A man always can not find a girlfriend, have no choice but to go to the fortune teller. Fortune teller: you are destined to have no woman in the first half of life, the man's eyes lit up: the second half of life? The man's eyes lit up: what about the second half of his life?
September 28th is the birthday of Confucius, so what is October 28th?
Answer: Full moon of Confucius
One day, a steak of medium rare was walking on the street, suddenly he saw a steak of medium rare in front of him, but they ignored him. Why didn't they say hello? A: Because they weren't cooked well
The chocolate and the pineapple fought and the chocolate won. Why? A: The chocolate bar
Chocolate and pineapple fought and the pineapple lost. Why? A: Pineapple Pastry
What fish is the most idiotic? A: Shark (stupid) fish
The turtle built a house in its shell and then burrowed in. {A: Calcium in Calcium The turtle tore down the house, built another house, and then burrowed inside. {guess the health product} A: New Calcium in Calcium
The tortoise tore down the house, built another house, and then burrowed in. {guess a health care product} A: Giant Calcium
Once, I went to buy breakfast, queuing up, I found the usually unsmiling boss was also in the queue, so I was very nervous, and after greeting the chef, I said, "Master trouble to come to a cup of buns, two tits!" ...... First time in two years I've heard the boss laugh that loud.
There is another one, junior high school when we use the electric bell to play the bell, once just after class, the electric bell is ringing, the teacher is still there, suddenly a boy sleeping in class suddenly popped up from his seat, and while still openly yelling: "Mom! Get up and make dinner! It's time for me to go to class!" ......
One time I went to a hotel to stay, the night was in a daze, I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door to ask questions. Woman: is anyone there? Me: what's the matter? Woman: I want to ask handsome, Kunming Kun how to write ah? Me: Oh, above a day, below a than ..... (Sweat)! Woman: So let's kun a bit okay? I fainted, Miss is not terrible, just afraid of Miss culture. Fainted.
The young woman reported: "I put the money in the corset, in the crowded subway was a handsome man stole ..." police wondered: "so sensitive place you did not realize?" The young woman red-faced answer: "Who would have thought he was touching the money?
A woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that young leprechaun, I'll marry the leprechaun's father, and from then on, my son will call you brother-in-law, and you have to call me mom! Husband fainted on the spot, from now on rules...
Wife spent a huge amount of money to do a facelift, a few days after turning into a beautiful woman to go home! When she came in, she said to her husband, who looked puzzled, "What? Don't recognize me?" The husband froze for a moment, then said in surprise, "Come on in, my wife is not at home."
One day I suddenly realized that I have a great-aunt, second-aunt, fourth-aunt, fifth-aunt, but no third-aunt. So I went to ask my dad: why don't I have a third aunt? I also thought for a moment: Is it possible that the third aunt died when I was a child? My father said angrily: your third aunt is your mother!
A girl returned home at night and met the robbers. The robbers asked: stop! What's going on? The girl did not want to be robbed of her money, so she took pity on him and said: "I'm going to borrow money. Thugs are still fierce ask: borrow money to do? The girl was afraid of being robbed of sex, then said: got a venereal disease have no money to cure. The police are not the only ones who have been in the country for a long time, but they are the only ones who have been there for a long time!
Mr. A found that his wife's phone often has a stranger's text message, and the content of each text message is the same: "Brother Zhao asked you to help me do something." One night at 10:30, Mr. A cheated on his wife and the man who was having an affair with him, and then cursed: "Damn, you think I can't read that text message? Read it backwards, it's "I'll help you take off your bra at 10:30"! The boy said to the girl: "The first time I saw you, I like you!" The girl asked, "When did you first see me?" The boy hastened to explain: "That is the day of school ah, I see you and your family came to school together, you wear a skirt special beautiful! The girl was furious: "I didn't wear a dress that day, the one wearing a dress was my mom!"
That is to say, a small thief to steal the bank, it is not easy to pry open the safe, found that there is no money inside, but put a few jelly, the thief is puzzled, but want to can't come in vain ah, just eat the jelly. The next day Mr. Thief specifically bought a newspaper to see how much impact they can bring by stealing from the bank, hey ~ since on the headlines: the city's only sperm bank was stolen last night!
The dog proposed to the bear, and the bear said, "I don't want to marry you, I want to marry the cat. " The dog was puzzled and asked, "Why?" The bear said, "If I marry the dog, I will give birth to a dog and a bear, and if I marry the cat, I will give birth to a panda!"
There are 3 children sitting in front of the clinic - a big boy, a little boy, and a girl. The nurse asks: kids, where are you uncomfortable? Big boy: I swallowed a glass ball. The nurse asks the other one: what about you? Girl: That glass ball is mine. Nurse asks again: What about you? Little boy: I play next!
Somali pirates: "Three million dollars, a price!" Chinese officials: "two and a half million!" Pirate: "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you say two hundred and fifty is cursing!" Chinese official: "Three million is three million! But the invoice should be written as seven million dollars!" Pirate with tears in his eyes and thumbs up: "Robbing money or you guys are ruthless!!!" A buddy next door to the newly moved a foreigner, one night the foreigner knocked on the door to ask for help, said: "My TV is broken, can not change the channel." The dude looks down at his watch and calmly says: "All TVs in the country do this between 7 and 7:30 PM."
The priest is playing golf, the nun is watching, the first shot goes wide, the priest curses, "Damn, it's off!" Hit it again, and the priest curses again, "Damn, it's off again!" The nun says, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest." As soon as the words left his mouth, a thunderbolt struck the nun dead. The priest wondered: why was I the one who cursed and why did it strike the nun dead? At this time only heard God's voice from the sky: "Damn, I missed too!"
The 7-year-old niece had to take a bath with my 20-year-old adult, while washing also said: "Auntie, why are your breasts so small?" I sweat wildly: "Which small, how small!" Little niece pitifully looked at me to comfort: "Nothing, mine is also very small ~"
One day, my brother went to the Normal University Elementary School to play basketball, and heard the playground side of a junior girl asked a junior boy: "Do you love me in the end?" The boy said helplessly, "My mom gives me three dollars a day, two and a half of which you take to buy snacks, you say I love you or not!!!"
The old man was on his deathbed splitting his inheritance. To the eldest son, he said, "Your daughter-in-law is about to give birth to a child, leave the passbook to you." To the second son, he said, "You're getting married soon, I'll leave you the house." Finally, to the youngest son, he said, "I am most uneasy about you, and now you don't have a girlfriend, so I will leave you the most valuable inheritance." The youngest son's heart to steal joy, the old man said: "My QQ number friend column has more than 300 young girls, the number is ******."
American Academy of human body class, a girl painting painting angrily threw the pen on the ground, rebuked the male model: a moment big a moment small, in the end still let people paint!
A girl after saving money to buy a brand-name child bag, excitedly to the companion to show expensive: "Look at these two letters, LV! The companion said: "Che, on this pinyin ah?
Every time a wife and husband argue, the wife runs to the toilet to stay for half a day, so many times, the husband is very curious to ask the wife: "What are you doing in the toilet? It seems to be quite relieved?" Wife said: "Brush the toilet!" Hubby asked, "Brushing the toilet can also relieve your anger?" Wife said, "I don't know, but I used your toothbrush anyway.
Son came home trembling: "Dad, today's exam only got 60 points." Dad was angry: "Next time you get a lower score, don't call me Dad!" The next day the son came back, "I'm sorry, brother!"
A certain leader set the phone number of his mistress in his hand as "Mayor", and every time his mistress called, his wife said, "Hurry! The mayor called!" The leader answered the phone: the mayor called me to go there. Before leaving the house, his wife urged in the back: "Do a good job!"
Small Li to immigrate to the United States, the leader asked him: "You are not satisfied with your salary?" Little Li said, "Satisfied." "Not satisfied with your housing?" "Satisfied with your housing?" "Satisfied with your internet access?" "Also satisfied." "Not satisfied with healthcare, kids' schooling?" "Both!" "If you're happy with all of it why do you want to immigrate?" "Because dissatisfaction is allowed there!"
The Chinese leader and the American leader were competing to see who had the more loyal bodyguard, and the American leader ordered his bodyguard to jump from the 10th floor, and the bodyguard got down on his knees and said, "Don't do that, I still have a family." . So the American president went soft. The Chinese leader ordered his bodyguard to jump, and the Chinese bodyguard was about to jump without saying a word. The U.S. president was so scared that he hurriedly pulled him back. The Chinese bodyguard said, "Don't do this, I still have a family."
Segment: the director just entered the office, the office director's wife broke in, waving a pair of women's panties to the director, said: "My husband went home at night even wore a woman's underwear, you must manage". The director nodded yes yes yes, and smoothly stuffed the panties into his pocket. At night, the Secretary's wife found the Secretary's pocket panties when she washed the clothes, and said to the Secretary: "No such jokes in the future, causing people to look for a whole day".
The male students traveled to a certain place, female students to see him, the two talked about wages, male students asked: "How much money after taxes?" The female classmates face a red, whispered: "with old classmates sleep still mention what money, you first bed, I go to take a shower."
Someone asked the doctor: "Doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?" Doctor: "First, stop drinking." Someone: "I never drink." Doctor: "Secondly, give up sex." Someone: "I'm not at all attractive to women." Doctor: "Third, eat less meat." Someone: "I'm a vegetarian!" Doctor: "Then why have you lived so long?"
Getting on the airplane, I saw a beautiful woman sitting in my seat. So I asked gentlemanly: Excuse me, are you 36A? mm surprisingly red-faced should say: I ... I am 36B ...... I Genghis Khan ah: sister ... I think ... I think you misunderstand, I mean my seat child is by the window 36A!