"My misfortune lies in my lack of ability to refuse. I am afraid that once I refuse others, I will leave a crack in each other's hearts that will never heal. "
When I first saw this sentence, my heart stung, and I seemed to see myself in the past between the lines.
When we were young, we always thought that we could have a high-quality relationship by lowering our posture to please the people around us.
However, after some changes, we found that the more we please, the more we lose, and eventually we all change beyond recognition.
It turns out that the most comfortable relationship between people is thankless.
In love, you don't need to please.
Emotional writer Su Cen said:
"Really beautiful love is effortless. There is no need to please, two people naturally already very comfortable. If a relationship or a person has to make you spend a lot of energy to please, it is doomed not to accompany you to the final fate. "
I once saw a news on the Internet that a girl bought coffee for her boyfriend every time because she liked coffee, but she had no money at hand and finally had to steal it.
Last Mid-Autumn Festival, the girl went to Starbucks to steal coffee for her boyfriend as usual and stole a mooncake gift box worth more than 500 yuan for her boyfriend's parents.
After being arrested by the police, the girl admitted that she had found a boyfriend, but because the other family looked down on her own conditions, her love failed, which left a great psychological shadow on her.
I finally fell in love this time. In order not to disappoint her boyfriend, she had to please him in everything.
Sometimes, the relationship you get from compromise and flattery is full of hypocrisy and doomed to be short-lived.
There is a saying on the Internet: A boy said:
What the hell should I do?
I am willing to lend her money to buy what she wants to give her; Try to meet her needs at any time.
However, she is lukewarm to me and has almost no smiling face.
Only when I do something that satisfies her will she give me a little tenderness. I felt like a top, and she beat me around.
Getting along with each other is getting more and more tired, and I'm afraid that one day, if she can't hold on, she will break up with me immediately with a straight face. Is this the love you want?
I think, living in such a relationship, besides fatigue, there are endless injuries.
The last thing you need in love is to please. Paying without a bottom line will not only lose the vitality and pride of the past, but also increase the burden and pressure of the other party.
Life is the sea. It is meaningful to love the right person and pay.
Friendship, honesty is more important than flattery.
I once saw a post on Zhihu:
"How many people will forcibly change themselves in order to care about their friends' feelings? "
User reply:
"When I was fifteen years old, I would sit at my desk motionless for a day, for fear that my behavior would make people laugh.
At the age of 25, I rushed into marriage before I found my ideal partner because I didn't want to be considered.
It's different.
Now I'm 35 years old, eating and waiting for death, and I dare not expect happiness because I'm afraid others will say I don't deserve it.
Everyone says I am quiet, and everyone doesn't understand me. I have gradually lost some qualifications because of too many scruples.
After all, I live in the eyes of others, and finally I live in the state I least want. "
This passage is a true portrayal of the hearts of countless people.
Many years ago, I was also a person who could only please my friends.
In high school, I finally got close to a female classmate. I cherish my friendship with her, so in my life, besides studying, I just want to please her.
At that time, there was no hot bath at school, so I did not hesitate to fill a bucket of hot water in the canteen and take it to the sixth floor to bathe her.
She said that she likes eating vermicelli outside school, so I begged my classmates who stayed outside to help me type one back.
She said she was in a bad mood, so I comforted her all night.
When her academic performance dropped, I bought her a counseling book and took her to study together.
In this relationship, my attitude is humble
However, at that time, I thought that my contribution would definitely make our friendship last forever.
Unfortunately, any unequal relationship will eventually lose its balance. Later, she found a new friend, and I inevitably became a friend of the past tense.
When we were young, we were more or less stupid. We always thought that if we lived like others, others would recognize and accept us, but it turned out to be wishful thinking.
High-quality friendship is not unilateral endless efforts, but mutual care and heart-to-heart.
In front of you, I can exult at will and be myself calmly. This is friendship at its best.
Work, facing up is more important than flattery.
Jung once said:
"I would rather be a complete person than a good person."
However, most of us unconsciously become "good people" at work.
Xiaoxiao is a typical "please" character in his work.
Just entering the workplace, in order to quickly integrate into the team and have a good relationship with colleagues, she began to take the initiative to help colleagues do some extra things, ranging from helping colleagues work overtime to buying breakfast and coffee.
She is obviously a copywriter and turned herself into a handyman.
As a result, she can't integrate into the work team quickly. Instead, I delayed my work because I was too flattering others. Not only was she criticized by future leaders, but her work level also dropped sharply.
Workplace is not life. Kindness and enthusiasm can't win the recognition of others, but create a series of unnecessary troubles for themselves.
Once upon a time, like Lily, I kept a low profile in order to get along well with my colleagues.
Six years ago, I first entered the workplace. In order to quickly integrate into the team, I gave everything to my colleagues.
However, this way, instead of bringing me high-quality workplace relations, has made me the laughing stock of everyone.
The self who flatters others everywhere, instead of being accepted and recognized by others, ruined her career.
Those who wronged themselves and tried to please others were doomed to live less happily.
In the workplace, it is never how kind you are, but how powerful you are.
Leskov said:
"There are two kinds of people in the world, one is to live for others, and the other is to live for yourself. You don't have to live what everyone likes, and you will never live what everyone likes. Instead of racking your brains in vain to think about how to live what others like, it is better to try to live what you like. "
Therefore, no one is worth your pains to please. After all, you are unique.
Being true to yourself is more important than pleasing anyone.
Yi Shu once said:
"Life is only a few decades, and the most important thing is to satisfy yourself, not to please others."
People pay attention to fate, and any relationship will only fall apart if only one party pleases and the other ignores it.
If in a relationship, it is always a humble gesture, there will be no result;
Friends need to have a heart-to-heart relationship. Calm is more important than flattery. Anything you beg for in return at work will disappear.
Born to be human, being yourself is more important than pleasing anyone.