Homophone joke: A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails!
No pickles, pickles are too expensive!
Translation: Comrades and fellow villagers, pay attention!
Don't talk, it's a meeting now!
After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, sausages and pickles, please!
Translation: Now let’s ask the mayor to speak!
The mayor said: Rabbits, the dog has eaten today’s meal, everyone is a big bastard!
Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, everyone should have a big bowl!
If you don't want melon, I'll pick up dog poop and lick it for you.
Translation: Don’t talk. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved to eat chickens. The tenants rented his land and had to pay the rent alone. They had to give him a chicken first. There was a man named Zhang.
The third tenant went to pay rent to the landlord at the end of the year and share the land for the second year. When he went there, he put a chicken in a bag and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land for the second year.
Seeing that his hands were empty, he looked up to the sky and said: "This field is not open to Zhang San." Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his words and said: "
If you don't give it to Zhang San, give it to someone else." Zhang San said: "Your words have changed so quickly!" The landlord replied: "That sentence just now was 'nonsense (chicken) talk', and now this sentence is an opportunity (chicken).
And Zuo'." The newly appointed county magistrate was from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang his son, he said to the master: "Go and buy me two bamboo poles." The master heard the Shandong dialect "bamboo pole" as "pork liver".
, quickly agreed, hurried to the butcher shop, and said to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pork livers. You are a sensible person, you should know what you are doing!" The shopkeeper is a smart man, and he will understand it as soon as he hears it.
He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave a pair of pig ears as a gift. After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "The master asked me to buy pig livers. Of course these pig ears are mine..." So he
Wrap up the hunting ears and stuff them into your pocket. Return to the county office and report to the county magistrate: "Report to the master, I bought pork liver!" When the magistrate saw that the master bought pork liver, he said angrily: "Where are your ears?"
Gone!" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "The ears... the ears... are here... in my... my pocket!" There was a salesman who went on a business trip to Guangzhou. After arriving in Beijing,
Since I wanted to go there by plane, I was afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, so I sent a telegram to the manager: "You can take it if you can take it." When the manager received the telegram, he thought that the "opportunity" to close the deal had arrived, so he immediately called back: "
When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse for travel expenses, the manager did not agree to reimburse the air ticket expenses because he was not of a high level and would not be reimbursed for flying. The salesman took out the manager and called him back. The manager was dumbfounded.
On New Year's Day evening, my younger brother brought two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more reserved. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: "He is from Myanmar, so he is quite shy."
"Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, raised his head and drank it all, and then said: "I'm from Yangon." At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the principal was furious about the low efficiency of personnel administration. He
Said: "The person in charge of the director's business is ignorant; the person in charge of personnel management is unconscious; the person who is an officer is not an officer!" A patient with liver disease was drinking in the room and the nurse came in and shouted: Be careful with your liver (tell him to be careful with his liver).
The patient shouted: I know, baby. In a busy market, a fish seller shouted: "Fresh fish!" At this time, a bubble gum seller shouted: "Paotang! (Soup)" The fish seller
After hearing this, they said to the candy seller: "Hey, why did you say that my fish was ruined?" The more they quarreled, the more fierce they became.
At this moment, a bean sprout seller shouted again: "Bean sprouts! (Doo!)" A security guard came over and asked, "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an oil fruit seller shouted
: "Youguo! (I am here)" After hearing this, the security guard said: "Okay, take the four of you away together!"... In early May 1935, Chiang Kai-shek, Feng Yuxiang, and Yan Xishan launched a war in the Central Plains.
In order to better unite to fight against Chiang, Feng Yuxiang and Yan Xishan agreed that the troops of both sides would meet in Qinyang in northern Henan to concentrate their forces and annihilate the Chiang troops stationed in Henan.
But unfortunately, when formulating the combat order, one of Feng Yuxiang's combat staff added "Qin" to "Qinyang" and changed it to "Biyang".
It happens that there is Biyang in the south of Henan, but this place is thousands of miles away from Qinyang.
Feng Yuxiang's troops received the order and rushed to Biyang. As a result, they delayed the opportunity and missed the favorable opportunity to annihilate Chiang's army, allowing Chiang's army to gain the initiative.
In the nearly six months of the Central Plains War, the combined forces of Feng and Yan were beaten at every turn.
One word difference ultimately led to the complete defeat of the Feng and Yan coalition forces in the Central Plains battlefield.
I said you were a pig, but it would be strange if you said: I am a pig.