Wen/Jing Yuehe

The picture comes from network intrusion

Introduction:

In the first issue of "Gold Medal Mediation", both parents and daughters came to the studio. The relationship between the adult daughter and her parents is very stiff. Parents feel that her daughter is rebellious and unable to communicate. Her daughter cries that her parents don't understand her.

In a good family, parents are intellectuals, but the daughter shows a rebellious character and is full of resentment towards her parents. Why is this happening?

At the mediation scene, my daughter said that she was a depressed girl, and her parents always wanted to arrange and intervene in her life, which filled her with resentment and anxiety. The daughter complains that her parents don't understand her, don't understand her, and even want to escape from her parents' supervision.

Actually, this girl has a happy family. Both parents are highly educated and have stable jobs. As a mother studying medicine, she knows how to care for her daughter in life and make her live a healthier life. < P > But her mother's intentions have turned into a mother's inhuman performance in her daughter's eyes: she doesn't buy snacks that others like, she doesn't cook "heavy-flavored" food, and she eats clear soup and scanty water every day, which makes her lose her appetite.

Parents like reading books after work, and the atmosphere at home is too dull for their daughters. Even on weekends, my mother likes to go to the library.

This makes the daughter feel that parents are not like other families. Parents like to walk around their children. On weekends, they either cook food for their children or take them out to play. And her mother doesn't seem to have her at all. She only cares about her own career.

My daughter feels that she is an unnecessary person at home. Her parents lack due care and companionship, and even feel that their parents don't love her at all.

after going to college, my daughter didn't get out of her inner confusion. At one time, my daughter also dropped out of school and then returned to school repeatedly. Looking at her daughter's pain, parents are also anxious and want to communicate well with their children.

But every time a mother gets up the courage to walk into her daughter's heart, she is strongly rejected by her daughter. If the mother leaves here, it will even anger her daughter's mood.

This makes the family trapped in pain. Like hedgehogs, they want to be close, but they repel each other.

Finally, the emotional mediation instructor pointed out that the main responsibility still lies with parents. When the child was young, the parents didn't give her enough care and companionship, and didn't give her a full sense of security. It led her daughter to form a sensitive and suspicious character, and she was not confident in self-recording.

Later, my mother recalled that when my daughter was very young, she often had to work the night shift. Whenever she wants to go out, her daughter is particularly eager for her mother to stay with her. But the mother can't go to work, and naturally she can't meet her daughter's requirements. Every time the mother closes the door, she can hear her daughter crying.

On another occasion, my daughter was ill in hospital, and my mother asked for leave to stay with her daughter for a week. Later, when I need to go to work, I let my father accompany my daughter during the day and my mother go to the hospital at night. But my daughter still hates her mother for not spending more time with her when she needed it most.

If this mother had known how to warm, care and accompany her daughter in the gentlest way, she would not have had such a heartbreaking situation today.

If this mother can understand the importance of gentle parenting earlier, she can express that her mother loves her very much in gentle and loving language when her daughter needs her most, but she has to go to work, because this is her job.

In fact, these gentle and loving words are what parents should learn and often say to their children. When you say this, you will find that your heart has become soft and warm, and your children have become more lovely in your eyes. Isn't it?

when a daughter hears her mother say this, it will make her feel that her mother doesn't love her, but because she has her own things to do. Waiting for her mother to come back at home will make her like herself more. This is a virtuous circle.

Because in children's cognition, she still can't understand the true meaning of parents' words, and only by telling them in words that children can understand can they really understand.

For example, like this mother, she may be able to explain to her daughter at first, but when her daughter still cries, she will say impatiently, "How many times have I told you, why haven't you been obedient?"

But my daughter only cares about her current feelings: she feels that her mother is leaving, which makes her feel uneasy and scared.

Only with the gentlest language can a mother make her daughter feel that she loves her very much and doesn't want to leave her. "Mom also feels the happiest when I am with you! But mom needs to go to work, have fun at home, and wait for mom to come. "

In the gentle embrace of her mother, the daughter will let go of all the tension and anxiety and let her heart return to peace and satisfaction.

It is said that children who often cry are eager to attract their parents' attention and care. However, many parents don't know this, thinking that children can play by themselves after eating and drinking enough, and parents just need to watch.

As everyone knows, a child who lacks love in childhood will become anxious when she grows up, and there is always a black hole in her heart. It was the love that her parents owed her when she was a child.

Wu Enying, who is known as the "national parenting tutor" and the "God of parent-child parenting" in South Korea, her "Gentlest Parenting" is a guide to "oral parenting" for parents.

In this book, the author teaches parents how to change their speaking habits through 131 sentences of parent-child dialogue, so that children can get inner satisfaction and gain the joy of growth in their parents' warm and loving language.

It is said that children are a mirror of parents. There is something wrong with the mirror, and the responsibility lies with the parents rather than the children. This book is not for children. I hope everyone who is a parent can find the problems in his words in this book, and then improve them to make his words more gentle and full of love.

In reality, many parents' childhood is also deeply influenced by family of origin, and their hearts are often full of anxiety and anxiety. It is manifested in the lack of patience with their children, and they will not calm down and listen to their voices. I just hate iron not to produce, and I want to use high pressure and force my children to accept their own views.

As a result, parents with bad temper have brought up children who are either passive Nuo Nuo or rebellious and uncontrollable, and become a headache for their parents.

I believe that when parents read this book, they can not only heal their childhood, but also know how to care for their children.

This book * * * is divided into six parts:

1. Use unfamiliar expressions instead of familiar words;

2. What do we want to hear from our parents when we are as old as our children?

3. Warm "understanding"

4. "Listen" with your ears and "listen" with your mouth

5. Don't be naive and forget your original intention

6. Today is the first day of dialogue with children.

Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper. When it comes to the starting line, everyone is the same. But why, a few years later, some children are like a thriving sapling, which makes people love them; And some children are like wild thorns, which makes people have a headache.

The so-called words and deeds will affect the growth and development of children. When parents use correct and warm words, children feel a kind of happiness of being loved, accepted and recognized.

Many times, parents obviously love their children, but what they say is always insincere, which makes their children suffer greatly.

When children do something wrong and are at a loss, parents can't help saying, "You disappoint me!" ;

When children's test scores drop, parents will say, "Why can't you fight for breath?" ;

When children encounter difficulties in their studies and feel embarrassed, their parents will say, "Your father and I worked so hard to make money for you!"

......

Every day, children face the nagging, complaints and accusations from their parents. In addition to being wronged and helpless, the rest is that they have less and less confidence in themselves, and even doubt their IQ and ability, and then go to the negative treatment of "broken pots and broken falls".

In fact, it is very simple to change this situation, that is, starting with the daily language that parents communicate with their children. "The Gentlest Parenting" is a book that teaches you to use "oral parenting" correctly.

Thanks for meeting and reading. I am Jing Yuehe. If you like my words, please follow me @ Jing Yuehe.