, especially those girls who are not very beautiful or feel inferior. Girls also have a lot of self-distrust
(8) It is superb skill and great randomness to strike up a conversation. It is inevitable that there will be no result. Don't regard it as a failure, let alone your own. Just like chatting on QQ on the internet, now people generally need to verify strangers before they can be friends. How many MM do you usually have to add to be successful once? My personal experience, add 5 MM, it is good to add one. At this time, we won't feel that the four MM in front rejected us. We just continue to search for online friends without hesitation and send out our requests one by one, and there will always be several more. The same is true when chatting up, this girl ignores you or refuses you; Don't care about her, keep going and meet the next beautiful woman before hitting on her.
finally, again, the most direct and effective way to overcome the fear of chatting up is to force yourself to start doing it!
talk about how to overcome fear. Because to be honest, when it comes to pursuing girls, nine out of ten boys will feel a certain degree of anxiety. In the face of the girl they like, many boys simply say that the deer is bumping into each other, and when it's time to take action, they hold back. When they finally "get up their courage", they are often not one step behind others, or they miss the opportunity and should stay put. According to my research, one of the main reasons for fear is your attitude towards this matter. The more you value something, the more you care about the result, and the more you can't let go, the more fear you will have. If what you think all day is "I must catch up with this girl", you will be more nervous and more likely to fail. That's why I want you to hold an "experimental" attitude. Before you catch up, everything is just an opportunity for you to increase your "experience value". Of course, in addition to adjusting your mentality, the accumulation of experience is the only way to build confidence. Public speaking is a good example. The performance of self-confidence on the speaker's stage is often the result of practice behind him. [attach]278[/attach] It's the same with girls. If you are that shy boy, you need to jump out of the nest and boldly try to interact with girls more. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do what you have to do, otherwise things will not progress. It doesn't matter how many times you are rejected. The point is, have you changed? Many people like to write to ask questions related to "strike up a conversation", saying that there is a lovely salesgirl in a convenience store around the corner. How do you know her? I didn't have the guts to ask for a phone number, and I was worried that she might already have a boyfriend, so I had to patronize the convenience store often until nothing happened. Of course, the matter of chatting up is also a university question, but only if you have the courage to act. A simple "classmate, can I know you?" Try it in a generous and sincere tone. I believe at least half of the girls will continue to chat with you. The point is whether you dare to try. In addition to your mentality and experience, there are actually many advanced skills to overcome fear. One of the most interesting ways is to
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hypnotize yourself. For example, close your eyes and imagine yourself as a 4-foot-tall giant, and wherever you go, you will be the biggest. Now, imagine a warm current of incomparable confidence flowing all over your body, and even if you face any more nervous situations in the future, you will be harmless.
OK, you can open your eyes. Finally, think about what you learned today. In fact, I can tell you more about the theme of "fear", but I think it's better to save it for next time.
Ten ways to overcome the fear of chatting up
(1) Make clear the purpose of your chatting up and find out what prevents you from chatting up.
why did you strike up a conversation? To prove that you can break through? To get laid with MM? Do you doubt your motives? Do you have a moral burden? Are you afraid of hitting on someone?
what is stopping you from taking action, fear? Fear of what? Afraid of failure, rejection, and ridicule?
(2) Stimulate your willingness to strike up a conversation to the state of "must".
do you have to strike up a conversation? Do you have to, or do you just want to?
reconsider why you struck up a conversation? Is it because you can't find a girlfriend? Is it because there are few beautiful girls around you and few you like? Every time you walk through the street and see those beautiful figures floating around you, do you feel that your heart is full of melancholy and regret for missing, and you hate that you can't do anything, that you are not her classmate or her colleague?
are you willing to continue to endure loneliness? Do you want to be wronged by a girl you don't like? Are you going to endure this pain all your life?
Take this pain seriously, treat it as your gall, and lick it every day. Until I can't stand it, I shout "I must strike up a conversation!" "
get rid of the weak expression "I'll try ..." and put "I must ...!" Become a habit of expression.
(3) Interrupt the old neural association.
what is the old neural association? It's your wrong emotional pattern: you feel comfortable doing what you shouldn't do and you feel uncomfortable doing what you should do.
for example, if you strike up a conversation, you will feel uncomfortable, but if you don't strike up a conversation, you will feel relaxed.
you must break this old emotional pattern and turn it into happiness when chatting up, and pain when you don't.
how to do it?
Think back to a scene where you failed to strike up a conversation, the girl's cold expression, the strange eyes of people around her, and standing there by yourself ... Are these all very painful for you?
first, play back these shots;
step 2, visual stirring. Is to destroy these films in a funny way. For example, imagine that the girl refused you, but as soon as you turned around, she knelt down and begged you, "Please take me again and I will give you the number!" " Use your imagination to rewrite these failed experiences and make them into funny scenes. You can tell it to your friends and share it with them.
with this process, you can get rid of the painful feeling that you have failed to strike up a conversation.
In addition, establish a punishment mechanism to punish yourself for avoiding chatting up. Tie a rubber band on your arm. If you see a beautiful woman, but you find an excuse not to act, just use the rubber band to break yourself and make yourself hurt.
(4) Establish new neural association.
A new neural association is a positive neural association that helps you succeed.
you feel happy when you strike up a conversation, you feel powerful when you strike up a conversation, and you feel that you are on your way to success when you strike up a conversation!
(5) Strengthen neural association.
The subconscious mind can't tell whether something is true or not. As long as we keep imagining, repeating and believing, it will become a fact.
Here are several ways to help you strengthen positive neural association:
First, you can hypnotize yourself by learning various materials repeatedly. Including watching the FR of the successful person, watching the video of PUA's success, paying attention to the natural and confident attitude of the master, and observing the happy expression of the girl after being accosted.
second, imagine success. Imagine what life will be like after you become a good conversationalist. At that time, how many beautiful women can you know, what kind of girlfriend can you have, what kind of weekends you will have, what kind of sex life you will have, what kind of changes your life will have, how your friends will envy you constantly, and what kind of choice advantage you will have when choosing a wife than ordinary people ...
Third, establish a positive heart anchor. What is a heart anchor? It is the connection between some physical feeling or action and some spiritual feeling. In volleyball matches, players clap their hands to cheer each other up before serving. Clapping your hands is associated with high morale, which is the heart anchor. Using the method of heart anchor can make you reach the peak quickly when you strike up a conversation, such as high-five before each conversation, or raising your hands. As soon as you do this action, you will feel confident inside.
(6) testing.
imagine seeing a beautiful woman now, will you still be afraid?
if you still have fear, continue to repeat the above five steps to strengthen the effect.
any behavior will eventually become a habit as long as it is repeatedly strengthened; Any behavior will definitely disappear in the end as long as it is not strengthened.
in my personal experience, as long as you strike up a few targets in succession, both men and women can become very enthusiastic, and the following strike up a conversation will be natural. Therefore, I advocate warm-up and warm-up before chatting up.
as long as you don't strike up a conversation for a while, your fear of hitting up will rise again. One day you don't practice and one day you don't sing. Therefore, make chatting up a habit.
Overcome the inferiority complex in the process of picking up girls