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Tell a few jokes
1, the school suddenly strict control of love, the dean called us to the auditorium, told us the reason for the governance: "A few days ago I night inspection, in the garden caught a couple you know in what?" Some of the students below said they were flirting, some said they were kissing. The dean said, "Neither, let me tell you! Your senior was in the pavilion in the middle of the night with two apples, a pair of red candles, and a pillar of incense, worshipping heaven and earth! It scared the hell out of me!"

2, at night, 3.5-year-old son lying in the middle of my wife and I ready to sleep. My son said, "Mommy, put your arm around me!" I teased him: "Mommy is holding you, what about daddy?" My son immediately turned around and said seriously, "You get your mom!"

3, I remember that year after the college entrance examination, I know that the test is not good, on the father truthfully said the examination results are not ideal. The father said helplessly: "If not, then repeat it." At this time sitting aside the grandfather said angrily: "can't pass the exam, serve what poison ah!"

4, a gentleman in the dormitory hissed and sang rock and roll: "I want to change, I want to change ..." is reading a book of a certain gentleman snapped his head up and asked: "The toilet is not empty?"

5. One day, Xiaoming's father took Xiaoming to dinner. To the hotel, Xiaoming's father said to the waiter: fried chicken, stewed fish, stewed mushroom soup, pork knuckles, five spice balls ... above all these do not, come to two nest on the line. The waiter and Xiaoming: your sister. 6, "110? Quickly come to people na! Something's wrong!" "Hello, what's your emergency?" "Both girls want to go out with me, fighting!" "That ...... this ...... this ......" "Come quickly! The ugly one is going to win the fight!!!"

7. In the language class, the teacher asked, "Quantifiers sometimes can't just be omitted, which student can give an example?" Xiao Qiang immediately snatched the answer, "For example, 'He gave me a gun', if the quantifier 'branch' was omitted, then my fate would be different!"

8. An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and shat on the old farmer's face, who looked up and cursed, "CAO your mom! You don't know how to wear a pair of pants when you go out!" The crow said: "CAO, you shit wear pants ah!"

9. When I was a kid, I was in 3rd grade. The teacher left homework: P45 second paragraph, copy 5 times. The next day, a student handed in the following homework: P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph P45 second paragraph ......

10, Ching Ming Festival poems: 1. Ching Ming Festival ghosts have a lot of people on the road, the pedestrians are scared of broken souls. I'm sobbing and asking why the ghosts are running away. Just because there is no money to buy a grave. 2. Tears are pouring down on the Qingming Festival, and the dead in the graves are crying for the living. The price of housing and graves is more expensive than the price of housing and graves.

11, there is a vicious wolf out for food, heard a woman in the lesson of the child said: cry again and again, you will throw you out to feed the wolf! As a result, the wolf waited all night and said: Damn! This old woman talk is not counting ah!

12, health tips: after eating a full meal, a quit smoking, two quit bathing, three quit angry, four quit loosening pants, five quit brushing teeth, six quit toilet, seven quit drinking, eight quit you know?

13, the man asked his friend: "I heard that you talked about the object." Friend replied: "Yes, two-thirds success." The man was puzzled: "What do you mean by this?" Friend explained: "The matchmaker agreed, I agreed, but the woman did not agree!"

14, a study of English students and foreigners when the conversation, always love to look at people's navel that place. Next to a friend reminded: "You should look at people's eyes. There's no such thing as looking at the navel all the time!" The student explained, "I've watched too many foreign movies, and I always feel that there will be subtitles in that place."

15, a goddess posted a status: "The most important three words for boys is never high handsome, is the motivation." Then she deleted all the male friends who turned this status ......

16, In the cell, two prisoners were chatting. One of them asked the other, "How did you get caught in here?" "Because of a cold." "What happened?" "It's simple, I sneezed when I was stealing and the guard woke up."

17, son: "Dad, there's a poor old uncle outside, he's been screaming outside, so dad can you give me two dollars? I want to give it to him." Dad: "Good boy, from a young age you will pity the old man, worthy of praise, give you two dollars." Dad: "Oh, by the way, what did that old man call himself?" Son: "Ice-cream ice-cream, 2 dollars ah! Come on!"

18, every day the happiest thing is to look at the wife in the morning wiped make-up slapped his face, "slap", "slap", "slap", "slap", listen to the It's so cool. I listen to the side of the heart read: "told you to let me wash my socks, told you to let me pick up the children, told you not to let me drink, told you not to tell me to play the game, hit, hit, give me a hard hit!" Add QQ334422 super handsome man oh.

19, 20 years ago, Dad held you waiting for the car, people are laughing at the child looks ugly, Dad cried. A banana sales boss pat dad said: "big brother do not cry, take a banana to the monkey to eat it! It's so pathetic, it's so hungry it has no hair."

20, a small child's birthday "to catch the week", parents will be all kinds of items on the child's side, want to see the child will catch which one, the results of small children to all things are smashed to pieces. The mother said worriedly: "Oops, all smashed, this can not see what the child will do?" The father contemplated for a moment, suddenly his body shook, said: "I shit, this son of a bitch in the future is definitely a city manager!"